The Blender’s Bargain – Chapter 6

Garrick

I stare at the toaster across the staff lounge. Did it… speak to me?

No. It didn’t. I know I spent a lot of Sunday reading in the sun, trying to forget how Archie clung to me on the walk home the night before, but sun doesn’t addle the brain, right?

With the coffeepot in hand, I pause before filling my cup. I made it through the early morning grading catch-up, and school starts in forty-five minutes. I’m probably just tired. I need ten cups of coffee, not just one.

There it is again — a voice, metallic yet kindly. “No need for alarm, my good man. Simply remain calm.”

Remain calm?

Okay. I’m going insane. What was in those drinks on Saturday night?

I set my cup down and blink, rub my eyes. What the hell?

The toaster clears its throat, drawing my attention back to it. “I assure you, you’re not insane. At least, not any more than the rest of us on this planet.” Its voice is crisp and clear, like a news anchor reading off the day’s headlines.

Perhaps I dozed off? But no, I’m quite awake, and that toaster is most certainly talking. I look around, sure I’m being pranked, but I’m the only one here. Most teachers are in their classrooms now. The break room is busiest at lunch and after school.

“I must apologize for the abrupt manner of our meeting.” The toaster’s slots glow as the voice emanates from within. “Arvid, at your service. Magician, formerly of the city of Starhaven, now finding myself rather inconveniently trapped within this… thing. What’s it called?”

My mouth drops open and trembles. My hand shakes. I set the coffee cup on the counter with a thud.

“A toaster?” Did I just say that out loud? “Did I?” Holy hotcakes, I did. My chin snaps close with a pop.

“A toaster!” It booms, knocking me back a step. “What a thing.”

Either I’ve gone mad, or there’s a magician stuck inside that toaster. I grasp the counter and edge closer in disbelief.

“Be at ease,” the voice — Arvid’s — says gently. “I mean you no harm. It seems I’ve become unwillingly displaced, and we now find ourselves unlikely companions in this strange circumstance.”

What? How is this even possible? But the voice continues, patient and calm, as though conversing with enchanted toasters is normal and expected.

“Uhhh,” I mumble.

The voice chuckles. “A master of language, I see.”

I blink, annoyed by the dry sarcasm. “What the hell is going on?”

The voice sighs. “I wish I knew.”

“Someone — You’re really in there?”

A wry scoff. “Unless this is an elaborate trick of the ears, I do appear stuck within this contraption, much to my inconvenience.”

I sink onto a stool, gripping the counter. “I must be insane. They say it starts off slow. Voices that come from nowhere, etcetera.”

“My good man, believe your ears. I am a magician.” His voice clicks into another tone. “And I want to get out.”

“But how… how did you end up trapped in a toaster?”

“Would that I knew, my friend. I fear some errant magic has gone awry. One moment preparing to meet with the Council, the next — darkness and the aroma of singed bread.”

“The Council?” I repeat.

Wait a second. I read a lot of fantasy, with magic and councils. What have I stumbled into?

“My apologies. I should not have burdened you with such details.” An understatement. “Suffice it to say, I am as baffled by these circumstances as you.”

I run a hand through my hair, pulse racing. None of this can be real. And yet here we are, discussing magic and councils as calmly as though chatting over tea.

“Good man, I must request your assistance.” Arvid’s voice turns grave. “I cannot remain trapped here indefinitely. The Council will soon note my absence, and there are matters of grave import I must attend to.”

“But I — I don’t know how to get you out of there,” I protest. I glance over my shoulder as the sound of voices approach and then fade away down the hall. I drop to a harsh whisper. “I’m just a teacher. I don’t know anything about magic or — or freeing people from toasters.”

The door swings open and Archie walks in, lugging a heavy bag on her shoulder. I hold my breath.

She glances at me and hesitates. I scramble off the stool to my feet.

“Garrick. Look, about Saturday night. I’m sorry.” She touches her head. “I had way too much to drink, and I shouldn’t have burdened you with all of that. Thanks for bringing me home.” She shifts the bag on her shoulder.

I shake my head. “No need to apologize. You weren’t any trouble.” My voice softens. “It was an eventful night for all of us, it seems.”

She rubs her eyes and nods. “That’s one way to put it.”

We stand in silence for a moment. Archie glances around the room, her brow furrowed.

“Were you… waiting for the toaster?” Her eyes dart to the counter. “You keep staring at it.”

“The toaster?” Oh, shit. My gaze darts to it reflexively, and I gulp. “No, not the toaster.” I laugh and say whatever I can to move this conversation along. “Just… thinking.”

If Arvid remains silent, I can pass it off as mere eccentricity on my part. But if he chooses to speak up and introduce himself, how will I explain this to Archie? If I have to tell her there’s a magician stuck in the staff toaster, she may well decide I’ve lost my mind.

She would probably be right.

Heart racing, I glance between Archie and the toaster, trapped in uncertainty.

I open my mouth to stammer some excuse, but at that moment, a booming voice echoes up from Archie’s bag. “Is that you, old friend Arvid? Trapped in that contraption over there, are you?”

Archie sighs, closing her eyes. “Of all the times…” She sets the heavy bag onto the counter and lifts out…

What is happening?

It’s a blender, and it’s talking.

Of course.

The blender is nothing special. It’s a bit battered and used, probably from the smoothies that Archie swears by. I wouldn’t think twice about it, except it is definitely talking. “By the stars, what a strange turn of events! Two magicians ensnared by these peculiar devices —”

“Ysroth, please!” Archie hisses, glancing at me in exasperation. I stare between them in disbelief. Another talking kitchen appliance? Either I’ve lost my marbles or everything has gone topsy-turvy.

But at that moment Arvid’s voice pipes up from within the toaster. “Ysroth! My old friend. What strange forces have conspired to bring us together in such a manner?”

“It is you, Arvid!” The blender shakes. “The Council sent me to fetch you, and now here we are trapped in contraptions most uncivilized…”

The voices blend and bicker, but I hardly comprehend their words. My gaze darts between Archie, the toaster, and the blender in shock. Not just one talking appliance, but two? And Archie seems unsurprised, if annoyed, to find this Ysroth character stuck in her blender… which means I’m not alone in encountering such a strange phenomenon.

My eyes meet Archie’s — and in them, I see, to my great surprise, not skepticism but sympathy. An unspoken understanding passes between us.

Archie sinks into a chair with a groan, rubbing her eyes. “Ysroth insisted on accompanying me today. He refused to be left behind, and since tomorrow’s the last day of term…” She shrugs.

“He’s… in your blender,” I say faintly.

She nods. “Wherever that tremor sent him, he ended up trapped there. And he won’t stop talking.”

The blender thrums with energy as Ysroth huffs in annoyance. “I will not remain silent when there are matters of importance to address! The Council —“

“Can wait,” Archie insists. “He’s been like this since Sunday morning. Going on about responsibilities and duties, councils and consorts — none of which makes any sense.”

I stare at the blender. “Sunday morning? After the… the syzygy. Ooooh.”

Archie points her finger at me. “You remember, right? The strange tremor at the end of the countdown.”

I join her at her table, pulse racing as pieces click into place. “And at the same moment, these two magicians were pulled from… wherever they were… and ended up trapped in our kitchen appliances.”

She sighs. “As mad as it sounds, yes.”

The toaster thrums. “A most peculiar turn of events! But I’ve faith in our newfound companions to release us from this strange predicament, don’t you, Ysroth?”

“Doubtful.” The blender vibrates.

“Hey!” Archie growls.

“But the girl is not without talent. She may yet prove useful…”

“Useful?” Archie turns to me with a scowl. “Do you see what I’ve been dealing with?”

A laugh escapes me at the absurdity of it all.

Archie throws up her hands in exasperation. “What are we to do?”

I shake my head. “I have no idea. But we have classes to teach soon.”

She throws her hand out. “It’s not like we don’t do anything but play a movie the last week of school, over and over again. We should do something now.”

She has a point, but… The toaster and blender both thrum, and we ignore them.

“After school,” I suggest. “We’ll take them… somewhere. Figure this all out. Let’s keep them in the utility closet in your classroom today.”

Archie nods, gathering her things. She lifts the blender, peering at it in annoyance. “Remain silent. Do you hear me?”

Ysroth huffs but says nothing. Satisfied, Archie tucks the blender into her bag. I follow as we head for the door, the toaster tucked under my arm.

In the hallway, we pause, the full absurdity of the situation hitting us anew. Everything about this is unreal. If anyone on the staff catches me with the toaster, what do I say? No clue.

“Your place or mine?” Archie asks.

I laugh. “Does it matter at this point?”

She shakes her head. We leave the staff lounge in silence. I bring the toaster to her classroom and set it on the shelf next to the blender just as her first student enters.

“See you later,” she says, waving goodbye.

At the threshold, I catch sight of her pained and exhausted expression. I want to turn around and give her a hug, tell her that whatever this is will be fine.

I keep walking and head to my classroom.