Summer Haikus – Chapter 3

“What the hell am I doing here?” I shout at Halley over the ridiculously loud rap music. The frat house is teeming with people dressed in very little. That’s the thing with Michigan. Once the temperatures rise into the fifties, guys start wearing shorts and shunning jackets like it’s a tropical rainforest. Girls catch on soon after and then it’s all skin, skin, skin. Not that I mind. The less I have to wear while running, the better.

I try to sip on my beer and look like I belong at this party, but I so do not. First of all, I’m one of only two Asians here. Well, half-Asian. Still, I’m way out of place in this white bread fraternity. I hope a more diverse crowd shows up later, or I’m out of this place as soon as Halley turns her back on me. At least I dressed appropriately in my ripped jeans, belt, and dark gray silk tank top. I didn’t even bother with a bra. Halley hates that. I told her I’d trade boobs with her any day of the week, but she’s never taken me up on the offer.

“You’re here with me so I don’t have to talk about the fucking marathon all evening. Maybe I can get laid before I go.” She throws her arm over my shoulder. “Hey, can you wingman-me over to that one over there?” She points to a gorgeous guy filling up his cup with beer across the room, and I cringe. Of course, it’s Karim, the knock-me-dead, blue-eyed Egyptian roommate of the guy I lost my virginity to last year. I would have preferred Karim over Alex, but like most men I’ve had the hots for, he thought I was the best kind of friend to have.

“Karim? Are you serious?”

Halley squints her eyes and turns to my ear. “Oh my god, I forgot all about him! Alex isn’t here, is he?” Halley glances around, but I shake my head.

“Remember? He transferred to Eastern this year, and thank god for that.” I stick my tongue out and make a retching sound that scares the girls next to us. Halley and I giggle as they edge away from us.

“I told you not to sleep with him.”

“Whatever,” I say, sipping my beer again. Two cups of this swill and I’ll be done-zo for the night. I hardly ever drink, and my face is already burning. Damned Japanese genes. Everyone on my mom’s side of the family flushes when they drink. “It’s not like anyone else was going to sleep with me, and I had to get my mind off Masa since he was dating Toni, anyway. Alex did make me orgasm twice.” I hold up two proud fingers. “So it wasn’t a total loss.”

“Twice in over three months of dating is a crime, Isa, and you know it.” Halley waves at a few people across the room that woo! at her and pump their fists in the air. “Look, the summer is coming, a whole summer away from Masa. Take the time to get over him so you can come back next year and date someone new.”

“What is there to get over? He’s my friend —”

“And you’re still head-over-heels in love with him. I saw the photo today.”

I cover my face with my free hand. “Was it that obvious?”

“You should have just jumped up and kissed him and been done with it. Let’s go.” She grabs my arm and pulls me towards Karim’s back. “Ready? Just like we practiced.” Halley smooths back her long blonde hair and jerks down the V-neck she’s wearing to show more cleavage. I sigh and tap Karim on the shoulder, plastering on a smile.

“Karim! Hi! It’s great to see you!” I yell over the music. He smiles at me, that stupidly handsome smile, his light blue eyes and tan skin melting me. I think cooling thoughts of MSU campus in mid-winter. “Have you met Halley?”

I let Halley step into the conversation, and they start talking. Smooth transition, and I’m immediately forgotten. Awesome. I’m in the comet’s tail again, right where I belong. I try to ignore the hollow feeling in my stomach as I chug down the rest of the beer in my Solo cup and refill it at the keg. Taking my cup in hand, I wander through the fraternity house looking for anyone I may know. This particular house is only a ten minute walk from Brody Neighborhood on the north side of town, which is why we always end up here. Halley considered pledging a sorority last fall but decided against it since her training schedule was already stretched to the limit.

I smile at a few girls I recognize but can’t remember their names, so I keep walking. The beer hits my stomach and my head, slamming my brain like a sledgehammer. Damn, my tolerance is low. I’m going to be a lightweight this summer in Japan, where the legal drinking age is twenty and everyone drinks like fishes. My cousins have already filled up my email with pledges of late nights in Shibuya at karaoke bars and izakaya pubs drinking until the last train home. I doubt I’ll be able to keep up with them.

I find a mostly vacant room and sigh with relief, plopping down on a disgusting, brown and sagging couch. I try not to let my bare skin actually touch the fabric as I sip my beer and avoid looking at the couple making out in the corner.

Why am I here again? I could be back in our room in my pajamas, watching Lost on DVD or packing. I should be packing. I wonder if Masa’s home packing? Maybe I should call him and we can meet up instead? I pull my phone from my pocket and gaze at the photo of the two of us today, my stomach clenching. Why can’t I hide my feelings for him? I must do a fairly good job of it, because he’s never said a word or even implied that he knows. I turn off my phone and put it back in my pocket, vowing to not call him, even though I want to.

“Jello shot?” A frat boy tries to hand me a tiny cup filled with jiggly red stuff.

“People still do Jello shots?” I ask him, taking it.

“Of course they do.” He’s completely inebriated, slurring his words, so I smile and say thanks, wait for him to leave the room, and set the shot aside. No way in hell am I eating that thing.

I glance at the door to the room, eager to leave the party and get on with my life, when Masa peeks his head in and smiles at me.

“I had a feeling you’d be here somewhere after I saw Halley in the front room.”

“Masa!” I scream and jump up, throwing my arms around his neck. I’m suddenly very drunk, the launch from the couch sending everything to the right. I stumble, and he grips me around the waist causing my body to tighten, my nipples alarmingly erect under the thin silky tank top. Masa’s eyes lock right on my chest and straight down my top. I twist away and try to laugh off our sudden embrace as heat rushes to my face.

“Uh, hey,” he says, pulling his hand through his hair, highlighting the awkward moment with his usual gesture that means, “I’m uncomfortable.” I’ve seen it enough times in the last two years to know it well.

I smooth out my jeans and cross my free arm across my chest. “What are you doing here? You don’t like frat parties.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Shrikant knows someone here, so I decided to tag along.”

“Oh.” I gulp at the beer, hoping to all that’s holy he really didn’t just see my bare chest. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if he did see my bare chest, except I’d prefer it in bed, naked… soon. I lick my lips and look away. My head moves and the room follows it at a slow pace. Shit. I’m wasted on two beers. How is that even possible? “Well, I was actually going to leave… actually. Now.”

“Really? I just got here. You’re going to abandon me already?”

I close my eyes and breathe deep but that’s a mistake. The room is full of smoke and spilled beer. When I open my eyes, Masa is frowning at me. “Isa, are you okay?”

“Fine! Great!” I fake smile at him, but I can only make it last a moment before depression takes over my face. Dammit. I’m in love with my best friend, and he has no idea, and if I hang out with him at this party, I will blab it and ruin everything, just like I did with Ethan. I can’t bear to have that happen with Masa, too.

“I’ve gotta go. Pajamas, a pint of ice cream, and Lost are waiting for me at home.” I step up to him and put my palm on his chest, feeling the heat from his skin warm my hand through his black shirt. I pull my fingers away as if they’ve been singed. I shouldn’t even be touching him. “See you tomorrow?” I ask.

“Of course,” he says, laying his hand on my bare upper arm. A wash of goosebumps covers me from head to toe. I jerk away from his touch and head down the hall, ricocheting off the wall in two separate spots before I reach the front door.