Revealed – Chapter 32

Years later on Yūsei…

A cold breeze zips through the house, a sign of fall coming. The paper screen doors rattle, and Jiro takes the time to walk through the hallways and close any of the outer doors. The sunlight is strong today, but not strong enough to keep the chill out of the air. Lying in a rectangle of light on the floor, Kumo sleeps the afternoon away. Silly dog. He thinks he owns the place.

“Hey, Kumo,” Jiro says, poking the dog in the belly and waking him up. “Have you seen Sanaa around?”

The big fluffy dog lifts his head and stares at Jiro for a moment before setting back down. He humphs but doesn’t answer. Typical.

On a day like today, Jiro can bet Sanaa is outside. When she has free moments, she likes to take them in the great outdoors. The boys are asleep with the nanny, and for once, her meeting schedule is light. Yamato runs so well without her now, it’s almost as if she’s not needed anymore. Well, not needed by them.

He walks slowly through their house, looking in every room along the way. There are days when he really misses his family. He hasn’t spoken to his brother in a year, and his mother prefers to spend her days with him. Fine. He gets it. They blame Sanaa for everything bad that’s happened since his father’s death, but he’ll never feel the same way. They’ve never seen her broken with despair and begging the gods to tell her what to do, how to fix it. She can’t. No one can. What’s done is done.

He approaches the side bedroom, the one connected to theirs, and opens the door slowly. Sometimes, Sanaa sits in here and just stares at the wall, thinking, contemplating, wondering what to do next. The room is empty, though, which is a good sign. When she’s in here, she’s deep in her thoughts, depression hanging over her. He opens the door to the outside deck and glances right. Sanaa’s sitting in a clump of kimono and blankets, facing the pond in the garden.

“Hey,” she says, turning to see him. She smiles, and Jiro breathes a sigh of relief. “Were you looking for me?”

“Yeah.” He comes to her side, grabbing a pillow and setting it next to her. “I can’t believe we have an afternoon free.” He sits down beside her and presses his back against the wall.

“It’s been ages since I had more than two minutes to myself. I almost never get to see the garden, and look.” She sweeps her hand out over the green expanse turning brown. “I missed the spring and summer flowers completely, and I’m too early for the change to fall colors.” She pouts. “I have a lifetime of bad timing.”

Jiro reaches over, takes her hand in his, and rubs some warmth back into her icy fingers. The day is cool but clear, hardly any clouds in the sky.

He chuckles, gazing at the blue above.

“What?” she asks, leaning over and placing her head on his shoulder.

“I was just thinking about the first time you went outside.”

She laughs lightly. “I was such a disaster. I don’t know why you ever wanted to date me.”

“I think I fell more in love with you that day, not less.” He strokes her hand and squeezes her fingers. “What have you been thinking about out here?”

He’s curious about what goes on in her mind. With all of the training he received from Sakai, Jiro has always been able to keep his mind blank and not stress over things he can’t control. Sanaa is the opposite.

She takes a deep breath and sighs. “I was just imagining what our life would have been like if we had landed somewhere else. There are days when I’d give anything to go back and start over.”

She glances at the room where their boys reside. Koichi is fourteen and headstrong. Mark is twelve and a quiet contemplator of life. No surprises there. Sanaa’s biggest worries are always about them. Ever since she and Jiro made the pact with Koga Clan, she lives in fear Koichi will be taken from them. There’s never enough security, never enough protection, to make her feel secure. She’s sure they’ll appear in a puff of smoke, grab their first-born son, and disappear without a trace.

“Did you hear the news from Oda?” Jiro asks, and Sanaa nods. “They’re ready to start the 15-year plan for a trip to Hikoboshi.”

Hikoboshi, the sister planet to Orihime where they are now, is suspected to be also populated by Japanese. At least, that’s the popular theory. Oda Clan is determined to go there and find out for themselves.

“I read the report earlier today. I’m excited for them. I hope they find what they’re looking for there.”

Jiro hesitates for a moment, uncertain if he should even ask. “Do you want to go?”

Sanaa starts and pulls her head away from his shoulder. “What makes you think I’d want to do a thing like that?”

“Well, you’ve been unhappy here —”

“I have not.”

He smirks at her. “Please, love. I can read you like a book.”

“Would I be any more happy on a ship, away from you, away from my sons, away from the small life I’ve been able to build here? I don’t think so.”

He presses his lips together.

“Do you think you don’t matter to me?” Her eyes widen. “That our sons don’t matter to me? Jiro, you are my life. They are my life.”

“Shhhh,” he whispers, squeezing her hand again. “I don’t want you to get upset. I don’t know what to think. I haven’t seen you happy in so long.”

Her shoulders deflate and she sighs. “Trust me. I’ve been happier lately than I have been in years, especially since they kicked me out of the government. I much prefer my volunteer work, and it’s not like the country has descended into chaos now that I’m no longer at the helm.” She leans her head back on his shoulder. “If anything, I thought you would want to go to Hikoboshi and get away from all of this. Every day I thank the gods that you haven’t left me.”

He nods and turns his head to kiss her forehead. “We’re in this mess together. With or without our family by our side, the traitorous beasts they are.”

“Shhhh, don’t talk about them like that. Someday they’ll see the errors they’ve made, and we’ll need to welcome them back.”

Jiro’s heart breaks because he knows it’ll be decades before that happens. But Sanaa is hopeful Miko and Yoichi, Helena and Usagi, and his mother will turn around. She never gives up hope.

They sit quietly, staring out at the pond together. Fins of koi fish peek above the water periodically, flashes of white or orange coming to the surface of the clear pond. Jiro thinks back on their time in Nishikyō before they left and their worlds fell apart. He remembers Kentaro’s family tea house and the pond in the rear gardens. He closes his eyes and conjures up Sakai building, the ramen shop across the street, and all the time he spent at Izakaya Tanaka waiting for Sanaa to show up.

“Remember our first kiss?” he whispers. “Behind Izakaya Tanaka, the night we spied on Matsuda and Minamoto?”

She giggles, a happy sound he doesn’t hear often anymore. “Of course. How could I ever forget that?”

He opens his eyes and looks at her. She’s still the same woman he fell in love with all those years ago, a whole world ago. She still has the same bright eyes, smile, and blush, the parts of her he’s cherished.

“You asked me if you thought we’d regret this.”

“Did I? I don’t remember. I think I was more drunk than you were.”

He puts his arm around her and squeezes. “You kissed me and asked, ‘Are we going to regret this?’ and I remember saying I was never going to regret this. And I don’t. I want you to know I’ve never regretted being with you. Not once. Even after everything we’ve been through. You changed my life for the better, you know?”

She shakes her head.

“It’s true. I was a sad and angry person, angry at life, and sad with my constant bad decision making. You came along and made life worth living. Just remember when you’re stuck on something, some decision you’ve made and regret, that I still think it’s all been worth it.”

The struggle, the pain, the uncertainty — it’s been worth it because he loves her and she loves him back.

“Thank you,” she says, settling into his side. “It has all been worth it.”

Hearing her confirmation warms Jiro’s aching heart. They’ve always been strong together, and they’ll be stronger together for the rest of time.