Reunited – Chapter 45

Arata, Jiro, and I chat for a little longer before the porch becomes too cold to sit on anymore. The sun has dipped below the mountains, and though the sky is still light, twilight approaches. From inside the house, Usagi knocks on the sliding glass door before opening it.

“Tablets are working again.” He holds his out, and Jiro jumps up.

“Were they not working before? I haven’t had my tablet in a week now.”

“Yeah,” Jiro says, retrieving his from his bag. “We weren’t getting any signal here in the mountains which was why you didn’t hear from me the night you were abducted. We were here, negotiating with Arata, and couldn’t communicate. But Lucy had the satellites moved so the signal would be stronger throughout the continent.”

“Mine just pinged out of nowhere,” Usagi says. “Everyone is on their way from the shuttle. They’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

Arata, Terumi, and I bring everything in from the porch. I try to assist Arata and Terumi in the kitchen, but the smell of food overpowers me, as if someone has taken every odor entering my nose and turned up the dial two hundred percent. Terumi grabs my arm as I sway and guides me out to the couch.

“This is also typical of early pregnancy,” she assures me. “Just sit here, and if you need fresh air, take the blanket, and go back outside.”

Wasn’t Miko just complaining about this? How she couldn’t stand the smell of food cooking? I think if I hadn’t smoked the cake, I’d be puking in the bathroom by now. I wonder if I can return to Yamato to visit a doctor before traveling. Once Sakai is here, though, we’ll make plans to leave as soon as possible. There may not be time. The best thing to do is to work our way from town to town, meeting the people and their leaders. I need to lobby and gain support to overthrow Fujiwara. We need to work fast. Fujiwara must already be looking for me… and Taira. Miura must be pissed.

I’d like to convince Koga and his black ninjas to travel with us too. I don’t care how much it costs. I learned to fight with the sword and the staff, and Jiro taught me how to climb and stealth walk. I want to learn more. If I can prove myself to Koga, perhaps he’ll teach me. And I’ll persuade Kazuo to teach me as well.

The nausea fades in light of my excitement. It’s been years since I learned anything new.

“This is what comes of girls carrying swords!” Hiro’s words echo in my head, and my excitement dies a swift death. Closing my eyes, I see him struggling against the man who had him bound and Kohaku trailing behind, her eyes on me, except in my memory, her eyes are already vacant and clouded, reflecting the blue sky.

Nausea comes over me in a wave again, a groan bubbling up from my stomach. I lean forward and put my head between my knees. My hands are ice cold. I bring them up and fold them on the back of my neck but that makes the sickness even worse. Her eyes. I only see her eyes.

Throwing off the blanket, I stumble down the hall to the bathroom, past Usagi who was watching me, throw open the door, and lose everything in my stomach straight into the toilet. The retching is so violent, I start to cry, sobbing and moaning so low and pathetic it makes my tears flow even faster.

“Oh, love, I’m sorry you’re so sick.” Jiro’s fingers stroke the back of my neck, gathering up my hair and twisting it a few times. I should have left it in the ponytail. With one hand on my hair, he reaches up to a shelf with his other, grabs a washcloth, wets it, and hands it to me.

I sit on the floor, my back to the wall next to the toilet. “She’s dead, and it’s my fault. I killed Tadao. I killed that other man. I as good as killed Minamoto, and I would have killed Osamu. They all deserved to die but Kohaku? She didn’t. Why didn’t I just make a choice that day? I should have chosen Fujiwara right away instead of waiting.” I press the washcloth to my face and cry straight into it, my hot tears mixing with the cold water. “How many more people are going to die because of the stupid decisions I make?”

“You’re not perfect, though you try hard to be. I’ve seen you sit and agonize over every decision, every word you say, and that’s no way to live your life.” He sits seiza across from me and puts his hand on my knee. “I have bad news for you. This is not the end of people dying because of decisions you make, if we do what you want to do.”

He’s right. If I inspire everyone here to rise up against Fujiwara, a lot of people will die.

“What do you want, Jiro?”

“Honestly?” he asks, and I nod. Then he leans in close so our eyes are only a few centimeters apart and his breath brushes my face. “I want revenge.” His hand on my knee squeezes hard, his fingers digging into my skin. “I’m going to show those bastards that no one takes you away from me. No one screws with my family. They made the biggest mistake of their lives when they kidnapped you.”

My heart beats rapidly and everything blurs as my pupils dilate.

“No one steals from me except you.”

I stole his heart, his devotion, his attention, and now he continues to give those willingly. I remember the first few weeks in the dōjō when I tried to break the silence between us with question after question. It took him a long time to drop his defenses. Ultimately, I won, and he came around. The same thing has happened over and over with everyone, Kentaro, Kazuo, Arata. All the ones who resist end up dead.

“I’m going to make them suffer, and I’ll be happy to do it.” This is the side of Jiro I’ve never been afraid of because deep down inside I want this too, more than anything. I believe him. He will not rest until he has revenge.

He removes the cold washcloth from my hands and takes both my icy hands in his warm ones.

“Now, stop blaming yourself for Kohaku’s death. You didn’t kill her. Sachi did. You could have chosen Fujiwara and Miura still may have killed her.”

“I can’t stop seeing her dead.”

“You will, eventually.”

I look up and Miko’s standing in the doorway. “Pregnant women are not allowed to hog the bathroom from other pregnant women, Sanaa. It’s a rule.”

Jiro helps me off the floor, and I hug her tight. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“I can’t believe I slept through your abduction. I’ve been worried about you for days.” She bursts into tears and so do I. “And now I hear you’re pregnant too? You and me at the same time? How is that possible?”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“Well, I never turned my implant back on.”

“I didn’t think it would fail,” I confess.

“Jiro, get out of the bathroom before I puke on you.” Miko’s upper lip breaks into a sweat, and we move out of the way hastily before she slams the door on us. Helena appears from the end of the hallway, and I close the distance between us to hug her too. Jiro squeezes my shoulder and leaves to join Usagi for a drink in the living room.

“She threw up in the shuttle three times on the way here.” Helena shakes her head with a smile. “Yoichi was smart and brought a bucket.”

“How are you feeling?” I hold her free hand, and it’s stronger than the last time I did.

“Great, actually! Akio’s been taking me on long walks, and I’ve been seeing all my doctors. No pregnancy for me, but that’s to be expected after everything my body went through.”

Movement at the end of the hall catches my eye, and Helena and I turn to find Kazuo watching us. She pulls her fingers from mine quickly.

“Sanaa,” he says quietly, bowing his head and moving on with Kentaro right behind him. Kentaro shrugs his shoulders and mouths, “I’m sorry,” at Helena before following Kazuo off.

Helena stares into space with her fingers on her lips for a moment before turning to me.

“Sanaa, how can you let him be here? Amongst your family?” Helena’s eyes immediately well with tears “After what he did to me? I would expect you to take out your sword and kill him.”

“Helena…” I’m taken aback. She’s usually so peaceful and forgiving, but this is probably the one line I shouldn’t have crossed. “I can’t. I honestly think he’s remorseful over what happened.”

Gods, I hope so because the way Helena is looking at me, if he’s not, I’m going to have to kill him.

“I don’t care. Look at me. I’ll never be the same again, and it’s his fault.” She shakes her head, and her short, blond curls bounce back and forth.

“I’m sorry. You have to understand that it’s business — that I don’t think I could ever be friends with him. I’ll keep him away from you.”

“It’s not good enough,” she insists.

My heart breaks. “I’m sorry, really. I knew you’d be upset, and yet I have to do this. He’s the main reason I’m even standing here talking to you instead of being held captive by Fujiwara. He won’t be around all the time. I promise. I think we’re leaving soon to travel the continent, and he’ll be with me.”

“Aren’t you worried he’ll hurt you?”

“No. He had the chance. I believe he’s changed. Can you just ignore him for now?” I realize that’s an unkind request as soon as I say it.

“I can’t,” she replies as Miko exits the bathroom. “My turn.” She slowly enters the bathroom and closes the door on us.

“Hey Miko, stick by Helena tonight. Okay?”

Miko nods in response. “Go say hello to your aunts. They’ve been so worried about you. Oh, we brought your crazy dog. He’s tied up out back, and I packed a bag of your things. They’re in the front hallway.”

I head straight for the back door to join Arata, Jiro, and my aunts, and my big fluffy dog sitting at Jiro’s feet.