Myra’s Big Mistake – Chapter 15

It seems I only have two modes: at work and in bed. I was at work all night, and now I’m in bed, staring out the window at the cloudy sky. It’s warm today again, but the sun is hidden behind a blanket of clouds. Very close to my mood.

Mochi is making snoring noises next to me, so I grab my tablet and cringe at the notifications. 100+ new mail messages. Sigh. Fine. I’ll deal with them.

I ignore the many messages from Ruby and Nosuké first and handle the other bullshit that always ends up in my inbox. Alerts about open jobs and the apartment lottery go into the trash. I delete countless messages from my neighborhood groups, sales and offers from my favorite stores, and put my membership to the local pairing club on hold. I have Mochi now.

Ruby comes first. I scroll through the dozen messages she’s sent me in the last two days. She starts out angry and upset, but she capitulates by the most recent message. “I realize it’s wrong of me to tell you who you can date. I just wanted it to work out with Nosuké. He was good to me when we were together. I honestly have no idea why we even broke up. I thought we would try again, but he’s told me absolutely not. He wasn’t happy with me when I saw him last night. I’m going to not date anyone for a while. I think I need a break. Anyway, I hope you’re not mad at me. I can’t lose you too.”

Nosuké and Ruby were together last night?

I respond, “You have every right to be angry with me. I’m sorry I fucked up. Everything is my fault. I’m not mad at you.”

She responds right away. “If you want to date Nosuké, you should. I’m certain he’s into you.”

“We’ll talk about this later. Xo.”

I let the tablet fall to my chest and peer out the window again. I should just delete Nosuké’s messages and be done with it. But the curiosity is too strong to ignore.

I sort by his name and scroll through my inbox. Before I open the most recent messages, my eye catches on a few from last month, last year, and the year before that, after he and Ruby were through. I roll onto my side, open them, and catch my breath.

“Hey Myra, it’s been a long time, and I would love to see you. Any chance you can come to the casino for drinks sometime soon?”

He had been thinking of me. I remember this now.

I replied, “Oh, thanks for the invite! I would love to, but I’m working a lot. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

And then I never replied again.

Scrolling back, he had extended a similar invite to me at least a dozen other times in the years between his breakup with Ruby and now. Fuck. I sigh, close my eyes, and let the tablet rest on the bed. What does this even mean? At the time, I didn’t think twice about it. He was the guy who dated my best friend. We talked, remained friends, and that’s all I ever thought about it.

Am I stupid or what?

I pick up the tablet again, and his recent messages are more telling. One from last night reads, “I’m sorry I got you into trouble with your family, and I want to fix things. Won’t you please answer my calls or messages? Please. Allow me to help you. I was never pretending.”

I was never pretending.

My tablet jumps with an incoming alert from my front door. The video shows Ean standing on the stoop with two coffee cups in a carrier. Wonderful. Here comes another person who wants to interfere with my life. I buzz him into the building and unlock the door from my tablet. Then I pull the covers over my head.

“Myra?” he calls into my apartment. “Where are you? This place is not big enough for hide and seek.”

“I’m in bed, hiding from you.”

The bed sinks, and Ean tears the covers from my head. “If you didn’t want to see me, you could have left me out on the stoop.” He hands over a cup of coffee and eyes Mochi sleeping next to me. Sniffing the air, he nods. “You were right. He doesn’t stink.”

I sigh and sit up, cradling the coffee to my chest. “Of course, he doesn’t. You stink.”

He cracks a smile. “Just like old times.” He lightly knocks his cup of coffee against mine, and we both laugh. “What’s next? You’ll tell me I’m ugly, and that you’re telling Dad I was mean to you?”

“I’m not talking to Dad about anything, remember?”

Ean sips his cup. “I’m proud of you for standing up to him. He’s been nothing but a bully lately. Looks like Tilli is next, but she’s his favorite, so we’ll see what happens there.” He sighs. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

I sip the coffee and glance at the cup. He picked it up from a little café a few blocks away. It’s stronger than I usually drink it. Just what I need. “Uh, yeah. You’ve been here, what? Like twice since I moved in?”

“I don’t get out much. But I felt compelled to tell you about my conversation with Nosuké at dinner two nights ago.”

I lean away. “Do you have to? I’ve already had a tough week.”

“I know Nosuké through the non-profit. He’s an anonymous patron.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“Yes, anonymous to everyone but me… and now you. Dad doesn’t even know that he’s donated, and I have no idea what he would do if he knew the Maedas were giving us money to help house and feed people. Nosuké didn’t come to me until after Dad had handed over the business.” He sips again. “So you can imagine my surprise when he shows up with you, especially since the last time I saw him three months ago, he did nothing but ask questions about you.”

My face flushes, and I press my hand to my forehead. Ean nods.

“That’s what I thought.” He chuckles. “I should have seen then that he was interested in you as more than a friend. So the other night, we sat in my office for drinks without Dad, and he gushed over you. Said you were a baking genius, that everything you cooked was delicious, and you were so talented. He had all of this stuff to say about the kind of caring person you are. I was really stunned, actually. I know these things, but I’ve never heard anyone else say them. He also said it was a shame you had been passed over for new jobs and were being worked to death at Izakaya Tanaka.”

I inhale through my nose and take a sip of coffee. “Yeah, I’ve been working a lot.”

“How long have you two been dating if you’re working so much?”

I shake my head. “We haven’t been dating. It was one date and then the family dinner.” I concentrate on the coffee cup. “Well, it was a little more than that, but yeah.”

Ean frowns. “Then he’s been pining away for you for longer than you’ve ever expected.”

Oh no. I’ve been such a fool. So naïve… but not naïve in the way my father suggested. Naïve to the signs that were right in front of me.

My eyes fill with tears. Ean hands me a stack of napkins from the coffee carrier.

“I’ve been so blind. I didn’t put two and two together. Not once. I just… I just didn’t think anyone like him could ever be interested in someone like me. I’m such a failure. And after Ruby, who’s this shining beauty, a total success, I figured he had a type, and that wasn’t me. My thoughts never even went beyond that. Not once.”

“You are not a failure. And you may be my little sister, but you are a beautiful woman. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s right in front of us. Dad is acting that way now. He refuses to accept change. He’s not ready to see it yet. You’re ready to see it. Believe in yourself first and foremost. Always.”

He pats my knee under the covers.

“And don’t listen to what Dad says about the Maedas being criminals and in with the mob. I know for certain that Noboru Maeda gave that up after the war. He told the empress he wanted to change for the sake of the colonization and his future family. What happened to him in the war changed him. Nosuké has never been anything but a stand-up businessman who has excellent taste in tattoos.”

He laughs as he leaves the bed.

“And how would you know that?”

“How do you think?” He grins as he chucks his empty cup into the trash in my kitchen and lets himself out. “See you around, sister.”

—-

I sigh as I sit on the bench across the plaza from the main Interstellar Agency building. There are several buildings on this campus and more throughout Yamato and our neighboring town to the north, Izumo. They’re hard to avoid, but I’ve done an excellent job of staying away from them the last few years. I’ve had to for my own mental health.

But today, I will sit here, and I will not walk away. I’m waiting for Ruby.

I tip my face up to stare at the large letters spanning the sweeping front entrance. This building is beautiful, a stunning architectural masterpiece. It’s too bad I never sat here before and admired it. I’ve always loved architecture, almost as much as food. I should spend more time outside and away from the kitchen.

The doors open, and Ruby hesitates as she takes a step outside. Tightening her coat around her, she walks across the plaza to my bench.

“Hey,” she says, looking at her feet.

“Hey.” I pat the bench next to me. “Have a seat.”

She sighs as she sits and crosses her legs. “I know you’re mad at me —”

“I’m not,” I interrupt her, “so don’t fall down that hole, okay?” She nods once, her lips pressed closed. “But I don’t want to pretend I’m okay with everything that happened. You are my best friend, and when it comes to us,” — I gesture between us — “you’ve always been in charge, so it’s never felt like this before.” I touch my chest. “It’s never been me making the decisions, and I’m sorry that I made such poor ones. I want to make things right between us again.”

“There’s nothing to make right.” She turns to face me. “I was wrong, not you.”

We sit in silence for a few moments and watch the clouds race overhead.

“I realized last night,” Ruby continues, “after my conversation with Nosuké, that I’ve been a shitty friend. I have always put myself first in our relationship. I’ve never considered that you should come first.”

My eyes smart with tears as I remember what Mrs. Tanaka said. She was right. I am always taking the blame for everything. It’s what I do, my first line of defense. And it has to stop.

I give in. Between Mrs. Tanaka and the empress, Ean, and now Ruby, I can no longer deny what’s happening.

“My wants and needs have always been second to yours,” I force out past the lump in my throat. Ruby gasps with a nod. “I have always put you first. If you wanted to cancel plans with me to go out on a date, it was no big deal because I never minded, right? Or take over my apartment for some chore of yours. Or leave the bar when you were getting it on with a guy because you didn’t want to deal with me being forever single. Or barging in when I was working at Izakaya Tanaka to tell me about Aki. Or…”

She raises her hand. “I get it.” She crosses her arms. “I thought that’s what friends do.”

“Friendship involves both of us. Remember when I had serious doubts about entering my illustrations into that contest? I was really hurt by your response, and I never said anything.”

She said that if I thought my work was crap, then maybe I shouldn’t enter.

“I…” Her voice breaks, and her face pales. “I’m so sorry.” She blows out a frustrated breath. “I should have told you I believed your work was amazing, and you should do it. You should have.”

“I never did. I thought it was your way of telling me I was not up to the contest’s standards.” I lean forward. “Look, you’re a great friend, my best friend, and I’m not here to hurt your feelings. I’m here to ask for your blessing to date Nosuké. We’ve never fought over a guy before.” I laugh. “Why would we when all the guys we’ve ever met wanted to date you? Never me.”

In my head, I replay the moment she was so shocked Nosuké would date me and not her. I need to just let that go. Just let it go, Myra.

Ruby tucks her hair behind her ears and looks at her feet.

“He likes you.” She leans down over her knees and clasps her hands together. “He’s so angry with me for interfering. I’ve been a horrible friend, and I can’t believe I hurt you with this. You’re always talking about your big mistakes, how you screw everything up, but you don’t, and you didn’t here. You’re a caring person, maybe too much, and your imagination sometimes gets the better of you. Still, you’re not making a mistake here. Putting yourself first is the right thing to do.”

She sniffs and drags her hand up over her nose.

“I’m so sorry. You have my blessing, of course. I support this one-hundred percent.”

I smile at her, and my heart warms to hear she cares about me as much as I care about her. “I love you, and I’m not angry with you.” I slide over and put my arm over her shoulders. “We’ll get past this, and things will be better.”

She nods, still not looking at me.

“Don’t make him wait too long. You don’t want to pass him up. That I know for sure.” She cracks a smile and looks up at me. We rest our heads against each other.

“I won’t. I just need to figure out how to make Nosuké and my father happy. As angry as I am with my father, I can’t have him shun me. We need some kind of middle ground.”

“You’ll make Nosuké happy by calling him. But your father? Can’t you stuff him full of fried dough, cotton candy, and beer and call it a day?”

We both chuckle.

“If only it were that easy.”

“Maybe it is,” she says, tilting her head. “He needs a vacation or something.”

A vacation… or a fun place to go that’s not a casino.

Oh, I have a great idea!