Reunited – Chapter 11

The thunder and lightning pass, and while Jiro takes care of business matters in town, I pull myself into bed under the covers with Momo in my lap to keep warm. I power up my tablet since I have official correspondence to attend to that Jiro forwarded to me: a request for me to come to a restaurant opening, the hospital wants all child-bearing women to come in and have their implants checked, and the fire brigade wants to hold a ball in two months time which makes me laugh. I have no idea where I’ll be in two months. Jiro flagged the message as high priority. He loves a good party.

Momo stretches out and her belly wiggles all over the place, so I set my tablet down and try to count the moving bumps. After two or three pokes at her belly, though, she lifts her head and meows at me. I swear she’s saying, “Hey lady! Get your hands off me.”

“Okay, I’ll stop. When am I going to see those kitties?”

Reclining back in the bed, I scratch her ears, and my eyes droop. Rain comes down fast on the roof and lulls me straight to sleep.

I’m on a boat, floating on dark, abnormally still water. Even when I jostle the side of the boat, ripples don’t form. The inky water is pitch black and everything beneath the surface is hidden. When I turn and look to the horizon behind me, a huge mountain stretches up into the clouds, but my boat is on a course to an expanse of green along the shore ahead.

I’m standing in the middle of a deserted street. Is this Yamato? People talk and laugh in all the windows that surround me but everything is silent. Their lips move, but I don’t hear anything. I try to walk down the street, but my leg is heavy, nailed to the road. No matter how hard I try, I can’t go anywhere. I start to panic, my heart beating rapidly. I reach up to my head, and my hand comes away with a huge chunk of hair. I drop it on the street and stare at it. Did that just come from my head?

“Sanaa?”

A warm hand shakes my shoulder, and when I open my eyes, Beni and Mariko lean over me.

“Sanaa, are you feeling all right? You’re sweating.”

I push myself up and look around the room. Momo is still asleep on me, and the bed is warm. I didn’t even hear them come in. When I wipe my forehead and upper lip, my hand comes away wet.

“I was having crazy dreams.” And now that I sit up and let all the heat out of the bed, I begin to shiver.

“Are you sure you’re not sick? You’re really flushed.” Beni purses her lips and Mariko stares at me.

“Beni, no, I’m fine. I was sitting here with Momo, listening to the rain, and I, well, couldn’t keep my eyes open. It’s been a long day, and I fall asleep most afternoons.”

“You’ve been working too hard as usual, and everyone is wiped out from this morning. Jiro said we should all take the afternoon off, but I heard you in here talking and wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything.” She crosses to the boxes lined up against the wall. “Mariko, these here need to be unpacked first.”

“I was talking?” Jiro often says that, besides nightmares, talking is the only weird thing I do in my sleep. “What did I say?”

“You said, ‘What is this?’ and that was all I heard. Should I not have woken you?”

“No, it’s fine. I was planning on spending the afternoon working anyway since we’re not training in the dōjō. Thanks for waking me.”

I change out of my thin sleeping clothes in the walk-in closet and back into a silk kimono, quickly tying the obi into a bow-tie and slipping it around my waist. Examining my face in the mirror over the dresser, I wonder if I’ll ever look like myself again. My cheeks are still rounded from hibernation, and dark circles ring my eyes like evil moons. Those circles are here to stay I think. My schedule is not getting any easier, and I’m more tired every day, not less.

I’m gaining back my muscles, but my arms and legs are soft. My cardiovascular strength is improved. I can walk and run for longer periods now, and my appetite has returned in full force. I’m always hungry now. But it’s strange how my body has changed. I twist my hair up and look at my hands for a moment. Did I dream my hair was falling out? I don’t remember.

I exit the closet, and almost run into Mariko unpacking the belongings that used to sit on my desk in Nishikyō. I smile as I lift the small maneki-neko Miko gave to me and remember it was the first thing Jiro and I talked about after we had sex for the first time.

Mariko silently unwraps each item and places them on the desk. I want to chat with her about all these little remembrances, of events gone by, but she avoids my eyes. Maybe she doesn’t want to remember. I doubt this is as much fun for her as decorating Miko’s place. We’ve been on Yūsei for almost two months now, and this is the first time anyone has come to unpack my stuff. I should have just done it myself. I frown setting the ceramic cat down.

Beni is unwrapping our paintings and wall-hangings, and I’d love to help them both, but my tablet pings again with new mail. When I power it up from sleep mode, an extra twenty messages wait in my queue, arrived during the time I was napping. I should never have closed my eyes. I push open the door to the outside porch and sit cross-legged on the veranda, my tablet in my lap. Time to get to work, I suppose. These messages will not answer themselves.

Deep into my third reply about the fairness of the business lottery system, a soft bump rubs up against my back, and a tail tickles my ear. Momo circles around me, pushes away my tablet with her head, and climbs into my lap.

“Okay, okay,” I mutter, laughing. “Miss me already?” Momo purrs in response and rubs the top of her head under my chin. I set my tablet aside and scratch her neck, letting the tips of my fingers sink deep into her soft fur. “I wish I had you in Nishikyō,” I whisper in her ear. “All those nights I was alone… My life would have been easier with you around.” She meows in my face, and I lean away from her fish breath. “Oyama’s been feeding you scraps?” She meows again, turns and rests her body against my chest. This cat is by my side, day and night.

I have the distinct feeling I’m being watched so I turn around and Mariko is in the doorway staring at me. I blush, caught not working like I’m supposed to. She turns back to her work, and I sigh and pick up my tablet again. The boards creek as Lucy walks up next to me and sits down.

“Hi.” She leans over and narrows her eyes at my tablet. “Are you still going through your messages?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” I’m such a disappointment most days. “I fell asleep earlier. I should never have gotten into bed.”

Lucy squeezes my shoulders with the length of her arm. “See what you can do about finishing before dinner. I have plans to go over with you tonight.”

“All right,” I say, dipping my head. Crunching gravel echoes over the soft legato hum of rain. Helena and Kentaro are huddled under an umbrella returning from the direction of Miko and Yoichi’s house. They probably all spent the afternoon together. Their light laughter stomps on my heart. I haven’t spent any time with my friends lately, and they’ve been living their lives without me, just like back in Nishikyō.

“You know what? Forget about the messages,” Lucy whispers, pulling my tablet from my hands and closing the messaging app. “Why don’t you go and visit Helena for a bit? The correspondence can wait.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m already behind.” I take the tablet back, but she pulls on it.

“Balance, Sanaa. I haven’t seen you relax once since we landed. You don’t spend time with your friends, and I don’t think you and Jiro have even been out on a date. You’re going to burn out quickly if you keep this up.”

“A date! Ha,” I puff out. Lucy narrows her eyes at the bitterness in my voice. “Dates. Dates are for people with a life.”

“Sanaa, what’s going on with you and Jiro?”

“Nothing. We’re fine. I think.” I let the last phrase sink in. I think. I hope we are.

Lucy glances behind me, sees Mariko and Beni in my room, gets up and closes the door on them. She is bolder than I ever will be. “Three nights ago, I ran into him in the kitchen,” she whispers, “and he was gathering drinks and desserts, humming happily. He said he had planned an evening with you.”

My eyes can’t hold back tears anymore. “He did. It was very sweet. We sat and ate dinner and dessert together in our room. He even lit a candle and held my hand just like our old dates.”

Lucy bumps her shoulder against mine encouraging me to continue, but it’s difficult for me to drop my guard.

“He leaned in to kiss me, and I thought maybe, finally we were going to… you know… and then the door flew open and in came Mariko with extra blankets for our bed.” I deflate in a lump and rub the tears from my face. “She acted like she hadn’t interrupted anything, and then scolded Jiro for lighting a candle in a house made of paper.”

“What do you mean by ‘maybe, finally?’ Are you two no longer…” She waves her hand in the air, a small blush blossoming on her neck.

“Having sex?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Sanaa…”

“It’s not like we don’t want to. It’s been eighteen days now. We’re constantly interrupted or walked in on…” My skin crawls remembering Beni’s face. “The doors have no locks, and it’s like people have forgotten what privacy is. We try and stay awake each night to outlast people in the house so we can have sex, and we fall asleep because we’re exhausted. Let’s not even talk about the fact that Mariko lives two doors down from me and can hear a pin drop in our room. I’m afraid to breathe wrong in my own bed much less have sex with my husband.”

Lucy’s eyes are wider than the minor moon.

“I’m sorry. That was way too much information. Sex was the only thing that was mine, you know?” I clutch my fist to my chest. “Just me and Jiro. No one else. No messages. No rules. Stress relief.” My face reddens and heats. “Ugh, sorry. I shouldn’t care this much about something so stupid.”

“Stop apologizing. I’m shocked. I had no idea. You and Jiro are young and in love. This is… This is a mistake.” It’s rare that Lucy panics, but her mouth twists, her fingers clutch at her sweater, and her eyes flit left and right, calculating in her head all the possible outcomes. “I’ll take care of this. And I don’t want you holding back this kind of information from me in the future.”

“Lucy, you know I love you,” I say, placing my hand on her arm, “but I’ve been trying to get Mariko to like me. I prefer her meddling instead of freezing me out.”

“This is not any better.” She turns off my tablet and presses it to my chest. “I’m ordering you to spend time with your friends. Go.”

I knock quietly on Helena and Usagi’s door in case she’s napping, but I immediately hear her beckon me to come in. Their room is similar to ours but smaller. They also have a platform bed and wooden floors but only a table and a small walk-in closet whereas we have even more room with a desk and a door to the outside. Helena’s in Nishikyō grays under her covers, and Kentaro sits on the bed reading from his tablet.

“Sanaa, it’s good to see you.” A lopsided smile lights up Helena’s eyes.

“Sorry I’ve been so busy.”

“Please, it’s fine,” she says, waving me over to the bed and pulling back the covers. I immediately get in next to her and set my tablet on the bedside table. Kentaro lies down on the bed perpendicular to us at our feet. “We all know how busy you are.”

“Usagi not at home?”

“No, he’s off with Jiro, and the Watanabes are settled in next door. I think they’re sleeping, so we have to keep our voices down.”

“I cannot get used to the cold here no matter how hard I try.” I shiver and clutch my hands around my feet. “I’m glad for warm beds.”

Helena’s propped up with her pillows, but she wedges her feet down under Kentaro and leans back, and so do I.

“Do you know how happy I am that you’re here, Helena, Kentaro?” Kentaro turns towards me and smiles. I’ve grown to love him since we landed. “You were the two I was most worried about going into hibernation, but now it’s like we’re a big happy family together. I don’t want this to ever change.”

“I can’t believe what a sap you are.” Kentaro laughs, and I kick him in the shoulder from under the covers. “If I had known you had such a soft spot that first night we all went drinking, I wouldn’t have been so cold to you.”

“Only for my family and friends. I have my other harder persona for everyone else.”

Kentaro sighs. “I don’t want it to change either.”

Helena’s dark blue eyes crinkle at the corners and she runs her hand through her short, messy curls before taking my hand in hers. “Me three. If only we could go on like this forever.”

Kentaro stares up at the ceiling again. We all know it has to change. He has to deal with me and his father. I have to deal with my family, Minamoto, Taira, Maeda, and now Fujiwara. Helena has her own health to worry about. These are a lot of burdens for people as young as we are, and I used to think twenty-four was old! Maybe the civilizations before the wars were right. We should have let kids be kids instead of forcing them to grow up early.

Helena’s eyes close slowly. “I love the sound of rain on the roof. It’s another unexpected love here.”

Ping!

I grab my tablet, and it’s a message from Jiro. “Are you awake?”

“Barely,” I type back. “I think I’ll be asleep in moments. Again. Where are you?”

“Trying to see Maeda again, but I’m told he’s not on the premises. Going to stick around for an hour and see if I can corner him. Be home in 2 hours?”

“Okay. You’ll find me in bed with Helena and Kentaro.”

“That sounds vaguely sexy.” Yes, his mind is always in the gutter, too.

“I assure you, it’s completely platonic. Please tell Usagi I’ll try not to drool on his pillow. Miss you.”

“You too. Have a good nap.”

I sign off, snuggle down in the covers, and look at both sleeping Helena and Kentaro before closing my eyes and joining them in dreamland.