Released – Chapter 16

I’ve never had so many photos taken of me in my life. I’m tempted to swear off of them for good like my mother did, but, damn, I’m going to be a highly visible public figure in a matter of years, and I will be unable to avoid the cameras. I should try and get used to them.

After the photo session, we walk behind the bride and groom to a banquet hall four blocks from the Sakai building but in the opposite direction of the Itō dōjō. This is another area I have never been to. Guests arrive in a long stream of chatter and happy faces, but we’re only expecting about eighty people. Just like Miko wanted, not too big.

In a back lounge, Beni helps me get dressed as quickly as possible in my new white yukata with the large purple flowers and dark blue obi. She pulls the collar up as high as it will go, measuring out the back by four fingers-widths, but still adjusting the height so no one can see my tattoos. Thanks, Beni.

Beni and I step out the door last behind everyone else, and Jiro is waiting for me in the hallway with a smile.

“You look gorgeous,” he says, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. “This is the new one, right? I haven’t seen it in the closet.”

“Yes, it is.” I smooth out the front, minutely adjusting the obi so it forms a perfect line across my mid-section.

“Well, well. I’m finally getting to meet Sanaa Griffin.”

From behind Jiro, a woman steps towards us with Risa at her elbow. I’ve only seen her in the photos in Risa’s apartment, but this is undoubtedly her mother. They both share the same small nose, the heart-shaped mouth, and thin eyebrows. If Nobu Yamamoto had less gray hair, they could be sisters.

“Sanaa Itami, actually. And you’re Nobu Yamamoto.”

I’d wait for her to bow, but I know she won’t.

“I am.” She looks from me to Jiro and back. “So you must be the one that has usurped my family.”

Nobu is going straight in for the kill. No beating around the bush, no small talk.

“I haven’t usurped anyone, actually,” I say, clasping my hands in front of me and plastering on a smile so fake and sweet it actually makes my teeth ache from the effort. “Mark Sakai has always run this family.”

We stand and quietly assess each other. Who will attack next? Risa is propped up by her mother. Only moments ago, she was helping Miko get into her kimono, and now I barely recognize her. Her smile is long gone, and she’s frosty and mean.

“Before you came along, I believe Risa had a claim on Jiro,” Nobu says.

“Nobu…” Jiro says in a warning voice.

Risa felt like she owned Jiro just because she wanted him? I never realized what a spoiled brat she was.

“Ah, I know, Jiro. You like this one.” Nobu purses her mouth in a sour expression. “Risa has expressed her regret over it.”

“Risa never had a chance.” Jiro is cold and still, his passive expression leaving no other emotion than hatred.

“But Jiro…” Risa shocks me by stepping forward and trying to actually touch Jiro’s face, like a lover leaning in for a kiss. He jerks back, her fingers grazing empty air while I stand with my mouth gaping open.

“Don’t touch me,” Jiro says, taking one step closer to me.

“You used to let me touch you, Jiro.”

Beni gasps next to me and grabs my arm. Good thing too because I have the undeniable urge to kill Risa right now. And if looks could kill they’d both be dead under Jiro’s stare.

“Risa, Nobu,” I say, trying to keep my voice like steel and not let it waver, “do not approach me ever again.” Usagi is making his way towards us now. “Usagi, please see the Yamamotos to their table.”

“You will not boss me around, Itami.” Nobu looks over her shoulder at me. “I’ve been a part of this family longer than you.”

I turn my back on her before I say something completely stupid, but not before seeing Risa raise her eyebrows at Jiro.

“Is she serious?” I ask Jiro. “About having a claim on you?”

“Only in their delusional world. Neither Mark nor my parents would ever think of betrothing me, especially not to Risa. This is not the middle ages. Besides, you know they hoped you and I would be together.”

He puts his arm around me, and I try to calm my racing heart.

“I’m glad your reflexes are fast,” I say, looking up at him. “If she had touched you, I would have had to break her arm or ask for Kazenoho and cut her down.” I haven’t drawn my sword in a while.

“Ah, no blood shed today, thankfully. Though I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Let’s go, Beni.” I grab her hand and pull her along even though she’s pale, her eyes trained on Risa through the door and across the dining room. I think that’s a side of Risa no one has ever seen.

—-

In the dining hall, I sit at a large table with Jiro, Mariko, Sakai, Lucy, Helena, Usagi, and Beni. I can’t let Risa’s actions ruin the day, so I take a deep breath and put her out of my mind. The hall is noisy with the clamor of voices and music, everyone talking to their closest neighbor.

Jiro leans over to my ear. “How was Miko today?”

“You mean before we left? Positively green,” I say with a chuckle. “But she was worried something would go wrong during the ceremony. What about Yoichi?”

“I made him drink so he would stop talking. When Yoichi is nervous, he can talk up a storm. Got that from our father.” He smiles sadly, and I reach over and hold his hand. “I miss him, Sanaa.” Jiro closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. I silently say my mantra for today — don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry — before he pulls away and squeezes my hand with a deep breath. “So I’m afraid he might have been a little drunk during the ceremony, but no matter. It’s not like he messed up or anything.”

Across the table, Lucy and Sakai are chatting and laughing, and Sakai is pouring saké for Lucy.

“I suppose those two will be married in about a month, too, right?”

Jiro strokes his thumb along my hand. “Mark wants me to go with him and Lucy to Ku 1 late next week to be the witness on their marriage license.” He smiles, his shoulders squaring.

“That’s great. When’s the party?”

“My mother is working on it for mid-July. Today is the twelfth of June, and they want the party to be a month after the license is signed. Lucy needs time to pack and move to Ku 6 even though she’s coming with us to Yūsei.”

“Well, then, everyone seems to be on their way to getting married before we leave.” I lean forward and grab two cups for us with my free hand and pour the saké.

“Thanks,” Jiro says as he lifts his cup. “To the happy couple.”

A smile flits across my face before we click our cups and drink.

Change the subject.

“After today, I’m going to need a saké detox. Nothing but good food, lots of water, and exercise for two weeks at least.”

He nods and smiles. “Sounds like an excellent idea. I’ll have Oyama take saké off the shopping list for a while.”

The waitstaff door opposite us opens and Oyama comes into the dining room and heads straight for us. His job never ends. He carries with him a plate of appetizers he slides onto the table in front of me. Thank the gods, I’m starving.

“Sanaa, I have supervised your dinner for the evening. Please do not accept a plate from anyone else but me.”

“Okay, Oyama. I’ll wait for you. Thank you.”

He reaches forward and quickly tips back the three saké bottles on the table which are all marked with a red stamp on the bottom. He nods his head and seats himself at the table next to us.

I raise my eyebrows at Jiro, and he grabs the bottle and tips it again. The red hanko signature stamp is the kanji for yama, mountain.

“Did you never notice the bottles we all get at home and at the izakaya are stamped with this? He carries the stamp with him everywhere. He either tastes the saké first and stamps it, or he picks out bottles from the distributor. He has a whole system.”

Shaking my head, I watch Oyama drinking saké at the table next to us. He had years to work on this system before I even arrived. And this reminds me…

“Excuse me, Jiro. Be right back.”

Lucy has left the table, and Sakai is sitting alone, so I sit myself in Lucy’s chair with my cup in my hand.

“Hello, Sanaa, more saké?” he asks with a smile on his face.

“Yes, please.” He fills up my cup, and I take a sip. “Mark, Jiro told me that, a long time ago, Oyama, before he became a full-time dokumiyaku, had a girlfriend who died.”

Sakai nods his head. “He did, indeed. A sweet, little girl. Long hair, bright smile. Very confident and outgoing.”

“Jiro also said Oyama slipped into a deep depression after she died, and that one day you went to him, and afterward, Oyama just up and turned it around.”

Sakai face melts into passivity, and my smile broadens. He should know by now that will never work with me again.

“What do you want to know?” he asks.

“What did you tell Oyama that day?”

He sighs, looking away from me. “I told him there was this pretty, smart, and lovable girl who needed his help. That she was strong and capable of ruling a whole world but people would always try to do her harm. That he could use his skills to help watch after her, and, if he took on the challenge, he would never regret it. You’re never going to make him regret it, are you?”

Looking him in the eye, I shake my head. Sakai is incapable of lying to me now. This is the whole truth. He really told this to Oyama, and not just a few months ago, more like several years ago. Sakai has been watching out for me for so long, I wonder how many years of my life were not taken care of. I’m guessing none of them. He has been behind the curtain for a very long time.

“Thank you, Mark. I’m glad to know you find me lovable.”

“Don’t rub it in, Sanaa.”

Standing up, I grab my cup from the table and put my other hand on his shoulder, squeezing quickly before letting go. He likes to think he’s this hard, demanding, all scare-tactics kind of guy, but Sakai is a softie and has gotten even more so since he proposed to Lucy. Six months ago, he would have avoided that question about Oyama like the plague because his answer reveals too much about how he feels about me. Now he doesn’t care if I know. Another reason I love him so much.

Jiro stands and fills my cup when I return to him.

“Quick, drink. And then let me introduce you around before the bride and groom make their entrance.”

We make the rounds and everyone is either married or engaged, or in the same generation with Sakai and Mariko. Same goes for Miko’s family across the room. I think Jiro and me, Helena, Usagi, Beni, Risa, and Oyama may be the only single people in the room.

“I’m not going to introduce you to Risa’s father for obvious reasons,” Jiro says, and I nod at him.

“Everyone you’ve introduced me to is either married or engaged. Some already have kids.”

Never before this moment have I ever felt the crushing desire to marry and have children, to have a real wedding, to expand my tiny family and be joined with another. Ugh, I’m so selfish. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?

Jiro looks at me and despite the festive atmosphere, the people around us talking and laughing, I’m not smiling. I just can’t smile when I’m trying to keep the thoughts away, the thoughts about my own future and what’s in store for me on Yūsei.

He pulls me in, and I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. We don’t say anything, but this is exactly what I need. I need to know Jiro’s fine with all the terms and conditions that come with me. A bright flash illuminates everything around us, and I know our hug has been captured by the photographer. I hope I don’t look ridiculous.

“Come on, Sanaa. Miko and Yoichi are at the door.”

Sure enough, they come into the dining hall propped up by the thundering of our applause. Mr. and Mrs. Itō. Miko Itō. She told me she was thinking of keeping Tanaka because of the izakaya, but ultimately, she likes the idea of changing her own name and leaving the business name as-is. Maybe I should legally change my name to Sanaa Itami. Maybe a change would make me feel more in control.

Gods, some days I think my brain is broken. I can’t stop thinking about this mess I’m in. If I choose to stay with Jiro, I’m robbing him of his ability to marry, too, and that’s important for the leader of a big family. Beni tried to convince me everything would be fine. But I’m watching Miko and Yoichi walk to each table and talk to their guests as the waitstaff serves dinner, and I’m not sure.

I’m really not sure.

My leg bounces under the table, and my knee knocks up against Jiro’s. His hand comes down on my leg, and I try to tuck my hair behind my ears like I used to do when I was nervous and can’t. I have very little hair left on my head.

I search the room from my chair for support or distraction. Lucy and Sakai are laughing and drinking together, and they both seem so happy. Helena is at the next table over being introduced to Usagi’s parents. Oyama is standing next to them, smiling and nodding his head. My knee bounces even more.

Jiro turns to me with sadness in his eyes again, like he did during the ceremony, and my stomach sinks. He’s regretting this, isn’t he? Regretting us because we can’t have what everyone else has. Looking around at the table full of people I love, they all have the freedom to choose and be with whomever they want. I want to be with Jiro. I am with Jiro but suddenly it feels so temporary, like our relationship can’t last.

I can’t sit here anymore.