Tilli’s Second Chance – Chapter 1

The neon lights of Izakaya Tanaka flash in sync with the excited butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Everything will be just fine, Tilli. Of course, dinner with my family is always fine, but it’s what comes after that has me nervous.

Ivan, my paired cat, trots along beside me. “Don’t forget some fish for me.”

“I never forget.” I open the door and let him in with me.

“You’ve forgotten before. When your head is in your work, you forget lots of things.” His gorgeous yellow eyes peer up at me, and I sigh.

“Sorry. I’ll try harder.”

“Hey, Tilli!”

I smile and raise my hand. My siblings are already at our table when I arrive, tucked into the back corner of the restaurant as usual. Ean spots me first, waving with his typical subdued enthusiasm.

“Hey!” Myra turns at his greeting, and she rises to meet me, enveloping me in a warm hug.

Suri is only a step behind. She squeezes me tight. “Took you long enough. We were about to send out a search party.” Her eyes gleam with humor beneath tousled bangs. She loves to tease me.

I laugh, settling into the empty chair beside Ean. “Ha, ha. You know I’ve been studying night and day. I just pulled myself away from the books.”

“I’m sure the books miss you,” Ean says, and everyone chuckles. It’s another part of the easy rhythm we’ve built over years of weekly dinners out together.

Suri leans forward. “I saw the results of the first two tests, and I thought, hell, that’s my baby sister?” She reaches out to pinch my cheek, but I swat her hand away with an exaggerated frown. They love to tease me, but I’m grateful for the lighthearted banter. It’s a welcome distraction from the pressure of the final design competition.

“We ordered up some appetizers,” Myra says, gesturing to the menu. “Bryan is manning the kitchen tonight in my place, so be sure to order chicken.”

I don’t even need to look at the menu. We come here a lot because Myra works here, and it’s always the same. The place is lit up like a beacon in the night with its neon signs in Japanese script. The bar winds along the far wall like a river of gold, glittering as two bartenders sling drinks to waiting customers. Maneki-neko cats line the walls, smiling down on everyone, and voices surge and ebb nearby like waves. I love this place. This has to be the best restaurant in all of Yamato… Hell, the whole continent. And Orihimé only has the one continent, so of course, that means something.

“Thanks, guys. I’m starving, of course.” I try to keep my voice easy despite the knot of anxiety tightening in my chest. “I forgot to have a snack this afternoon.”

Ean nods and points to the specials listed on today’s menu. “The teriyaki-glazed tofu skewers sound good,” he suggests, and we agree to order a few plates for the table.

“I need to get grilled mackerel for Mister Persnickety under the table.”

“I heard that,” Ivan says, rubbing against my leg. He curls up with Finn, Suri’s paired golden retriever. Seeing his dark gray fur mixed with Finn’s golden yellow fur makes my heart squish.

Ean sits back with his drink. “Soooo, you passed the first two tests with flying colors, eh?” His eyes meet mine with genuine interest, and I appreciate that he’s checking up on me. He’s been swamped with work, so it’s not like he has a ton of time for me.

“Yeah, thanks. Things are going okay so far.” I have been studying for the Interstellar Agency entrance exams for the last two years, so it’s all I’ve talked about, lived for, breathed for months on end. I sip the saké that lands on the table. “I’m terrified of the next step, but yeah.”

Myra chuckles. “You made it this far. How bad can it be?” she asks, sipping her saké. She’s trying to keep the conversation light, but the concern in her voice is impossible to miss.

“How bad can it be? How bad can it be?” My voice climbs. “It’s the step where the most people fail out.” My voice cracks and my neck sweats. “Are you trying to jinx me?”

Ean raises an eyebrow, his playful smile softening the blow of his words. “Okay, Till. Just…” He mimics a deep breath, in and out, in and out. “You’re gonna be fine. You need to believe in yourself.” He takes a sip and sets his glass down. “I swear, none of my sisters believe in themselves,” he mumbles.

I breathe and concentrate on slowing my heartbeat. He’s right. Whatever this competition is, I’ll tackle it like I do every other problem.

Work hard. Power through. Believe in my abilities. Don’t let anything stand in my way.

Go get ‘em, Tilli.

I close my eyes and think happy thoughts. Kittens, rainbows, a walk on the beach… There. Calm restored.

“I’m just worried about the pressure. Everyone expects me to rock this thing, and I don’t want to let them down.”

Suri reaches across the table to pat my hand. “We’re rooting for you, no matter what happens. You’re gonna be great.” She clears her throat as a server delivers a few appetizers.

“Thanks.” I smile, feeling a little more at ease.

Mmmm. Crispy tempura, lightly battered and fried vegetables and seafood, served with a dipping sauce. The vibrant colors of pickled vegetables. The creamy tones of steamed edamame, bowls of rice, and gyoza. All of it bound to be delicious.

We each grab chopsticks from the cup on the table and dig in.

“If you want, we can always talk about the competition I did to get into the I.A.,” Suri says, but Ean and Myra groan.

“No,” Myra protests, lifting her arms to make a giant X. “I refuse to listen to that story again.”

“Just as I thought. But, remember when I had to give that big presentation to everyone at Quality Control last year? I was a wreck.”

Suri was promoted last year at work, and she’s been busy ever since. The Interstellar Agency has built a lot of space ships in our quest to find another planet to colonize. In three more generations, we’ll run out of room here on our watery world with only one continent.

“Didn’t you trip over your own feet and almost fall off the stage?” Ean asks.

“Hey!” Suri feigns indignation. “I caught myself just in time, thank you very much. The point is,” she continues, turning back to me, “I got through it by staying focused and trusting myself. I knew my stuff, and even though I was nervous, I kept going. I looked out into the audience and I saw my friends there to show support. Everything was fine.”

“Yes, but I have no friends.”

Ean glances up from his rice bowl. “That’s your own fault, and you know it.”

Anyone else would think his voice was harsh, but it’s not.

He softens a bit. “You are literally the sweetest of the Kimura children —“

“Except maybe Winta,” Suri butts in.

“Maybe Demi,” Myra offers.

“Definitely not Rosa,” Suri says, and we all nod.

“Anyway,” Ean continues, shooting evil looks at us, “you need to go easier on people. You do not need to burn bridges for every small infraction. Learn to forgive people. You forgive us all the time.”

“You’re family,” I say, picking up my rice bowl.

“That’s not an excuse. Stop firing your friends every time they don’t do something perfect.”

I sigh and stuff rice in my mouth so I don’t argue with him.

He’s probably right, anyway.

“Exactly.” Myra nods her agreement. “We’re always here for you, no matter what, but you need friends, too.”

I know I should attempt to open up more, let new people in. Everyone is always telling me how important it is to forge connections, build a strong network of friends and peers. But each time I’ve tried, it seems to end badly. Either they prove untrustworthy and stab me in the back, or I get bored and impatient with their flaws and imperfections, pushing them away without a second thought.

My track record with relationships is spotty at best. I don’t have the patience for casual friendships and idle chit chat. If I’m going to invest my time and energy in someone, I expect a genuine connection and loyalty in return. Is that really so much to ask? Yet time and again people disappoint me, lacking the depth or reliability I crave.

Myra looks down and around her feet.

“Has anyone seen Mochi?” she asks.

I look under the table at Finn and Ivan, still snoozing away and awaiting their treats.

“He wasn’t here when I arrived,” I say, looking over my shoulder.

Myra sighs. “Ah, well, he rarely sticks around in restaurants unless we’re with Nosuké.”

Mochi is Myra’s paired skunk. Skunks have a poor reputation, but he’s a great little creature. Ean’s pair, a crow named Ume, must be out and about too.

As we enjoy our meal, I keep getting lost in thought, thinking about the journey ahead. Yes, the competition will be challenging, no doubt about it. But I believe I’m ready for whatever they throw at me.

I hope I’m ready.

I better be ready.

I need some more saké. Ean pours me a cup, and I drink it all in one go. Ah, that’s better.

I turn my head to stare out the front window. Yamato at night is comforting, illuminated by the warm glow of paper lanterns, casting a cozy light across the cobblestone streets. The windows of nearby restaurants and shops are alight with activity, people gathered around tables to share meals and conversation.

More food arrives at the table, including some chicken for Finn and the mackerel for Ivan. He leaps into my lap, and I feed him while I try not to think about the upcoming competition.

But I can’t. It’s always in the back of my head.

“Hey, you know who could use some cheering up?” Ean asks suddenly, following my gaze out the window. “Dad.”

“Really?” Well, he has been in a mood lately, so I guess I’m not surprised. “Why?”

“Ever since he retired from being mayor, he’s just been… bored. It’s like he doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore.”

“The man needs a hobby,” Suri chimes in, popping a piece of tempura into her mouth. “And preferably one that doesn’t involve him harping on his children to ‘do better.’” She rolls her eyes. “As if we aren’t all overachievers.”

“What kind of hobby?” I ask, picking up my chopsticks and fiddling with them. I try to think of something Dad might enjoy, but nothing comes to mind.

“Maybe you could help him find something he’s passionate about,” Suri suggests, her eyes lighting up. “You’re his favorite child, after all.”

I sigh. “That’s not true.”

“It is so true,” all three say at once. The couple sitting at the next table looks at us. I mouth “sorry” at them.

“Look, I’ve got a lot going on right now.” I lift my hands in surrender. “I’m not the best person for the job.”

“True,” Ean concedes, “but you’ve always had a knack for uncovering hidden talents. Remember when you helped me discover my love for exercise? Maybe you can do the same for Dad.”

“Besides,” Myra adds, reaching over to steal the last piece of my tofu, “you know he won’t listen to any of us or Mom. It’ll come best from you.”

I chew on my bottom lip, considering their words. Helping Dad find his passion again is a tall order. He’s been in a funk for months.

“All right,” I say with a sigh, knowing I should just give in. It’ll be easier than fighting them. “Fine. I’ll help Dad find a new hobby.”

“That’s the spirit.” Suri forms a fist and raises it. “And now, we shall move on to beer, yeah?”

I sigh. I had planned to study all tomorrow morning before the competition briefing in the afternoon. But now it looks like I’ll be waking up hungover, trying to study through the haze, and convincing Dad he needs a new hobby.

Why do I always get stuck with the jobs no one else wants to do?

Myra knocks her knee against mine under the table.

“You’ll be fine,” she whispers. “I couldn’t even get past the first exam, and you’re well on your way to passing the biggest test of them all. Don’t let your nerves get to you. You are so smart and capable. You’re gonna kill it.” She squeezes my knee.

My body warms with love for her, for Ean and Suri, too. They are my rocks, my champions. But if I fuck up this second chance of getting into the I.A., I’m going to feel like I’ve let them down.

I cannot screw this up.