Revealed – Chapter 20

Jiro arrives at Izakaya Tanaka fifteen minutes before he’s scheduled to meet Sanaa, and his heart is beating so fast he thinks he may die before he sees her. This’ll be the first time they’ve ever socialized outside of the dōjō unsupervised. Sakai was hovering the entire time they were at Ku 10 so that doesn’t count. Tonight, it’s an actual date, one he purposely asked her out on, not one he finagled through Miko.

“Jiro, I’m glad you’re here before Sanaa,” Miko says, swooping down on him and smiling while squeezing his arm. “So, I hear you’re training her.” She smiles even wider, tilting her head to the side and waiting for some sort of response.

How did she find out? What should he say? There are a lot of secrets swimming around, so the safest answer is to nod while swinging his bag over the back of a bar chair. He places his coat on the other one, saving it for Sanaa.

“I’m pleased you two somehow met up someplace other than here. Goodness knows she was too busy to pop in here on her own.” She frowns, her arms crossing over her chest.

“Don’t be too hard on her. She’s been swamped with work.”

“It’s okay, really,” Miko says with a small smile. “I just missed her, that’s all. And I won’t interfere too much on your date.”

He wants to tell her that it’s okay, she can interfere, because she seems to miss Sanaa an awful lot. But this is the night he’s been waiting for for weeks.

“Thanks,” he says instead, and her curt nod immediately blankets Jiro in guilt for taking Sanaa away. Yoichi comes by and the two brothers clasp hands and discuss business while Sono serves Jiro saké. Then Yoichi retreats to a booth while Jiro sits and waits.

At exactly seven o’clock, Sanaa ducks through the noren curtains, and the whole place breaks out into cheerful welcomes and shouts as she blushes and laughs at all the attention. With her bright, laughing eyes locked on him, she slowly approaches her chair at the bar he saved for her.

“Good evening, Sanaa,” he says softly, his throat constricted with emotion he doesn’t let show on his face. Gods, he’s already gone for her. How did that happen so quickly?

“Good evening, Jiro,” she responds while tucking her hair behind her ears. She’s nervous. He wants to hold her hand and let her know she can relax, but instead swivels out the chair so she can sit. Sono approaches the bar and points to his cheek, and she steps onto the rung of her chair, leans over the bar, and gives him a kiss.

It’s silly, but Jiro is very jealous of Sono right this moment.

“Hi, Sono. How are you?”

“I’m good. Saké tonight?”

“A little. I’ll have whatever Jiro is having.” She sits down next to him, twisting her hair over her left shoulder and Jiro’s eyes follow it flow down her back. He never realized how long and straight it is. Usually he only sees it twisted up or kinked with sweat.

“You’re popular here,” he says, pouring her a drink.

“I’ve been coming here for ten years now.” She smiles at two waitstaff as they walk past. “Miko and I have been friends for a long time, and I used to help her family before I got full-time work. Speaking of Miko…”

“Sanaa, you look lovely,” Miko says as she swoops in and gives Sanaa a hug. She promised not to interfere so Jiro leans back so they can have a moment. “We have soy salmon teriyaki tonight. Interested?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Jiro.” Miko turns to Jiro and squeezes his arm with a wink.

“Miko,” he replies, and she walks off towards the booths where Yoichi sits with a few other people.

“Your brother and Miko are still going strong.”

Miko slips in next to Yoichi and he puts his arm around her. This is not the first long-term girlfriend Yoichi has ever had, but he’s certainly the happiest Jiro has ever seen him.

“Yeah, they are. What did you tell Miko about us?”

“Us what?” Her eyes widen in surprise.

“How we met outside of New Year’s Eve. She said to me earlier, ‘I hear you’re training Sanaa.’ And I wasn’t sure how to respond so I nodded.”

Sanaa taps her fingers on the bar before smiling a little.

“I told her I wanted to learn a different martial art and sword fighting came recommended to me. She, well no one, knows what I do with Mark every day.” She drinks some sake and scans the bar one time before sitting back and relaxing.

“Sakai has asked for you to keep all of it secret. Yes, I know. He has asked me to keep the secret as well.”

“Oh, don’t worry about Miko.” Sanaa smiles and waves her hand. “She accepts I would learn sword fighting all on my own. She wouldn’t expect any other motive than my crazy personality.”

So the crazy streak that keeps her going even when she’s riddled with exhaustion is the way she normally is? Jiro likes that, a lot.

“Really? I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Don’t be so surprised.” She laughs and then raises her eyebrows at him. “I love iaido despite how horrible I am at it.”

“You are crazy,” he says shaking his head. “You’re one of my best students ever. I’ve never seen anyone pick up the forms so quickly. Especially someone who wasn’t brought up to sword fighting.”

“Thank you. I had no idea.” Her eyes focus softly on him, soaking up some of the pride he’s lavished on her. His stomach sinks. Shit. It’s possible he’s been harder on her than he realized. In the beginning, he just tried to get through every day without bringing the wrath of Sakai down upon them both. Then as things lightened up, he was so used to pushing her he forgot to encourage too.

No wonder she’s been so closed up. He’s been a complete ass.

Plates of food arrive for them while Jiro fills their cups to cover his guilt, but Sanaa’s already moved on and is smiling at the meal in front of them. This is another thing about her he loves, she doesn’t dwell. She just moves on. Jiro’s not as good at this.

“Eat.” Sanaa points her chopsticks at his dish. “You’ll love it.”

They eat in silence but Jiro can feel Sanaa’s eyes on him, so he smiles at her. It’s easy between them, a lot easier than he thought it would be. This is like falling in love with an old friend, someone he already knows.

“Jiro, what do you do for your family?” she asks in between bites and sips of sake.

His chopsticks freeze in mid-air halfway to his mouth before he lowers them to the plate. Right. She barely knows anything about what he really does or how he lives. This question is a knife to the gut because, after all their conversations, he’s never been fully honest with her. He wants to be open, but she didn’t grow up in his world. Will she even understand?

“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t ask about such things.” She pulls away from him, her voice faint, and he immediately regrets pausing and not answering right away.

“No. You’re bound to find out sooner or later. I don’t have a proper job, but my role in the family has always been the successor. I accompany Sakai or my father to all of their meetings and usually with my sword. I’m the most trained in my family. I bested Yoichi and my father at the age of twelve,” he says with a grin.

Sanaa looks over at Yoichi, cocking her head to the side and sizing him up.

“I was meant for sword fighting,” he continues. “I’m a whole person when I’m carrying one. I am always there for important meetings, and I know more than I should, but that’s mostly intentional. At this point, I’m next in line after Sakai.”

He drains his cup and she fills it up for him, making him smile. All those weeks he sat here and there was no one to fill his cup but him.

“The family business is harsh. We work with all three clans. Minamoto fights with Taira over property sales. Maeda fights with Minamoto over use of okiyas and theaters. Minamoto and Taira fight with Maeda over the gaming. They are all clamoring at Sakai for equal representation with Ms. Coen…”

“That’s what Mark does every day when he leaves me in Ku 1.”

“Yes, he meets with her at least once per day. Nishikyō may be filled with all creeds, races, religions, but Japanese rule here. Never forget that.”

“Are you angry?”

“Yes and no. It’s the way things are. Coen is a puppet. She rules because the clans let her. The only thing she ever did to defy them was to put Yamada in charge of colonization, and you see where that got her. Did you know he died today?”

“No. I didn’t have time to check the news today. That poor man. I always liked him. But wait, are you saying Yamada was murdered?”

They silently stare at each other, and Jiro makes the decision to lay down his cards. He wants to bring her in, involve her in everything, take the reins from Sakai and make her his partner. Whatever she’s doing for Sakai can be done with him instead. Jiro and Sanaa together would make a formidable team.

“I know Yamada was murdered. Most likely by Minamoto, by Tadao Matsuda. Do you know him?”

She nods her head slowly. If she’s followed everyone in the top clans, she knows who he is.

“He has extensive martial arts training. I suspect he thinks of himself as a modern day ninja, but he’s for hire which makes him dangerous. He’s clever, though. He never acts when someone is watching.”

Sanaa’s breathing has become shallow, her face growing whiter by the moment, and Jiro is concerned as she quickly fans herself with her hand and takes a deep breath.

“Are you all right? You’re as pale as a ghost.”

“Yes, I, uh…” She stammers and lets go of a shaky, long breath. “I’ve had a rough day,” she says with a sigh.

“You said that earlier, too. What happened? Will you tell me?”

She shakes her head, a small tear forming at the edge of her eye. She’s frightened but pushing down her fear as much as possible.

What the hell is he doing, scaring her and talking about murderers? This is a date. He needs to save this fast.

“You know, when your face goes all pale like that your freckles stand out.” A compliment is always a good place to start, and Jiro is rewarded with a deep blush. “I like them. They’re very cute.”

He likes her freckles, her eyes, her smile, her hair… He could go on and on.

“I got them from my mother.” Her hand touches her nose and then lowers.

“Really? I would think you got them from your father. He was English, right? I don’t see many Japanese girls around Ku 6 with freckles.”

Jiro would be in a lot of trouble if he did. Freckles are so attractive. He wonders if she has others, in places no one but her sees.

“No,” she says, her voice tired and small. “And I’m not like the other girls in Ku 6.”

“No, you’re not.” Jiro smiles and shakes his head. Sanaa is unique and important to him, and he’s about to tell her as much when he feels the major shift in mood — Sanaa’s shoulders forming right angles and her face slumped in disappointment.

“Jiro, I am never going to be as Japanese as you want me to be.”

No, wait! That’s not what he meant! Sanaa’s face is closed up, the vein at her temple throbbing away so fast, he’s afraid she’ll lash out if he tries to correct this.

“I wasn’t raised in Ku 6. I didn’t go to the festivals as a kid. I never celebrated Hinamatsuri or Bunka no hi. Never went to the concerts or gone to any of the plays. It’s… it’s not the way I want to be, but it’s the way I am.”

She presses her lips into a firm line, and getting up from her chair, she grabs her bag. Panic hugs Jiro’s chest tight. What should he do?

“Wait.” He attempts to stop her by lightly taking her arm. “Wait, don’t go. That’s not what I meant…”

“I’m going home.” She pulls her arm away, and straightening to her full height, she says, “I’ll see you tomorrow, sensei.”

Ouch. He winces as if she’s slapped him. He’s completely blown it, and she’s returned them to the teacher-student relationship of weeks past in one short sentence.

Jiro can’t get out of his chair fast enough before she ducks through the noren curtains and is on the sidewalk.

“Sanaa! Please wait.” But she doesn’t stop. Doesn’t even look back. Her long hair picks up a hurried bounce as she practically runs from him, straight for the transitway.

“Well, Jiro.” Miko’s voice breaks Jiro’s dumbfounded state. His eyes are locked on the spot where she disappeared. “What the hell did you say to her?”

He sighs, raking his hands through his hair, and pushing past Miko, he ducks under the noren curtains and back inside. He obviously said the wrong thing. Wrong wrong wrong.

The date was going so well. He made her smile and blush. She talked to him honestly like she always had, but he was too silent again, not willing to let her break him down. He had been waiting for this night for weeks now — a chance to talk to her outside of the dōjō, outside of business — and he messed it up.

Then he compared her to other girls when, really, there is no comparison. But there was something sad about that last exchange, the way she defended herself for being an outsider. She was angry and upset that he was judging her Japanese-ness or lack thereof. “It’s not the way I want to be, but it’s the way I am.”

He stalks straight to his chair at the bar, Sono watching him warily while drying off glasses with a towel.

“I don’t know what I said.” Lies. He knows exactly what he said. First, he broke the number one rule: pretend like there are no other women in the world but her. Then he made her feel inadequate. His stomach churns and makes his brow sweat.

“Jiro, please.” Miko’s hand grabs his forearm, stopping him from packing up to go — just go home and forget about what a mess he made of things. “Look.”

She sighs and he halts. Miko’s not angry, she’s sad.

“Please don’t break her heart. Sanaa… Sanaa likes you a whole lot. She told me she has a huge crush on you. And though she’ll never admit it, never even come close to acknowledging it, her heart’s already in pieces. If you’re not serious about her, you should give it up.”

Jiro freezes for a moment. He should confess to Miko that it’s his own fault for Sanaa running off, but now he has to know what happened.

“What do you mean? She’s never mentioned anyone else.”

Miko’s mouth twists to the side, thinking hard about what she’ll say. She perches on the edge of the bar stool next to him, quickly looking over and checking in on Yoichi. He’s not paying attention, though. He’s talking to one of the girls from the restaurant two doors down.

“You know that Sanaa doesn’t have any family, right? Apart from her aunts?”

Jiro nods. “She’s said as much, but everyone has some family…”

“No, no, no. You’re trying to compare her to your own family. I don’t think you realize just how small Sanaa’s is. No cousins, no distant relatives, no parents. Her father’s side of the family disowned her a few years ago. So her aunts and friends mean the world to her.” Miko’s smile is small and sincere. She loves Sanaa just as much as Sanaa loves her. “She’s been confiding in you. Just the fact that she told you anything is a sign she must trust you.”

All of their conversations of the past few weeks speed through Jiro’s head. They’ve talked about her aunts, her work, her friends. She’s told him of her insomnia and how frightened she was the first time she picked up the sword. Jiro’s heart starts to ache.

“Why would her own family disown her? That makes no sense to me.”

Miko shakes her head. “I’ve only met her other aunt two times and never even laid eyes on her grandparents. It has something to do with her parents’ deaths.”

Jiro can’t even imagine his family not being around, not supporting him or his brother. To leave a little girl with two aunts as her only family? That sounds like cruelty.

“What’s this about a broken heart?” Jiro asks slowly. He’s almost afraid to find out.

“There was a guy…” Miko starts warily, her eyes gauging whether Jiro is going to lose it or not. “About two years ago at work. Joshua was smart and funny and super popular amongst everyone, and they dated in secret. Basically he only ever slept with her or found her attractive if he was drunk. He wasn’t very nice, but I think she was blinded because he was the first guy to ever show her any attention. I’ve never seen her so lovesick.”

Lovesick. That’s how he feels now. He’s been sick of love before but this is different.

“It was so confusing.” Miko lets out a long breath and shakes her head. “He led her on, pretty hard. One moment he was making fun of her, the next they were off to a love hotel. And when she finally confessed she wanted to date out in the open, he told her he was seeing another girl in their department.”

“He made fun of her?” Jiro can barely get the words out of his locked jaw. His blood is boiling, and he closes his eyes, quelling his murderous feelings. Everything is starting to make sense, her kind smiles and flirtatious advances that always stopped short. She’s been burned before.

“I almost killed him. Sanaa still won’t admit that she had fallen hard for him, but I could tell because she changed after that. Completely closed off. All business. She’s been sleeping with another guy from her department for the past year but she kept him at arm’s length. No dates. Just visits to the love hotel when she felt like it. I have to give her credit for handling that one well. He never got attached or needy.”

Miko shrugs but then swallows hard as she glances at Jiro’s rigid shoulders and clenched jaw.

“She’s the most loyal person on the planet. Whoever she ends up with, she’ll be with till the day she dies. When she gives, she gives everything. If she gets let down or abandoned, she’s done with them for life.”

Jiro breathes out a steady breath and looks at the remains of their dinners on the bar. Sanaa lives in black and white, and Jiro lives in shades of gray between. Can they even be good for each other?

“You like her?”

Miko stops, looking for affirmation. He should say no. He’s done nothing but break girls’ hearts. How can he be sure he won’t do it again? Maybe this is a bad idea, but his life has never felt as right as it does when he’s just with her. Sketching her today when she slept so peacefully on the mats was the boldest thing he’s ever done, bolder even than taking out his sword and challenging Matsuda. He let himself open up and it wasn’t scary. It was fulfilling.

A smile breaks through Miko’s serious face. “I can tell you do.” She pats him on the arm definitively. “This is what you do. You chase her.”

Jiro laughs, slamming the last of the saké in his cup. “That’s how I scare girls away, Miko, not win them over.”

“She’s a brave and dedicated girl. Certainly very capable of just about anything as I’m finding out.” She looks slyly at him and he smirks. Sanaa kept the sword fighting a secret. “She doesn’t do meek, so don’t be wishy-washy. Go in strong and don’t give her a moment to think with her head. Be careful, though. If she doubts how you feel, she’ll close up so fast, it’ll leave your head spinning. You’re an intense guy, Jiro. You’re quiet with me but I saw you talking with her earlier. She makes you happy.”

“She does.” It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. That small girl with expressive eyes and freckles on her nose makes him happy. Not annoyed and frustrated like Melanie. Not crazy and out-of-sorts like Eriko. Happy, peaceful, and yeah, he would love to bury his face in her long hair or touch her in places that he doesn’t when he’s adjusting her in the dōjō.

“Good.” Miko stands up and claps her hands with that twinkly smile that disarms even him. “Now, message her. And don’t screw it up.”