Face Time – Chapter 17

Laura

Lee Park

I am a lucky, lucky man.

—-

I wake up on Thursday morning in a fog, my alarm blaring in my ear. I am sooooooooooo hungover. My head is pounding, my brain drumming a slow beat against the back of my eyes. I may still be drunk. At least I’m not nauseous when I sit up in bed. Around me are scattered the remains of last night: the empty bottle of white wine and a glass half-full, a bag of potato chips, a half-eaten bar of dark chocolate, the box with my small variety of sex toys is still on the bed, my iPad and iPhone are next to it both plugged in.

My first “sex” with Lee was drunk masturbating over the internet. I didn’t see that coming. But it was hot. Blazing, burning, melt-me-to-a-puddle hot. He talked dirty to me, described things out loud that I’ve only ever done in person (and some that I’ve not), and kept me going for at least forty-five minutes. I orgasmed two or three times at least. He’s buying me a vibrator. I was afraid he’d be judgmental coming from a traditional Korean family and all that. I haven’t asked him if he’s religious. I hope to god he’s as liberal as I think he is.

But did I tell him I’d come visit him in Korea? I think I did, but I don’t remember what he said in response. Wait. He said he was happy. He joked about me coming in his bed. Maybe I didn’t fuck up? I don’t know. I worried this relationship was going too fast, but Lee didn’t seem put off at all. I had planned on taking sexy pictures for him but hesitated because I wasn’t sure where this was heading. Now I’m sure he’ll love them. I should splurge and buy myself a new camera.

Mmmm. Those orgasms were just what I needed. I need to tell myself it was good, not seedy or weird. It was good. I stretch and smile, then wince again as my head pounds. I can’t go to work today like this, so I’ll call in sick. I never call in sick, so I’m sure Mary won’t mind. This day calls for Japanese ramen delivered and a TV marathon in bed.

I grab my iPhone and find the text from Lee. When I signed off last night, he was on his way to a hot shower and to take care of himself too. I’m surprised he made it through the whole session without masturbating, but he was so focused on me. A chill runs up my back remembering the way he watched me. I closed my eyes several times and just listened to him, and it was like he was right next to me. I craved his physical presence, though. His absence is the hardest thing to reconcile about this situation. Forget about sex. I would give anything to hold his hand.

What time is it in Mumbai? 4:40pm. His text came in an hour ago.

—-

Laura Merchant

I’m a really lucky woman.

—-

Lee Park

You’re awake! You were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen this morning.

I am truly lucky.

I hope you’re not too hungover.

—-

Laura Merchant

I’m calling in sick :)

I could use a day off.

—-

Lee Park

I hope you don’t feel weird about any of it.

—-

Laura Merchant

I feel great, except for the hangover.

—-

Lee Park

I can’t wait to do those things to you in person.

My brain can’t stop replaying it all over and over.

I’ve been no good today at work.

—-

Laura Merchant

I liked it a lot. I thought it might be strange but it wasn’t.

—-

Lee Park

Virtual sex. It was a first for me, too.

—-

Laura Merchant

I hope you still respect me :)

—-

Lee Park

You’re the one for me.

There’s a lot more than just respect going on between us.

—-

Laura Merchant

You make me really happy.

—-

Lee Park

Same here.

—-

I’m productive on my day off. I order moving boxes to be delivered tomorrow because I’m sick of this limbo I’m living in. My mother wants to sell my home out from under me? Fine. Fuck her. She better not even think of crawling back to me when this stupid marriage of hers ends. She can go live with her hoarding sister in the Connecticut suburbs.

I take a deep breath and let it all out while counting to ten. I’m not prone to fits of rage, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let someone continue to take advantage of my kindness, even if it is my own mother.

Ramen delivery arrives at noon, and I eat in bed while watching almost a whole season of How I Met Your Mother. After showering, I clean up the kitchen and decide to make frozen pizza for dinner. It’s a carb-loading, hungover kind of day. I don’t even feel guilty about not going to the gym. I’ll go tomorrow and sweat all this out.

I’m researching a new camera at 5:00pm when the door opens and my mother arrives back home.

“Oh, Laura. You scared me. I thought you’d be at work.” She takes off her heels in the hallway and places her purse on the table next to me and my computer.

“I took the day off. I wanted a little time to myself to decide what to do with my life.”

Mom ignores my statement and walks into the kitchen. “I’ve gotta say that I won’t miss this apartment once it’s gone. It’s been strange living here knowing your father cheated on me in this very space.”

I pull my attention up from online shopping, and she’s scanning the room calmly but her eyes are narrowed, a series of three strong creases chiseled between her eyebrows. A few hours ago I was ready to tell her to fuck off and never speak to me again. Now, I’m not so sure. She’s tired, sad, and…

“Laura, you realize that long distance relationships don’t work out, right? Once a couple is separated, the magic evaporates, and his eyes start to wander.”

… In full-on bitch mode again.

“Mom,” I grate out through clenched teeth, “please don’t start this now. I don’t need it.”

“Apparently you do. I’ve lived with you for two years now, and you’ve dated almost nobody…”

“Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it’s because my mother lives with me? Don’t forget that I never asked you to move in with me. And it’s totally possible Rene and I would have worked out if you hadn’t come home drunk one night and told him I had an abortion when I was twenty-two!”

I’ll never forget the look on his face. Mom had just moved in with me, and Rene and I were having a quiet dinner together when she walked in and started on this whole tirade about men and how they couldn’t be trusted, how no one could be trusted, and that everyone had a past. When she told him about my abortion, the news came so far out of the blue I nearly choked on my wine. Rene turned pale, left, and said he never wanted to see me again. I spent several months afterward trying to explain what happened. We slept together a few more times but everything was ruined between us. He was disgusted with me, with my mother, with my life. I finally had enough self-respect to stop calling him.

My mother waves at me and shrugs her shoulders. “He would have found out eventually. So will this Lee you’re cyber-dating or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays.”

“Mom…” I sigh and rub my face hard with both my hands. “What is with you lately? What’s with all the mean-spirited jibes at my life? You know, you went years not even giving two shits about me. I didn’t hear from you once when I lived in New Orleans. Now, all you can do is put me down and tell me my life is horrible. You sound more and more like Dad every day.”

She pales, her face contorting into an angry grimace. “How dare you!”

I don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. I pick up my computer and prop it in on my hip. “You should consider going back to therapy to figure out why you’ve become the thing you hated your entire life. I’m going to do what I want to do. And since you’ve ‘cut the apron strings,’ you no longer get a say in my life.”

I lock myself in the bedroom and text Theresa to see if I can spend the evening at her place. I don’t want to run into my mom again tonight.