Face Time – Chapter 34

Lee

I escort Laura into the funeral home and introduce her to Jin and Mimi. Jin is quiet like I expected but Mimi smiles and hugs Laura immediately. I love Mimi. She’s much more American than many of the Korean women I know. In fact, she told me once that she grew up not really knowing she was Korean. She thought she was an American like everyone else. It wasn’t until her family moved here that she started hanging out with other Koreans. Jin and Mimi were high school sweethearts, one of the few relationships I’ve seen work out in the long run. Who says kids can’t find true love?

Jin hands me a black arm band to wear, and I reach into my suit jacket and pull out a red envelope.

“Here,” I say, handing it to Laura. “When you come in, shake our hands, give this envelope to my mother, and express your condolences. You don’t have to bow.”

“What’s this?” she asks, flipping the envelope over. I didn’t write on the outside of it because I was afraid the paper would get wet and smear in this weather.

“It’s a note from the two of us and a five thousand dollar check, so don’t lose it.” I try to smile at her but it’s weak with no lift-off and comes crashing back to the ground.

She swallows and puts the envelope in her purple bag. I’m so glad I bought that for her. Every time I see it on her shoulder, I remember how excited I was to be shopping for her. What will I give her next? I squeeze her hand and scan down her body. Her hair is up in a bun at the nape of her neck and the black dress she’s wearing falls just below her knees. Her legs are bare and wet from the rain, as are her black flats, and her knees are shaking.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I should be asking you that. I’m a little cold. I’ll go dry off a bit then I’ll be fine.” Mimi squeezes Laura around the shoulders and leads her off to the ladies’ room, glancing over her shoulder at me and mouthing, “I love her.”

My father is in a casket behind a privacy screen, and I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him again. I can’t look at his deflated body, his expressionless face, devoid of all the emotion I used to cherish. Instead, Jin and I stand in front of the screen next to a table with Dad’s framed photo, a vase of flowers, a statue of Buddha, and my mother in a chair next to it.

For an entire hour, I greet stranger after stranger and hear how my dad changed their lives, what an honor it was to have known him, and how proud I must be of his accomplishments. I nod and thank them over and over, not really listening, not really feeling anything except a vacuum in my chest threatening to consume my body if I’m not strong enough to keep it at bay.

Then, suddenly, Laura is in front of me, and I want to lunge at her and hug her. I want to feel love and not the unending pity from people I don’t even know. I told her to shake my hand, knowing my mother would be watching for Laura like a hawk, but Laura takes both my hands and kisses me on the cheek.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Lee,” she says, squeezing my hands and letting go.

The line of Koreans behind her gape openly at how familiar she is with me, and I almost laugh. I should be angry…

“I told you to shake my hand,” I whisper at her.

“I’m not good at following directions,” she whispers back with a smile, turning to shake Jin’s hand. At my mother, she hands over the red envelope using both hands, bows, and says, “Choe song hamnida,” in surprisingly good Korean.

My mother takes the envelope and nods her head back to Laura. “Thank you for coming,” she replies and immediately looks to the person behind Laura before staring me down. I can’t even tell if my mother is impressed, happy, or fuming mad, her face is a blank slate. I watch Laura’s back leave the room, tamping down my desire to run after her and get the hell out of this place.

This viewing lasts from ten to noon when the funeral director politely asks people to leave and come back at 2:00pm so my family can depart to eat lunch. As I exit the viewing room to the large waiting area, I spy Laura sitting on a chair at the other end of the room reading a book, and my nephew, Chase, sitting next to her playing a game on her iPhone. He tips the iPhone up to Laura and she smiles at it. Nari and Daniel, tall in his black suit, his hair short and spiked, are talking to people I don’t know, and Nari glances over at Chase and Laura, a smile on her face.

I have entered a bewildering alternate universe. Who are these people? Nari is nothing like the person I saw six months ago when I was home last. She’s softer and happier, and Daniel is too. I always liked Daniel and hated the fact that he and Nari fought in front of Chase all the time. A year ago, I pulled him aside and interfered with their marriage to suggest they get counseling. He said, “We need a lot more than counseling,” and walked away.

“Uncle Lee!” Chase jumps from his chair and squeezes my legs, Laura’s iPhone gripped in one hand.

“Hey, Chase. What are you playing?”

“Angry Birds. Laura let me have her iPhone.”

She stands up and laughs, wagging her finger at him. “Uh-uh. I said you could play with it for now. I’ll need it back.”

“Okay,” he sighs and hands back the phone. “Can I play later?”

“Sure. We’ll be here all afternoon.”

“Great!” He jumps and takes off at a sprint, Nari trying to pin him down before he gets too far, but he wiggles out of her grip and dashes for the door. Chase was an appropriate name. That’s all Nari ever does is chase him. He’ll make a pro soccer player.

Laura closes her book and puts it in her bag, steps up to me, and hugs me. It’s hard to shake off the stiffness of standing for several hours coupled with the fact that I have never, ever shown affection to a girlfriend in front of my family. Not that I didn’t want to, but Sandra was strict about this. She found displays of affection embarrassing and disrespectful. I’m a touchy-feely kind of guy, though. It was hard for me, and ultimately, it’s what killed our relationship. I couldn’t turn the affection on and off, like a switch. It ended up permanently off, and I never showed it. I couldn’t fall in love with Sandra, because she wouldn’t let me.

Laura obviously doesn’t give a shit what people think of her, and it’s refreshing. It’s comfortable. She lets me love her whenever I want and gives back to me in each and every instance. Once she’s in love, that’s it. She doesn’t turn it off for anyone or anything.

I kiss her on the forehead before she lets go of me, and turn to find Jin, Mimi, and my mother all standing and waiting for us.

“Lunch is at Sam Oh Jung.” Jin pulls his car keys from his pocket. “We’ll meet you there.”

—-

It’s a fairly somber lunch at Sam Oh Jung, a Korean restaurant my family goes to all the time when I’m not here. We sit at a long table, and I purposely sit with Laura as far from my mother as possible putting Jin and Mimi and their two sons, Kade and Leland, and Nari, Daniel and Chase between us. Kade and Leland spend the entire meal on their iPhones, sometimes in view or under the table, and my mother refuses to speak English. She was never like this growing up, so cold and distant. Sure, she was strict, but I swear I remember her smiling every now and again, especially once I turned things around and stopped getting into trouble all the time. She was sweet and good to us when we were sick or did well in school or sports. Now, it’s as if my father’s death has sucked away any last hope at happiness she could ever have.

Laura orders spicy tofu soup and bibimbap for lunch, and my mother makes a comment about how skinny girls shouldn’t eat so much food, in Korean, so Laura doesn’t understand her. We all ignore her as best as possible. Daniel smiles at Laura and orders even more food, and I follow suit.

“I’m starving, even after breakfast this morning,” Laura says, turning over her menu. “I exercised a lot.” She purposely doesn’t make eye contact with me but squeezes my knee under the table. Yoga and sex. I should think about that all day so I don’t have to think about death or the fact I’ll never see my father again.

“Did you go running? Not a nice day for it. Lee was telling me you run as well,” Nari says from across the table, and I have to rack my brain to remember I did tell her this last night.

“No running today. Yoga this morning. Maybe we’ll go for a run tomorrow if the weather cooperates.”

“Yoga…” Daniel hums and nods his head. “Nari does that now.”

“It’s good for meditation.” Nari nods too, and I’m blown away again. Nari exercises? What the hell is going on with her? Sandra and Nari are best friends, and they always both made fun of the women who go to the gym.

“I love yoga best, I think, but I also run, spin, lift weights on occasion, and go to barre classes. I like to stay active.”

My mother gasps and comments, again in Korean, about Laura’s muscular arms (which are on full display in her sleeveless dress) and how they are not attractive. I shoot a deathly stare at her. Of course, Laura is attractive. She’s hot. What woman doesn’t want her body?

“Mom,” I hiss at her. “Please speak in English.”

Everyone quiets down as appetizers are distributed, and I reach under the table and hold Laura’s hand. She’s stiff but trying to keep the conversation going with Daniel and Nari while Chase draws in a coloring book between us. Laura asks them about their jobs, and Nari is nice. Nice. She smiles. I’m so shocked I can barely speak.

Laura eats all the food with as much chili sauce as the rest of the Koreans at the table, and I’m so damned proud, it must be showing because Daniel smiles, too, watching us both.

He leans forward to Laura. “You eat like a Korean.”

“I love this food. I should have become a chef.” She pushes her bowl away and pats her belly. I want to laugh and kiss her right now.

“What do you do, Laura?” Nari asks.

“I got my degree at NYU in English, but I’ve been an administrative assistant the last five years.”

She reaches up to play with her hair only to pat and poke in the bun at her neck. Her hands wander down to the table, smiling and rearranging the spoon next to her bowl.

I set my chopsticks down and examine her smile, and it’s uncertain. I haven’t said anything to my family about inviting her to live with me, and we’ve not talked about our plans since New York. I said I would protect real love at any cost, and I only have something to gain by speaking now.

“Laura’s coming to Seoul with me after we go back to New York. She’s quitting her job and shipping her belongings to Korea.” I squeeze Laura’s cold hand under the table, and her neck reddens in a blush. “I asked her to move in with me and travel with me, and she said yes.”

“Lee,” she whispers, turning towards me and playing with her earring, “this may not have been the best time.”

Dead silence falls over the table. Daniel’s eyes meet mine, and I can tell he’s secretly patting me on the back. I even have Kade and Leland’s attention, their iPhones neglected.

My mother’s spoon hits the plate in front of her, and she says, “Don’t you dare take this girl in. She’s just a gold digger. I won’t allow it.” Her finger is pointed directly at Laura, and Laura’s face pales, my mother’s antagonism hitting her straight between the eyes.

She leans over to my ear as everyone falls silent again. “Did your mother just call me a ‘gold digger,’ Lee? I’m pretty certain I heard the word ‘gold,’ and she doesn’t seem pleased at all.”

“She’s only after you for your money. You should get rid of her and go back to Sandra. She’ll be at the wake later. It would make your father happy.”

“Mom, stop it,” Jin interrupts, his voice hard. Mimi has her fingers pressed to her lips, her eyes widened. Kade and Leland both turn off their iPhones to watch the fight brewing.

Laura glances around the table, confused, but, of course, no one is going to translate for her. We’re all shocked and ashamed of what’s coming out of Mom’s mouth right now.

I pull the car keys out of my pocket, my hands shaking with rage, and give them to Laura. “Laura, would you mind waiting in the car?”

She hesitates for a moment but takes them. “Sure. I guess you have some family matters to speak about. I’m going to go charge my iPhone for the afternoon.” Laura smiles at Chase. “You’ll be my buddy later? Keep me company?”

“Okay,” he responds with a genuine smile that lights up his face. I love three year olds. They’re so easily charmed and sweet, and it’s moments like this when I miss Evie and Cori. I wish they were here. Cori’s Korean is excellent, and she’d back me up in a fight against my mom.

Laura takes the keys and walks away from the table with all the poise and confidence of someone who knows she’s a good person. Any other woman upon hearing my mother call her a “gold digger” would have dissolved into tears. If she can continue to handle my family like this, I’m going to marry her.

Fourteen-year old Kade openly watches her go and whispers across the table to Leland, “I’d like to be her buddy.”

“Kade,” Mimi snaps at him. “Eyes on your iPhone.”

“Good job, Uncle Lee,” Kade whispers, nodding at me. Jesus. I remember being that age. Horny as hell. I’m going to be fighting men of all ages for Laura.

“Mom,” I say, standing up, “you can continue speaking to me in Korean, but I won’t answer or listen unless you switch to English. Laura is not after me for my money. That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. And don’t bring up what Dad would have wanted. I talked to him all the time. He would have wanted me to be happy and in love.” I grab my jacket from the chair and pull a hundred dollars from my wallet which I hand to Daniel.

I stop next to my mother on the way out, but she refuses to look at me. “And I swear if you tell Sandra I want to get back together with her, or any other lies about me or Laura, I will never come back to Seattle. I’m tired of this.”

I won’t let her control me any longer.

—-

I get in the car, and Laura is typing away on her iPhone, the car turned on with the heat blasting on her legs. I let all the air release from my body, and closing my eyes, I press back into the leather seat. I knew this trip wouldn’t be easy, but I hoped it would go better than this. I can’t believe I just issued my mother an ultimatum, an ultimatum I’ll have to keep if I want to have any self-respect for the rest of my life.

“Are you texting someone?” I ask.

“Yeah. Justin. He says hi.” She holds up her iPhone.

—-

Justin Taylor

Fuck his mom.

He obviously loves you so she doesn’t matter.

Bring him back to NYC with you soon. I had a great time the other night.

And tell him I said hi.

—-

“Tell him I said hi and he’s good with advice.” She taps away and turns off her iPhone, setting it aside to charge.

“I’m sorry, Lee. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t come. Maybe it would have been better for you to deal with this and then come back to New York…” Her speech pattern, usually so upbeat and quick, grinds to a halt, and she turns to stare out the window for a moment. “You didn’t have to tell them today.”

“We have nothing to hide.”

“No, we don’t. But the timing could have been better.” She turns to face me. “I thought maybe I could stay in your mother’s good graces for a bit.”

“Laura…” I squeeze her hand and pull on it to bring her closer to me. I want to explain that there will never be good graces from my mother, and it’s not Laura’s fault. It’s mine.

“But it’s okay,” she interrupts me. “If it doesn’t matter to you that your mom doesn’t like me, then it doesn’t matter to me. Remember what I said about boys and their mothers?”

Laura would rather not compete with my mother.

“She has Jin and Nari, and I’ve always been the son she didn’t want and caused her nothing but trouble.” Tears burn right behind my eyes, and if I let go now, I may never make it through the afternoon.

“Oh, Lee.” She sighs and squeezes my hand in both of hers. “You’re sweet, handsome, successful, and a good son and friend. You’ve been really good to me too, and I haven’t even known you that long. If she can’t see any of that then you don’t need her. Mother or not.”

I nod my head, using the last strength I have to hold my tears.

“Now, I can make things easier on everyone and go back to the hotel, if you like. I’ll drop you off at the funeral home and drive downtown…”

“No. No, don’t leave me, okay?” Just the thought of going through the afternoon without her makes the tears come right back. “I can’t make it through this day without you, even if you’re in the other room.”

“Don’t cry.” Laura’s warm hand wipes away the tears from my cheek. I suck in a deep breath and stop them before I delve into the land of no-return. “I’ll stay, of course. I just wanted to offer. This day is not about me, and I’m sad I’ve become the center of attention.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tissue, handing it over to me. “Besides, it sounds like Sandra will be there this afternoon?”

I blow my nose and nod. “Yes. Damn. You understood more of that conversation than I thought.”

“I’m a good listener, and I haven’t mentioned this, but I have a bit of a photographic memory which is why I learn languages so fast. I heard the word gold and assumed ‘gold digger’ since you just declared I was going to live with you, and the word ‘money,’” she says, tapping on her chin. “I heard Sandra’s name and ‘father happy.’”

“Yes, Sandra will be there and, no, getting back together with her will not make my father happy. My dad wanted me to be with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I sent him a bunch of photos and told him all about you.”

She smiles, one of those sweet and happy smiles I love. “I had no idea. Well, then, don’t worry about it. I can handle Sandra. I’ll just flash my guns and send her running.” She flexes her biceps, and I’m betrayed by my own body that gets a hard-on watching her, knowing she’s fit and strong but soft and sexy, too. This is going to be a long day.