Revealed – Chapter 23

Goodbyes are said at the okiya and Jiro’s mother makes up for her earlier behavior by hugging Sanaa and asking her over for tea. Miko and Yoichi walk off together, and Jiro watches them go sadly. It should be his turn to take his girl home.

His girl? No. He needs to step back from that mindset. This is not a young woman who wants to be dominated by her boyfriend. She’s strong and decisive, like him. If they have a relationship, it’ll be on equal ground.

On the train on the way to Ku 9, Sanaa sits beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. They’re silent, Jiro thinking hard about the possibility of their relationship while holding her hand and tracing the bones in her delicate fingers up and down.

Now that he has her is this what he really wants? He’s never dated someone so foreign yet so entwined with his life before. He never even considered he would fall in love with someone who’s good at sword fighting — excellent even. Someone who could be an equal in his world. He’s always been the stronger one in the relationship, and he suspects Sanaa may be even stronger than him. Would they fight all the time? What would dating her be like?

At her station in Ku 9, Sanaa leads him off the train and down the adjacent street to her home. The evening is quiet and peaceful here, not at all lively like back in Ku 6. They sidestep an obviously sleep-deprived father, his hair sticking straight up and a shadow of a beard gracing his jawline, pushing a sleeping baby in a stroller with one hand and reading his tablet with the other.

“How long have you lived here?” Jiro asks, looking around at the buildings. They pass a coffee shop and a stationery store, both well-cared for, but dark and closed.

“Since I was fourteen, when I became a full-time engineering apprentice. Aunt Kimie was eager to leave Ku 5.”

“Before that you lived here in Ku 9, right?”

“Yes, we did. I lived here with my parents, though I was too young to remember it. They died before I was two. Aunt Kimie and Lomo moved us to Ku 5 directly after. They tried to go back to Ku 6 and visit my grandfather until he died when I was five, but he turned them away. He didn’t approve of Aunt Kimie being gay. He was always talking about her having children, and she didn’t want kids. I think I was enough of a handful she hadn’t planned on, though I’ve hardly ever deviated from the path. Well, until now.”

He squeezes her hand a little tighter, as his stomach constricts. Whoa. Sanaa feels guilty for being the kid her aunts never wanted? Is there anything that’s not a burden to her? Her aunts are her only family. If he ever felt like his parents didn’t want him, he’d be severely depressed.

“Not your fault, though,” Jiro says. “It’s not your fault that your parents died. And it’s not your fault now that Sakai has you doing this job you don’t like.”

“I thought about quitting. I wanted to walk out in the beginning and never see Mark again, but I’m glad I stayed. He knows things about my family no one has ever told me. Things I know by instinct are true. Mark’s right about me. I should never have been removed from Ku 6. I’m a complete outsider.” Jiro’s remarks from last night at the izakaya come flying back at him. He was such an ass. “I don’t think it’s what my parents would have wanted for me.”

“I’m so sorry about last night. I didn’t mean for you to think there was something wrong with you for not being like the girls from Ku 6.” He runs his other hand through his hair, huffing out a breath and turning to her. “I like you just the way you are.”

“But…”

“Stop. Whatever it is you have to say about yourself, it doesn’t matter.”

“But it does matter.” She stomps her foot and throws up her free hand. “It’s ridiculous! And I’m mad at myself for never questioning it until now. How did I get to be twenty years old and never celebrated Girls’ Day or walked the streets during a festival or gone to the numerous plays and concerts you’ve mentioned? I should have participated in Coming of Age Day in January like every other girl in Ku 6, but we didn’t even mention it.”

She’s slipping, slipping away from him fast, spiraling down a hole of self-hatred. How did this happen to her? She thinks she’s a burden to her aunts who didn’t want kids, not Japanese enough, stolen from her job she loved, disowned from half her family, and now feels even more an outcast because of what Jiro said to her.

She tries to release her hand from his, but he panics and holds on even tighter.

“Hey, don’t you pull away from me. Come on.” Jiro wants to make this better for her somehow. It’s not her fault. He pulls her close to him, close enough to feel the heat from her anger against his chest. “These circumstances of your life are out of your control. We all like to think that we have control over our own lives, but we don’t, especially not when we’re young and adults are making decisions for us.”

“Your parents didn’t keep you away from your culture.”

“But they are also deeply engaged in their culture, they don’t see the bigger picture. You need to see both sides.”

“Do you see both sides? Do you spend time outside your ward, outside of the little Japan Ku 6 is?”

There are times when he wishes he could stay away from Ku 6 altogether. Ku 9 seems nice, uncomplicated. It’s like an entirely different city, one without family obligations, without angry ex-best friends, without crazy ex-girlfriends, without psychotic killers bent on punishing him and his family for things that happened ages ago.

Sanaa closes her eyes and shakes her head, taking their hands and bringing them to her chest. “I’m sorry, Jiro. I’m just angry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I do leave my world. I do it out of necessity because what I see and do in Ku 6 is more than I can bear sometimes.”

He hasn’t thought about Matsuda in a while, and he tries not to as much as possible, but his name is mentioned several times per week. There’s no escaping that murderous asshole. Chills creep up Jiro’s spine and he looks off down the street, hoping he and Sanaa are alone, paranoia seeping into every cell in his body.

Sanaa pulls on his hands for a moment then lets go, reaching up and wrapping her warm arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder.

“When was the last time someone hugged you?” she asks, her voice softly tickling his ear.

“It’s been a long time.” He sighs and hugs her even tighter against him, resting his nose on her hair and breathing in deep. She already has her own scent in his head. When she exercises, he can detect the smell of oranges, probably from a cream or soap she uses. The scent reminds him of the gift boxes his family picks up at the beginning of each new year.

“I had a great time tonight. Thanks for sitting with me and making me feel welcome with your family.” It’s the only thing he wanted to make sure of this evening, that she was comfortable and welcome amongst his family.

In spite of his doubts on the train ride here, he’s sure Sanaa would be good for him. He needs her strength as much as she needs him.

She steps away from him, removing her warmth from his body, and walks him one more block.

“This is where you live?” She lives pretty close to the station and he was hoping for a longer time together.

“Number eighteen, yes.”

He tugs on her hand and she turns her face up towards him, a flirtatious smile raising one side of her lips. On New Year’s Eve, they flirted with each other, and now, even after all of the hard conversations, they still have the desire to tease and flirt. With her face so open, he wants nothing more than to drop his lips to hers and kiss her.

His instincts, though, caution this is not the right moment, there’s still more chasing to do, that a kiss will be even better, even more exciting, if he draws it out.

Jiro lets go of her hand and pulls her to him. Leaning in, he brushes his lips against her lower jaw and whispers, “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Sanaa.”

He aims for his favorite spot, that perfectly smooth space under her ear and plants his kiss, slowly, letting his intentions root and blossom up with warmth against the back of her head. She tries to stop a sigh but he can detect it before it disappears. Pulling away, he touches her long hair, tucking it up over her shoulder.

“Night, Jiro.” Her cheeks are blushed but she’s pushes back her shoulders and smiles lightly at him. Oh, he’d love to laugh at how she’s already caught him in her trap. He chases her, but really, she has him wrapped around her finger.

He turns and heads to the train, but when he looks back, she’s watching him go with a satisfied smile on her face. Till tomorrow then.