Removed – Chapter 17

When the ramen lands in front of me, steam curling from the lip of the heavy ceramic bowl, I take a moment to lean over and inhale a deep breath.

“Mmmm. This was an excellent idea,” Helena says.

We both grab our chopsticks and dive in. Hot, salty broth with a densely dotted oily sheen covers up long ramen noodles, dark green leafy vegetables, slices of carrots, and a few coins of fake fish cake rimmed in pink I always save for last.“How did your place fare in the earthquake? Were your parents around?”

“No. Well, my mother was home and sleeping but…” She sighs and slumps forward. “I was stupid and didn’t clean up after dinner, and all the plates bounced straight off the table and broke. Every single one of them. What a mess. We spent an hour cleaning it up. My father said two shelves collapsed at work, but that no one was hurt.” She shakes her head and sips her soup, drowning the greens in broth before lifting a hefty spoonful to her mouth.

“You should have seen the river of water in my street. It was crazy — swept everything away.” I still can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so relieved I was in bed and not out. “I never want to see that again. Anyway, I’m sorry you can’t come tonight. You’ve been working a lot lately. I swear we’ve switched lives somehow.”

“Well, I’ve decided to go for it. I’m moving to Ku 6… next week!”

“No. That’s fabulous news. Congratulations.” I raise my water glass to her, and we clink and drink. It’s not saké but it’ll do for now. “Wow, next week. So you’ve been working double shifts?”

“I’m working extra in Ku 4 to pay for the moving expenses. I’ve also been working with a massage group in Ku 6 that caters to the big families. I hope to get a permanent position at an onsen, but we’ll see.”

The big families.

My chopsticks are paused half-way to my mouth for ten whole seconds before I realize I’m staring at Helena like she’s grown three heads.

“What, Sanaa?” She checks herself and over her shoulder.

“I just… I just remembered something I forgot to do at work. Damn.” Onsens, massage parlors, tattoo parlors. All of these are places I should be watching, but I’ve been neglecting because I’m too afraid of the violence. But I always knew this day would come — the day when I was more intrigued by what I could be researching than my own fears.

Suck it up, Sanaa.

“Is it something you need to do right now? We can finish up quick and go, if you want.”

I love Helena. She always puts everyone’s needs in front of her own.

“No, no. I can do it tomorrow.” And I will do it tomorrow. No more tip-toeing around the job I need to be doing.

Slurping up my noodles, I’m finally seeing the bottom of my bowl. “So, if you’re moving next week, have you already found an apartment?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Aunt Lomo to help me find a place. She’ll search Ku 9, but everyone I’ll want to hang out with will be in Ku 6. It’s not like I spend time in Ku 9 anymore anyway.

“Yep. Actually, Yoichi’s family helped me get it. It’s down the street from where they all live. You know what? I think Miko’s going to marry that boy.” She smiles before breaking out in a laugh so sarcastic that it makes her eyes roll. “My gods, does he know what he’s getting into?”

“Something tells me he does, and he can more than handle it.” All that’s left in my bowl are my two little fish cakes. I poke one a few times before popping it into my mouth. In my mind, I can picture Jiro’s smiling face at the okiya. “They’re a good match.”

“What about you and Jiro?”

I swear everyone can read my mind these days.

“Miko says he’s been asking about you at Izakaya Tanaka,” Helena continues with a smile. “What you do at the Colonization division, what your aunts are like, what you were like in school…” She purses her lips and raises her eyes to the ceiling. “I think he quite likes you actually.”

I reach out and hit her on the arm. “Stop it. You’re embarrassing me.” I’m laughing anyway. So I guess I’ve captured Jiro’s attention. Now I have to hold on with all my might.

“You went out with him two nights in a row, right?” I had sent Helena messages, but, apparently, Miko has been filling her in as well. “Just kiss him or something.”

“Oh, Helena. You have no idea.” No idea how close I am to doing just that the next time I see him. I twirl my spoon around in my bowl as a blush starts on my neck.

“What?” She eyes me and laughs. “You’re always cheering me on. I’m moving to Ku 6 because you finally pushed me to take control of my life. I want you to do the same.”

“Thanks. I love you to pieces.” I always tell my friends I love them. Life is too short not to.

Helena looks at the wall clock and sighs.

“I’m sorry, but I have to get back to work. Can we do this again soon?” She folds her napkin and puts it on the table.

“Yes, and let me pay today. My treat. You save your money for moving.” I’m so glad I still get paid to do a job I no longer do. I take out my tablet, pair it up with the store’s computer, and pay.

“Thanks. You’re sweet. Meet you outside?” Helena grabs her bag and starts towards the front. The place is still crowded and the young boy who got us the table bows to Helena as she exits.

I slip my tablet back into my bag, and when I turn, I see him.

It’s Matsuda.

Seated at the far end of the noodle bar, he’s watching me. Without taking his eyes from me, he pushes his brown hair off his face, over to one ear, and… he smiles at me. But only his mouth is smiling. His eyes are narrowed and as cold as ever. I quickly glance behind me to see if his attention is on someone else, but when I turn back, his body shakes silently with laughter. I just gave myself away. I’m not even going to guess as to how he knows who I am. He’s a part of Sakai’s world — was a part of my parents’ — and has probably seen me with Sakai or Jiro in Ku 6. He is following me like I follow him.

Though I’m rationalizing his sudden appearance in my head, my hands shake. What do I do? Jiro has been teaching me offensive moves in sword fighting recently. Keep your opponents guessing what your next move is, he said to me yesterday. Don’t show them your fear. So instead of bolting from the ramen shop, I reach into my bag, grab my hair pin, and twist my hair up while maintaining eye contact with him. I don’t leave the table. I don’t flinch. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done.

Matsuda picks up his chopsticks and taps on his bowl twice before running his hand through his hair and letting it fall across his face. He has looked away first. I win this round.

I stride, not too quickly, past him to the front of the shop and meet Helena outside.

“Let’s go. I’ll walk you to the train.” I grab her arm and pull her towards the transitway entrance before she can ask me anything else.

It’s my day off, and I have six full hours to do whatever I want before meeting up with Jiro at the izakaya at seven o’clock, and what do I do? I leave Helena in the station in Ku 5 and take a train in the opposite direction straight for Ku 1. I set the computers a few days ago to track Matsuda’s money trail. Now I need to research where he’s been and if he’s been watching me for longer than today. The thought of this cold-blooded killer following me everywhere makes me sick to my stomach, but that’s the fear talking. Fear that I’m going to push aside because, little does Matsuda know, I have information on my side he does not.

I sit down at the desk in theater 3B and call up Matsuda’s bank account activity for the past few months. I don’t think I was on his radar before New Year’s Eve, so I concentrate on January, February, and March. Hmmm, this is going to take awhile. The man spends a ton of money, and I’m not surprised to find it’s mostly all in Ku 6. He sticks close to home.

Maybe instead of starting at the beginning, I should work my way back in time from today. Since surveillance data is on a twenty-four-hour delay with my level of access, I’ll begin with yesterday. The cameras placed across the street from the Itō dōjō are a good place to start.

Accessing the surveillance database, I find the video feeds based on the dōjō address. I scrub the video back in time and see myself enter the building approximately twenty-four hours ago. Where are the other cameras on the block? I find four more and add them to the video grid, synching them all up to the same time index.

There I am again, and there! Dammit. Across the street is Matsuda. He’s two buildings down and pressed against the wall of an alley. I never look that way because it’s the opposite direction of the transitway entrance. I only ever go straight to the dōjō and never spend any extra time exploring Ku 6. Matsuda must know that by now.

I rewind the video. He purposely waits for me about twenty minutes before I even show up. Previous to that, he enters the alley from the rear. Curse me for always being on time and predictable. Does he follow me to Ku 1 as well? What about my home?

My chest flutters, my heart malfunctioning, and it’s becoming hard to breathe. No, don’t panic, Sanaa. I hold all the cards here. He doesn’t know I can watch him.

I rewind the dōjō camera over and over. Every day, Matsuda waits for me to enter and stays until I leave. The one day I fell asleep during practice and Jiro led me to the door (was that only four days ago?) Matsuda slinks back along the wall out of sight. He and Jiro know each other, and based on this, I get the feeling Matsuda does not want Jiro to see him.

Rewind, rewind, rewind. Wait! Suddenly he’s not there anymore. Before this trip to the dōjō, he wasn’t following me. Now, what spurred him to start? When I count the number of minutes it takes me to walk from the transitway entrance to the dōjō, it’s a whopping three in total. Three minutes on the street is not a long time to catch someone’s attention especially since I walk fast and keep my head down.

But the day Matsuda first sees me was not a normal day. It was the time we all went to Ku 10 together. On the video, Sakai and I walk leisurely to the dōjō after exiting the station. We were having some random conversation about Yoichi and Miko’s matchmaker because Sakai had mentioned his mother was a clan match. I don’t even remember what he said, but we both laugh and across the street, from the other camera angle, Matsuda stops in his tracks, frozen in place, his eyes trained on us both.

He stares with his mouth open before backing up into the alley he always watches me from now. He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. He reaches back into his bag he has slung across his shoulder and takes out his tablet, typing on it with one hand while watching the dōjō door. He keeps his cool and waits in the shadows until Sakai, Jiro, and I emerge from the building again.

How did none of us see him? Oh, maybe it’s because I’m talking and flirting with Jiro, and Sakai is following us and smiling. We are all so oblivious it makes me laugh.

So, what have I learned here besides the fact that love makes me blind? Matsuda sees me with Sakai and Jiro, and what? Does he know who I am? Does he know what I do? Why does he care?

I rewind the video and pause it on the first time he saw me. That look of shock on his face is there for a reason. Sitting back in the chair and pulling my legs up to my chest, I rest my chin on my knees and think.

Matsuda, why are you so surprised to see me there?