Released – Chapter 13

Another evening with Jiro gone. Since we’ve been back, Jiro has been attending many meetings and dinners with Sakai and Lucy, shouldering more responsibility in Sakai clan and on my behalf. It’s sweet, and I’m glad he’s been taking care of me in this way, but I miss him especially after submitting to him the other night. I’ve never done anything like that before, handing myself over to my lover completely.

Now I have no control over anything. I can’t go to all these meetings because of security issues, and I have little to do at home. Regardless, I know Jiro has work to do, and I don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend wondering why he’s not home all the time. That’s not the kind of person I am.

I trust him, but I’m bored.

What to do, what to do.

It’s only seven in the evening and way too early to go to bed. I wonder if anyone is around.

I open the door to our apartment, entering the silent hallway, and scan my hand at Miko’s door. Waiting while the chimes ring inside, I tap my feet on the floor, toe heel, toe heel, over and over again. Hmmm, what can I persuade Miko to do if she’s at home? Drinking? Card games? But the chimes cycle through again and no one answers the door. Too bad. She’s probably working or out with Yoichi.

Perhaps Usagi is home, and we could go out for dinner and a drink. I turn around and move down one door. Scan hand, chimes, tap toes, tap toes. No answer. Okay, I’ll try Mariko and Beni next, and if they’re not home, I’ll message Usagi.

Sprinting down the hall, I wave to the security guard and climb up the stairs two flights. I don’t know Kentaro all that well yet, so I won’t bother him by stopping on his floor.

I arrive at Mariko’s door and proceed with the dance. Scan hand, chimes, tap toes, and, when I look down, light spills across my feet from under the door. Yay! Maybe she’s home. I promised myself I would come here more often, and I’m excited I’m getting the chance.

I rap on the door with my knuckles. “Mariko, are you home? It’s Sanaa.”

But I wait and wait, and no one answers the door. Aw, that’s disappointing. I was having dreams of hanging out with her in our pajamas, eating chocolate, and watching a movie together. This is something we’ve never done together, but I bet would be fun. Jiro often tells me stories of how Mariko introduced him to classic films. I would love to learn more from her. My aunts are readers and hardly ever watch movies.

Stepping away from the door, I examine the light again, and it’s weak. She probably left one lamp on in her bedroom while she was gone.

Anyway, I know Sakai and Lucy are out with Jiro so I won’t climb up to their apartment. I take the stairs at a rush, descending quickly to our floor. I have a lot of energy tonight.

I kick off my shoes inside the apartment and pick up my tablet, tapping out a message to Usagi.

“Are you around tonight? Want to get dinner and a drink?”

He’s not online so I’ll have to wait for the message to hit his inbox and his response. If I’m going to go out tonight, I should think about what’s clean and, if there’s nothing, do a quick load of laundry in the auto-hamper. It’ll only take a few minutes.

Ping! My tablet rings with a new message while I’m digging through my dirty clothes pile.

“Hi! I’m out with Helena, and we’re about to go to a movie. Do you want to come? We could go to a later show.”

No, I don’t want to be the third wheel on their date. I’m imagining Helena looking at the message over Usagi’s shoulder and her thinking, “Don’t come. Don’t come. Don’t come.” Usagi would have to come all the way back to the building to get me, and it would surely ruin their date. This is Helena’s first real, long-term boyfriend. I should let them enjoy their time together.

“No worries! You two enjoy your date. Some other night. Sanaa.” I smile when I look at my message. No worries. That’s Jiro’s phrase.

I set the tablet down and survey my empty apartment. I want to get out. Why can’t I just walk out the door and explore my neighborhood tonight? Yes, that’s what I’ll do. Maybe I can find a little spot to sit and watch people or read. I used to do that all the time for fun. I dress in black pants and a gray top with flowers embroidered along the hems, grab my bag and sword, and walk out the apartment door.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs in the lobby, several guards snap to attention, their heads swiveling around to me and past me, up the stairs. One man steps in front of the door and places his hand in front of him, halting me.

“Good evening, Miss Itami. Where is your escort?” I’ve seen this man a few times, and I search my brain for his name as fast as I can.

“I’m going out for a little while, Tomo. I’ll be back in two hours?” I try to step around him, but his hand lands on my arm. I look from him to the two men who approach me from behind. “Please release your hand from my arm.” I laugh lightly, trying to show I’m unfazed by their serious demeanor. He gently lets go, and I step back from him.

“Sakai and Jiro have given me strict instructions not to let you leave the building without an escort. If you require one, someone can accompany you on your trip once we have analyzed the local surveillance cameras.”

“Are you serious?” I roll my eyes in annoyance and tap my foot. “This is ridiculous. I just want to go out for a little while, and no one is home to escort me. And really, I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone to accompany me.”

“Akira,” Tomo says, gesturing to one of the men behind me, “would be glad to escort you.”

Akira nods, but his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. His brow breaks into a sweat, and his face turns a shade of pale I haven’t seen in months.

“Please have a seat while we look over local surveillance. It could take as long as thirty minutes or more.” Tomo’s hand guides my shoulder away from the door and the other men glance at each other, tension ricocheting between them.

These men twice my size are afraid to escort me into the streets around my home. Jiro’s shocked face from the house in the desert pops back into my head, and my stomach seizes up. He said it was too dangerous, and I didn’t believe him.

“No, wait. I… I changed my mind.” My scalp prickles with the realization I’m in much more danger than I ever believed I was. “Please don’t bother. I’ll stay in tonight.”

Tomo’s shoulders fall in relief, but he makes eye contact with me. “Are you sure, Miss Itami? We would be honored to help.”

“No. No.” I wave my hand at him and back away towards the stairs. “I understand the situation completely. Please don’t mention this happened to anyone. Good night.”

I run up the stairs two at a time, not stopping to breathe until the door to my apartment closes behind me. I can’t believe I almost walked out of my own building without anyone with me. The fear shared between the security guards downstairs was so thick I could swim in it. Here, in my space, in this building at least, I’m safe. I’m safe. “I’m safe” is my mantra for today.

I kick off my shoes, dump my bag next to them, and place Kazenoho in the corner next to Oninoten. The couch welcomes my body, enfolding me in soft fabric and the smell of my loved one. I tip my face into the cushions and breathe deep, a smoky, citrus scent I’ve seen in the bathroom. I always thought it was his soap until we lived together, but the scent comes from some kind of oil. I miss him, but his familiar scents and items around the room calm my rapidly beating heart.

Since I can’t go out, I’ll spend the night right here, but doing what? I’ve already read a ton of fiction. Do I watch a movie? Oyama dropped off a basket of food earlier before going out to play cards. I guess I’ll eat and watch an old film.

I grab my tablet to browse the NishikyōNet movie archives when I see Chad online. I haven’t talked to him in a long time, and my finger hovers over the screen involuntarily. Do I dare start this up again? Jiro is a jealous guy, and I got the feeling he was happy I had left Chad behind. How would he feel about me reconnecting with Chad, even if it’s just as friends?

Dammit. No one is around, and I want to talk to someone.

“Hi Chad!” I write and wait.

“Sanaa! I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I’ve been an awful friend.” Chad was always a nice guy, not strong or commanding the way I like my men but still good.

“It’s fine. I haven’t been around either. Work and life have been busy.” Lies, mostly. Sigh. But if I want to keep him as my friend, I can’t tell him everything.

“I didn’t want to bother you. I know you’ve been busy since you moved to Ku 6. I have so much to tell you.”

“Me too. First and foremost, I’m living with someone. Someone I really love. His name is Jiro.”

Hold breath and wait. I’m going to be upfront with him about this at the very least.

“Wow, really? That makes my news easy to give. I’ve also met someone.”

Relief washes over me, and my tense shoulders relax. This is fantastic news. Chad and I were always excellent as platonic friends, and we completely flunked at anything else.

I smile and settle back on the couch. “Tell me all about her.”