Released – Chapter 3

Jiro escorts me to the bathroom, turns on the shower, and orders me to get in. He’s not taking no for an answer today which I find both stupidly sweet and frustrating all at the same time.

When I’m done, I make my way out to the couch instead of going back to the bedroom. The door to the outside is closed again, Jiro’s sandy boots next to it. While I was in the shower, he changed into Nishikyō grays and combed out his hair. It’s so long now, longer than mine. And the thin line of beard he has along his jaw is so handsome. I can’t believe I just tried to break up with him. I must be crazy.

I sit on the couch, pull my legs up to my chest, and hug them. I’ve slept so much and yet I’m still so tired I could put my head down and go back to sleep right now.

“Here. Let’s eat.” He hands me a bowl with noodles, mushrooms, and spinach. Much better than the frozen meals I’ve been eating.

“Did Oyama make this?”

“Yes. He cooked for an entire day when he heard I was coming. I made it here on one of the shuttles in only eight hours, but they couldn’t drop me off outside until this morning. I had to fight with them to let me because of the storm. I’ve been fighting with everyone lately.” He smiles at me. “This is my first time out of the city limits.”

“Exciting.”

“Very. How are you doing with that?” He points his chopsticks at the window, and I don’t look.

Slipping my feet under Jiro’s legs, I heave a sigh. “The storm scares me more than the outdoors. I was starting to get used to the view when it came.”

“Well, it’s progress. Maybe this house hasn’t been one hundred percent bad for you. Only about ninety-five percent.”

These noodles taste delicious right now. I wish I could cook for myself the way Oyama cooks for me. I eat my meal fast until I’m over half-way through, but I stop and put my chopsticks down askew in the bowl.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Nothing. I just… I just want to look at you for a few seconds.” My heart has picked up pace in my chest. I’m so close to him now, and when the storm started, I thought I would never see him again. “When did you get this?” I reach over the tops of my knees and stroke the line of hair now along his jawline. His eyes close, and he leans in lightly to my touch.

“Well, I didn’t take good care of myself either while you were gone. I didn’t sleep much, and once I figured out I could see you, I barely ever left that surveillance room. Beni brought me food, and my mother slept a few nights on the cot in there. I showered at the dōjō and forgot to shave. It was only when I found out I’d see you soon that I cleaned myself up.”

“Were you busy helping Mark?”

He nods. “I hunted down several people myself. I finally got to see that theater you spent so much time in in Ku 1. I couldn’t believe how many data gathering jobs you had set up.”

“I spent a lot of time in 3B before we started training and still a lot after.”

“I found all of your jobs on Miura and his top people. It was a little eerie seeing the data on Matsuda stop one day.”

I ended his life so swiftly. No regrets.

“I actually miss that place. I miss all of Nishikyō.” I pick up my bowl of noodles and continue eating.

“You’ll be home soon. When Beni heard I was coming here to get you, she started cleaning up our apartment. I’m afraid I left the place a disaster.”

“How is Beni? I miss her, and I wish she had been here with me.”

Sadness washes over Jiro’s face, and I immediately begin to dread whatever news he’s about to deliver. “Beni lost both her parents in the earthquake. Her side of the family is completely devastated. My whole family is devastated. I lost my father. My mother lost her husband and cousins. They’re gone, just like that.”

He lets out a sob so heartbreaking I’m frozen for a minute in shock. My strong, fearless, compassionate Jiro is crying, and I think a piece of my soul just withered and died.

I quickly grab my bowl and his and set them down on the floor. Placing my hand on his chest, he clutches it with both of his. I stay silent since I don’t know what I can say to make this awful situation better.

“You cannot do that to me again, Sanaa. You cannot waste away and not take care of yourself. What would I have done if I had lost you, too?”

The control I thought I had on my tears disappears, and they roll from my eyes and land on the couch between us.

“I’m sorry, Jiro. So sorry.”

When I think of how Sakai lost my mother, my aunt, and his only daughter all in one day and how he almost died from the grief, I remember he had no one but his brother and sister-in-law to get him through it. Now I will have to be strong for Jiro. He has his family but needs me, too.

I settle myself on his lap, wrap his arms around me, and hold his head to my chest. He’s a silent crier, no blubbering or moaning, but his breath is short, and his back shakes. I run my hand lightly down his spine until he calms, and when he looks up at me, I wipe the tears from his face and kiss him.

“This has been the hardest seven weeks of my life, and it was hard because I wasn’t with you.”

“No one is going to separate us again. No one.”

I believe him.

Jiro nods and presses his cheek against me, inhaling deeply before letting the sadness out with a big huff. I’ll get him to talk more about his father later when he’s feeling less emotional.

“Your hair’s getting long. It’s almost at your chin.”

I love playing with his hair. It’s getting so long his white streak is buried under the rest of it. I run the streak through my fingers for a minute before tucking his hair behind his ears.

He smiles at me. It’s a relief to see his smile again. “I know. I was going to get it cut but there was no time.”

“Don’t. I love it even though it’s longer than mine now.”

I turn away before the blush starts. I never realized how much my hair meant to me until it was gone. Standing up, I remove myself from his lap and give us both back our bowls before sitting next to him again. Best to eat and move on.

“No worries, Sanaa. You’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

My heart stops for a moment, and I catch my breath to start it beating again.

“Hmmm, maybe you should talk to Manami. Get the back all cut short and the front dyed a wild color.”

That’s a thought I don’t hate. I file it away for later.

“I’m sorry for crying on you,” he says.

“Please.” I hold his hand, so warm and strong. I missed this. “I love that you share with me. You know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m sure we’ll have lots of emotions to go through before we’re old and gray.”

“You’re so very right.” He leans forward and kisses me under my ear again. My favorite spot. “Ice cream?”

“Yes, okay.” He jumps up off the couch and comes back with chocolate soy ice cream and two spoons. I try to snatch it away just for myself.

“Sanaa, you must learn to share.” He quickly grabs the pint before I can stop him. “Be careful, Miss Itami. I know your ticklish spot.”

“Miss Itami. You’re the first person to call me that since I decided I wanted to change my name.” It makes me smile and blush. I like my new name a lot.

“Actually, that’s what Ms. Coen calls you, and that’s how Sakai refers to you when he talks to her.”

“Have you met her?” I’ve always wanted to meet the Chief Administrator. I watched the news cast about Yūsei enough times to have her voice and face memorized.

Jiro hitches a sly grin. “I have. I suspect you will too before long.”

“What? What’s with the smile?”

“Um, you’ll see. I’m not going to say anything else until you get home. Oh, I almost forgot.” He jumps up from the table, runs to the bathroom then comes back, a pair of scissors in his hand. “Look what I found in my kit. Do you trust me?”

Way too many questionable activities in the world have started off with that phrase, but I hate my hair the way it is.

In the bathroom, I hold all of the longer hair on the crown of my head forward while he cuts everything in back to the same short length.

“It’s a good thing I cut my own hair on occasion,” he says from behind me. “I know basically what I’m doing.”

“Basically? You can’t be more confident than ‘basically?’”

“I’ll do a good job. I promise. Here, I’m all done in back. Let go of the top.”

I do as I’m told and glance at myself in the mirror. My hair is already looking better.

“Turn towards me.” He combs my hair forward with his fingers and cuts the length to just over my ears in back but longer in front. He even clips all the ends around my face where it was looking particularly ragged because I needed two swipes to cut my hair off instead of one clean one.

“I never thought I’d let my boyfriend cut my hair.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything. No worries. When we get back, I’ll treat you to the real thing.”

“Make the front a little shorter on one side so I can sweep it over and tuck it behind my ear or get some hair clips.”

I’m so different when I look in the mirror. My hair is short in back and a bit longer on the right side of my head, but from my part all the way over to the left my hair is long, almost to my chin, and when I tuck it back, it actually looks kind of cute.

“Cute. Definitely,” Jiro says and laughs. “I can’t believe I just cut my future empress’s hair.”

“Stop,” I say, smacking him on the chest. “Never call me that in private. If you have to in public, so be it, but never here between us.”

I turn my head from side-to-side in the mirror while Jiro watches me.

“I love you, Sanaa.”

He is so still, watching me intently, serious again. I turn and put my arms around his neck.

“I love you, Jiro.”

I want to kiss him but little bits of hair are all over me and my face. Instead, I pull him close to me. I’m happy again.