High Flyght – Chapter 16

Staring down the rows of greens in the auxiliary cargo bay, I do a mental calculation of what to harvest and when. We can have salads with dinner tonight and tomorrow. The herbs can be freeze-dried once we reach Palo Alto. The Rio seeds, too, are reaching maturation.

“Lost in your thoughts?” Ken asks, joining me. I startle, then relax at his soft voice.

“Always.” I smile at him, letting him know I’m doing okay. “How are you? I haven’t seen you since we returned to the ship.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs. “Good. Settling in, finally. Talking with Jinzo.”

Somehow that phrase brings me all kinds of anxiety, but I’m supposed to trust them both, so I push the emotion aside for now.

“I’m sorry this trip has been nothing like you expected.” I turn to face him, to apologize, to give him something when all he’s had from me lately is bad news and no privacy. “I really wanted to have a relaxing few days with you, a chance for us to reconnect. But it’s just been one fiery clown car after another.”

“Please don’t apologize to me. You’re doing your best. I can see that in everything you do.”

Ken surprises me by wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me to him. I relax and let the previous hours’ worries melt away. Just for a second.

“Who wants a boring few days on a ship doing nothing, anyway?”

“I do. Like, a lot,” I mumble into his shirt. “That sounds heavenly.”

I raise my face and plant my lips on his neck for a long moment. Ah, that smell. I can’t get over it.

“Mmmm.” He leans down and kisses me next to my ear. Oh, this is good. This could lead to lots more kissing. “Let’s walk and talk,” he says, gesturing at the rows of greens.

“Sure.”

We amble hand in hand down the first row, and Ken is silent for a moment as I check each head of lettuce and mark those ready for dinner tonight. He needs a little time to gather his thoughts.

When he’s ready, he clears his throat. “Regarding our conversation on Marcelo’s shuttle, you wanted us to work out what to do, and so Jinzo and I have come to an agreement.”

I cock my head and narrow my eyes at him. “Is that so?”

He nods. “We’ve come up with a schedule, allowing for things like social obligations and traveling. A schedule that gives both of us time with you and a break for you to be alone as well since I know that’s important to you.”

My shoulders untangle as I imagine the guys having this conversation. They made decisions I needed them to make. They worked together. They thought about what I needed, and they produced a plan.

“A schedule.” I mull this over for a bit. “Is it flexible? Will the two of you allow for deviations?”

“Jinzo and I are on good terms, and we should be able to handle further additions to the network, too.”

“Hmmm.” I approach my bank of Rio seeds. Several of these are growing well, but I’m drawn to the bright blue berries on the vine that stretches across the other lettuces. The prescient dream berries are ready. Is tonight the night?

My mind is in two places. It’s running down variables for planning out my future, getting thoughts of Tomu out of my head, and wondering what kind of prescient dreams I can have from these berries. But the other part is wondering what it would be like to sleep with Ken again, why he’s back with me, and how I’ll reconcile having two, possibly three or more, lovers.

I stop and lean against the shelves containing the bright blue berries. Prescient dreams. I could use some of those right now. I hate being in the dark. I hate not knowing what to do next.

“What if I wanted to hang out with you both? You know, just sit around and have a meal with you two, drink some wine, and share a laugh?”

Ken smiles as he faces me. “I like Jinzo, and I think we can be friends outside of our relationship with you. Hanging out together would be fine with me.”

My chest buzzes as I let myself really take in and assess Ken. He’s comfortable here, wearing loose-fitting cotton pants and a knit shirt. His slippered feet poke out from the slouch of his pants, and his hair is naturally relaxed around his ears. I catch my breath as I imagine his hands gliding up my hips to my stomach. He used to love my soft stomach.

“Why aren’t you already spoken for?” flies out of my mouth.

What? Why would I ask that? Ah. Devilish Vivian is wondering why the hell he’s even here. She’s poking her head out and making sure I don’t get myself into a world of trouble.

Ken looks down, breaking eye contact. “I was busy building Flyght. There was no time for dating.”

“Something tells me that’s a lie. Hmm, I bet if I hit the duonet, I’ll find photos of you attending parties with tons of eligible women just dying to add you to their network.”

He heaves off from his spot, leans into my ear, and whispers, “I bet you won’t.”

Intriguing. Has he really been dateless all this time?

His hand hooks around my waist and pulls me to him. “I haven’t been celibate if that’s what you’re wondering.” His comment about my celibacy comes back to bite me. Again, I stick the emotion in a box and set it on a shelf.

“How?”

“Discreetly.”

I try to hold the smile back from my lips. “Sexbots? Ai seems to think it’s better than being a ship.”

He lays small kisses along my clavicle, and my eyes roll back. It’s everything I dreamt about for years, everything I wanted when I had said no to him. I used to lie in bed and imagine he was there with me. I was so good at it, I could feel the pressure of his touch, could practically see and smell him though he was a whole star system away.

“I’ll tell you what,” Ken mumbles along my skin. “You don’t ask about that, and I won’t ask about you and Jinzo and his intimate knowledge of the local sex shops.”

Jinzo and his bag of tricks. Our last night together drives through my brain like an express train. He had found new ways to make me shake and cry from the relief of sex. The only place and time in this crazy mess where I didn’t have to worry about anything.

Ken inhales and brings his hands to my cheeks. “It’s my time on the schedule.”

Ooooh, I like the schedule already. “Do I have you all night?”

“I’m ordering in dinner.”

Considering I’m the one who usually makes dinner, I have no idea how he’ll accomplish this.

Our lips connect, and any last fleeting worries about our situation dissolve away. He’s here with me. We’re safe onboard our ship, and we’re heading towards a new stage of our relationship. I press my body into his and feel the familiarity in his shape, the curve of his lower back, the plane of his chest. I slip my hands into the back of his shirt and dig deeper into the kiss. We spent some time making out in bed the other night, so I know this dance like the back of my hand. Ken likes to pull the air from my lungs and leave me breathless, and this time, when I have nothing left in me, he pulls away and lifts my leg to inch me close.

The room swims as I pry my eyes open. Shit. We’re still in the auxiliary cargo bay among my vegetables.

“I have an idea. One that came to me on Rio after watching Darmit with… with his plant.” Ken’s lips against my neck are speaking words, and my lower half is tingling, but my thoughts grind to a halt. “We’re going to be together all night. So, let’s start the plant experiment with me.”

I push away from him, my gut dropping from searing heat to ice cold. “No. No way, Ken. I won’t risk it on anyone else.” This is not what I bargained for. No one should have to pay this price for our future but me.

“Listen to me,” he says, his voice soft and gentle. He takes my hands and pulls me over to the plant. In the last few days, the plant has flowered, and their beauty takes my breath away. I inhale as I squat down next to the neon yellow flowers. Their scent is sweet and intoxicating, and my instinct is to inhale, inhale, inhale. Ken smiles as he folds his legs under him and reaches out to the plant. It shifts to him and lays one of its flowers in his finger, practically asking to be plucked. “I came in here the other day because I was curious about this one. I feel that pull.” He touches his chest. “Like Darmit and his plant, something about this is just right, natural.”

He leans over and breathes deeply of the flower before closing his eyes and sitting for a moment. Panic throws my heart into overdrive. Wait! It shouldn’t be this easy. Anyone can come in here and experiment, and I just have to trust that they won’t? I have been trusting them!

Ken turns to me, and his face morphs from happiness to concern. He takes my hand in his.

“Don’t panic. You can trust me, trust Jinzo, trust everyone on this ship.” He pauses to tilt his head to the side. “Though, I think maybe… I don’t know.”

My whole body heats as panic turns to blinding fear.

“That fear you feel?” Ken takes the flower, pinches it off the stalk, and throws it into his mouth before I can stop him. “It’s unwarranted.”

I jump to my feet, ready to run for Gus.

“Stop,” Ken says, holding up a hand. “Take a breath and watch. I’m certain I’ll be fine.”

I don’t take a breath; I hold my lungs still.

Ken stands. “You’re worried, and not just about me, but about everyone. Everything.” He closes his eyes. “You obsess over every credit. You have a million things on your mind at all times. Your mom. Your brother. This ship. Your crew. Where you’ll go next. How you’ll get there. You’re disappointed in yourself. You hate how others have controlled your life for years.” He draws in a quick breath like I punched him in the gut. “You’re jealous about how well I’ve done.”

I turn to go. I need to bury my shame in a field far, far away.

Ken is way ahead of me, though. With an easy step to the side, he’s blocked my path before I can even get a foot to move in the right direction.

“Don’t be jealous,” he says, seriously. “You have no idea the things I had to go through to make Flyght work.”

“That makes it even worse, even more shameful that I’ve done so little compared to you and lost it all.”

His hands stroke my arms a few times before he pulls me into a hug.

“You know what I see here the most? The lack of love and romance.” I close my eyes against his chest. “You’ve taken what little you’ve received and locked it away in a tiny cupboard… and, in your head, you regret it, but it has to be done. That’s not true, Viv. Jinzo has made good headway on changing this, but you feel you have to remain hardened and ready for the long fight ahead. You believe love makes you soft and vulnerable.”

“Stop.” I extract myself from his arms and put my hand on his chest. “All of that is true, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear it.”

I take a deep, steadying breath and wipe the tears from my eyes.

“Shit, that plant was only supposed to heighten empathy.” I study Ken’s neutral face, his droopy eyes, and relaxed posture. “Yet, you’re practically telepathic.”

“I can feel other people on the ship, but I can sense you the most.” He takes my hand. “Come and let’s test it out.” He tugs playfully. “I think I remember a thing or two of what you like.”

His smile grows as my own thoughts turn against me and remember our past. I should figure out how to shut him out, but he shakes his head.

“You’re mine now, Vivian.”

“That’s really creepy. Stop it.” But I laugh because it’s Ken.

He laughs too as he leads me out of the grow room, down the stairs, and to his quarters. The door closes, and we crash together.

How did I go from not having sex for three years to having it with multiple men in the past weeks?

Ken is fast to get to my skin. The shirt and bra are gone in a blink. I know the half-slitted, drunk look in his eyes well. He’s the cerebral lover type, the one who spends his days dreaming about sex, what he wants, what he hopes for, and then he’s primed and ready once we’re in bed. He was always like this. Never spontaneous. He would need to romance me for a while before we moved to the bed.

So different from Jinzo, and that’s a good thing. I like variety.

Ken inhales from our kiss and lifts my face to look into his eyes. “Jinzo…”

Oops. Is he mad? Upset? I try to apologize, but he reaches for my leg, hiking me up and against him. I urge him forward until the back of my knees hits the bed and down we go.

Ken pulls away and sits up to gaze down on me.

“Viv.” His voice is light with breath.

I shimmy my pants and underwear down my legs and drop them off the side. Best to get on with it and distract him. “You’re wearing too many clothes.” I smile up at him as I grab his pants and tug him to me.

I can’t wait to run my hands down his back and squeeze his ass. My favorite part. I flashback to the day I sat on the bench in a park in Concord City and watched him make his way to work. I admired his ass as he walked by, and now it’s back in my life.

“Vivi,” he insists, and now I pay attention. “I never stopped. I couldn’t stop.”

The shift is abrupt. His eyes widen and his hands shake. I rise up to my elbows, well aware I’m naked and vulnerable, but not as vulnerable as Ken is right now.

“I spent hours thinking of you, picturing your smile, the way you yawned, how you held your chopsticks. I could close my eyes and hear the cadence of your steps across our apartment floor or your laugh when we watched vids together.”

Ken’s fingers graze my cheek, and his chest shakes as he draws in a long breath.

“I know you’ve always thought you’re nothing special.”

My eyes smart. Don’t cry, Vivian. “I’m not.”

“You are to me.”

I can’t look in his eyes anymore. How did this happen? I broke up with someone who loved me unconditionally. Sure, we had our issues, and I’m one-hundred-and-fifty-percent positive he’s going to complain about the way I always leave the kitchen a mess or that I discard my blankets on the floor every morning. But we were good together then.

We can be good together now.

I rest my forehead on his flat stomach for a moment before I speak.

“You are far too serious,” I say, breaking his downward spiral of self-pity. I know he blames himself for the breakup, and I blame myself. After all, I was the one who ended it. “You’re here now.” I undo the clasp of his pants and push the waistband down enough for him to get the picture.

“I am here.” A satisfied smile brightens his face, chasing away the sad memories. “I’m glad to be here.”

He pulls his pants down, and I get a moment to see him in all his glory before he climbs into the bed and lays his body down on me. I sigh as I run my fingers down his side and let my hands rest on his ass.

“So, you’re not mad at me anymore?” I kiss him before he can respond, and then I relay those kisses across his cheek to his ear.

“Mad? When was I mad?”

“When you first got here. The rooms?”

He brushes my cheek with his thumb. Finally, I feel like the time between then and now has slipped away. We were never apart. We’ve only ever been together.

And now we’ll be even stronger as a network.

“I’m sorry I was so petty. The last few days have brought everything into focus. I’m so close to you. This is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

I would make a joke about cheesy first-love thoughts or the fleeting high of a drug addict, but I can easily document the effects of the plant on Ken. His eyes are reddening, his breath is quick, and his hands tremble as they glide over my skin. High or not, he’s connected to me. Every little emotion or thought I have I can see on his face.

So I try… I never stopped loving you. I missed you.

He smiles as he dips for another kiss and shifts his hips so he can spread my legs. I wrap them around him.

“I missed you, and I’m ready to focus on you, us, all of us.”

His attention lingers on our kiss before moving down my body and focusing on the spot he knows will make me climb the bed and jump off into eternity.

He really did not forget me.