Crash Land on Kurai – Chapter 23

I’m dragged back through the Aoi Uma compound and unceremoniously dropped into a small, dark room all by myself. No bed. No chairs. One toilet. Great.

“I’ll take off the bindings if you promise to behave,” Akikazé says, raising an eyebrow at me. The red marks around his neck where I tried to strangle him stand out against his white skin. Too bad I wasn’t strong enough or quick enough to finish the job.

“Why do you care?” I thrust my bound hands at him. “I won’t cause any more problems. It’s obvious you people will do what you want, and I have no say in the matter.”

He pushes my hands back to me. “On second thought…” He walks out and locks the room, leaving my hands bound. The bastard. He was just playing with me.

I find a spot on the floor away from the door, sit down, and lie on my side. I’m exhausted, I’m dehydrated, and I reek of acrid smoke. The injuries I’ve suffered for the last several days are taking their toll, and I’m beginning to worry I won’t ever be whole again. I catalog them all, shifting my attention to each. The cracked rib smarts. My head throbs where it’s been knocked both on the back and at my temple. My leg aches, but the care I received at Ryuanji Temple still holds. The tender spot above my butt feels fine. My hand no longer aches from punching Gen.

Then there’s the cut across my chest from Rin. I bring my bound hands up to it, pushing away my shirt. The wound feels secure.

“I hope that doesn’t leave a scar,” Rin said, touching his chest. He didn’t want to be responsible for leaving a permanent mark on me. And then he went ahead and did more damage to me before I ended up here. I want to scream, rage, cry. But there’s no fight left in me today.

Why did he bring me to Aoi Uma? He said I was to be his eyes and ears here. But how will I report back if I’m stuck in Narumi’s employ forever? Did I really see him today in the forest? I’d give anything to see him right now.

I hate that I’m pining away for the man who’s done as much physical damage to me as anyone else on this wretched moon. Forget Rin. I need Kazuo more than anyone right now. He’s always taken care of me, even if his decision to run from Aka Matsuba wasn’t the smartest idea he’s ever had.

Rolling over, I try to relieve pressure on my broken rib. Forget Rin? I can’t forget him. Even if it wasn’t him in the forest, I saw someone signal to me. Two fingers. Two days? Two hours? Hold on for two years? What the hell did it even mean? He’d be coming for two people? There were two people there to help? Was I supposed to look in the direction of two o’clock? I laugh at myself, wondering how I can come up with such ridiculous ideas when he probably meant something simple.

I bang my forehead on the floor and moan. I have no idea.

Maybe he didn’t elaborate because he doesn’t really care. He has a life and a job, and I’m nothing to him. We are nothing to any of these people. I can’t count on them to care or want to help us. This isn’t Orihimé where we value all life, where we help those less fortunate than us. I know we’re not perfect, but we’re better than this. This is futuristic barbarism.

I have to proceed like this is my only choice, to become a member of Aoi Uma. It would be stupid for me to hope and pray for help when there’s no one to listen to me. I let my temper get the better of me in the field. Trying to choke Akikazé was wrong. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I only infuriated him. I need to be more docile, more willing. The more they pick on me, the less they’ll pick on Gen, Ryoko, and the other injured people from Orihimé. I may be a hothead who can’t control her temper, but fuck this. I know right from wrong. What they’re doing is wrong.

If I ever make it out of here, I swear my only job will be tearing this place apart. This is no way to live, and I haven’t even seen the planet yet. I can only imagine what I’ll find there.

My resolve crumbles, a disappearing sand castle at high tide. I’m insignificant, small, and worthless in the eyes of my new captors. How the hell does someone like me defeat this whole system?

I drift in and out of sleep for what feels like hours but could be a whole day. My stomach tells me I’ve missed a meal or two, and my head is light, my blood sugar low. My body aches and shocks me with pain every which way I turn. I’ve been in so much pain the last few days that they could cut off my arm, and I would barely notice.

“Hello?” I yell into the room. “Can I get some food?”

No response.

I wonder where Kazuo, my brother, Ayamé, Chieko, and everyone else is? Has Gen touched Ryoko again? I hope she kicks him in the balls if he does anything to her.

I close my eyes and lie back down. I picture our house on Orihimé, its rambling, long, wooden rooms lit up in the summer sun. Mom’s voice floats through the halls, talking to her cats or laughing with Dad. Grandpa lived with us for a long time before he passed away, and I remember her having philosophical discussions with him late into the night. They were both certain this trip to Hikoboshi would be the crucial next step for our society, and they were so pleased when both Shintaro and I chose to go. Mom’s eyes filled with proud tears when we both got on the ship to leave. I told her once that I was just a journalist, nothing special, and that my contribution to the trip would be minimal. She grabbed my hands and squeezed them. “There is nothing more important than the truth,” she said to me. That was the first time I really felt like her daughter.

I fall asleep and wake up again sick to my stomach. I’m no good when I haven’t had food for such a long time. I’m sure the lack of food, water, and company is punishment for being so rash. I’ve heard solitary confinement is cruel, and now I know why.

With no one to talk to and no indication of the passage of time, my brain slips into survival mode.

Shut down and wait for assistance.