Summer Haikus – Chapter 35

Masa and I sleep in the next day, waking up in a tangle of limbs and sighs. He takes the morning off and returns to the ryokan with a suitcase around eleven, after I’ve finished with morning errands. At the front desk, he slips a piece of paper to me and smiles as he walks off.

—-

“Her body and mine

Or freezing winters at home — 

Life’s hardest choices.”

—-

I don’t know about Masa, but put this way? I vote for sex every time. He raises his eyebrows at me and laughs as I slip the haiku into my planner and take a deep breath. I know what he prefers, but that doesn’t mean it’s what he can choose.

Masa leaves his suitcase in the office and heads to the back room, so as soon as there’s a break in hotel guests needing help, I lock the computer and head back. At the door, I stop and watch him at the large, stainless steel table, the day’s delivery of flowers, twigs, and leaves sorted in front of him. He’s already started an arrangement in a low, heavy ceramic bowl filled with gravel, music pulsing through his headphones as he bounces his head along with it.

The pull of attraction is so strong now, twice what it used to be. In the past, I wanted to spend all of my holidays and weekends with Masa — the two of us working side by side, going to the football games together, hanging out at the library, or watching TV together. He used to set time aside for us, not making plans with other people and waiting for me to confirm with him. Now, even though we may be separated for good in about a month’s time, I want to capture and save every moment. I want to hold onto the seconds we’re together, put them in a box in my heart, and sequester them, so they can’t ever leave me.

I walk up beside him carefully, making sure I don’t scare him since he has his headphones on.

“What do you think?” he asks, gesturing at the arrangement and draping his headphones cord around the back of his neck. I step sideways, pushing my hip into his and my arm around his waist. I hum from the contact, keeping a groan down in my throat where it belongs.

“I don’t know much about these things, but it’s pretty. I think it would be gorgeous in the lobby contrasted with all the wood.”

“I was thinking the exact same thing.”

He sets his shears on the stainless steel table, takes off his gloves, and slipping his arms around my waist, bends down to kiss me. I wasn’t aware of the defenses I was erecting between us until he smashed them with this kiss. It’s not a peck on the lips. This kiss is the kind of passion we’ve only shared in the bedroom so far. I wrap my arms around his neck and the strength of our lips together lifts my feet off the floor, my body elasticizing into a long rubber band.

He slips his tongue around mine, and pulling away, his teeth capture my bottom lip.

“I love you,” he whispers, setting my feet back on the floor. “I feel like I should say that again after last night.”

I rest my forehead against his chest. “I love you, too. It feels good to finally say it. To hear it said to me.”

My cheeks heat as I look up at him, but he’s puzzled, his eyebrows drawn together.

My lungs seize, panic racing my heart. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He hugs me again. “Have you really been in love with me for two years?”

We didn’t discuss what Halley said to him last night.

“Masa, I fell in love with you way before you fell for me. Why do you think you command so much of my attention? Why do I want to spend so much time with you? Why do I always come to you first when I need an opinion? Why?”

“You were in love with me when you were with Alex?”

I nod and step away from him. “I would close my eyes and pretend I was with you. Not very nice to Alex, I’m sure, but I had to. It’s not like he loved me or anything.”

Masa rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”

Ugh. The guilt of keeping my feelings to myself for so long aches in my chest. I wring my hands and bite my lip.

“Don’t do that. It drives me mad.” Masa grips the side of the table, and I relax my jaw.

“Because you seemed happy with Toni for the longest time, and I have only ever wanted you to be happy. If I thought before this summer that you could be happy with me, I would have said something. I did try. I kissed you.”

Silence swims in the air between us, thick and dark. Someone outside the door drops a box on the floor and I jump.

“I feel sick that we wasted so much time before this.” Masa turns from me and leans over the table, rocking back and forth on his feet.

“Hey…” I run my fingers down his arm to his hand. “Look…” I swallow the lump in my throat and remember my resolution to enjoy him while I have him. “Every touch, every kiss, every kind, sweet, and loving word you have to say to me is like living in my fantasies.” My lower lip shakes, and I suck it into my mouth to keep it still. “I want it to continue forever and ever, but I’ll take whatever you give me.”

I stop for a moment and wince at my stupid self. “Wow, that sounds really pathetic and needy, but I guess that’s the kind of person I am.”

“That makes two of us.” He squeezes my hand in his and whispers, “I don’t know what to do.”

I dip a bucket way down into the well of confidence I have and steel my voice. “You’ll go back to MSU at the end of the summer, go to school, and if you’re lucky, you’ll forget about me and move on.”

He shakes his head.

“But let me make one thing clear,” I say, tugging on his hand and throwing back my shoulders. “You’re mine until then. I want you to come home with me every night unless we can go back to your place.”

His lips jerk in a smile. “That’s why I brought the suitcase.”

“Good. At least that part of the plan is working.” I back away from him towards the door. “Get back to work. I can’t wait to see all the new arrangements.”

—-

Our usual afternoon coffee break turns into a quiet affair, coffee in one hand, Masa’s hand in the other, as we sit in the café and stare out the window. I don’t know what Masa’s thinking except to believe he’s thinking about me, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. We don’t talk — strange for us, considering we can talk about anything — and he hugs me before we head into the ryokan, his arms wrapped around my shoulders and lips in my hair. I clutch him tight to my chest despite the scorching heat of the day.

Reiko takes her afternoon break, and I cover the front desk for her since there are no check-ins scheduled. All the rooms are booked and we don’t expect new guests until Friday. Masa works in the back room, so I sit at the desk and stare at the little details of the entrance hall. I’ve already straightened the house slippers and dusted the corners of the entryway. My choices now are to either read a book on my e-reader, something I’ve barely done this summer, or head outside to sweep the front walkway. I take a deep breath to bolster myself for sweeping when the phone rings.

I clear my throat and answer it in Japanese. “Hello! Thank you for calling the Kurogashi Ryokan. This is Isano. How can I help you?”

“Isa? Isano Brown?” the male voice on the other end asks. The line is faint, and when I glance at the caller ID, a US Michigan number is on the screen, so I switch back to English.

“Yes. This is Isa…” I wait a moment, hoping this person will introduce himself since I have no idea who it is.

“Oh good. It’s Mr. Eguchi. Masa’s father. Is he there with you at the ryokan? We’ve been trying to call him for hours, but we only get a busy signal.”

“Oh! Oh yes, he’s here with me.” My scalp prickles, nervous his parents would be calling me to get ahold of Masa. “Let me go get him for you. I’m going to put you on hold, okay?”

“Yes, yes. Sure. Please hurry. It’s an emergency.”

“Okay. Just a moment.” I press hold and drop the phone in its cradle before bolting from the front desk and bursting through the back room door. Masa flinches and whirls around, knocking flowers to the floor.

“Isa, you scared me.” He smiles briefly before frowning and setting down his shears. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Your dad is on the ryokan landline. He says it’s an emergency and he’s been trying to call you for hours.”

Masa drops his things on the table, and pulling his phone from his pocket, he swipes it on as he follows me out of the back room and into my office.

“Fuck. I forgot to reboot it. I usually do it every morning, since I get dropped pretty much every day.”

“But you spent the night at my place,” I say, and closing the door behind us, I point to the phone on my desk. “Line one.”

He powers his phone off as he picks up the ryokan landline. I should exit the room and give him privacy, but I’m too worried, so I stand with my back to the door and wring my hands instead.

“Hello? Hey, Dad. What’s going on?… What? When did this happen?… Really? But, why?… Okay, sure. I’ll head there now… You’re what? How long will you be here for?… Okay. Yeah. Okay. Bye.”

He hangs up the ryokan phone and powers his own phone on at the same time. It blings with notifications as I approach him at the desk.

“Yep. Damn thing wasn’t on the network and I missed five calls from my dad. He’s livid, of course.” He sighs and rubs his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“My grandparents fell prey to some scam and just lost like five thousand dollars.”

“What? How did that happen?”

Masa crosses the room to his rolling bag. “I’m not sure. I need to go to Kamakura. I’m so sorry, Isa. I… I want to spend the time with you. But now my dad’s coming for a week, and I have no idea what’s going to happen.”

“Why would your dad fly all the way here from Michigan? You have family here in Osaka.” I shake my head at the expense.

Masa sighs again, opening his wallet and counting the cash he has. “He’s the oldest son. He’s supposed to deal with my grandparents, even though he’s in the US. It’s expected.” He shoves his wallet back in his pants. “And my uncle is a bit of an asshole, so…”

I bite my lip and glance around the office. Kamakura is only an hour south of Tokyo on the train, so an hour and a half from here. I grab my bag from the couch.

“I’ll go with you, if that’s okay.”

“You don’t have to,” he starts, though his lips form a tight smile.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll come back on an evening train. I’d rather be with you and see if I can help. I’ll just let Reiko know I’m going, and we’ll call a cab to get to the station.”

Masa nods, his eyes unfocused and trained out the window. What else is going to happen to pull us apart?