Removed – Chapter 24

I ride the train back to Ku 9 in a daze. I guess I should be on alert, but I can’t snap out of it. My real name is not even Sanaa. Not Sanaa. But I am Sanaa as much as I am Hanako. I remember the first time I sat in the theater with Sakai. He asked me if I knew what my name meant, and I’m crying again. Mark, I’m so sorry.

I take a deep breath and wipe my tears while ignoring the old woman staring at me from across the train.

An aunt I never knew, parents’ deaths not an accident, imperial lines, marriage… none of it makes any sense. It doesn’t feel real. In fact, the complete injustice of my own bloodline is making me increasingly angry by the minute. Losing my parents at a young age is just the beginning of what I’m in for. I hate when decisions are out of my hands. No one tells me what I can or can’t do.

Instead of stopping off at a restaurant to pick up food, I go directly home to my quiet and empty apartment. Aunt Lomo is at work in the transportation system, and hopefully, Aunt Kimie has left for the entire day. Good. I don’t want to see either of them right now. I get out my tablet and type out a message to Jiro asking him to come over. Hopefully he’s not busy.

When he arrives, I let him into the apartment, and the only thing I can do is look at him in silence. It didn’t take long, but I’m completely in love with him. I don’t want to lose him. It’s too soon. He walks in and drops his bag on the couch, and when he removes his overcoat, his katana is strapped to his back. He’s been working again, out and about in the city, carrying his sword. It makes my blood race, and my anger over everything immediately turns to lust.

“Sanaa, what’s the matter? You’re so pale.”

I move to him quickly before he can say anything else, before I can say another word and spoil it all. I wrap my arms about his neck, and he kisses me in the same hungry way I’m kissing him. I run my hands down his back, grasp the sword, and pull it up off his body, breaking our kiss.

Distract. Don’t think of it.

“You were doing business close by?” I ask him, placing the katana on the couch with his bag. He nods his head. “But you’re free now?”

“Yes, love.”

My heart melts. Love. I want him now before he knows anything more about me. In an hour or two, everything will be changed between us.

“You’re free to be with me?” I unbutton my shirt and set it aside, willing my hands not to shake. I told him I’m built like a boy, but in past training sessions, I had noticed Jiro eyeing me, and it always made me blush. I don’t think he minds.

“I…” He’s holding onto his breath.

I kiss him again and unbutton his shirt. “I know you have no objections.” I toss his shirt on top of mine and take his hand leading him to my tiny bedroom. “You want to be with me as much as I want to be with you.”

“So soon, though? I thought this was a bit scandalous?” he asks, a smile finally gracing his serious face.

“Soon? There is nothing about this I haven’t wanted from the first moment I saw you.”

“You have the…” His hand reaches up and traces a small portion of my upper, inner left arm.

“Of course. Since I was twelve.” The implant in my arm makes it virtually impossible to get pregnant or have my period until it’s removed or turned off. Another way to cut back on resource usage in Nishikyō. I check it once a month, and it’s always working at one hundred percent.

“Wait a second.” He stops me next to my bed and brings his hands to my face. Stop? I don’t want to stop. “What’s going on in your head?”

“Later.”

“I just want to make sure…”

“Jiro, teach me. I want to learn,” I say with a smile. His eyes soften, and I’ve got him. I’m not even nervous. I’m cycling through numbness, anger, and lust… and love, but not nervousness.

“Something tells me I’m not going to have to teach you anything.”

I grab the waist of his pants and run my hand down over him before pulling off his undershirt. He kisses me and unwinds the pin in my hair, letting it fall down around my shoulders. His hands reach in and weave through it, and holding my head back, he kisses me down my neck, starting under my ear, where he kissed me the first time.

I fumble and loosen my undershirt from the waist of my pants. His hands travel down my back and up over my stomach, coming to rest on my breasts as he gets lost in the motion of undressing me. I’m weak, breathless, and shaking with fatigue. Much better than an hour ago.

Then I pull my undershirt off and knock Jiro squarely in the face.

“Ouch!” He clasps his face but is laughing, and I lay my head on his chest.

“Sorry,” I mumble against him, but when I look up he’s already forgotten about it. He places his hands on my hips and starts up again with a light kiss I push progressively deeper.

Jiro doesn’t stop, and I don’t want him to. I pull him down on my bed on top of me, and wrapping my legs around him press him close. I don’t want to be any further away from him, this connection with him. Like Jiro wanted, it’s just us.

“You’re mine, Sanaa.” Jiro grips the sides of my face, kissing me hard, and the strength of it sends tingles straight up my abdomen to my chest. “Mine. Say it.”

My soul is fractured in two. Half of me wants to hand myself over to Jiro, to the safety he can provide. The other half…

“You are mine,” I say back. This half desperately wants control.

My claim on him is a test. We’re way into each other, and he can go one of two ways. He can pull back and be offended, or he can be totally turned on.

Jiro pushes my arms above my head and holds them there. “I am.”

I raise my face to kiss him, our bodies moving together, and, just before he finishes, he holds his face close to mine.

Breathe, Sanaa. My body shakes uncontrollably. Jiro reaches down to slide my covers up over us both, and whispers, “Shhh,” into my ear before kissing me and calming my shivers.

The warmth and weight of his body are natural on top of mine. We fit together so perfectly. I slip my arms under his, placing my hands on his tattoos. Those tattoos I love so much, right after the streak in his hair that goes down to the roots. I rub my finger along his scalp there, and he closes his eyes and smiles.

“Command me, Sanaa.” I know he means it, even as he laughs and kisses from my jaw all the way up to my forehead. He strokes my cheek with his calloused thumb, skipping lightly over my chin, down my neck, to my chest. All those hours we’ve spent together fighting side-by-side, and this is what I’m going to remember the most — his soft touch.

“Again,” I say.

“Yes, again. This time for you.” The smile on his face is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. It already feels like we waited too long to get here. We need this time together however fleeting it will be. I nod before sliding my hands over his chest. His kisses make their way down my body.

I will take what I can while there are still unspoken words between us.

The words hang in the air, a promise whispered in the space between breaths. He lowers my arms, his gaze searching mine, finding every broken piece of me and holding it steady. I raise my face to his, and when he kisses me, it’s not with the hunger from before, but with a deep, consuming reverence. It’s a claiming. A surrender. In his arms, I am no longer Hanako or Sanaa. I am simply his.

And for tonight, that is enough.