Summer Haikus – Chapter 31

Standing and waiting for Masa on Saturday morning, I flick my thumb across the top of the coffee I have for him, back and forth. Flick, flick. Flick, flick. I’m exhausted after my day at the hospital yesterday and not sleeping at all last night. I’d laid in bed and let my eyes wander over the loft space, my possible new home… for good. I suppose if Mom is moving in with her new husband, I could take her room, but I like having a whole floor between me and anyone else in the house. My stomach churned from 3am onward as I went through all my possible futures. Stay in Japan, please my family, have a guaranteed job? Or return to MSU, get my degree, and have a relationship with Masa? Impossible choices.

People stream past me as chimes in the station die out and the latest train speeds away. Masa runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time, his hair flopping over his eyes. He heads straight for me, and I open my mouth to apologize, but he wraps his arms around me and crushes me to his chest, spilling coffee over my hands and the sidewalk.

“I’m so sorry, Isa. I can’t believe I said those things to you. I’m such a douchebag. I judged you, and I shouldn’t have.”

I try to breathe but my face is pressed up against his chest, and I’m being smothered, smothered sweetly, but unable to catch my breath.

“Masa!” I gasp, and he relaxes. I smile up at him. “Thank you. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, and you didn’t judge me. You didn’t say I was a bad person. You were just in shock. And you’re not a douchebag. I could never date a douchebag.”

I thought about this apology all morning because if I’m going to stay, I want everything between Masa and me to be good before I decide. At this point, I’m pretty sure I’m going to take Mom up on her offer, but I’m still not sure. There are plenty of things I need to check on first before I make a final decision. Has my dad already paid tuition for next year? Where will I go to school here in Tokyo? What will I study? If I live in the loft, can I make it my own? Can I afford to fly Masa to Japan once a year if we stay together? I want options before I say yes.

My smile ignites a fire in Masa, and he leans forward and kisses me. I’m still not used to this, the freedom we have with each other, and my moment of surprise makes me laugh at his lips before I relax. Sadness colors the warmth of my lips on his, blowing away the carefree giggles of a moment before. I don’t care if I’m in public, I let the kiss go deep and enjoy him while he’s right in front of me.

“Mmmm,” he says, pulling his lips from mine. “When you stormed out of my apartment, I was afraid that was the last time I’d kiss you. Do you realize you’re seriously scary when you’re mad? And last week when you were hurling Japanese obscenities around like it was second nature? That was hot.”

“Am I scary? Or am I hot?” I laugh and disengage my coffeed arms from around his chest.

“Both. Ahhhh, you got coffee all over yourself,” he says, taking both cups from me so I can shake the droplets off my arms. It’s a good thing the drinks weren’t blistering hot. We should switch to iced anyway. The summer is relentless in Japan.

“Excuse me.” A young man with an Australian accent approaches us, a smile on his face and a guidebook in his hand. “I heard you speaking English. Sorry to interrupt, but which way is the Studio Ghibli Museum?”

I turn and point towards Inokashira Park. “Through the park and south of here. There are some signs on the other side you can follow.”

“Thank you!” he says, turning to his group of friends and heading into the park.

“The whole city is overrun with tourists,” Masa whispers. “The Olympics are getting closer.”

“Still a few more weeks.” I sip on my coffee, and we start towards the bakery.

“How’s Halley?”

“She’s… good. Ready for the big day.” I stumble over my words. The last time I spoke with Halley was yesterday when she was between interviews.

I swallow more coffee to soothe my dry throat. I should tell Masa right now about my mom’s offer. Putting it off is only going to ruin things and then he’ll be upset with me for not telling him right away.

“Oh, this reminds me.” Masa turns around and walks sideways next to me. “My cousin, the one that lives in Osaka, is coming in to Tokyo tonight — last minute something-or-other having to do with my uncle’s family. Is it okay if I take tomorrow off? I thought I’d spend the day with him, and we can talk jobs and internships and whatever else I can finagle out of him while he’s here. My dad has been texting and emailing practically every day asking for updates. He’s threatening to have me evicted from the apartment and the credit cards cancelled.”

I cringe. “He sounds pissed.”

Masa waves his hand and rolls his eyes. “He would never cut me off, though he might have me evicted.”

“That’s okay. You could always stay with me.” My breathing halts when I imagine us living together, how awesome that would be to see each other all the time and have the freedom to do anything.

Masa smiles at me and squeezes my shoulders. “It’s always good to have a backup plan.”

I laugh so hard I snort. “You’re coming around to my brand of thinking. Excellent.”

“So, maybe on Monday, if you want to, that is… maybe you’d like to come to Akasaka and meet him? He’s taking an afternoon train back home.” His eyes widen while he waits for my response.

“You want me to meet your cousin?”

He shakes his head. “Correction. I want my cousin to meet my incredibly lovely and talented girlfriend. This way he can stop calling me a loser.”

I laugh and shake my head. “You are not a loser,” I say, slipping my arm around his waist. “And I can’t believe you just called me your girlfriend.”

“I did.” He leans over and kisses my temple. “And I have no idea how a video-game-playing, haiku-writing, flower-arranging loner like me got such an amazing girl like you.”

I stare ahead, trying not to cry. I don’t want to leave Masa. I’m too damned unlucky to be trashing this kind of romance when I finally have it.

Forcing a smile, I look up at him. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Great. We can only go up from here.” He laughs. “So after today, I’ll see you again on Monday, and then I thought we could spend the evening on Tanabata together? It’s Tuesday.”

“Right,” I say, sighing. “I forgot about that. I’m scheduled the whole day because everyone wanted it off. I’ll ask Grandpa to cover for me.”

“And you’ll have to wear a yukata…” He smiles, squeezing my shoulder. Yukata are summer, cotton kimono, and I remember seeing a few at home in my mom’s closet I can choose from, or I may go out and buy myself one! I have my own money, after all. I’ll have to search for one that’s extra pretty and do my makeup.

“Of course. You too?”

“Yeah. Well, jinbei.”

I pump my fist in the air. Oh, I can’t wait to see him dressed up!

“Perfect,” he says, side-eyeing me and my obvious enthusiasm for men in traditional Japanese wear, which I love. “We’ll eat dinner, make wishes, and watch fireworks together. It’ll be great.”

—-

I wander the park and neighborhood after my shift is over at the ryokan and Masa has left to meet his cousin. The paths through Inokashira Park are still crowded with people as the light wanes near the end of the day. Families mill about, letting their kids run through the grass a few more times before heading home to make dinner. I find an empty park bench and sit, leaning back and staring up at the trees for a little bit. This place, alive and busy, foreign yet familiar, could be my home. The lake across from me is busy, swan boats float lazily along, couples or groups of friends paddling them, laughing and talking, snapping photos.

“Isa-san, how are you?” Reiko is walking up to me, so I focus my eyes on her.

“Hi, Reiko-san. I’m fine, and you?”

“I’m good.” She eyes the park bench next to me a few times, her hand on her leather bag on her shoulder.

“Would you like to sit?” I ask, waving to the spot beside me, and she smiles, swiping her black skirt under her before sitting down and crossing her ankles.

“I want to apologize for what I said the other day, in the bathroom. I feel bad about it, and I don’t want it to get in the way of me working at the ryokan.”

“What did you mean, anyway, when you said ‘girls like me?’ I really want to know.” I look her straight in the eyes, in the hopes my forward American ways will make her confess.

She blushes. “It was nothing. I’d… I’d rather forget it.”

I sigh. It’s obvious she’s too afraid to tell me and I’ll never know. “Okay. We can forget about it. I was upset, but I’m not anymore.”

“I, uh, heard your grandfather talking to your grandmother today at work… about you taking over for your mom in a few years.”

I try to keep my face as blank as possible. This is business, and if I take over the ryokan, they’ll all find out eventually.

“How do you feel about that?” I ask her. I need to gauge the reaction the staff will have of someone younger than them being their boss.

“I’m relieved,” she says, smiling and sighing. “I was worried they would sell it to someone who would knock it down and put in a high-rise building or bring in their own staff. You would keep everybody?”

“I don’t see why not. I wouldn’t want to start over.”

“Good.” She touches my arm, her wide eyes pleading with mine. “It’s so hard to get a job here, and I really like working at the ryokan. Even if I never meet and marry someone, having the job is important to me. I help take care of my parents, and I couldn’t do that if I didn’t make money.”

“I hear this is typical for a lot of people our age here. So, if I stay, this will be fine with everyone?”

“Oh yes. Most definitely. They all want to keep their jobs as much as I do.” She hesitates a moment. “If you stay?”

“I’m still deciding. I need to talk to Masa about it, and I haven’t told him yet.”

“I see. I won’t say anything.” I believe her, though it would be easy for her to drive Masa and me apart by telling him about it before I do. She probably figures keeping her job is a better bet than pissing me off. We’re reluctant friends now.

She opens her purse and takes out her phone, holding it in her lap. “Will you be going to school in the spring if you stay here?”

“Spring? I thought I’d start school in the fall with everyone else.”

“Ah!” She points her finger in the air. “You don’t know Japanese schools. Universities start classes in the spring, not the fall.”

“Shit,” I swear in English. I didn’t realize school would be that different from the US. I switch back to Japanese and stand up. “I need to get home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Tomorrow,” she says, standing and bowing to me.

I quickly walk home and make it to the house before anyone else. Not wasting any time, I climb the stairs to my loft space and open my computer. I google a few times until I come to a website with information for foreigners wanting to study at Japanese universities.

“The academic year at a Japanese university runs from April to the following March. All new students start in the first semester from April to September. The second semester starts in October and runs through March. Some universities permit entrance in October, but not all,” I read aloud to myself. I groan and fall back on my bed.

I haven’t even decided where I would attend or study, and now I may have to wait until April to get in.

I slam my computer closed against the new mail notifications, roll over on my bed, and stare at the wall. What if I’m not good enough to get into a Japanese university, even if I wanted to attend one? And what would I study? Can I still study linguistics? Or should I now consider subjects like accounting and business?

I press my eyes closed as hard as they’ll go and take deep breaths to keep away a panic attack. What I need is guidance. Real help. Someone! Please, tell me what to do.