Released – Chapter 25

Two sweltering weeks go by, and Jiro and I spend them in our apartment. I wanted alone time with him, and I got it, and I’m certainly not complaining. We’re newlyweds, and I’m so happy I could die. Warm apartments call for little in the way of clothing, and we spend a lot of time doing role play — him in charge, me in charge — and our time together is hot in the same way the summer is. The dōjō is in the high thirties every day so we can’t go there for exercise. It doesn’t matter, though, because Jiro keeps me fit at home. Mmmm.

But, unfortunately, that’s all I get of him.

After the two weeks are over, Jiro ramps up the business. He’s obviously happy doing this kind of work, scheduling meetings, talking, negotiating, making plans for me and Yūsei with Sakai and Lucy. I can’t believe someone as young as him can handle all of these men and women, heads of houses, government officials, and be so organized. I was always good at organization and logical thinking, but Jiro takes everything to a new level with to-do lists and plans and negotiations that hinge on other plans and negotiations.

Being good at it means he spends a lot of time at work, though. This is such a Japanese thing to do, to work ourselves to death, and I used to be just as bad. I miss long days on the job and all night drink-athons with my coworkers. Some mornings, Jiro is around for a quick breakfast together, during which he is shoving food in his mouth at a rapid pace, chugging down green tea, and kissing me on the forehead as he sprints out the door, while I slowly sip my coffee.

I only attend half the meetings. When I do, I have opinions on almost everything and everyone listens, but the real heavy lifting is done after I leave. So I go to meet with these talking heads, and then Usagi escorts me home. When I don’t have meetings, I spend the mornings running quick errands because it’s too hot to do anything else. I rarely have lunch with Jiro, and most nights I fall asleep before he’s home. I miss him so much my chest aches when I think of him.

I get out of our space as often as possible, going to Mariko’s or Sakai’s, scanning my hand at the door, but usually finding no one at home. I swear most of the palm scanners can see me coming and are whispering to each other about how many times I’ve been rejected.

I’m always wandering the halls trying to find someone in the building and never succeeding. Never. I try every day without fail. I really should give up because this dismissal of my love and company is doing awful things for my confidence. If Mariko, Beni, Usagi, Miko, Yoichi, Sakai, and Lucy wanted to spend time with me, they would come to me, right? I do often find Oyama at home, but he’s always cooking or baking. I interrupted him once, and he burned a cake he was working on. Now if I smell food coming from his apartment, I don’t bother to ring. I’ve even tried to catch Kentaro at home, but I know he’s been tailing Risa or out with Kevin.

So the days when I’m not able to find anyone to spend time with, I comb through video surveillance. I still like to have tasks to do. I have jobs set up on Emiko Matsuda and Yoshinori Minamoto, and I watch them every day, but they don’t do much outside of eating together on a regular basis.

I let the jobs on Risa’s parents, Nobu and Yukio Yamamoto, pile up, and Jiro watches them for me since he knows more about that side of the family than I do. According to Jiro’s messages to me, they are the most boring people alive. They go to the theaters, out to dinner, to the casino, and have once spent a weekend at a ryokan in Little Kyoto but that’s it.

Maeda is still a problem. I messaged him again, inviting him to an okiya for dinner with the geisha, and he declined. Just outright declined and gave no reason why. His avoidance is starting to get under my skin, and I need to figure out what to do before he thinks he can walk all over me. Well, let’s be honest, he already has walked all over me, and I’ve felt powerless to stop it.

With no dōjō, no Jiro, and no companionship, I’m forced to wander the halls of the building for hours at a time. I run up and down the stairs until my heart is pounding, and I’m sweating buckets, getting the same kind of exercise I would have sword fighting, but it’s not as fun. Akira, the main guard on my floor and the one above me, is a nice guy, older and married. He counts my runs up and down, and we converse lightly about things like the weather (“Hot one today!”), his kids, and his favorite subject, origami. Some days, he’s the only person I talk to.

This morning, I chat with Chad online. We talk about work and his girlfriend, and I try to tell him what I can of Jiro without giving anything away about my circumstances. It’s hard, though. My whole life is wrapped up in this, and I have very little else to talk about since I don’t go out, don’t see shows, don’t attend summer festivals, don’t do, well, anything public anymore. The last time I was out and about was Tanabata and that seems like ages ago.

I’m leaving the apartment just before lunch to do my usual rounds of everyone’s door scanners before running laps up and down the stairs when Miko and Yoichi’s door opens. I nearly burst with happiness. Someone is home!

“Miko! Yoichi! It’s great to see you.” I smile and bounce on my tip toes. I hope I don’t look too eager.

“Sanaa,” Miko leans in, and we kiss on the cheek before she looks me up and down. I’m in my casual workout clothes. Nothing too ratty. I still care about my appearance even if no one ever sees me.

“What are you up to?” Miko asks.

“I was just about to see if anyone was home. Maybe get some lunch?” I would give up my exercise plans to have lunch and human contact any day of the week.

“We actually have a lunch date planned,” Yoichi says, taking Miko’s arm. They smile at each other, and my heart flops down into my stomach. My poor heart. It keeps getting broken or squashed by circumstances.

Fake it, Sanaa.

“How lovely! Where are you going?”

“The new sushi place that’s opened a few blocks away. The food is great, really fresh, and super tasty. I’d like to poach the chef if I can.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” I nod at them both. “A lunch date sounds just… lovely.”

I already said lovely. I’m repeating myself.

“One of the perks of having a husband now.” Miko flashes a smile at me over her shoulder as Yoichi leads her away.

Yes, I’m sure it is. Funny that I haven’t seen mine in days. Or been out on a date since Tanabata.

I pace the halls today and consider what’s happened to my life. Is Jiro away at these meetings because he likes his work or because he doesn’t want to be with me?

No, don’t think like this, Sanaa.

If he didn’t want to be with me, he never would have married me. He still comes home when I’ve been asleep for hours, wraps himself around me, and kisses me. There’s no way he’d do that otherwise. He’s always been sincere, never fake. I can trust him.

But with no one ever around, and they all know I’m here, they haven’t just left me alone.

They’ve abandoned me.