Removed – Chapter 31

Eventually Jiro and I make our way over to say congratulations to Yoichi and Miko. Miko tells me they’re going to do a private ceremony at the temple in a few months — “nothing big.” Makes sense to me, though she’s probably dying for a huge fancy party. She shows me the ring Yoichi gave her, and I gasp. It’s gorgeous.

“A family heirloom, Sanaa. Eldest child. I’m lucky.”

This makes me ache a little. My mother never had a wedding ring. I’ve never seen one, not even on the video. Before yesterday, I always thought I would wear one someday and be married. Now this is something I’m not going to be able to do. I push away the memory of Sakai’s sad and sympathetic expression when he told me. I have to be happy for Miko.

“It’s really beautiful,” I say with a smile, “and yes, you are lucky in many things including love.”

I give her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. While we’re clasped together, she whispers in my ear, “Everything will be fine, but never keep a secret like that from me again.”

Uh oh. She is not happy with me. I nod and pull away, keeping my eyes lowered.

We move off to the side so everyone else can talk to Miko, and Jiro leans into my ear. “I have an idea. I’ll be right back.”

He makes his way over to Usagi who is still talking to Helena at the bar. Their conversation is going better than I expected it to. Looking left, Aunt Kimie, Lomo, Sakai, Koichi, and Mariko are all chatting and laughing at their table.

After conversing with Usagi for a minute, Jiro comes back to me with the mischievous smile on his face that he had earlier.

“We should go out to our spot for a little while. What do you say?” I can only imagine he’s been consulting with Usagi on the security situation in the alley. Yes, absolutely.

Out back in our spot where we first kissed, we kiss again and again.

“Sanaa?”

Jiro is trying to interrupt me, but I’m only paying attention to his neck and the way his hair smells. He pulls back from me with a laugh.

“Sanaa, I’m trying to talk to you before I do something I shouldn’t do in public.” He takes a deep breath, and I wait while watching him struggle with the same feelings of lust I am. It’s comforting.

But he becomes serious again. “I know you can’t marry…”

Oh no. He regrets this.

“But I’m looking at Miko and Yoichi and our family, and I’m wondering…” His voice tapers off, and my heart sinks. Taking another deep breath, he avoids eye contact with me. “I’m wondering if you still want a family even with all of this?”

“You mean, have children?”

He nods at me. “I know we’re a bit young to be thinking about these things though I have several friends with kids already, and it’s not like you and I have been together for a long time or anything…”

“Yes!” I wrap my arms around him and under Oninoten. “Yes. I want kids. It’s crazy to think about now, but I do, even with everything they’d have to do after me. But yes. Married or not. I want a family.”

I look up at him, look him right in the eyes. Those eyes can be intense or sweet, cold or warm. Now, they’re bright and happy again.

“I love my small family, and I even loved my father’s side of the family though they deserted me. Today, suddenly, my family is bigger than I ever thought it would be, and I just want it to get bigger and bigger. The very idea makes me insanely happy.”

I rest my head on his chest and take a deep, shaky breath. All of that came spilling out of me so fast.

“Mark couldn’t marry my mother nor my aunt, though he wanted to, and it destroyed them. Destroyed him. I would love to marry you, but if I can’t have that then I just want to be with you.”

“I’m sorry. Did I scare you? You’re shaking.” His hands hold my head, and through his kimono, I can hear his heart racing in his chest.

“Well, yeah. We just moved in together, and I thought you were having second thoughts.” He squeezes me and rubs my back, and I calm again.

“Sanaa.” He releases our hug, and holds my face in his hands, his gaze piercing straight through me. “Once I have you, I won’t want to let you go. There will be no others for me. What about you? I don’t think you realize how wanted you’ll be once everyone realizes what you are. They will try to use you to gain power and strength.”

“I won’t let them.” He’s talking about marriages and offspring to strengthen positions amongst the ranks, and the thought sickens me. Sakai said I could have consorts, as many as I wanted, but I only want one. I only want Jiro. “They can have anything but that. That’s for you. You alone. You already have me.”

I didn’t hear the footsteps approaching us, but the voice that comes out of the darkness makes me freeze in fear.

“Well, well. Jiro Itō and Sanaa Griffin. Wrapped up and in love.” Matsuda stands in the alley between us and the street. “I should have seen this coming, what with the way you spend all that time together every afternoon.”

My blood runs cold. How the hell did he get here? What about the men positioned outside and at the end of this alley? Panic mounts in me. Please don’t let them be dead.

Jiro ever so slightly moves me behind him. Matsuda has a katana strapped to his back. I’m glad we both have our swords as well.

“What do you want, Matsuda?” Jiro’s voice is ice.

“I came to check on the happy couple. Your brother is getting married? Congratulations.”

Lies. We stay silent. He’s been waiting for us, hoping for this opportunity.

“Figured out your little secret, eh, Sanaa? Is that Kazenoho?”

Jiro wants me to stay behind him, to protect me, but I can’t let this carry on. Matsuda knows. He’s going to tell someone.

“Would you like me to draw the sword so you can see it? It will not return to its sheath unbloodied, though,” I say.

Matsuda laughs, cold and heavy. “Jiro, got yourself a new student, eh? This one seems to be doing well. Have you taught her all I taught you?”

What’s this? Another secret hidden from me.

“And more.” Jiro’s voice is prideful, his chest puffed up. “What are you doing here?”

My mouth is dry, my heart beating wildly, but I still move farther out from behind Jiro. If I’m going to draw Kazenoho, I need the space. “I want to see Sanaa Griffin for myself, the future Empress of our people. Let me get a good look at you.” He reaches out to touch my chin, and I immediately block him with my left elbow. Jiro’s hand flies to Oninoten at his shoulder, and Matsuda takes a step back with his hands up. He laughs again, and I roll my eyes. Who does he think he is?

“It would be best to look at me from a distance. I can’t guarantee Jiro won’t cut you down where you stand if you try and touch me again.”

“The only other person who has ever spoken to me that way was your father.” He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at me. “You don’t look a thing like him, though.”

“It’s those strong Asian genes. What do you want?”

“Well, I thought I had done away with you, your mother, your family,” he says with disgust, “but apparently I was wrong. You live and breathe right in front of me.”

“How unfortunate for you,” I say. Jiro is quiet. I wonder what he’s thinking. Be aggressive, Sanaa. “And what will you do with this information?” I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. He didn’t come here to kidnap or kill me. Not today. He wants something.

“Minamoto, Taira, Maeda. Who will pay the highest price for your life?”

The nervous energy I have is boiling over, causing my foot to tap. I wait. Matsuda loves drama, and he’s dragging this out.

“Minamoto wants you for himself. Taira wants you dead, as I suspect Maeda does.”

“How much?” I ask.

“What?”

Ah, I’ve caught him off-guard. A lucky break.

“This is a negotiation, right? You tell me how much money or whatever it is you want, and I buy you for myself.”

Why didn’t this occur to me before? If I want Matsuda anywhere, it’s in my own pocket, where I can watch him and control him until I kill him.

His face twists, and his eyes fill with hate. I’ve made it sound like he’s a prostitute for hire instead of a ronin, a masterless samurai, but if he thinks I’ll respect him he’s got another thing coming.

“Name. Your. Price.” I’m so glad I spent all that time watching him. This is a man who values the good things money brings him: the love hotels, the okiya visits, the high priced dinners, the casino debts.

“Hmmm, I’ll consider this change in events and get back to you.” He tilts his head so his hair no longer falls over his eyes and examines me. “To be honest, I expected to come here and find you begging for your life. It’s always much easier to hand over the weak ones to the highest bidder, but…” His voice trails off and he licks his bottom lip. “Jiro, she’s a fine one.”

I can actually sense Jiro’s body clench next to me though we have almost a meter between us.

“You should leave before my hand starts to get twitchy,” Jiro threatens.

Matsuda is already backing away from us, not even watching the end of the alley. Neither Jiro nor I move until Matsuda’s gone.

“Where did that come from?” Jiro’s voice is awed and his eyes wide. “I didn’t expect you to negotiate with him.”

“It’s called ‘thinking on your feet.’”

I can’t even believe I did it. I was possessed, a hell of a lot more confident than I have ever been in my life. But that confidence is leaking away fast, and I start to see all the ways that could have gone wrong.

“I couldn’t let the opportunity go,” I whisper.

My decisions are starting to make me feel ill.

Jiro laughs in disbelief. “I think you’re better cut out for this job than you ever expected to be.” He puts his hand on the small of my back and directs me to the door. “We have to go inside and talk to Sakai. Now.”

We slip in the back door, and Jiro immediately ushers me to a private room, but I wait at the door while he goes to Sakai and Koichi at the table. He whispers in their ears, and they jump up and make their way towards me. Jiro then walks straight to Usagi and the security staff at the front, and they all head outside before Sakai pushes me back into the private room.

“What happened? Tell me everything.” Sakai is urgent and awaiting my response, but the gravity of what just occurred outside creeps up on my brain, and I’m frozen.

“Uhhh.” My eyes won’t focus. My lungs won’t breathe.

“Oh no, she’s in shock,” Koichi says as he lunges forward and grabs me by the shoulders before I fall over. With his arms around me, he lowers me down to sit at the sunken table. “Breathe, Sanaa, before you faint.”

His panicked voice brings me back, and I suck in a low, shuddering breath.

I can’t do this! I can’t! Run away, Sanaa!

“Sanaa, focus and breathe,” Koichi urges me, squeezing my shoulders hard.

Wait, I can do this. Breathe in and out. In and out.

“We were outside talking, and Matsuda approached us from the end of the alley. He saw Kazenoho and realized I knew my secret now. He… my gods, he admitted he killed my parents, tried to kill me.”

My chest is heaving. I’ve never been so scared, so angry in my entire life. Koichi is still holding my shoulders, giving me an anchor, so I don’t float away on a current of hysteria. I don’t know him as well as Sakai, but he’s a part of my family now too.

“My parents! That bastard… That bastard is going to pay.” I’m breathing too much now.

“You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t calm down.” Koichi smooths down my hair, his thumb swiping cold sweat from my temple. Sakai stands over me, his face a passive mask. He’s regretting ever letting me out of his sight.

“Mark, he wants to sell his information to the highest bidder. I threw our hat in the ring, asked him his price. He didn’t expect it.” I shake my head. “I don’t know what he expected coming here. I think he just wants me, dead or alive.” The way Matsuda looked at me makes me sick. I don’t think it’ll be the last time.

Jiro and Usagi enter the room.

“Three men unconscious. I found them tied up two alleys over. I think they were drugged,” Jiro reports.

Usagi bows to Sakai. “I’m sorry, Sakai. It’s my fault Sanaa came in danger. Please do with me as you will.”

Sakai turns to me. Is he consulting me on Usagi’s punishment? Usagi is bent at the waist, not rising. Nothing is his fault.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I push back my hair into some semblance of order and wipe off my forehead with the back of my hand. “I was completely safe in the izakaya. It’s my fault we went outside, even if it was out back, and we thought the alley was secure.”

Will I never have private time with Jiro outside of our apartment?

What should happen next?

“Go check on the men and the perimeter,” I say, “and let’s think of how we can avoid something like this in the future.”

“But Sanaa?” He rises and looks at me and Sakai, but Sakai shrugs and gestures to me. Way to hand off the duties, Sakai. He wants to make me into a leader, starting now.

“Don’t argue with me. We were fine. I’m perfectly capable of defending myself. The situation was just unexpected.” Standing up, I straighten out my yukata and go directly to him. “I will hear nothing more about this. I trust you, and Matsuda is… well, he’s unpredictable. Let’s be unpredictable as well.”

Koichi, Sakai, and Jiro stand speechless as I push Usagi out of the room. I close the rice paper screen almost all the way so they can’t eavesdrop when I bend forward and whisper in Usagi’s ear, “And Helena thinks you’re hot, so you’re not going anywhere.”

I slide the door completely closed on his shocked face.