Reunited – Chapter 24

“Jiro, I’m going to our room to check on Momo before lunch.”

I’m beat. Between the walk up the mountain and back down, and the fear pumping through my veins, I lost any energy I had left for the dōjō. I don’t think I’ll be sparring this afternoon. I need to keep my wits about me for my trip to visit Maeda tonight.

Back in our room, I check on Momo, and she’s still quite pregnant. She deigns to glance up at me when I open the closet door and crouch down next to her.

“Poor Momo. You must be so tired of carrying around those kittens. I wish there was something I could do for you.” I scratch her head, and she leans into it, a purr rumbling up from her throat. “Well, at least I know that you still like me after bringing a dog here. How do you feel about Kumo?” Momo opens her eyes for a split second and goes back to purring. I think she’s okay with him.

Kumo went straight through the house and out to the garden when we returned from our walk. I wonder if he’ll want to sleep with me on the bed tonight. Do I even want to sleep with a dog? I bet he’s warm. I slide open the door and find him passed out in the sun on the white rocks, his tongue out to the side. Such a happy thing.

I leave the door open but lie down on the bed and stare out at the greenery. The boards outside of our room groan, and I don’t even bother to turn in the bed because I know Jiro has come. Only he can walk on those boards and not have them crack and creak so loud they wake the dead.

“I heard you.”

He sighs. “I try every time and those boards still best me.”

“They were made to keep people like you out.”

“True. You okay?”

“No. I’m mad at my stupid life.”

He lies down on the bed next to me, slipping his arm over my back, and joins me in my examination of Kumo’s relaxation technique.

“I completely understand. We’ve both been forced down this path. It’s fortunate, I think, that we fell in love. It’s not like there were other prospects for me.”

“There could have been.”

He bobs his head back and forth. “Maybe. How can we know? There was no one else for you, Sanaa. I had you eating out of the palm of my hand from the first moment you laid eyes on me.”

Giggles erupt from my belly. “You always manage to make me laugh even in the most dire of circumstances. And yes, I won’t deny it. I knew right from the beginning.” A long sigh escapes me after I’ve stopped the giggles that proceeded it. “I feel like I’ve always been in love with you. I barely remember my time with Joshua or Chad.”

“Melanie is like a ghost. Like she never existed.”

We smile sadly at each other, and Jiro slowly leans in, his lips millimeters from mine. My lungs halt, and my face tickles where his breath rushes against my cheeks. He rubs his nose against mine when we’re both startled by a loud bark. Bark! Bark! Our heads snap to the door. Kumo, who was asleep, jumps up, barks again, bites at something on himself, and then plops back down in the sun.

Jiro sighs, the moment ruined. “We have more talking to do, alas not about our love life.” He sits up on his knees, seiza on the bed. I flip over on my back so I can make eye contact. Our life has been interrupted by one emergency after another.

“Let’s hear it.”

“Mark is making wild guesses, but I agree with him. He thinks the best places for enemies of Fujiwara to hide are in the mountains to the northeast of us. Most of the mountains are blocked off, but a few valley areas are protected and would be easily defended if one were trying to get away from an enemy.”

“Sure. That seems right to me.”

“Our plan is to go back to the Watanabes, to Hideki especially. If Arata Sasaki is so well-known, Hideki could introduce us to him or people who know him.”

Closing my eyes, I breathe in and out a few times to settle a rising panic attack.

“It’s as good a guess as any, right?” I ask and he nods. “If you see Arata, be sure to tell him you’re married to Kazuki’s new love.” I smile at his confused expression. “Just do it. He’ll know what you’re talking about.”

Sitting up, I release my hair from the hurried knot I made earlier and rub at my scalp, then I lay my forehead on my knees. When both Sakai and Jiro go, only Usagi and Kentaro will be left to defend us besides the security staff. My stomach twists into a knot thinking about it. I’m not hungry for lunch anymore.

“I’m going to miss you.” Be strong, Sanaa. I can’t even say it to his face. If I lift my head and look at him, I’ll cry.

“All I can think about is you. My gut is telling me it’s a bad decision to leave you here undefended while I traipse around the continent with Mark.” He leans forward, his lips near my ear. “Hey, look at me.” I lift my head and put on my passive face. Blue sky, dunes, deep breath. I can’t believe I’m putting it on for Jiro, but I am so far from being strong, and I can’t let him leave here later tonight with me in pieces.

“It’s an impossible situation, but we need allies on this world, and we may still have a week or two left before Fujiwara shows up. I can’t imagine him mobilizing quickly, and with Minamoto gone and Maeda indifferent, this could be our only shot.”

The inevitable rushes up on me, a crashing ocean wave. The raging water will drown me and pull me out to sea faster than I can swim from its grasp. My last days will be a total blur.

My heart seizes. My last days. I’ve made the switch from being hopeful to being despondent. It was inevitable. I just didn’t expect the change today as I was washing my new dog in the garden and laughing.

Will I live a long life with those I love? Will I see more of this beautiful world and it’s many wonderful animals? Or will it be cut short before I can blink… before I can do any good… before I can fix everything wrong here and in my own life?

Don’t let your voice crack, Sanaa. I pull him into a hug and rest my lips near his ear. “Tonight may be our last night together. Shall we ask everyone to leave and make it count?”

—-

After a nap with Kumo on the bed, we sit outside in the late afternoon sun. Oyama brings us snacks and walks through the garden assessing its growth before heading back inside. He’s only handled one half of the garden so far, but the space is lovely to gaze at, perfect little rows of greens and dividing lines made of string.

When the sun goes down, the estate fills with commotion as everyone gets ready for the opening night party at Izakaya Tanaka. Jiro and I stay secluded in our room. I suggested we show up fashionably late, and thankfully, no one disagreed with us. We sit on our bed, me between his legs and the images from the telescope on my tablet. We look at every single photo together and try to figure out the best places for our enemies or allies to hide. A few photos are about all I can handle, though. This continent is massive, and my foes could be anywhere.

“I have a small parting gift for you,” Jiro says, setting my tablet aside and picking up his instead. He powers it on and keeps it tilted away from me as he navigates the home screen.

I gasp as he faces the tablet towards me, and I sit forward and stare wide-eyed. He’s painted the world in color for the first time. Greens so sharp they jump out at me, and I’m forced to blink. Browns soft and blending into the silver grays of frost on tree trunks. The deep blue sky of twilight. I flip through them, stopping on each one to drink in all the tiny details. I love this one of the view down our hill towards the sea at dusk. Even though the world is dark, he’s captured all the shadows in the deepest grays and pools of yellow light on the stone pavers.

“This place is too beautiful for black and white.”

A painting of flowers that bloomed all along the window boxes in town leaves my lungs paralyzed, and I have to remind myself to breathe. He’s so skilled at still-life.

“This is a big step for you. I love them. They’re just as intricate and gorgeous as your line drawings.” I clutch the tablet to my chest and close my eyes. He never stopped drawing and creating even with everything else going on. I drop my lips to the edge of the tablet as Jiro rests his head on my shoulder. “I wish I had half as much talent as you do. I’m so very proud of you.”

Jiro brings his arms around my chest and tightens them in a strong hug. “I’m the one that’s proud. You’ve grown since we’ve come here and everyone has seen it. There are days I can’t believe you’re my wife. I’m lucky.”

“You don’t regret marrying me?”

“Not for a moment.”

“Good, me neither.”

The floor boards creak, and Beni stops in to tell us everyone else has left ahead of her. She’s the last one on the estate besides the security staff.

“Your peach kimono is in my room on my bed. Jiro will have to help you get dressed.” Beni bows her head and closes the door behind her on the way out.

I hesitate while the sounds of Beni’s footsteps fade down our hallway and think about what I want from this evening. My life has been out of control lately. So many have betrayed me but not the man in bed with me.

“Undress me, Jiro.” I turn to him, and his eyes search my face for the emotion I’m holding back.

“What would you like tonight?” He reaches for the buttons on my shirt and starts to work his way down, leaning into my ear. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to possess me. Dominate me.” Tears spring into my eyes unbidden, causing him to stop in his tracks. Shit. I didn’t want to cry. Jiro’s face softens, and he cocks his head and studies me. “I know, I know. It’s been a long time. Too long.” I swipe the tears from my cheeks and sniff, unladylike. “I don’t want to make decisions. Don’t want to make choices. All of my choices lately have been life or death, and I’m tired of it. Just take me. Make me yours.”

He crawls over the space between us. “It’s been ages since we last played for fun. First thing’s first, no tears.” Jiro wipes the tears from my cheeks and slowly drags the pads of his thumbs over my eyelashes. “I don’t like to see you sad, and you’ve been too sad lately.” He slips my outer shirt from my shoulders. “Arms up.” I lift my arms and he peels my undershirt off of me, taking his time to caress the skin along my sides. “Lie back and hips up.” He grabs my pants and underwear and pulls them off in one motion. Now I’m naked and he’s very far from.

“Mmmm.” His fingers slink up over my legs to my hips to my stomach and beyond. Hovering over me, he kisses me gently, letting his fingers tangle in my hair. I can’t keep my breath from running away from me.

When I open my eyes, he’s right above me. “Your body is so different since we’ve been here. I memorized it before we left Earth, and it’s you but it’s one hundred times you. Multiple versions of you.”

“You’re the same, just older.” I reach up to undo his shirt too, so that I can see his body, but he smiles wickedly and moves away.

“No, Sanaa.” His kisses trail down my body, and he stops below my navel and looks up at me. “I’m going to possess you several times before we go.”

It doesn’t last forever. Private time never does. Tonight, this slight respite has to be enough because we have someplace to be. He pushes into me, melds with me, and I get a modicum of oblivion, a shred, a gram. No thoughts of tomorrow. No wondering what will happen to me. Just Jiro and me.

When we’re done and he’s released my arms, I push him over and lie directly on top of him. I don’t want to get up.

“Do you know how much I love that you’re marked permanently with something that I drew?” He traces circles along my shoulders, outlining his handiwork on my skin. I turn my head so I can see his eyes, so I can kiss his tattooed shoulders, and nuzzle into his hair.

“I’ve been thinking of getting more. Will you draw the oxalis flower for me?”

His eyes widen, and he closes them for a brief moment before gazing at me again. “The Sakai kamon’s flower?”

“Mmmhmm. I love those heart-shaped petals. Starting at my lower back: ine, katabami, nogiku.” Rice plant, wood sorrel oxalis, and wild chrysanthemum. All the plants that mean everything to me. I do love the family crests, but I’m more attached to the objects in the crests than the crests themselves.

Jiro places his hands on my lower back, and slowly, lightly, drags them upward. “Nothing would make me happier than drawing another tattoo for you.”

I close my eyes and rest my face against his jaw. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Me, too,” he says, wrapping his legs and arms around me. “I feel like such a hypocrite right now.”

“Why?”

“Because I promised I’d never leave you again.”

I don’t want him to leave. I want to throw my arms around him and beg him to stay, stay here with me. But he has a job to do, like I do. I swallow the pleas to never leave, never go away, but they rest below my sternum, desperate to burst from my chest.

“You promised you’d never leave me all alone again,” I reply, resorting to logic. “I won’t be alone. I’m sure I’ll miss you a whole lot, but we all have obligations. Just promise me you’ll come back.”

“As soon as I can.”