Tilli’s Second Chance – Chapter 11

I sprawl out on Ean’s couch, sketching out the latest modifications for the modular system while Ume the crow glares at me from her perch across the room. That bird has it in for me. I just know it. She would deny it to the moons and back, but there’s something about her black beady eyes that I’m wary of.

Ean’s in the kitchen making snacks with Karina. She doesn’t have a paired pet like us, a quirk of the pairing technology that allows us with the microchip to bond to an animal on our planet. Maybe someday she’ll find a pair, like we did.

Speak of the devil. Ivan hops up beside me, peering at my sketches.

“Don’t look so glum, girl. You had a breakthrough today. Focus on the contest, and the Kaito situation will work itself out.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “How do you know that’s what I’m thinking about?” Of course I’m thinking about him after what happened today.

Ivan blinks a few times. “I don’t remember the last time you had a mate. I figured this was on your mind.”

Way to remind me I’m destined to be an old maid. Thanks, buddy.

“Since when are you the romantic expert?”

He sniffs, affronted. “I’ll have you know I was quite the charmer in my day. Before you came along, that is.” Ivan settles onto my lap, kneading my leg with sharp claws at what passes for affection from him.

“You? A charmer? That I’d like to see.” I scratch behind his ears as demanded, earning a tooth-rattling purr for my trouble.

His rumbling voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper. “Now listen close, because I’ll only say this once. This spaceship of yours… It’s brilliant, and don’t you dare doubt it. If anyone can win that blasted contest, it’s you.”

I stare down at him in surprise. “Did you just… compliment me?”

Ivan avoids my gaze, washing a paw with aloof indifference. “I said no such thing. Must have been hearing things.” He peeks up at me, a glint of humor in his yellow eyes. “Win the contest, build your ship, and get us our own place, would you? The peace and quiet will be reward enough for me.”

A laugh escapes me as I scratch under his chin. “Why Ivan, I do believe you’re going soft.”

His eyes narrow to offended slits. “Soft? Hmph. Never.” Ivan kneads my leg again with sharp claws in warning. “Speak of this to no one, or those sketches won’t be the only thing I shred. Are we clear?”

“Crystal clear.” I can’t help grinning at his offended growl. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Ivan sniffs, though his purring fails to cease. “See it stays that way. Now, more ear scratching if you please. These things don’t rub themselves.”

What a little monster. Maybe Ivan’s not so bad after all. When he’s not threatening to shred my designs, that is.

I’m saved from further insult by Ean and Karina emerging with snacks. Ivan meows piteously until Ean picks him up, the traitor. No loyalty at all when belly rubs are at stake.

Karina settles in beside me, peering at my hidden sketches in curiosity. “How’s the design coming along? Anything I can see yet?”

I hesitate, then figure, why not? They’re going to find out sooner or later. While Ean and Ivan sit in the chair across from us, I walk her through the details of the system concept and how truly groundbreaking the modular design could be for long duration spaceflight. She listens with interest, throwing out thoughtful questions and suggestions, enthusiastic in a way I’ve come to rely on.

Ean grins at me. “You should tell her the other news… about Kaito.”

My face warms. I’d hoped to avoid this part. But I told Ean, so I’m going to have to spill it. “Kaito and I have been… dating.” I don’t know what else to call it. “Well, it’s been somewhat romantic for like ten days now, since the incident at Izakaya Tanaka. But with the competition coming up, I don’t know if this is the right time for us.”

Karina’s eyes widen. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Her smile fades at my obvious discomfort. “What’s wrong?”

I rub the back of my neck in a futile attempt to ease the tension there. “It… it complicates things. He could get in trouble for the relationship. I could get disqualified. I’m not even sure he wants to be seen with me in public.” I sigh, wishing I had answers. “I don’t know. This contest means everything right now. I can’t afford distractions.”

No matter how tempting those distractions might be. And Kaito is mighty distracting… with that strong jaw and deep, dark eyes… the intoxicating combination of sandalwood, jasmine, and musk that leaves me breathless when I sit across from him… his unruly mess of dark locks that are always begging for fingers to make sense of them… his delicious mouth… his long legs he can wrap around me…

Argh! Stop, Tilli!

I need to focus. The future is at stake, and this time I’m determined to reach it. No matter the cost.

Even if it means sacrificing a chance at love along the way.

Karina gives me a sympathetic smile. I really hope she can’t read minds. “I can understand why you’d want to focus on the contest right now. Love will still be there once it’s over, but this opportunity won’t come again.”

She means well, but her words only highlight my doubts. “If it’s even really love at all. Kaito never showed any interest in me back in school, and he’s only friendly with me in public. What if this is just… the excitement and intensity of working together talking?”

The thought leaves an ache in my chest I don’t want to examine too closely. I can’t afford distractions, remember?

Ean frowns at me. “That was eight years ago. People change. From what you’ve told me, the way he looks at you now — that’s not some fleeting infatuation.” Of course, I didn’t tell Ean all the details because ew, but he knows enough. “And he’s behaving himself in public like a gentleman should.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my brother.” I slouch down further on the cushions, suddenly weary. “None of you have much faith in me, do you?”

His frown shifts to a scowl. “Are you kidding? We have nothing but faith in you. If anything, you’re the one lacking faith in yourself.”

I blink at him, taken aback. “That’s not —”

“Isn’t it? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. All your life, you’ve had the determination and skill to achieve amazing things. But you never seem to believe you deserve the opportunities when they come. You’re always so afraid of not being good enough.”

His words strike deep. Am I afraid? I’ve always told myself I want to be realistic. Prepare for the worst.

“You changed after that false accusation of cheating. You stopped believing in yourself. It completely ruined your confidence.”

I press my lips together and try not to cry.

He’s right, of course. I wanted to give up. I still want to give up most days.

Karina nods, taking my hand in a gentle grip. “Your brother’s right. You’re brilliant and talented, and Kaito would be a fool not to see what an amazing person you are — contest or no contest. The I.A. would be a bunch of fools to not give you the job.” She shrugs. “Let’s face it. There are a lot of fools out there.”

I stare down at our joined hands, at a loss for words. Do they really have so much faith in me? Have I been selling myself short all this time?

Perhaps the only thing holding me back from reaching for the future I want… is me. The thought is startling and uncomfortable but staring back at me from the eyes of people I love.

My family’s belief has always been my guiding light. Maybe it’s time I let it illuminate the darkness of my own self-doubt instead of feeding the flames. My modular design system is bold and revolutionary — just like its creators were always meant to be.

And love? We’ll have to wait and see what the future holds. If I can learn to stop holding myself back from chasing it, that is.

“Well, I only have five days left. I just have to keep working on the design and hope it’s better than Hiroko’s and everyone else’s. Though, I’m sure Riku is giving her every advantage in the book… and then some.” I lean back against the cushions with a frown, arms crossed against the unease growing within me.

Ean grimaces. “Ugh, Riku Saito. That guy has it out for anyone with our family name. I don’t trust him not to pull something underhanded to sabotage your chances in this contest.”

Karina looks between us with a furrowed brow. “Who’s Riku Saito? You mentioned he has some old rivalry with your family, but that’s about it.”

“It’s ridiculous is what it is,” Ean scoffs. “Years ago, Dad was going to handle the transition of Riku’s family from a multi-family housing unit on the east end to an apartment of their own. But you know how it is. The lottery wasn’t on their side, three times in a row. They were pissed, and I can understand why, but it wasn’t our fault. His father had it out for Dad for like ten years before he finally let it go. But Riku’s held a grudge ever since.”

“He blamed your family for losing housing and it wasn’t even your fault? Sounds like quite the petty and spiteful man.” Karina shakes her head, giving me a sympathetic look. “Vigliacco et stronzo,” she mutters under her breath.

I glance at Ean, and he shakes his head. Neither of us understands Italian. I can only imagine they’re insults.

“That’s Riku in a nutshell.” I drop my head onto the back of the couch with a groan. “And now he’s taken Hiroko under his wing. Mentoring her and giving her whatever advantages he can provide.” A knot forms in my stomach. “I like Hiroko and I want her to succeed, but I can’t help feeling like Riku’s only doing it to get a chance at revenge. Only a few people will win this contest and move onto the final exam.”

Ean’s expression turns grim. “I wouldn’t put it past the guy. He’s ruthless and holds a grudge like no one else.” He lets Ivan jump down from his lap as he reaches across the space between us and squeezes my knee. “Just focus on your design and don’t let Riku psych you out. You’ve worked too hard to get thrown off your game by whatever tricks he may have planned.”

I nod, pushing aside my worries to offer a smile I don’t feel.

Fake it, Tilli.

“You’re right. There’s no point speculating when I have no way of knowing what he actually has in store. I’ll keep working to refine the system into something no one can beat — not even with Riku pulling strings behind the scenes.”

Still, an uneasy feeling lingers that this contest may become more complicated than designing the best spaceship. That Riku’s desire for vengeance against old rivals could threaten far, far more than my winning streak.