Released – Chapter 32

I close my eyes and meditate, standing in the darkened hallway with Jiro and Usagi behind me. I can do this. I can do this. “I can do this” is my new mantra for this evening. Placing my hand on the palm scanner at Sharon’s door, I wait while the chimes ring inside, and the readout on this side states ‘Sanaa Itami.’ I catch my breath and smile at Jiro and Usagi behind me. Sakai finally changed my name.

From this side, I hear footsteps and then silence before a barely audible “shite” comes from the other side.

“Aunt Sharon, it’s Sanaa. Open up, please.”

A few seconds pass by before the door opens, and she finds the three of us standing in the hallway. I can only imagine what’s going through her head right now. Two formidable, young Japanese men in black carrying swords and me, her only niece, also in black, sporting short hair with a shock of red to it. She hasn’t seen me since I was twelve.

She’s the same, though. Same auburn hair with a little more gray than before, still cut to her shoulders. I forgot she has freckles too, and she looks a lot like my father. Her brown eyes are wide with shock, and I catch a whiff of alcohol. She’s been drinking.

“Hi.”

“Sanaa, what the hell are you doing here?”

I can already tell this is not going to go well. No “it’s good to see you” or “how have you been?”

“Can we come in?”

Her eyes glance from me to Jiro to Usagi, but I smile at her. She sighs and opens the door all the way.

“Thanks,” I say, urging Jiro in with me. “Usagi, can you…?”

“Yes, miss.” He nods. He would probably rather stay outside anyway.

Sharon closes the door behind Jiro and waits while I take a quick glance around at her apartment. The space is bright and modern, and all the furniture is new. She has a good job working for someone high up in the consulate, so I’m not surprised she’s doing well for herself. I was also not surprised to learn from Usagi that she lives alone.

Along one whole wall of her apartment are stacks of moving boxes, and I eye them suspiciously.

“Sanaa, why are you here? And who is this?” she asks pointing to Jiro.

“This is my husband, Jiro Itō.” I give away this information with the attitude this is something she should already know, would know, if she were a part of my life.

Her eyes fall down to my left hand, and Jiro follows her line of sight with a satisfied smile on his face. It’s petty, but I want to wave the thing in her face. Look at what you’ve missed of my life, Aunt Sharon.

“Mariko and Koichi’s boy? You’re married to Mariko and Koichi’s child?” The way she spits out ‘married’ I get the distinct feeling she’s both jealous and angry. I relax my posture, and a small smile creeps across my lips. Jiro makes eye contact with me and straightens his shoulders. My family is screwed up, but he loves me regardless. He’s proud I’m not going to take shit from anyone.

“Yes, and I know everything now. I know why you left, why you won’t talk to me. I know about Aunt Charlotte and the real Sanaa and that my real name is Hanako. There are a lot of things, though, I just don’t understand. I was hoping we could talk about this now.”

“I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to talk to you, to be honest. I told this to Kimie when I cut off communication. I can’t look at you and not think of Junko.”

“What happened? Why would you ignore me like that?”

Rage boils over on her face, and she walks forward with her finger out and pointed at me.

“Your mother…”

She doesn’t get very far because Jiro steps in front of me and pushes me back. I was too much in shock to do anything.

“Don’t,” Jiro says. She takes one look at him and our swords on his back and steps away from me.

“Your mother was a whore.”

The comment slaps me across the face. It stings so much I close my eyes and a tear leaks out. When I examine my heart and mind again, I’m not sad. I’m angry. This is the perfect opportunity for me to put on my passive face. Deep breaths, dark blue sky, dunes.

“She slept with Max. She slept with Mark. I think she even slept with Tadao.” Sharon’s face is serious, eyes widened in judgment.

Anger works its way up from my stomach, warming my chest. I’m standing perfectly still. If I move, I might kill her.

“I’m glad to see there’s a little of Max in you because for the longest time I doubted you were even his child. Kimie refused to have your DNA tested because she was so afraid of being found out. She was afraid of the clans finding out you were Hanako and not Sanaa. She was so self-centered and selfish. That was our last and final argument.”

Wait just a minute. Insulting my dead mother is one thing, my aunts is a completely different story.

“Aunt Kimie is the most caring and loving person on this wretched planet. If you’re looking for someone self-centered and selfish, you should look in the mirror. How can you say these things about me? About my mother?” Just past her on the breakfast bar of her kitchen counter is a bottle of wine almost gone and a glass half-full. She stormed out of so many holidays and birthdays when I was a kid because she was drunk and not getting enough attention.

“Because it’s true. Even your own father doubted you were his. Your whore of a mother was sleeping with both Mark Sakai and Max when she became pregnant.”

I hate where this conversation is going. Time to wrap up. As much as I want to be open and honest with Jiro, I don’t want him hearing every bit of dirty laundry my family has. I’m already damaged goods. No need to completely destroy me now.

“Regardless of who my mother slept with, which is none of your business anyway, Max Griffin is definitely my father. I’ve seen all the DNA records and the family trees in the GDB, and I look nothing like Mark Sakai. If you were involved in my life, you’d know this already.”

Sharon shrugs her shoulders, reaching out for her wine glass and almost knocking it over before taking a large gulp. She believes every word she’s saying, and from what I know of what happened, her version of events is not far from the truth. But just the fact that she is using ‘whore’ to describe my own mother reminds me she was hospitalized for mental instability after my parents were killed.

“You changed your name.” She waves her glass at me, and I step back as some wine hits the floor between us.

“I don’t want to be a Griffin anymore, and it’s time I owned my family heritage.” I glance at Jiro as I amble over to the wall of boxes. “I’m aware you’ve been talking to people, about me, about my family.” I run my hand along the boxes and take a quick count, around fifty.

“How do you know that?” she asks, fear inching its way into her voice.

“A very stupid and shallow young lady called my mother a whore earlier today.” I fake shock and then laugh. Revenge is at hand. “Now, imagine our surprise when it came flying out of her mouth, and no one has spoken of my mother in public in ages.”

“You know,” Jiro starts, and his deep voice surprises me for a moment. He’s been taking this all in and not saying a word otherwise. “Sanaa is a brilliant detective. Nothing gets past her.”

I fold my arms across my chest and lean my back on the wall of boxes.

“So, you’ve been talking to Risa Yamamoto, and, hmmm, possibly her parents, Nobu and Yukio. Selling the family secrets. Dolling out all the gossip, and for what? This?” I tap the boxes behind me with my foot. “Why would you be packing up to leave Nishikyō when you’re on third wave?”

I had Sakai make sure that all of my closest family and friends were on first wave with us, and I never mentioned my other family. When I investigated Sharon in the GDB months ago, she had been assigned to third wave, and I didn’t think twice, because I didn’t care.

That’s right. I don’t care. Maybe I should, and maybe I would if I had come here, and we had worked things out. Instead, I’ve come here and found my parents’ past rotting the soul of my aunt. She’s not someone I want to introduce around, not someone I want my children to associate with.

Her face pales, her hand holding her wine glass shaking with fear. She’s probably a fine employee and saves the drinking for when she’s off the clock, but I’ve caught her in a moment of weakness. This is when my instincts tell me to go for the kill.

“You thought that by betraying me and my family, your own brother and sister-in-law, that you could buy your way onto first wave. You’ve even secured a hibernation spot that someone had to give up for you. Do you have a job lined up for when we arrive? Wait. You do.”

With each statement, I know I’m right, and these arrangements must have happened recently because Lucy and Sakai would have caught on eventually. Sharon gulps and sets her glass down.

“I… I’m not sure what you mean.”

Jiro laughs and pulls his tablet out of my bag. With a few strokes of his long fingers across the keypad, he types out a message and waits.

“I came here tonight to make peace with you, to get you to understand that what you’ve been doing is hurtful to me and to our entire family. Mark Sakai suggested I clear the air. Let me make something abundantly clear. Unpack your boxes because you’ll be lucky if you leave this planet alive. Keep your mouth shut if you want to keep your job. Get help for yourself now before I make you get it.”

Jiro’s tablet pings, and he nods at me.

“You’re crazy!” Sharon says, incredulous. “What makes you think that I’m going to take orders from you? A little girl?”

“It’s already done, Sharon.” I wave at Jiro, and he puts his tablet away. “You’re more than aware of my heritage and why my parents never married. Much to my own surprise, I’m going to be in charge on Yūsei. Not you. Not the Yamamotos and whomever else they’re working with. Me. If you wanted special consideration, you should have showed me you cared. Instead you made me feel abandoned and lonely for most of my life until you made me angry.”

I never wanted any of the power of being an empress, and here I am, using my influence to destroy what’s left of my family. I hate myself sometimes.

“Come on, Sanaa. I think we got what we came here for.” Jiro has his arm out, and I want badly to just sink into him and forget this, but I’m still pissed off.

“I am not my mother. You didn’t have to disown me.”

“You still look exactly like her. I can’t trust you,” she replies, and she’s right. She can’t trust me, and I can’t trust her.

“Don’t bother. You’ll never see me again.”

I walk from the apartment with Jiro at my side and don’t look back. I let my feet carry me all the way down the stairs and right outside to the sidewalk, and for a moment, I’m not sure whether to blow up or cry. What’s easier?

An empty plastic crate sits on the ground out front, and I kick it. It flies off to the right, hitting the wall of the next building over and bouncing into the alley. I turn the corner into the alley, the heat of my rage burning my insides, pick the crate up, and slam it against the unforgiving concrete wall while Jiro and Usagi watch.

“Think it’s that easy, huh?” Slam! The plastic hits the wall so hard my hands throb.

“You can betray your family and buy yourself a spot anywhere?” Kick! The crate actually cracks this time, but I pick it up, and wind back with my whole body before aiming at the wall again.

“Wanna just talk and talk and tell lies with no consequences?” I throw the crate all the way down the alley, it hits a metal door, and cracks again. My breathing is so heavy, I’m starting to hyperventilate.

The metal door opens and a man sticks his head out. “Oy! What’s going on out here?”

Usagi steps forward, his hand moving to his sword. “Get back inside and mind your own business.” The man quickly closes the door.

“Awesome, Sanaa. Let’s get something else for you to break.” Jiro looks around eagerly, and I let one laughing sob escape my mouth before clamping my hand down on it.

Gods, sometimes it really feels good to beat the crap out of something, a conduit for my smoking dragon instead of just letting the anger die out. It’s much more gratifying.

“Aw, you’re done already?” Jiro enfolds me in a strong hug, and I let a few tears out of my eyes onto his shoulder. “Oh well. It’s always fun while it lasts.”

“Let’s get out of here before that guy calls the police,” Usagi says. “Shall we go for a drink? I watched this neighborhood a lot during the summer, and there’s a pub around the corner with a personable staff. I’ll test your beer myself.” He winks and smiles at me, putting his hand on my shoulder, and I’m doubly relieved. I’ve dealt with Sharon and received a rare smile from Usagi.

“Yes. Let’s get drinks and forget about this.” I put my arms around both boys, and Usagi leads us away.

The next day when I check the GDB on Sharon Griffin, she’s voluntarily checked into Ku 2 for psychiatric evaluation and her Colonization Status has been moved to ‘Tenth Wave – Pending.’

Good riddance.