Ean’s Rare Gift – Chapter 4

Karina

“I’ll help with the dishes tonight.” Before anyone can protest, I stand up and grab Charlie’s bowl. I’ve spent the entire meal dreaming about Ean, thinking about what he’s up to and wondering if I’ll see him later. I was quiet all evening, only answering questions with brief answers. My brain is obsessed.

This is a terrible position for me to be in.

Lydia is too fast for me and blocks my way to the kitchen sink. “Sit, sit. I insist. You always do the dishes or cleaning when I’m grading assignments.” She tries to grab the bowl, but I snatch it away.

“For good reason, because you have a lot of work to do.”

Lydia blows air through her lips. “Karina, you get up at four most days to bake.”

“That’s because I barely sleep. And the café is closed by four every day and on Sundays, so I don’t have long hours or anything.”

Charlie slinks off down the hall to his room before either of us can insist he does the dishes. Smart kid.

“We’ll wash the dishes together then. I insist.”

“Fine,” I say, sighing. “Where’s Koro tonight?”

She shrugs as we gather the remaining silverware and glasses from the table. “Some development meeting at work and then drinks. You know how it is. But he was home the last three nights for dinner, so I’m not complaining.”

Lydia and Koro’s townhouse is one of the old houses in Yamato. A dishwasher would break the pipes here, so we have to hand wash everything. She starts the water running until it’s hot while I scrape any leftovers into the composter. I barely remember eating this meal. My brain has not been my own lately.

“Any plans for tonight?” she asks, sweetening her voice. I know this tactic all too well. She wants to wash dishes with me so she can nag me for something. Maybe she needs me to hang out or run an errand. I would tell her to mind her own business if I didn’t love her.

“I’m going to the neighborhood meeting tonight, actually.” I check my watch. “It starts in forty-five minutes, so I have just enough time for you to badger me before I leave.”

“Stop!” She laughs and flicks water at me.

“Hey!” I giggle despite myself. “Don’t be a juvenile.” I stick my tongue out at her, and she throws her head back in a hearty laugh.

“I love having you around.” She washes a bowl I hand to her. “Truly. Thank you for being here. You’re like a sister to me, and I love that Charlie has this new opportunity at the café.”

“Thanks,” I mumble. Guilt rears up on its hind legs, ready to strike. Matt’s family is my family now. I can’t do anything to jeopardize that. I need to put Ean out of my head for good.

I close my eyes and blow out a slow breath. “Long day.” I make the excuse even as I’m preparing to spend another few hours awake.

“So, the neighborhood meeting, huh? Any chance that handsome young man with the famous last name will be there?”

All the blood in my head migrates to my toes. “What?”

She laughs and doesn’t make eye contact with me. “Come on, Karina. Don’t play dumb with me. I hear all. I see all. I’m omniscient, don’t you know?” She rolls her eyes as I hand her another bowl. “You always seem to bump into him or run errands with him. He comes by the café often, according to Charlie. Something’s up.”

Before I can stop it, sadness floods my chest. Fuck. I never wanted anyone to know about my crush on Ean. Has it been that obvious? Have I been sullying Matt’s memory and not even known it?

Oh God, I have. I’ve been a faithless, horrible wife. My eyes focus on my left hand and the place where my wedding ring should be. I took it off a year ago, and that’s when the crush on Ean really ballooned into this all-consuming sexy mindset. I have to apologize and beg for Lydia’s forgiveness. This is unacceptable.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble around the tears that roll down my cheeks. “I’m a terrible, horrible person.”

Lydia’s eyes widen, and she twists off the tap. “Oh shit. Oh, no, Karina.” She dries her hands and pulls me into a hug. I stand stiffly in her arms, not wanting to take her love and affection because this feels like a betrayal. “Why are you crying?”

“Because.”

I feel her head nod against mine. “Because of Matt,” she says, her voice full of sadness.

Matt was Lydia’s younger brother, her best friend since they were little. They were close, and so we were close. We are close. The idea of moving on from him is even trickier with Lydia so solidly in my life. I see her brother in everything she does.

She pulls away and grips my shoulders. “Listen to me, okay? Listen.”

I nod and blink more tears down my cheeks.

“Matt would want you to date again. He’d want you to find someone else, to have kids and a family. Everything that he wanted, he’d demand you have now. One-hundred percent. I know this in my heart and soul. Stop living in the past. Stop closing yourself off from love.”

She lets go of my shoulders so I can grab a napkin from the table and wipe my face.

“It’s so cold and disloyal,” I say, taking a shaky breath. “How can I possibly consider dating anyone? He was my everything.”

Lydia presses her hand to her heart. “Same. I miss him every day. But there’s still room for more love, more people to care for and be loved by. Life goes on, yeah?”

I nod, afraid to say anything. Yes, I agree with her, but no, I should not do this.

Her cheek lifts into a half smile. “You must like him.”

“He… he only thinks of me as a friend.” I blow my nose and dry my eyes. Thank God for waterproof mascara.

“That’s your own fault,” she says with a chuckle. She turns the sink back on. “And I notice you didn’t deny that you like him.”

I sigh and hand her a dirty glass. “Omniscient, huh?”

“Without a doubt.”

We’re quiet as we finish the last of the dishes. She hands me the towel, and I dry everything while she wipes down the table. When she’s done, she chucks the sponge into the sink.

“Go get cleaned up in the bathroom, and I want you to go to that meeting and flirt with him.” I open my mouth to protest, but she raises a finger. “Uh uh! I know you think you can’t flirt. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“Do you use that kind of language around your kids?” She’s a third-grade teacher at an elementary school across town.

“Of course not, which is why I let it loose at home.” She turns me around and points me to the bathroom. “I mean it. Smile, flirt, touch him, ask him out on a date, something, anything!”

I turn to face her and let my miserable feelings show. “I can’t. What if he rejects me? I will have lost a friend for nothing.”

A smile pulls at Lydia’s lips, and she shrugs. “Then you lick your wounds, and you try again with someone else. Okay? No more of the solitary widow routine. I mean it. You are too good of a catch to be single the rest of your life. Hear me?”

“Fine.”

“Good,” she says with a singular nod. “Now, go in there, wash your face, and use some of my eye drops and makeup. I want you to come back out ready to go.”

—-

The neighborhood hall is packed with people tonight. I find a spot near the back and listen to all the plans in motion for upcoming festivals, new business openings, and grade school field trips.

Five rows in front of me and to the right, I spot Ean sitting next to a slim blonde woman with a small dog in her lap. She occasionally turns to convey something to him, whisper in his ear, or touch his shoulder. He whispers back to her, and his smile is like a dagger to my chest. She’s obviously flirting with him, and my stomach churns with jealousy. Who the fuck does this woman think she is?

Basta. Enough, Karina.

He’s not mine, and I can’t stop him from flirting with someone else.

Despair coats me from head to toe before I remember what Lydia said. She’s omniscient and can see me right now, can’t she? I raise my eyes to the ceiling as someone at the podium talks about tomorrow’s lottery. Lydia will not be happy until I do what this woman is currently doing with Ean. She’ll tell me I’m a coward for giving up so easily. I need to flirt with him, too, if I’m even considering moving on.

“We’re so pleased that the residents of the Ginmori Estate will finally have secure housing in only a month’s time. Let’s extend a big round of applause to the Kimura Foundation and Ean Kimura for all his work on this for the last two years.”

I bring my hands together and clap for Ean, warming from the inside out at everyone giving him the praise he deserves. Several dogs in the room bark, a parrot in the corner flaps its wings, and a monkey cheeps. I wish I had a pair like them.

Ean nods and looks around, thanking people and waving the praise away. He glances back and catches sight of me. I smile and lift my hands so he can see me clapping for him. Our eyes lock for a moment before he’s torn aside by the blonde woman whispering in his ear. Whatever she says is funny, and he laughs. I immediately want to murder her.

I close my eyes and breathe slowly until I no longer see red. When did my crush turn into infatuation? Whenever it was, I’m truly sunk now.

A torrent of emotions rolls through me. I’m angry I’ve waited this long to acknowledge my crush. I’m disappointed he’s talking to someone else. I’m sick with anxiety that I’ve screwed this up already. My body flashes hot, sweat beading on the back of my neck. Ugh. How could I have been so stupid? I’m a grown woman. I’m actually two years older than him! What the hell am I doing?

The meeting breaks up, and I consider running out. Surely, I can make it to the door before anyone notices. I tear my eyes from Ean long enough to move, but it’s too late. I’m too slow. He spots me, speaks to the blonde woman, and crosses the room to me.

Sii calmo, Karina. I always default to Italian when I’m emotional.

“Hey, good to see you here,” he says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. I watch them disappear and wonder if he’s ever touched me. Has he always put up a wall between us? “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I come sometimes. You know, to make sure things are okay in the neighborhood.”

He nods, but I think he can tell I’m lying. He’s probably here every week because of the work he does.

I clear my throat. “You’ve done an incredible job. You deserve the praise, as usual.”

“It’s nothing. It’s my job.”

I grasp at something I can talk about that’s not about work, more personal. “Your sisters were coming over today to help you unpack. How did that go?”

“Great.” He relaxes. “They were pains as usual, but we got a lot unpacked. I took them out for ramen to pay them back.”

“Aokawa Ramen?”

He laughs. “You know it. It’s the best in the area.”

“Even I like it,” I say, pressing my hand to my chest.

“Yes, yes, I know.” He rolls his eyes at me, but it’s playful. “Noodles are not pasta.”

My belly warms, so I step a little closer to him. “You’ve never had my pasta, and if you had, you would never look at noodles the same way again. È molto deliziosi.”

His voice drops, and his eyes darken. “I would love to have your pasta.”

My entire body lights up the way he says that. His eyes meet mine, and my chest rises in a deep inhale. I could step even closer to him and say something sexy. Something heavy with innuendo. Hmmm, what should I do?

“Ean!”

The moment is doused with a bucket of cold water as Ean turns to acknowledge the blonde woman calling to him from across the room.

“Oh, sorry.” I step back and put some distance between us. “I didn’t realize you were here with someone.”

I did, but I was hoping she’d take off.

Beat it, lady.

“Just a minute,” he says to her. “Oh, that’s just Diana. She’s a friend of the family. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

Diana waits a few meters away with her bright eyes and smile, the small dog in her arms. I can tell she thinks of Ean as more than a family friend. She’s gorgeous and totally the fitting counterpoint for Ean. They would make a great couple. But if I express this out loud, it may drive him to her. He may look at her differently, and then suddenly, I will be nothing.

Nope.

Whatever happens, I’m giving this a shot. I’m moving forward with my life.

“Are you busy tonight?” I blurt out. He blinks. I check my watch. “It’s only eight-thirty. I was thinking about trying out the Great Menagerie Book Club now. They’re just around the corner. Would you like to go?” He’s quiet and staring. “With me?”

For a moment, I think he’s going to beg off and go home. With or without Diana, I don’t know. My confidence plummets, so I hold my breath, wishing, hoping, believing…

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. I’d love to go.” His face brightens, and I breathe out in relief.

“Great!” I jerk my head at the door. “I’ll, uh, wait for you outside. I’m sure you need to talk to people, right?”

Looking behind him, I see a few eager neighbors standing back, hoping to get a word in with him. He raises his hand, all fingers splayed.

“Five minutes tops. I promise.”

“Okay.” I back away one step, but I keep eye contact with him. He seems different, eager, maybe. I’m not sure. Perhaps I caught him at the right time. “I’m holding you to that promise.”

“Karina, I wouldn’t dream of breaking a promise to you.”

“Good.” I turn and leave before I say anything else.

This is it. I have to make this a date. I have to make the first move, or this will all fall apart.

Don’t fuck this up, Karina.