Released – Chapter 12

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jiro has been watching me pick at the leftovers of my dinner for the last ten minutes and not saying anything. I can’t stop thinking of my mother and father, my aunts, my entire family, what little of it there is.

“It’s nothing. Can we do something tonight? Watch an old movie?” Old movies are good distraction material for Jiro, but he’s not biting.

“Come on. What’s going on with you? You should talk to me. I’m not just another pretty face, you know.” He winks at me with a smile, and I can’t help but laugh.

“You have a very high opinion of yourself.”

“Tell me it’s not true.” He cocks his head to the side and strokes his beard. It’s totally true.

“I… I miss my parents is all.” Jiro’s face falls, his shoulders going straight with it. “I’m doing all of this stuff now I should have been doing with them. And seeing you with your family, with your mother and Beni, and with Yoichi and Miko’s wedding coming up? I just feel left out. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I know how you feel.” Yes, I’m sure he misses his father, too. “Is this what you talked about with Mark?” I nod, not talking. Talking will lead to my voice shaking and then the crying. I told myself I’d cry later. I’d rather not.

“He’s like a father to you. If I can’t help you, I always hope he can.”

It’s a good thing he’s not jealous of Sakai. I sometimes worry about that.

“It’s not that you can’t help me, because I do tell you everything. It’s just Mark knew my parents.”

He knew my mother well enough to know her obsessive and anxious habits and knew my father well enough to know he was depressed. I close my eyes and try to picture them all together, out drinking or hanging out in their apartments. And I always forget my Aunt Charlotte was there too, a fiery redhead Sakai eventually fell in love and had a baby with.

“What about the rest of your family? Your mother’s sister?” Jiro asks.

How does he read my mind like that? It’s eerie.

“My Aunt Sharon? Eh, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I haven’t seen her in ages. I invited her to my graduation, but she never came. Last time I saw her, she walked out of my tenth birthday party, drunk and belligerent.”

“What about your grandparents? I have one grandmother left. She can’t wait to meet you.”

I try to smile back at him, but it fails miserably.

“I haven’t seen my grandparents since I was eight. Twelve years is a long time to go without seeing your only granddaughter. I don’t know what I did to keep them away. I’m not sure I’ll ever know.”

“I’m sure it’s not your fault. Ugh,” he says, raking his hands through his hair. “These people make me angry. Thank the gods for your aunts.” He gets up from the table, grabs his bowl and mine, and leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek. It’s a burst of warmth on my icy face. Talking about my family always makes me cold and regretful. “What did you work on today with Sakai?”

“My poker face.”

“You have one?”

“Ha, ha.” Everyone’s a comedian when it comes to my lack of self-control. “I’m working on it. What did you do?”

“I sat with my mother and Beni for a while, and Yoichi came by, and we talked about the wedding next week. He and Miko are going to come to the temple tomorrow morning, too.”

“Okay.”

“So, let’s stay busy tonight. I have an excellent idea for what we can do.”

He walks to the bedroom. I hear a lot of shuffling around, a drawer opening and closing, and out comes Jiro with an armful of paper.

“What are you doing? Paper?”

“Yes, paper,” he says, laying sheets of used paper all over the floor. The two of us are pretty neat, and we have a lot of open floor space for such a tiny apartment. He pushes the coffee table up against the couch and lays more paper on the floor there too. I get up from the table and stand at the edge. When he’s done, he stands next to me, and we both look at it. What a mess. I want to clean it right up.

“You think I’m crazy and unpredictable? When you said, ‘stay busy,’ I had another activity in mind.”

“I know you did. I can read your thoughts.” He looks at me and smiles. “But you wanted to learn stealth walking and now’s as good a time as any. We should get our socks though.” He skirts the edge of the paper floor and retrieves two pairs of socks from the bedroom. Once he has his on, he walks from me to the other side of the room normally over the paper, and the sheets rustle and crack with each step.

“Hear how much noise I make with my casual walk? Now watch.”

Jiro’s right foot comes out in front of him, heel down on the paper, and he slowly steps across the length of his foot to the toes. His body is upright and back, his knees bent, and once his foot is all the way down, he shifts his upper body weight forward. That one step made absolutely no noise. He repeats this same procedure with his left foot: foot out in front, heel down first then through to his toes, his body upright and back until his foot is solidly down, then he shifts his body’s weight forward.

“The keys to stealth walking are: heel to toe, bent knees, and keeping your body’s weight back not forward. In normal situations, when you just want to be quiet but not silent, walking heel to toe will suffice. I walk like that normally.”

“You and Mark.”

He nods. They do this on purpose. I can only imagine how many conversations Jiro has listened to because no one can hear him coming.

“Here in Nishikyō, we never have to worry about walking through grass, water, or leaves, but methods exist for those as well. Maybe someday when we’re on Yūsei, and you can travel outside, we can try them.”

“We can hope.”

“The most you and I will have to contend with,” Jiro continues, “is creaking fire escapes, ladders, and composite floorboards. In Old Japan, to keep assassins away, wealthy warlords had special wooden floors constructed that made noise when you walked across them. Only the most skilled ninjas were sent to kill them. Now, you try.”

I stick my foot out and down, trying to replicate Jiro’s movements, but my weight is too far forward, and I rush through my first step, the paper crackling beneath me.

“Try bending your knees a little more. It’ll help keep your weight back.”

I couldn’t do this for too long. This style of walking requires a lot of quad strength, and I’m only gaining those muscles back now. But my second step is quieter than my first. Third step, silent. Fourth, the same. Jiro’s face is all smiles when I step up next to him.

“Excellent. If you were stepping through the woods, this would be useful. By keeping your weight back, you can stop your step if you come across a twig or dead leaves, or whatever else one finds in woods.” He shrugs his shoulders and motions to me. “Together.”

We walk across the paper side-by-side, making very little noise. Any noise is surely coming from me.

“As I suspected, you’ll be a master in no time. Let’s add some saké and see if it improves you.”

“Are you kidding?” Nope, he’s heading straight for the fridge. I love when we hang out and drink together, just the two of us. I never used to drink as much as I do now, but I also used to have a lot more freedom. Oh well. At least we always have a good time.

We each get a cup, and on either side of the floor, we fill back up, drink, and try the stealth walk again. After thirty straight minutes of walking and drinking, I’m making nothing but noise, and Jiro’s steps are still silent.

“Jiro! How do you do that?”

“I have a stronger tolerance for alcohol than you do.”

A fit of giggles comes over me when I get to one side and am now staggering instead. I set down my cup and jump on Jiro’s back. He stumbles to the right, and I clutch on tight and laugh.

“How about a challenge? If you can carry me across without making any noise, I’ll take you to bed right now, and I’ll be on top and do that thing with my hips you love so much.”

For the first time ever, Jiro blushes. That just made my year.

He clears his throat. “You are such a tease.”

“I’m only a tease if I’m not going to do it. So you better walk lightly.”

“What if I don’t make it across silently?”

“Where’s your confidence? Okay, if you lose, then, um…” A major blush is rising, and I’m not going to stop it. “I get to come first.” I bury my head in the back of his neck so he can’t peek over and see me.

“Deal. Because this seems like a win-win situation to me.”

He hoists me up higher on his back, and, slowly and deliberately, he steps across the paper without making a noise. Damn, he’s good.

“Mmmm, I win,” he says, his voice ragged with lust.

I kiss his neck as he carries me to the bedroom. He kicks the paper in front of us, and the sheets fly up through the air as he charges through them.

“I’ve been watching you, Sanaa,” he says, turning and leaving me on the bed. He hovers over me. “You stay strong and make hard decisions, but you’re going to crumble if you don’t let go. Here, in our bed, I want to take control, for you. I want to give you a break from everything. I want to give you everything.”

I don’t know what to say except, “Yes, Jiro.”

“Let me take the lead, and I’ll never leave you unsatisfied.”

I’m a lucky girl.

Okay, Jiro. We’ll try it your way.