Released – Chapter 19

After the dōjō and a shower, I spend lunch with Mariko in her apartment. When she answers the door, she’s genial, almost cheerful, and it’s such a marked contrast to all of our previous lunches that I can’t help but feel hopeful. Maybe Mariko and I will be friends after all. There are times when I’d give anything to go back to the days before Koichi died. Everything was so much better then including my relationship with her. But we can’t go back. I need to stop hoping and wishing things were better.

Instead of eating at the table, she sits me down on the couch with a bowl of food and gets out her tablet so we can browse through pictures of my parents. She has so many of them. I thought my mother hated having her picture taken, but it appears she only liked having photos taken while she was drinking.

Mariko’s tablet has plenty of photos to soak in: Arms-length self-portraits that never seem to go out of style; one of her sitting on my father’s lap at a party; my mother and Mariko and Charlotte, the aunt I never knew I had; Mariko and Koichi; one of my mother and Sakai that makes my heart stop. I never see photos of Sakai young, and he looks so much like Jiro, and my mother and I are so alike this photo could be us twenty years ago. They’re sitting in a booth at a restaurant, and Sakai is sneering at the camera, his hair chin-length and dark. My mother has her face turned to him, her chin propped on her hand, her other hand on a saké cup on the table, and everything about her expression screams, “I love this man.”

Mariko sits next to me as I wipe away two tears that have rolled down my cheeks. “Gods, look at how young we all were.” She shakes her head and swipes the photo away, on to the next one, but I stop her.

“Wait. Mark. He’s so…” What do I want to say? I’m conflicted because I find the Sakai of twenty years ago attractive. Hell, I find the Sakai of now attractive too, but that’s another story entirely.

Mariko glances from me to the tablet and back again. “Those Itō genes are pretty strong, right? Mark’s father was handsome too. I swear the whole family has animal magnetism oozing from every pore.” She laughs and waggles her eyebrows at me. “I’m glad I had sons with Koichi. I have had a lot of handsome men in my life.”

Jiro and Yoichi, too. I wonder what a girl born into this family would have been like.

“Your mother was infatuated with Mark for some time before she came around to Max.” Mariko eyes me carefully, and I quickly swipe past the photo to another to get us away from the obvious display of affection there.

The next photo doesn’t make me feel any better though. My Aunt Sharon stands with her arms around both my father and mother.

“Mariko, what do you think of my Aunt Sharon?”

She finishes off a bite of rice and mock fish before answering me. “I think your aunt had a lot of problems to work out. She’s not a bad person, just… troubled.”

“I’ve been thinking of her lately. Wondering if it’s worth the effort to get back in touch before we all leave for Yūsei.”

Mariko purses her lips. “I haven’t spoken to her in years. Maybe she’s better, maybe not. Do you really want to know?”

I shrug my shoulders. How could I live out the rest of my life without knowing?

“I talked about it with Jiro the other day and he seems to think it’s worth it.” It was a fleeting conversation between meetings.

“Watch out for Jiro,” Mariko says, and I raise my eyebrows at her. “He’s an optimist at heart and even with all that we’ve asked of him to do for the family — the sword fighting, the role of protector — he still thinks the best of people deep down inside. He’s so good at reading someone on first glance and gauging their personality, though. Much like Mark and Koichi.”

Picking up my lunch, I hand the tablet back to her and eat the last bit of food in my bowl while she stares into space for a moment. I think she’s remembering Koichi, but a smile quickly comes to her face.

“I just remembered something. When Kimie and Lomo adopted you and moved to Ku 5, they effectively shut everyone here out of their lives. And I couldn’t blame them with everything that happened, but I missed you all a lot. My brother, Matsuo, was living in Ku 5 at the time you were, hmmm, six and Jiro was eight. Yoichi was ten. Koichi and I joined Matsuo at the temple on New Year’s Day before dinner at his place and we all ran into each other!” She laughs and jumps up from the couch.

Wait, I remember this. My aunts talking to strange people and… “Oh my gods, Jiro pulled my obi bow out and made me cry. It was Jiro, wasn’t it?”

She nods her head and smiles. “Koichi was so angry. I remember him grabbing Jiro and asking him, ‘Why did you do that?’ and Jiro just said, ‘I don’t know. I wanted to talk to her.’ Little boys. I swear they drove me nuts for ages.”

Aunt Lomo had removed me from the crowd at the temple, dried my tears, retied my obi, and then we sat and waited for Aunt Kimie to return. We had dinner together, and I forgot all about the incident.

I barely remember that little boy Jiro. We smiled at each other politely, like we were taught by our parents, and he just lunged and pulled out my bow when I turned to look at something behind me. When I burst into tears, he immediately bolted with Koichi running after him. We never did talk.

“Koichi…” Mariko says softly, her watery eyes directed at a photo of him on her tablet. “I can’t help but think he’d still be here if…”

Her voice trails off, and I’m not sure what to do. She went from laughing and happy to crying so quickly.

But I should do something.

I’ve been meaning to talk to her about the family, about how I want to take care of everyone like she does, despite all of my obligations. Now is a good time to show her how committed I am, how I love this family more than anything in the world.

I reach my hand over to hold hers, but she flings my affection off violently, her head snapping away from me, and my heart beats wildly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude…” Apologies tumble from my mouth, my hands shaking with fear I’ve completely screwed this up. I’m about to throw myself in a bow at her feet when the door chimes and opens with Usagi standing in the doorway.

“Sanaa, you’re going to be late to meet Lucy if we don’t leave right now.” I jump from the couch.

I bow quickly. “Thank you for lunch, Mariko.”

She doesn’t respond, so I sprint for the door, eager to leave this situation far behind me.

—-

Usagi escorts me from the Sakai building, and I spend the entire time walking and thinking about what just happened. I’ve offended Mariko somehow. There’s no doubt in my mind now. I fear I’m being way too informal with her, too personal. I’ve overstepped, and I shouldn’t have. I need to take a big leap back and stop being so aggressive. Just because she’s Jiro’s mother does not give me the right to touch her or be too familiar. Ugh, I hate this stuff. I should confront her, but if Jiro and I are going to last, I can’t damage this relationship. I’ll have to think of something else.

We walk in silence, and two blocks parallel to the Itō dōjō, we come upon a little French café with twinkle lights in the window and an erasable sign out front with handwritten daily specials in both French and Japanese. Café les pivoines. I recognize this name. It was on the cake Oyama brought for me the night I had Miko and Helena over.

As we approach the door, it flies open and clangs with metal bells that I reach out and silence with my hand. A young Japanese man in his mid-twenties bumps into me and jostles his iced coffee.

“Excuse me! I’m sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He laughs and grabs me by my shoulder, looking me in the eyes for a moment and taking in every detail of my face and body in an instant. But before Usagi can even turn and dislodge the man from me, he leaves, waving over his shoulder at us. “Sorry!”

“Hmmm, let me get the door, Sanaa.” Usagi holds it open for me, and we enter together, brushing off our encounter with the hurried young man.

The café is pleasantly busy. Ten tables line the window in the front, five of them occupied, and a line of cushioned booths sits along the back. Sakai waits at the front counter, and he’s talking to the owner. I thought I was having coffee with just Lucy today.

I smile as I inhale the sweet scent of coffee, airborne sugar, and baked goods. I really do love desserts.

“Hi Mark, I didn’t know you’d be joining us.” I try to smooth my hair down and straighten my shirt. I’m out of place amongst the stylish clientele in the café. Dressed all in black, carrying a sword and my every day messenger bag, no makeup, and my hair a mess, I don’t fit in here even if I could eat chocolate cake every day for the rest of my life happily.

Sakai smiles but doesn’t say anything and gestures to the tall man behind the counter.

“Remy, this is Sanaa, Jiro’s fiancée. Sanaa, Remy.”

Sakai is pissed, and I can already tell I’m in a lot of trouble. He stressed fiancée a minute amount, but the emphasis was like a slap in the face. I falter for a moment but put on a smile for Remy whose curly hair stands up and gives him a few extra centimeters. He smiles and his green eyes shine.

“A pleasure, mademoiselle.” He nods at me, and I bow back.

“Remy’s been running this place for about eight years now, right?”

“I have. I’m lucky to have such a great landlord.” Remy and Sakai smile at each other. Sakai must own this building, too.

“Remy, let’s get Sanaa an espresso since it’s nice and cool in here. No problems with the air coolers?”

“None. Even the kitchen has been good.” Remy turns to me. “Anything to eat, Sanaa?”

I examine every last pastry in the case carefully. It’s hard to decide. “I’ll have a chocolate croissant, too.”

“Très bien.” He reaches into the case and plates a chocolate croissant for me. Another woman working behind him pours espresso into a dainty white porcelain cup. Sakai doesn’t ask for anything, but Remy puts a glass in front of him, drops two ice cubes in, and about three fingers of Scotch that he pours from a bottle he has stashed under the counter.

We meet Lucy in a booth at the back, and Usagi sits at a table next to us with tea and his tablet. I slide into the seat and prop Kazenoho up next to my leg under the table. No one even looked at it. Everyone minds their own business here.

“Sanaa…” Lucy leans forward, and we kiss on the cheek, her preferred method of greeting, though I’m always trying to hug her.

Silence brews while I sip my espresso, Lucy her coffee, and Sakai his Scotch. We’re engaged in a waiting game. Who’s going to break the uncomfortable silence first? And damn, why isn’t Jiro here to back me up? I’m all by myself, and it was his idea in the first place.

“So…” Sakai says, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Him first. “Fiancée, huh?”

An embarrassed blush bursts onto my cheeks, and I study my cup instead of looking at the both of them.

“You have a lot of damage control to do now.” Sakai is not admonishing me, Lucy is. “We’ve been propping you up as the colonization leader, though you’re twenty years old and have no clue what you’re doing, all because of your bloodline. And this only works if you don’t marry.”

“I know.” I’m a four-year-old child being sent to time-out by my mother.

“Please tell me you’re not going to do anything legally.”

“We weren’t planning on it.” Anger heats my belly. “Look,” I say, and my temper rises immediately. “I want to get married. I want to have a husband and kids, and no, I don’t want a consort. It’s not good enough. A consort means there’s room for other consorts, and it’s stupid, but I just want Jiro. That’s it.”

Why is this so hard for Sakai to understand?

Unexpectedly, his passivity breaks and sadness clouds his eyes. I want different things than my mother did, and he’s still measuring me against her. My mother would have taken the consorts and screwed the marriage. After everything I’ve learned, she was probably with both Sakai and my father at the same time, breaking both of their hearts.

“It’s not stupid,” Sakai says, quietly.

“Really?” I was expecting a fight. A big blowup where I get up and denounce everything, quit it all, and have to come back later and apologize.

“It’s unexpected. We spoke to Jiro today before this and he’s… determined as well.”

My blush fades, and knowing Jiro hasn’t backed down either, I’m more confident about all of this.

“Lucy and I are unhappy you didn’t talk to us about this before broadcasting your relationship to the minor clans. And now you have a Minamoto problem and possibly a Maeda problem. I know you were thinking about going to visit Kimie and Lomo soon, but you should postpone and concentrate on this. It’s July now, and you have less than six months to get everyone in line before we leave.”

Shit. I miss my aunts so much. It’ll kill me to have to postpone a trip to call on them. Again.

“Last time I checked Maeda has ignored every one of our messages,” I remind him.

“You’ll have to think of some other avenue to talk to him.”

“Fine.” I’ll have to come up with something, I guess. More time in Ku 1 with Usagi when he’s available to take me. I’ll ask Jiro too.

“Well, well, listen to Sanaa, our future empress, getting scolded. I never thought I’d see the day.”

Risa unexpectedly stands at our table, her shoulder-length hair falling in perfect waves around her pretty but detestable face. She always looks gorgeous, like she just stepped out of a salon, and I always look like a pre-pubescent girl. Whenever she’s nearby, my tomboy nature is amplified tenfold.

“Hmmm, maybe Sanaa’s not as perfect as she pretends to be.” Risa taps her rounded fingernail against her lips and blinks her eyelashes at me.

“What the hell do you want? I told you to stay away from me.” I nod at Usagi, and he comes to Risa’s side, grabbing her arm, but she snatches it back. Sakai and Lucy exchange glances, and Sakai moves so he can get up.

“You won’t boss me around. I’m surprised anyone wants to be friends with someone as annoyingly superior as you.” She sneers at Lucy, and I almost laugh. The girl has guts, I’ll give her that. “For example, poor Helena…” She clucks her tongue against her teeth. “She definitely doesn’t deserve the treatment she gets by being your friend.” She picks up her bag from the table next to her, throws her hair over her shoulder, and leaves.

What?

“Helena? What’s she talking about?” I ask.

Everyone freezes, the same light flickering on in each of our heads at the same moment. I’m supposed to have dinner with Helena and Miko tonight, supposed to meet up with her for drinks at her place beforehand in thirty minutes. The café is steamy and warm, but goosebumps pop up all over me.

I grab Kazenoho and throw the sword over my shoulder with my bag, running for the door with Usagi, Sakai, and Lucy right behind me. Helena’s apartment is five blocks from here, and if we run, we can make it there in only a few minutes. She usually works till eight or nine every night but decided to shorten her shift today so we could hang out together. She should be home by now.

I weave in and out of people on the sidewalks, sweat streaming down my face, and my legs pumping as hard as they can, trying not to think about what I’ll find when I ring Helena’s doorbell.

When we reach her building, I bypass the elevator and climb the stairs two at a time with Usagi right next to me. Scanning my hand at the door, we wait… and wait. Why is she not answering?

Usagi leans towards the door and listens as Sakai and Lucy run up behind us. Light but irregular steps sound through the doorway before it opens.

Something is very wrong with Helena. She stares at us, blank, her eyes are vacant, and her pupils are almost nonexistent in her deep blue irises. Her body convulses, and I lurch forward and wrap my arms around her before she falls and hits her head.