Suri’s Sure Thing – Chapter 7

Our walk along the evening streets of Yamato is quiet. Erik’s body is tense next to mine, and I’m wondering what to make of it. Is he pissed at Leo? At me?

“Where’s Tsuki?” I ask, my lips bumbling over the words.

“Huh?” Erik snaps out of his head. “At home. She didn’t want to come out.”

“I don’t blame her. Erik, I don’t want to go home.”

He pauses and turns to me, keeping his steady hands on my shoulders. “What’s going on with you, Suri?”

What do I tell him? I’m drunk enough to declare my love for him, but that seems like a terrible idea. I decide to go for a different truth.

“Dad is kicking me out of the house. I’ll be homeless in a day or two.”

“What?”

“It’s true. I have to go back to Leo, or I lose my home.” The tears come swiftly, and I hate myself for them. I’ve already burdened Erik with my tears on too many occasions. “I can’t go back to Leo. I don’t love him. Damn it. I’m a complete and utter failure.”

He sighs as he brings me to his chest and squeezes me. Myra’s words come back to me. He cares for me. But does that mean anything more?

Ugh. Once I started down this path, I now can’t stop thinking about it.

I need to stop for the sake of my sanity and our friendship.

“Can I crash on your couch, please? I need to go home sober to face Dad.”

“Sure. But no, you can have the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I want to argue with him, but he gets me walking towards his apartment instead. Finn follows behind, silent and steady, on the lookout for more problems.

Erik lives in one of the high-rises on the outskirts of town, thankfully close to Izakaya Tanaka. We ignore everyone as we take the elevator to the twenty-first floor and into his apartment, 2115. The door clicks closed behind us, and Tsuki trots up to greet Finn. They grumble and mumble at each other, sniffing around their heads and undersides.

“Why do you guys always do that? You already know each other,” I say, plopping onto the couch in the living room. The apartment is small, a one-bedroom, but Erik has enough space for a couch and a desk in the living room and a bed and a dresser in the bedroom. He’s fine with his spartan existence.

“It’s a thing dogs do,” Finn says, returning to my side. I place my hand on his head once he’s next to me. “Are you better now, Suri?”

“I suppose so. Thanks for having my back, buddy.”

“He was wrong, wrong. I could smell it. Fear. He had lots of fear.”

“Animals just know, don’t they?” Stroking his soft fur makes the world sit still. I’m way too drunk for anything more.

“We do. We’re in tune with the world. More than silly humans, silly humans.” His mouth opens in a smile, and his tongue drapes out to the side.

“Hey now, that’s my term for you!”

“Silly, silly,” he repeats before turning in a circle and sitting at my feet.

Erik emerges from the kitchen with a glass of water. “Here. I think you’ll need this.”

I take the glass from him with a pout. “I want another cocktail to drown out this evening.”

His smile is soft. “From the rate of your slurring, I think you’ve had enough cocktails for two or three people.” He sits on the couch next to me, and Tsuki jumps up to his lap. Erik massages her head. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Don’t I always?” I sigh when he remains silent. “Sorry. I’m angry. I shouldn’t take it out on you.” I sip the water. “Dad wants me out of the house. He thinks I’m hiding out from life or doing something illegal? I don’t know.”

“Are you? It hasn’t escaped my notice the last two years that you’re always broke, yet you work all the time, and you don’t have to pay rent.” He raises his eyebrows. “I wasn’t going to ask. It’s none of my business.”

I wave away his concern. “Thanks, but it wasn’t my secret to divulge. You can’t tell anyone, but Tilli got into some trouble. She borrowed money to start a business. Remember the publishing company she was going to start? Yeah, that didn’t go so well. Before she knew it, all her money was gone, and she found out she had borrowed from the wrong people. I paid them back so she could keep all her fingers.”

I hold up my hand and wiggle my fingers. When they threatened to slice off Tilli’s fingers one after the other, I had to act.

“Whoa. You should have come to me for help. I would have helped you both.” Tsuki pulls away from Erik and sits next to Finn on the floor.

I shake my head and decide that’s a mistake. Don’t move, Suri. “She would’ve been too embarrassed. You know she’s had a crush on you forever, or did.”

He laughs. “Have I fallen out of favor?”

“It’s Tilli. She’s a flavor-of-the-week kind of girl.” I sip some more water. “Anyway, you’re not the only one who’s noticed I’m broke. Dad knows I’ve been working constantly and not spending my money on anything. I have almost two thousand credits saved up again, but it’s not enough to move out on my own. He figured I needed a husband to support me. And that’s how he ended up making a deal with Leo for my hand in marriage. See now? I’m no longer the eldest, brightest daughter, I.A. Quality Assurance Specialist, and magna cum laude graduate. I’m a commodity to be traded away.”

“You are not a commodity. Not the Suri I know.” He’s quiet again for a moment. “Last night, Leo seemed so sure of his success with you. Like he knew you’d be back together in no time. But I kept remembering all those sad months after you guys had broken up, how lost you were, and I knew it wasn’t going to be like that. It scared me. I thought he was going to kidnap you or something.”

“Or something,” I whisper. “He grabbed me. He probably thought he could talk sense into me and that I would cave because it’s what Dad wants for me. Everyone knows the Kimura girls belong to their father.”

“It’s such bullshit. I don’t know how you stand it.” He stands up. “I’ll go get the bed ready for you. You can use the bathroom.”

I sit and stare into space for a moment, smiling at his statement. It is bullshit, and I can’t stand it. Not for one minute longer. But then I stand up and realize I’m super drunk, and I should not be making any decisions right now. That would be a bad idea.

“Erik is a good man, a good man,” Finn says sleepily. He jumps on the couch, turns around three times, and curls into a ball right where I just was.

In the bathroom, I use the hand soap to wash my face and rinse my mouth out with some mouthwash. I stumble down the hall to the bedroom, knocking into the wall a few times. Despite being completely hammered, I’m glad I smoked the cake. I don’t let loose often enough.

Erik is putting a new pillowcase on a pillow when I make it into the room.

“I put out a shirt for you to sleep in if you like.” On the armchair in the corner is one of Erik’s college t-shirts. I’ve seen him wear it before, bumming around the apartment.

Before I’m able to stop myself, I blurt out, “Erik, you’re a sure thing. Yep.”

He laughs lightly. “How so?” He tosses the pillow on the bed.

I plop my butt on the bed and look up at him. “I used to think Leo was a sure thing. He was always up for a good time. He would show up for all the parties, laugh at all the jokes. He never missed a birthday. He was always the teacher’s pet.”

“Those all describe Leo to a T, yes.” He leans against his dresser and lets me ramble.

“Now, I know that you’re a sure thing. You are always available when I call. You always answer my messages and show up when you should. You have a kind word to say whenever I’m feeling down. You open doors for me, which quite frankly is unheard of in this day and age.”

He huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes.

“Everyone loves you in the way they should. Not because you’re entertaining, but because you’re genuine.”

He looks away, unable to make eye contact with me. “Well, thanks. That’s nice to hear.”

I stare down at my clasped hands. Do I say anything more? Or should I leave it at that? It’s hard to say. Erik has shown me affection, but it’s always been platonic. He has never crossed the line. And maybe he never intends to. Most men would be happy to cross over from friends to lovers, but I don’t know about him.

“What’s going on with you?” he asks, quietly. “Is it just Leo that has you rattled, or has something changed?”

I sigh as I get up from the bed to grab the shirt. But I sway, and Erik lunges forward to stop me from falling over. I giggle, and that should be enough to alarm everyone. Suri never giggles.

“I think I drank too much.” I shift out of Erik’s grasp and cross over to grab the shirt. I hold it to my chest. “Everything’s changed. Everything. I should just go back to work. At least in space, everything makes sense.”

Erik steps in front of me as I make my way back to the bed. He takes my shoulders in his strong hands, and I tip my head to look up at him.

“You can’t retreat into work when things get rough. You just…” He sighs. “You have to confront your father about his meddling. He should know that the more he keeps this up, the more likely he is to push you and your sisters away.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “I can’t bear to see you so hurt. You’ve come so far. Don’t let this stop you from growing.”

That’s it. I may be drunk, and a little blasted on cake, but I will not wait anymore to find out if he feels the same way about me.

I lift my hand and lightly touch his cheek. His body stiffens, but I raise onto my toes and bring my lips close to his. We’re there for a moment, a breath, a heartbeat, before he pulls away.

Disappointment bubbles up from my belly. He doesn’t want me. I lower my head and peer at the floor.

“Sorry,” I mutter. “Sorry, sorry.” I sound like Finn now, repeating everything.

He lets go of my arms and brings his hands to my face, tipping my chin up to look at him.

“Don’t do that unless you mean it.”

My breath halts at the intensity of his stare. He’s searching my face, my eyes, making sure I’m capable of this decision in the state I’m in.

Before I can tell him I mean it — I really, really do — he inhales and backs away.

His smile is knowing. “I smell cake. Did you overdo it a little tonight?”

I nod because I can’t find my voice.

“I’ll get you some water. You should sleep this off, and tomorrow, we’ll figure out what to do.”

I missed my chance. I had the opportunity to make a significant decision, and instead, I chose the cowardly way out.

I blew it.

Dammit, now what am I going to do?