Suri’s Sure Thing – Chapter 10

I wish I had at least taken a shower before leaving the house… not my house anymore. All I did today was eat a meager meal and sleep off my hangover. Not the best idea, Suri.

Damn. When did I become so irresponsible?

Dragging my bag along the sidewalk, I decide to stop, pull off to the side, and assess my options.

“You stopping?” Finn asks, sitting down at my feet. “I’m sad, Suri. You need better than this.”

“It’s okay, Finn. I should have moved out ages ago.”

“I’ll go get help. Help, yes.” Finn runs off before I can stop him.

“Finn, stop! Come back! I don’t know where I’m going!” His furry butt turns a corner, and I sigh and deflate against the building I’ve stopped at. Great. Well, Finn has never lost me before, and like many paired dogs around here, they have free range of the streets. His sense of smell is the best on the planet. He’ll find me again later.

I pull out my mini-tablet and try Myra first. The connection pings and pings, but she doesn’t answer. I’m not surprised. She’s probably asleep because she works nights. Whatever. I’ll go straight there and see if I can wake her and stay the night.

But by the time I drag my bag over to her place, the apartment is dark, and no one answers. I knock on the door, but the building remains quiet. Maybe she’s not around. I don’t know. She could be traveling to Izumo or out running errands and missing my messages. She’s in Izumo all the time to source fish and vegetables for the restaurant. I bet that’s where she is.

Okay, what’s next?

Erik, obviously. When I pull out my mini-tablet, my finger hovers over his name before I pull my hand back. After last night, I’m not sure what to do. Do I ask for his help, apologize, and try to keep things platonic? That’s my best bet. And although that would be disappointing, I wouldn’t dare jeopardize my relationship with him and make him feel uncomfortable by throwing myself at him.

A high-pitched whine climbs louder and louder until a shuttle flies over, far above. I turn off my mini-tablet and press it to my chest as I watch the shuttle soar to the landing field about two kilometers away.

I’ve been wishing I was back in space, so maybe that’s what I should do. I pull up the shuttle schedule and see there’s another flight departing for the Shōnagon in two hours. Perfect. This will be better than sitting around here. I can store my bags at the spaceport and rent a shower before the flight. Then, after a three-day shift, I’ll return to Myra’s apartment and take Ean up on his help to find my own place. Okay, this is a plan. I hurriedly send off a work request to the project manager before turning my mini-tablet off and stowing it in my bag. We’ve been so behind that I’m not worried about them saying no. There’s bound to be a shift open for me.

I take a crosstown bus and arrive at the landing field fifteen minutes later. Great. I have enough time to pull myself together before boarding the shuttle. As I hoped, my boss granted my work request right away and booked my passage on the next shuttle. I check my inbox for messages, and there are none. Okay then. I thought there may be some from Mom or my sisters, but it seems everyone has forgotten about me as soon as I walked out the door.

Past the usual protestors and into the building, I secure a private stall in the company bathroom with a shower and clean up. Once I’m showered and dressed again in my I.A. shirt and pants, I roll my suitcase out to the lockers and leave it there. I only need what’s in my bag for three days and nights in orbit.

The sign on the locker room states, “Don’t forget to use the dispensary.” Hell, I can’t forget. A package of drugs and a bottle of water await me at the dispensary window. The pharmatech smiles as I throw back my two pills with a gulp of water.

“Didn’t you just return a few days ago?” she asks.

“Yeah. Only a quick trip home this time.” I shrug and step out of the way as a group of people stream past. “Hmmm, I thought it was going to be a skeleton crew because of the ball.”

“We hired a bunch of new people. They’re all going up today to get started.”

Oh, good. Erik will be happy about that. He’s been in the middle of a scheduling nightmare for months.

“I’m glad we have more help. Thanks,” I say, gesturing to the pill pack. The pharmatech waves and nods.

I slowly follow the group of new people out into the waiting area, but they’re all so talkative that I move past them to the outdoors. It’s a bright, cloudy, and cool day. The sun is starting to dip into the horizon, and soon it’ll be dusk. The day shift is being relieved of duty, leaving with their pairs in tow. They’re so lucky to be able to work with their pairs by their side. I always have to leave Finn behind whenever I go into orbit.

Storing my bag under a bench, I sit down and stare out into the field and the city beyond. Whatever happens, I have to return here in a few days and make a new life for myself. I tap my foot and lean forward to put my head in my hands. I’m exhausted just thinking about it, and I’m sure my bank account is crying. What little I had finally saved up again will be gone in the blink of an eye with deposits and money spent on furniture, food… Ugh, I’ll have to buy things like bedsheets. Yeah, I’m not sure I can afford even the essentials. Plus, the housing market here in Yamato is crazy. Myra had to wait two years for her tiny studio apartment. It’s subsidized, but I don’t think I could even manage that.

“Suri.”

I lift my head, and Erik is standing next to my bench with Finn by his side. He’s out of breath and still in his work clothes — smart black pants, a green and yellow checked collared shirt, and a blazer over that.

“I didn’t think we’d find you.”

“Oh, hey, I didn’t know you were looking for me. I checked my messages,” I say, trying to smile at him.

“Yeah, I know. I ran straight here instead of messaging.”

I pat the seat next to me, and Erik sits down. Finn comes straight to me for scratches. “I got help,” he mumbles around my hands. Past the edge of the building, Tsuki comes trotting up too, and I huff a short laugh. Tsuki always takes her time going anywhere.

“What’s going on? I thought you were home for another couple of days.”

I pause and shrug. “I… I moved out. My father and Ean gave me no choice, so I left.”

“You moved out?” His eyes are wide. “But Suri, I know you have no money. Where are you going to go?”

I shrug again, and I hate myself for being so stuck in a state of indecision. “I don’t know. I’m going to ask for an extended post in orbit for a while, and then I think… I think I’ll move to Izumo.” His face falls. “We have shuttles to orbit from Izumo just as frequently as from Yamato, and I’ve heard there are cheaper places available there. I don’t think I can afford to live here even with Ean’s help.”

“Suri,” he says, laying his hand on my shoulder, “this is all moving too fast. You need to slow down and think this over before making such a rash decision.”

“It’s all right. I have three days in orbit to think it over before I come back and decide. I hope I’ll see you again before that.” I force up a weak smile. “I’m sorry about my behavior last night. I was drunk, and I didn’t mean it.”

I swallow the lie. He doesn’t need to know how badly I ache for him when it’s plain as day that we’re friends and nothing more.

He pulls his hand away, brings his hands together in prayer position under his nose, and inhales deeply. “This… This isn’t happening.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

The loudspeakers in the wall crackle to life. “The 19:15 shuttle to Shōnagon is ready to board. All passengers, please proceed to shuttle field three.”

“I’m so sorry,” I say again, standing up and grabbing my bag. I hold out my hands to him, and he stands and takes them. “Erik, you have been the best kind of friend to me for the last few years. I’ve really loved and enjoyed all our time together. I hope that with me gone, you’ll find someone to date and maybe even marry. I know I’m holding you back from that. I’ll be sure to ping you when I return to the ground. Hopefully, we can get coffee?”

He’s so silent, and my heart aches, waiting for him to say something.

But it’s like he’s frozen in time, unable to comprehend what’s going on around him. I’ve had enough time over the last few hours to accept this. I don’t like it — not one bit — but I’ll accept it.

I squeeze his hands and let go. “Okay. Gotta go. Um, can Finn bum a spot on your couch for a little bit?” I turn and squat down to put my arms around my furry beast. “Be good, okay? Spend time with Tsuki because I don’t know how often we’ll be back here.”

“Don’t go, Suri,” Finn says. “Let’s work this out. Tsuki says Erik cares for you.”

I shake my head. “Not like that.”

Tsuki grumbles and barks, and Erik snaps out of his head. “I don’t want you to go… to orbit or to Izumo. Suri —”

The speakers turn on again, and my heart leaps into my throat. “The 19:15 shuttle to Shōnagon is ready to depart. All passengers, please proceed to shuttle field three immediately.”

“I have to go. We can talk about this when I come back.”

I turn around, heft my bag onto my shoulder, and walk away. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even harder than leaving home today.

I pick up my pace, but Finn and Tsuki fall into stride at my side, and I can hear Erik following me. That’s fine. He probably just wants to see me all the way to the doors of the shuttle.

There are so many people streaming to the shuttle that I get caught in the crowd through the main gate. Wow. I haven’t seen an Alpha class shuttle go into orbit in a long time. Still, with this many individuals, I suppose it was necessary. The sleek lines of the ship stretch out, and two passenger entry doors are open. I like riding in the back, so I head to the rear, where the crowd is thinner.

“Suri, can you slow down for just a moment?” Erik asks, touching my upper arm.

I sigh as I stop and turn around. The dogs mill about my legs, and the rest of the crowd flows to the side of us.

“I always thought of your family as stable and here for the long haul. I never expected you to leave.” Erik’s cheeks are red from the cold and running after me. “I figured you’d be here forever.”

My heart aches as I picture my life ahead without Erik, without my family, without my support net. But I’ll do my best to make new friends. I will.

“Me too. Life isn’t really turning out how I expected it to. But at least, up there” — I point up at the sky — “I’m wanted and needed, and I have a purpose. Nobody wants or needs me down here except for me to bail them out or be a shoulder to cry on or an obedient wife to legitimize their destructive behavior.”

He steps forward, his chest heaving with labored breaths. “I need you, Suri. I want you.”

My breathing stops. No. He doesn’t mean it like how I long to be wanted. Does he?

“But not in that way, right? Just as friends?” I ask. A chilly wind whips across the tarmac, and the doors on the shuttle beep. “I need love, Erik, and the return of my love. I’ve loved you for months, years maybe, though I just denied it… but I never saw the same from you. I can’t take another heartbreak. I need a sure thing.”

My heart beats way up in my throat, and my hearing rings. I can’t believe I said that, but it’s true. There’s nothing I want more than to be loved, especially after the day I’ve had, and saying this to Erik feels like a make-or-break moment. It’s here that our relationship stays as friends or moves on to romantic territory.

He straightens up. “I’m a sure thing. You said so yourself.”

I take a step backwards. “I don’t think you like me that way. I’m just a friend to you.”

“No,” he says, rushing forward. “You’re wrong. And I’m not letting you go without me.” He takes my hand in his and urges me on. “I’m coming with you.”