Silent Flyght – Chapter 17

“What?” Ken and Jinzo ask.

“Dad?” I raise my voice. “Dad’s here?”

I try to turn over my wrist and access the Amagi’s entrance system, but I’m too drunk and clumsy to make it happen. I grunt and say, “Nanci, show me what’s going on.”

I clutch onto Jinzo and Ken as my implant shows me the gangway attached to the Amagi, and my father leaning into the door.

“Vivian Kawabata, open this ship and let me inside,” he screams. I haven’t seen him this angry in ages. “If you don’t open the door, right now, I will contact Fusako and get the override codes for this ship!”

“Fuck. This isn’t good.”

I touch my face, and I don’t feel anything. For fuck’s sake, why can’t I have one night to drown my sorrows in wine like a normal human being?

“What should we do?” Ken asks Jinzo, but I interrupt them.

“We have-na go let him in.” My lips and mouth are out of sync. I turn and smack right into the wall. White spots pop up in my vision. I unsuccessfully try to blink them away.

“No no no,” Ken says, trying to turn me around to head back to bed. “Whatever he wants, it can wait.”

“Don’t be… stupid. He wants Tomu.” I flail my arms, and they let go of me. Grasping the handrail on the stairs, I hold on for dear life as I descend down to the main floor where the galley, cargo bay, shuttle access, and airlocks are located. I stumble and swear, and Ken zips up next to me to keep me upright.

“I really recommend we ignore him, Vivian,” Jinzo says, running up next to us. “I can tell him to come back in the morning.”

“Ha!” I spit out. “Gooooooood luck with that.” I burp and smack my lips, trying desperately to not be drunk. “He-ga-na.” I stop and concentrate harder. “He’s gonna get the override codes. Best not to make him angrier.”

I try to suck in a few sobering breaths as I approach the aft airlock, but it doesn’t work. If anything, I keep getting drunker as more of the wine I drank in the last hour soaks into my system. It’ll be hours before I’m sober again.

“Nanci, please… open the… you know.” I wave my hand at the airlock.

“Just a moment, Captain.” Her voice is so different from Ai’s voice. Or is that my drunken state? Can’t tell.

A series of clicks echo through the room, and the door slides aside to admit my father.

I’m ready to smile and greet him, but the sight of him stops me and sobers me like nothing else could. He’s so angry his face is as red as a beet. I have never seen him like this. Ever.

“How dare you keep my son from me?” He advances on me quickly. I trip and fall down, banging my left hand on the steel floor before crashing to my butt.

“Hey!” Ken yells, reaching for me.

Jinzo steps in Dad’s path. “Nuno, let’s talk about this.”

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way.” Dad’s temple veins throb, and his jaw works back and forth. “I can’t believe you kept this from me. And you will not prevent me from seeing him now.”

Jinzo shakes his head. “I really don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s… He’s not the son you remember.”

“Bullshit. I raised him. I know him.”

This would be comical if I weren’t so depressed and drunk.

I finally rise to my feet with Ken’s help, but I’m saddened Dad didn’t even apologize for knocking me over.

“What’s going on?” Gus asks, his eyes widening as he sees my father. He’s holding his medical bag, which only means one thing, he’s been in to see Tomu recently.

My face heats even more with shame. We have been hiding this from him. I hoped I would never have to let him know we had found Tomu. No one else needed to know.

“Dad’s here to see Tomu.” I slur half my words and close my eyes to stop the room from spinning.

“Are you drunk?” Dad is so disappointed in me. His voice is full of exasperation and annoyance.

That’s it.

I snap. All my Vivians become one broken personality who won’t be taking this shit anymore.

No. Just no.

“Yeah!” I yell at him, throwing my hands up in the air. “I am fucking drunk! And I fucking deserve to be!” My voice cracks under the strain of screaming. “I have given up my entire life to buy back the family farm. I have lost friends and respect and my goddamned hair!” I reach up, run my hand over my hair, and watch as it collects on my fingers. Jinzo gasps. “I have begged. I have pleaded. I have whored myself out to any man who will even look at me so long as he’ll put money in the bank —”

“Vivian!” Ken warns.

“I have spent weeks, barely eating, barely sleeping, just so I can make it through each day and accumulate more credits to fix your mistake! While I listen to my brother call me a slut and a stupid bitch and put down the only people who care about me!”

The room is silent, the only sound my huffing breaths.

I drop my voice to a growl. “So, go. Go look at your son and see what an amazing father you’ve been.” I point at him. “And don’t you fucking dare tell Mom what Tomu has become because she will kill herself.”

Dad is stricken. I’ve never spoken to him like this before, and he looks like I just slapped him. But he pulls himself up and summons his anger. “I’ll be the judge of that.” Dad looks at each of us before turning to Gus. “Show me the way.”

“Go see him yourself,” Gus says, stepping to the side. “He’s in room thirteen. I’m going to attend to Vivian.”

My stomach flips over as Gus approaches me.

“I’m gonna be sick.” I slap my hand over my mouth as I ricochet off the wall and stumble to the galley bathroom. I can’t even make it to the toilet and lose everything into the sink.

Moaning, I lean forward and rest my forehead against the mirror as the sink suctions away the mess and runs through a cleaning cycle.

When I open my eyes, Gus is in the door with Ken and Jinzo behind him. I close my eyes again and rest my cheek against the cold metal of the mirror.

“You’re losing your hair?” Gus’s voice, usually so clinical in these instances, cracks on the last syllable.

I sigh and swivel my body to press my forehead into the mirror. “Yeah. Don’t know how long.”

Gus’s hand slides across my lower back. “It’s time,” he says, gently tugging me away from the wall.

“Yeah,” Ken agrees.

“Are you sure?” Jinzo asks.

“Yeah,” Gus says.

I try to concentrate on them all, but my vision bends, and my stomach clenches.

“What’s time?” I ask.

“Put your arms around my neck,” Gus instructs, and I do what I’m told. He picks me up so easily. “I think you’ve lost weight.”

He’s quiet as he maneuvers me out of the galley to the stairs. I don’t even look to see my father talking to Tomu. I can hear their voices for a moment before we reach my room, but his room is a whole level below mine for a reason.

Gus skirts around Frogger sleeping on the floor of my room and settles me onto my bed. He looks down at me as he straightens the covers and starts pulling off my clothes.

“It’s time we take over,” Ken says, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling off the bracelet Mat gave me. “We’ve been discussing it for a few days, but we were hoping it wouldn’t have to come to this.”

“Your nightmares have gotten worse. I don’t think you’re sleeping at all,” Jinzo says, taking my clothes as Gus hands them over. “And you don’t remember it the next day. Your brain is so tired, Vivi.”

“We can’t have a life with you if you’re dead from stress before the week is over.” Gus pulls up my comforter and tucks it in around me. “You will hand over all the finances to Ken. He’s agreed to stick around for a few weeks, at least through the auction, so we can get business done here.”

“No,” I murmur, shaking my head. “I can handle it.”

“You can’t,” Gus insists. “Ken will handle the finances. Jinzo will handle all your social obligations and any decisions that have to do with the ship. I’ll take care of you. Anything medical, physical, or food related is my responsibility.”

I roll over on my side and bring my legs up to the fetal position. “Are you going to sleep with Mat, too?” I press my eyes closed tight to keep the room in one place.

“I don’t think he swings to men, Vivi.” He tries to chuckle, but the joke dies a swift death. “You’ll sleep with him, but Jinzo will bring you there and back. And the rest of us are off the schedule for a bit until I get all your levels to where they should be.”

“Really. This is un… unnecessary. I’m just drunk. I’ll be fine.” I lift my head to look at them all. “I’m sorry,” I stress. “I really am. I won’t do it again.”

“Are you kidding?” Gus snorts. “I’m glad you’re drinking, that you let loose for a bit. You’ve been wound-up tight, and that’s no good for you.” He smooths my hair and stands up. “I’ll be right back.”

He leaves the room, and I don’t want to know where he’s going because it’s either for his bag of meds or to check on Dad and Tomu, and I’d rather not think of either.

Jinzo squats down at the side of the bed. “And you are not ‘whoring’ yourself out, do you hear me? I don’t want to hear you use that term again. Ever.”

I burst into tears.

“Jin,” Ken warns, but Jinzo rests his hand on my head.

“You are special, and we are lucky to have you. This is not some cheap transaction, okay?”

I press my eyes closed and nod.

“Now, go to sleep, Vivi. We’ll take care of the rest.”

—-

I wake in bed alone, though I know Jinzo and Gus were with me through most of the night. I slept fitfully again, the alcohol numbing my brain enough to keep the nightmares at bay, but I woke three or four times to puke. It’ll be a while before I drink red wine again. Sorry, Mat.

Rolling over, I groan and wish for death. I am so hungover that I’m probably still drunk. There’s a Japanese word for this, futsukayoi, which means ‘drunk for the second day.’ Yeah, that’s me. At least I’m not nauseous anymore. I hate puking. Hate it. I want it to be a long time before I boot my stomach contents again.

“Ai?” I croak out. My throat doesn’t want to work. Pushing myself up in bed, I find a glass of water next to some pain killers. I down them and half the glass of water, then try again. “Ai?” This time my voice behaves.

“Good morning, Captain. Are you feeling all right? You had quite a night.”

“I’ve been better. Can you raise the lights by twenty percent?”

The lights flare up like a supernova, and my head pounds.

“Ack, more like ten percent.”

Ai softens the lights, and my head quiets.

“Okay, better.”

“How can I help you this morning, Captain?” Her voice is just shy of chipper, and I have to wonder if Carlos cut back on her programming to make her more palatable to our Flyght clients, whenever we fly for Flyght again. “Do you need me to call for anyone?”

“Not just yet, thanks. Um…” I close my eyes and lie back down, wetting my lips and bringing my body to equilibrium. It’ll be a while before that happens. “I want to see the videos of my dad’s visit here yesterday. Can you compile them for me? I want to see everything he did from the moment he got here to the moment he left.”

“I’d be happy to put those together for you. I’ll have them in your inbox in about two minutes.”

“Thanks, Ai.”

I sink into the covers and close my eyes for a moment before reaching to the shelf behind my bed for my wristlet. My hand first comes into contact with the bracelet Mat bought for me, so I pick it up and examine it. It’s a finely made piece of jewelry, heavy and detailed. The tight mesh bends and sways in my hands, but keeps the bracelet’s shape. Mat does have excellent taste.

I set it aside and grab my wristlet. Calling up the home screen of Estrela in my optical implant, I navigate to my messages and send a text off to Mat, thanking him for the wonderful day we had together, the wine and the bracelet. I express that I’m excited to see him later, and I’m looking forward to spending quality time with him this evening.

Back in my inbox, Ai has already sent me my videos to watch, so I call them up and throw the blanket over my head.

Dad barrels into the Amagi, knocking me over, and I wince. Yeah, that really did happen. I was hoping it was a figment of my imagination, but it wasn’t. Ken yells, and Jinzo intervenes, and then I snap. I watch myself yell at my father like it’s an out-of-body experience. That barely even looks like me. I have dark circles under my eyes and wild, thinning hair. I must be doing an excellent job of covering it up for Mat to be anywhere near attracted to me.

Back to the video, Dad leaves the room, and I head to the bathroom. The footage Ai strung together for me shows Dad heading to Tomu’s room after picking the wrong staircase. I’m not surprised since he’s never been on the Amagi before.

My heart twists as I realize he’s never come here to see my new home, but he came to see Tomu. My parents are good people, I know that. And they love me, I’m sure. But it’s these little things that nag at me, that sit in the back of my mind, day after day. I try not to dwell on them, though. It’s not healthy to pick over other people’s faults constantly.

“Tomu,” my father says. His mouth has dropped open, and he’s staring at my brother, his son.

Tomu sits up on the little slice of the bed he can occupy with his hands cuffed and chained. We stripped the bed of linens as I didn’t want to give him anything he could use as a weapon. All he has are his clothes and a pair of slippers. But his feet are bare, his beard is shaggy, and his hair is limp. We’ve only allowed him to bathe twice since he’s been on board.

Looking out from under his hair, Tomu smiles. “Finally told you about me?” His laugh is breathy and weak. “I knew she’d cave, eventually.”

Dad sits down on the entry threshold and rubs his face with one hand. “Vivian? No. I heard from someone…” He waves his hand in the air, round and round. “Someone I don’t know that they saw you on the Southern Continent. I put two and two together.”

Oh, shit. Someone saw us when we were in Mayashu? That’s not good. I thought we had gotten away with it.

Tomu presses his lips together. “She’s going to kill me, you know.”

“Vivian?” Dad laughs. “She would have every right, but no, I don’t think so.”

“So, why don’t you spring me then?” Tomu holds out his hands, and I inhale and hold my breath.

“You need to tell me why you betrayed your whole family first before I even consider it.”

Even from this camera angle, I can see Tomu’s shoulders tighten, and his jaw lock up. “You won’t let me go first? Because I’m your son?”

Dad’s not stupid. “I know when I’m trying to be manipulated, son. And I’m not even considering helping you until you tell me why you screwed us all over.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Tomu turns from Dad and glowers.

“Try me.” Dad spreads his arms wide and leans forward.

“I don’t think you’re enlightened enough to understand me. You never even thought about not going with the status quo. I was the oldest child, yet you only ever considered giving the farm to Vivian.”

“The law is there for a good reason. Only women can inherit on Ossun.”

“Fuck her and fuck those laws. We’re getting them changed so men won’t be at a disadvantage anymore. When we outnumbered women ten to one, we should’ve dominated them.” His hands curl into fists. “Enslaved them. Kept them. This universe we live in is bullshit. I have watched you kowtow to Mom all your life when, instead, you should have had ten wives and ruled our land. You’re a failure to men. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

My eyes focus on Dad, and his stare is distant like he’s receded into himself. He can’t even talk, and I’m not surprised. It’s hard to listen to the shit my brother says. I want to space him just for this conversation.

Tomu’s laugh is bitter. “Go away and don’t come back. You disgust me.”

“Tomu, I can get you help. You can change. This is not the way we raised you.”

“Get me help? Like a therapist or some brain-bending shit? Please. I am the person I want to be, finally. If you won’t help me right now,” — he shakes his bound hands at Dad — “then you need to go and pretend we were never related.”

Dad stands up.

“But, so help me God, if I ever make it out of here and find you, you will regret it.” Tomu’s words cool my blood, and I pull up my covers even farther.

I should kill him. This miserable human being is like an injured animal, unable to be treated. I should put him down like the rabid dog he is.

In the video, I watch Dad rise to his feet, close the door, and stand there for a moment. Tomu lies down in bed, and Dad walks away from the door.

I hold my breath as I watch him approach my cabin.

“Vivian?” He waits for me to answer, but I was already asleep with Jinzo next to me. And I don’t hear much outside of my room either. “Vivian, I’m sorry. Please.” He pauses again and places his hand on the door. “You were right,” he says, just above a whisper.

Oof, my heart.

He steps away from my door with a resigned sigh, and passing Gus and Ken in the galley without saying a word, he lets himself out of the ship. The video ends.

I clutch my covers in my hands and tense my whole body before letting go.

He’s sorry, and I was right. Is it awful that I don’t want to be right?

I’m hungover enough that the emotional walls are down, and tears fill my eyes before I can stop them. At least I’m able to cry in peace with no one here to witness it. My cheeks slick with tears, and my nose runs, but I let it all happen before I reach for a tissue. I need to get it all out. Gus is right. I’ve been holding everything in for weeks, and it’s slowly been eating away at me. If I don’t stop it now, there’ll be nothing left to run the farm if we ever buy it back.

I don’t know if I’m strong enough to stop it. If one more bad thing happens to me, I may never recover.

I blow my nose and calm my tears before clearing my throat. “Ai? Can you find out where my dad went once he left the Amagi?”

“Jinzo asked for the same data. Your father left the Amagi, took a three A.M. shuttle, and is on his way back to Ossun. He should be arriving at Sakata City Spaceport in about two more hours.”

“Do you know if he called my mom at all?”

“I’m sorry, Captain. I don’t have access to that data.”

“That’s all right. Thank you, Ai.”

I roll over and curl into a ball.

Now that Dad knows about Tomu, I’m sure Mom will know, too.

I can’t kill Tomu now. There will be too many people who will point to me and blame me. I could even end up in jail for it. Murder is still a crime, even if the victim deserves it.

It’s settled then. Marcelo said I have to add Mat to my network and get rid of Tomu.

Time to check items off my list.