Lost Flyght – Chapter 5

I wander around the Lee home ship for what feels like hours. This place is massive, and even just staying in the public corridors, I could walk for days and not see everything. I pass a small Catholic church right past an Italian bakery, then stumble upon a school classroom. The ship feels disorganized and charming. No wonder Hera relied on Jinzo to show her guests around. They could easily get lost in the crowds. But getting lost in the crowd is how I’ll process what I learned from Hera Lee.

I always wondered what Jinzo and Cressida had in common, and it was ships like this that had drawn them together. When they were younger, they probably had even more in common, before the urge to be famous took over Cressida. I remember that feeling, late in my teens. I had also wanted the popular kids to accept me, kids like Alipha and her sort. I gave up on that dream swiftly, though. There was nothing about me back then that appealed to the popular kids.

I wonder who Cressida had been friends with?

Even if I find some of those old friends now, will they be interested in helping me out? I doubt I have any sway over anyone when it comes to Cressida. I don’t want to cross her. I don’t even want to look at her.

How am I going to overcome her?

“I’m sorry I can’t understand you.”

The voice that filters into my thoughts breaks me out of my wandering ways.

Focusing on my surroundings, I’m in a long shopping district, and to my right, an older man in his forties is gesturing to a merchant, and the merchant is shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry. Let me find my datapad…”

I catch the flash of hands from the man standing at the merchant’s counter, the USL signs for ‘hangar bay,’ and I step forward.

“Excuse me.” I gently touch the man on the shoulder, and he turns around. I draw in a quick breath and take a step back. His dark eyes are filled with frustration, bringing together his thick eyebrows in a twist of annoyance.

I swear I know him from somewhere, but I can’t place him. Maybe from USL classes at school? My mind searches back and tries to fit a name with the face, but…

Ugh. I suck with names.

“I can help,” I say with a gentle smile. “I know USL.”

His beautiful face splits in two with a relieved smile, the edges of his frustration smoothing out. He has the kind of stunning smile that could melt knees. “Thanks,” he signs. “I stupidly left my datapad back on my ship. It’s hard to remember that not everyone knows USL. Everyone at home does.”

“I completely understand,” I say, signing at the same time. It’s not necessary to sign — this man is mute, not deaf, a product of the NV virus — but it’s good practice, anyway. “Are you lost? I don’t know this ship very well, but I have access to the ship’s directory via my wristlet.”

I smile at the merchant. “He’s fine. Just lost.”

“Oh, good,” he replies. “I was worried there was an emergency.”

“I need to get to the port side hangar bay. There’s a ship there I’m looking to buy,” the mute man explains.

I relay the information to the merchant, and between the two of us, we figure out the directions. He’s not too far from his destination after all. He probably wandered around the ship like I did and lost his way.

The man repeats back the directions, and I affirm that’s where he needs to go.

“Thank you, kind lady. I appreciate you stepping in,” he signs, and I demure from the endearment. It’s not kind to help someone else in need; it’s necessary. He offers me his hand to shake, so I do. “My name is Mat,” he signs after letting go. He spells his name with only one T. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Vivian,” I say, giving him a little wave and a bow. When I straighten up, a moment of confusion covers his face, but it’s gone like a cloud over the sun.

Maybe we do know each other from someplace?

“Gotta go,” he signs, turns, and jogs off in the right direction.

Hmm, well, it’s time for me to return to my life. No more wandering. I have work to do.

I sigh as I check the map too. I’m not that far from the Amagi, and I was going there anyway. Bowing to the merchant, I walk off in the opposite direction, through two corridors, and down a few hallways until I recognize the way from earlier.

Down our jetway that leads to the airlock, I catch sight of Jinzo and Gus whispering to each other. Whatever they’re talking about, it’s serious. Jinzo is adamant, and Gus shakes his head.

Sparks dance around them both, and I catch the wall as my universe tips to the side. I’ve seen this before, in my prescient berry visions. The long hall. Gus and Jinzo talking.

What does it mean? Does it mean anything? Is it important?

Jinzo spots me, repeats something to Gus, squeezes his shoulder, and raises his hand to me.

“I’ll be in the engine room!” he calls out and then departs.

I peel myself from the wall and walk slowly to Gus, butterflies in my stomach over what will come next. He’s smiling shyly, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the floor before he meets mine.

“Hey, Boss,” he says as I approach. “How was your lunch?”

“Uh, good, actually.” I narrow my eyes and look off into the distance. Was it really? “At least, I think it was good. I may have made a good impression, but time will tell. Regardless, Jinzo’s mom is wonderful. I can see why his family is so tight.”

Gus leans against the wall, so I lean next to him. “This seems like a cool place to grow up. My parents were always traveling, military and all that, so my siblings and I were either on Rio with my grandparents or Ossun with Mom’s other husbands.”

“Sounds like a nice way to grow up, always having a big family around.” I close my eyes and confess. Something about Gus relaxes me. “I sometimes wish my parents hadn’t been a single pairing. I have an enormous extended family, but I think things would have been better with more brothers and sisters. Certainly, with more eyes on Tomu, he would’ve had a harder time screwing us over.”

I yawn, my body tired from walking all over the ship and nothing but shitty sleep for weeks on end. “Anyway, I came back to the ship because I thought, I don’t know, I’d sleep in my own bed? Try to sleep in my own bed that is. Not that I sleep much when I’m there.”

Oops. I press my lips together. This is the first time I’ve revealed to Gus that I have insomnia. When I was in the hospital, he noticed the signs of stress and sleep deprivation, but I’ve done my best to cover it up for the last few weeks.

“You’re not sleeping?” Gus lifts his shoulders from the wall and turns on the medical gaze. “How long has this been going on?” He brings his hands to my face and peers into my eyes, dragging his gaze down to examine me.

I relish this contact. Gus does not touch me unless it’s business, and there are days when I want to feel his fingers on my skin so badly, my chest aches.

You would think I would be satisfied with Jinzo’s and Ken’s attention. That my mother lived her whole life with the contact of only one man, so why can’t I?

But I’ve come to realize that each man fulfills a different need in me, and I should be okay with that. It’s only frustrating when the man doesn’t catch on to my obvious advances… Or maybe I’m not obvious enough.

“Hmmm, I see it now.” He runs a thumb over my cheekbone, drops his hands, but picks up my hair along the way to look at it. “Your eyes are sunken and dark, and your hair is limp.”

I pout, more from the loss of his hands than the assessment.

“Let me get you something to help you sleep,” he begins, turning away from me.

“No.” I reach out and touch his arm to stop him. “Don’t. I really don’t want to medicate myself to sleep.” I pull my fingers back from the contact immediately. He’s being a professional, so I should be too.

“Why? Vivian, I hate seeing you like this. You are stressed beyond tolerable limits.” The pain in his voice grates on my nerves before I let the tension go. I don’t want pity. I want relief from this never-ending stream of stress. “I should be checking your cortisol levels,” he mumbles to himself.

“Because the meds make it harder to wake up from the nightmares, okay? And there’s nothing that can stop them. They come back again and again, no matter what I do. If I’m not dreaming about being stalked and killed by Athens, it’s about the boys we left behind, or Ken and I breaking up again, or my parents dying, or my brother laughing at me.” I take a deep breath. All of that came tumbling out. “So, just trust me on this, okay?”

Gus’s frown could stop a freight train, and I try to walk away and end the conversation. He grasps both my upper arms, sighs, and drops his head.

“This is not how I thought this conversation would go. I’m sorry.”

I begin to panic. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I rehearsed this over and over —”

Oh no. There are only a few things people prepare for with conversations, and breaking up or quitting jobs are at the top of the list.

“Are you quitting?” My voice cracks. “Please don’t quit. I’m not above begging.” I pull my hands together into prayer position. “What if I get sick again? Gus, I don’t want you to leave.”

“No! No. Shit.” He panics now, and it calms me down. “Shit. Sorry. I’m not going to quit. No. I… I wanted to ask if you’d be my guest to my sister’s wedding.”

Huh?

I blink my eyes a few times to make sure I’m still in the same reality.

“What? That came out of nowhere.”

He sighs and lets go of my arms. “Yeah, I know. I suck at this.” He drops his head again, and I marvel at how someone could be so professional and have such a kind and comfortable bedside manner, yet be so bad at asking a girl out.

I cover my mouth and giggle. I mean, how could I not? He’s adorably awkward. He sees my face and laughs too before rubbing his beard and sighing again.

I pull myself together and put on my Captain Vivian persona. “I would love to go to your sister’s wedding with you.”

“Oh, good. Because if you had said no, I was going to throw myself out of the airlock to save myself any more humiliation.”

I grasp his hand, and it just feels right, the warmth that flows between us. “Rest assured that the only person going out the Amagi’s airlock is my brother when I find his sorry and deceitful ass.”

Gus swings our hands side to side and doesn’t let go. “I’m so glad. The wedding’s in ten days. We’ll make it back in time, right?”

“If the Amagi isn’t ready, we’ll catch a shuttle. I promise.” I take a deep breath and disengage my hand from his. “I’m looking forward to seeing your parents again, and I think it’ll be nice to attend the wedding together.”

“Great. Thanks for saying yes.”

I gesture at the airlock. “I need to head inside and talk with Jinzo. What are you going to get up to?”

“I think… I think I’ll go for a walk. Check out the ship.” He seems buoyed now that he got the invitation out there.

“Sounds like a plan. If you need me, I’ll probably be in Jinzo’s apartment here on the ship. Ken is leaving soon.”

“Okay.” He turns to go, but a few meters down the jetway, he shifts to walk backwards and smile at me. I lift my hand to wave, and his smile becomes a dopey grin.

Marcelo’s warnings echo in my head, and I tell them to shut up. Just shut up. Let me enjoy this for two seconds, okay?

Sigh. I know this is a bad idea, and for once, I don’t care.