Tilli’s Second Chance – Chapter 2

I sit at my usual table in Café Mela, hunched over a thick tome on interstellar propulsion, surrounded by books and sketch pads. All morning I’ve been lost in the intricate designs of state-of-the-art spaceship engines and enjoying every second of it. It’s like being in a cozy cocoon made of pencils and dreams.

“Hey, Tilli.” Karina approaches my table with a fresh cup of coffee, her warm smile lighting up her face. “Thought you could use a refill.”

“Thanks” I glance down at my now-empty cup, realizing how much time must have passed. I futz around, trying to close up books and make room. “You know me so well.”

“You showed up hungover while your brother was still in bed,” she says, sliding the fresh cup onto the table and taking the old one. “I figured you could use it.” She hands off the empty cup to her nephew, who is bussing tables.

“I’m not that hungover, thankfully. I stopped drinking way before anyone else. Actually, why don’t you take a seat? I could use a break for a minute.” I gesture to the chair across from me and she smiles.

“Sure thing.” She pulls out the chair and sits down. I take a sip, savoring the rich taste and the warmth spreading through me. She makes the best coffee in the neighborhood. Ean is lucky to be dating her. “So, what’re you working on today? Aren’t you heading to the I.A. soon to get the briefing on the big contest?” she asks, looking around at the cluttered table. She picks up a book and glances at the spine before setting it down.

“Yeah, I’m going to leave here in about an hour.” My stomach twists with nerves, but if I ignore it, if I distract myself, maybe I can make it to the meeting without puking. “Just brushing up on some core concepts. You wouldn’t believe how many things change every year. Gotta keep up with the trends.”

Karina chuckles. “I can only imagine, especially given how fast technology is evolving these days. Not that I know anything about spaceship design.”

I sigh and rub the back of my neck. “Sometimes it feels like I’m chasing after a comet that keeps picking up speed.”

“You must be exhausted. I’m sure the coffee will set you right.”

I pick it up and sip again. “Of course. It’s delicious, as always.”

We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, enjoying the cozy ambiance of the café. The soft hum of conversations fills the air, punctuated by the occasional tinkling of cups and saucers.

“Old school, huh?” She gestures towards my pens and papers strewn about the table. “I mean, with all the technology available, you could have your notes neatly organized and accessible at any time on a tablet.”

“True, but there’s something about putting pen to paper that makes it feel more real, you know?” I twirl my pen between my fingers. “Plus, I think better when I scribble things down. My brain is one of those visual learners.” I tap on my temple.

“Fair enough.” Karina chuckles, and her curls bounce around her head. This reminds me I’m way overdue for a haircut. All I ever do is pull it back in a ponytail now. “Do you think you’re ready for the last stage of the entrance exams?”

The design contest is only a day away. After years of studying, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Yet doubts continue their familiar refrain, a cacophony of voices insisting I’ll never measure up to this challenge, that my best will never be good enough.

I stare into my coffee, watching wisps of steam curl upward as my thoughts chase in endless circles. Karina is blessedly silent as I work through the jumble in my head yet again.

I sigh, running a hand over my hair and ponytail before propping my chin on it. “I’m not quite ready yet for this next stage, but I also can’t put it off forever.” The words come out weary and tired; I barely sleep anymore.

You’ll never be ready, Tilli. The future looms, shrouded in an uncertainty you can’t hope to navigate.

You’re never going to be good enough. Your ideas are foolish fantasies, doomed to fail like all the rest.

Shut up, brain.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with taking your time,” Karina reassures me, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re unbelievably talented. Just remember that no one expects you to be perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.”

“Thanks. It’s just that… this last contest is a huge deal, and I don’t want to blow my shot.”

“You can’t let fear hold you back. You’re capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. If I had let fear rule me, your brother and I wouldn’t be together.” She raises her eyebrows at me. Yeah, she made the first move. I respect that, for sure.

I take a sip of the warm coffee and let out a slow, contented sigh. “Well, it’s not like I haven’t tried to get into the Interstellar Agency before.”

“Really?” she asks, genuinely curious. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah.” I chuckle and rub the back of my neck. Wow, I’m tired. I hope this coffee does the trick. “But, um, let’s just say it didn’t go as planned.”

“What happened?” Karina asks, sitting forward. “Ean mentioned you tried once but didn’t elaborate.”

I brace myself for the trip down memory lane. I’ve put a lot of time between me and what happened, but that doesn’t make it any easier to talk about.

Why did I bring it up? No clue.

“So, a few years back, almost eight now, I took the entrance exam. Studied for months, like a total nerd. But… they accused me of cheating.”

“Cheating? You?” Karina looks shocked, which is comforting. “I don’t believe it.”

“Neither did I,” I reply, bitterness creeping into my voice despite my attempts to keep things light. “But they disqualified me, anyway. Said there was ‘irrefutable evidence’ or some bullshit like that.” I make air quotes and roll my eyes, hoping my sarcasm can disguise the hurt that has plagued me for almost a decade.

“Ugh, that’s awful,” Karina says, her eyes widening. “What did you do?”

I shrug. “Not much. First, I stayed in my room at home for almost a year before Mom got sick of me moping around.” I sip some more coffee. “I lost all of my friends, so it wasn’t like I could go out and do things, anyway. No one wanted to be seen with me.” I sigh and stretch out my arms in front of me. “So, I thought maybe I would attend a school in Izumo, but none of the schools would take me. I was rejected from every university on the continent until a virtual school took me on after two years of applying.”

It was one of the lowest points in my life.

“But,” I say, raising my index finger, “I passed my classes with flying colors and got my engineering degree.”

“Where did you work after that?” Karina’s voice is light with disbelief.

“Nowhere.” I finish the coffee and set the cup down. “Again, my reputation as a cheater kept following me around, and people thought I bought the degree, even though the school proctored me on every exam.”

Karina watches a couple enter the coffee shop and proceed to the counter to order from her nephew. She mutters something in Italian under her breath.

“That just doesn’t seem fair.”

“I know. I should have left, found a smaller town where no one knew me, but I was determined to stay and make something of myself. I tried starting up a private tutoring business, and that didn’t work out. Then I thought I would work in catering, except I forgot that I’m a horrible cook. Myra got those genes. So, instead I started a pet accessories boutique, but everyone went to the big stores and mine failed after only a year.”

Karina’s mouth drops open. “How are you even still here?”

I laugh at that. “I know, right? I really almost gave up several times. When my dad became mayor, everything seemed to change. He pulled some strings and cashed in a few favors.” A rush of gratitude for my father’s unwavering support crashes over me. I’m so grateful for him. “The I.A. put me through a vetting process and allowed me to test this year. Without Dad, I might not even have this opportunity.”

The gratitude for my dad ebbs away and a knot forms deep in my gut. He’s a stern man, and it’s tough to express love for him. His gruff voice and strict demeanor make it hard to tell if he cares about us, but I know he does. Every now and then, he’ll give me an affectionate pat on the shoulder or a hug that lingers just a bit longer than usual. Those moments are like a balm to my heart. Even though I can’t show any emotion around him (because that makes me look weak in his eyes), he loves us, and I do too.

“You dad is quite the man. I know he’s been hard on you all for years, but you can tell. To him, family is everything.” Karina picks up my coffee cup.

A swell of determination rises in my chest. “I’m not just doing this for myself. I want to make them proud, too.”

“Trust me, Tilli, you already do.” Karina’s words are warm and sincere, filling me with a sense of purpose I haven’t had in a long time.

“Thanks.”

I need to work hard, harder than usual. If I can ace this competition, I can get my life back on track again.

“Seriously, you’ve come so far since then. Just consider everything you’ve experienced and learned from your past failures.” She winks at me. “And think about the new people you’ll meet at your new job. Maybe a handsome guy will come in and sweep you off your feet as you’re making a monumental spaceship discovery.”

I roll my eyes. “You read too many romance books.”

She shrugs. “Maybe you don’t read enough of them.”

I pause for a moment, allowing the weight of her words to sink in. While the setbacks and disappointments still sting, they’ve also taught me invaluable lessons and shaped me into the person I am today. I don’t have many friends. I haven’t dated in forever, and my life has been one dumpster fire after another. But I have come a long way.

I sigh as I look at the stacks of books and notebooks in front of me.

I still have a long way to go.

Scratching at the door pulls my head around. Ivan is on the other side of the glass. He’s been out and about all morning in town.

Karina smiles as she stands up and opens the door for him. His gray, slinky body saunters into the café.

“Well, hello, Ivan,” Karina says as she reaches out to pet him. He purrs in response, taking all the attention he can get. The little miser.

He shakes off his morning adventures, then jumps up onto the table and looks at me with his big yellow eyes.

“What have you been up to?” I ask him, scratching under his chin.

“I tried to have a brisk morning walk, but someone ruined it.”

“Ruined? How so?” I ask, loading books into my bag.

“They’re doing so much construction on Third Street. It’s all banging and sawing and trucks coming and going. Don’t they know how much noise they make?”

I sigh. “This again? We have a ton of things to fix after that typhoon.”

“Well,” he says, before cleaning a paw and rubbing it over his head, “I chose to go south instead, but there was a litter of kittens in the park, and they were all blah, blah, blah, and running everywhere. So I had to leave.”

I look up at the ceiling. How did I get paired with the surliest of grumpy old man cats?

“Ivan, kittens have as much right to exist as you do.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Next you’ll be telling me to be nicer to dogs.”

I brighten. “An excellent idea! I’m glad you concur.”

He jumps off the table, making his way along Karina’s empty chair first. “It’s getting late, and you have someplace to be.”

“It’s one o’clock in the afternoon,” I remind him. “And my meeting isn’t until three.

“Yeah. Time for my afternoon nap.”

Probably his first of three afternoon naps, but who’s counting?

“Come on, let’s go home. I want to shower and brush my teeth before I go.” I wave to Karina. “Bye! I’ll be back for more studying later this week.”

“See you then!” she calls back. “Good luck! I hope it goes well.”

My stomach gurgles and shrinks. I’m really not looking forward to this meeting. The suspense is killing me.

I open the door, and Ivan follows as I walk out of the coffee shop and onto the street towards home.