Removed – Chapter 15

Goodbyes are said on the sidewalk outside the okiya. Miko wants me to come to the izakaya more often, and I agree. I miss it too much to stay away now. When she and Yoichi walk away together, hand-in-hand towards Ku 6, jealousy rises in my chest, the fiery dragon awakening once again. I wish Jiro were taking me home with him. Then Mariko hugs me and asks me over for tea, and the dragon settles in for a nap. I’m glad the evening ended on better footing than it began.

Jiro links hands with me again and drags me to the transitway entrance. A train arrives at the platform almost immediately, and we find two seats next to each other. Instead of talking, I rest my head on his shoulder, and he traces the bones in my hand with his finger. It’s so comfortable and easy that I could fall asleep.

I get up and lead him off the train at my Ku 9 station. It’s a four block walk home, and the streets are quiet, the shops closed. He doesn’t let go of my hand.

“How long have you lived here?” he asks.

“Since I was fourteen, when I became a full-time engineering apprentice. Aunt Kimie was eager to leave Ku 5.”

“Before that you lived here in Ku 9, right?”

“Yes we did. I lived here with my parents, though I was too young to remember it. They died before I was two. Aunt Kimie and Lomo moved us to Ku 5 directly after. They tried to go back to Ku 6 and visit my grandfather until he died when I was five, but he turned them away. He didn’t approve of Aunt Kimie being gay. He was always talking about her having children, and she didn’t want kids. I think I was enough of a handful she hadn’t planned on, though I’ve hardly ever deviated from the path. Well, until now.”

“Not your fault, though,” Jiro says. “It’s not your fault your parents died. And it’s not your fault now that Sakai has you doing this job you don’t like.”

“I thought about quitting. I wanted to walk out in the beginning and never see Mark again, but I’m glad I stayed. He knows things about my family no one has ever told me. Things I know by instinct are true.” I quiet down for a moment, swinging Jiro’s hand at our side. I’m rambling, but I want to tell him everything. “Mark’s right about me. I should never have been removed from Ku 6. I’m a complete outsider. I don’t think it’s what my parents would have wanted for me.”

“I’m so sorry about last night. I didn’t mean for you to think there was something wrong with you for not being like the girls from Ku 6.” He runs his other hand through his hair, huffing out a breath and turning to me. “I like you just the way you are.”

“But…”

“Stop. Whatever it is you have to say about yourself, it doesn’t matter.”

I stop him a block from my building.

“But it does matter.” I throw up my free hand. “It’s ridiculous! And I’m mad at myself for never questioning it until now. How did I get to be twenty years old and never celebrated Girls’ Day or walked the streets during a festival or gone to the numerous plays and concerts you’ve mentioned? I should have participated in Coming of Age Day in January like every other girl in Ku 6, but we didn’t even mention it.”

I try to release my hand from his because I want to pout alone, but he only holds on tighter.

“Hey, don’t you pull away from me. Come on,” he says as he reels me in closer to him, “these circumstances of your life are out of your control. We all like to think that we have control over our own lives, but we don’t, especially not when we’re young and adults are making decisions for us.”

Jiro is so much wiser than I will ever be. This is what comes of independence at a young age.

“Your parents didn’t keep you away from your culture.”

“But they are also deeply engaged in their culture, they don’t see the bigger picture. You need to see both sides,” he says.

“Do you see both sides? Do you spend time outside your ward, outside of the little Japan Ku 6 is?”

My comment is snide, and I know it’s false because I’ve seen him in other wards via surveillance. He peers down at me sadly, and I’m afraid I’ve hurt his feelings with my outburst. I take our hands and raise them to my chest, bringing us even closer together. “I’m sorry, Jiro. I’m just angry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I do leave my world. I do it out of necessity because what I see and do in Ku 6 is more than I can bear sometimes.”

I haven’t hurt his feelings, but now a darker, sadder Jiro than before surfaces. I don’t know all he does, but after witnessing Matsuda kick Hideo to death, I fear he’s seen more than I ever have or will.

His face is turned from me, gazing off at a point down the street, and though we are only a few centimeters apart and holding hands, he seems alone and troubled. My heart is breaking for him.

Neither of us should have to live this crazy life, filled with lies and violence, alone. I need him, and I’m sure he needs me. I let go of our hands, reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder.

“When was the last time someone hugged you?” I ask.

He sighs and presses me against him. “It’s been a long time.”

Being this close, I breathe in the scent of him — clean, citrusy soap — and I store it away in my head as something more to remember Jiro by when I’m not near him.

“I had a great time tonight. Thanks for sitting with me and making me feel welcome with your family.” I don’t want to let go of him, but I pull away, grab his hand, and walk him the one more block to my building.

He looks up, surprised we’ve stopped. “This is where you live?”

“Number eighteen, yes.” I don’t want this evening to end, yet here we are, standing right out front, and I can’t invite him in. I really need my own place.

He pulls on my hand and I look up at him. He has shaken off the sadness and replaced it with the same flirtatious smile he had on New Year’s Eve, but this time it’s even more lustful. It’s making my heart beat wildly in my chest again. At this rate, I’m going to die of a heart attack before I’m twenty-one.

He lets go and pulls me to him. Leaning in, he brushes his lips against my lower jaw and whispers, “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Sanaa.”

His soft breath is on my neck before he kisses me under my ear. We’re frozen together for a moment, and I catch myself before I sigh. It’s the most wonderful feeling ever, to be held by him, so close I can feel his chest rise and fall. He pulls away and touches my hair softly, tucking it up over my shoulder.

“Night, Jiro.”

He turns to go, and watching him walk off down the street, I take a deep breath. It’s now my life’s mission to kiss him, and I smile. I hope he knows what he’s in for.