Chaos in Kadoma Ward – Chapter 23

It turns out I can do a lot of meal prep, peel eggplant, and stir sauce on the stove all while denying Rin’s very existence right next to me. He places his hand on my waist as he leans over the stove to grab the salt, and I do my best to not look him in the eye.

I’m probably overdoing it.

I’m definitely overdoing it.

I thought we wouldn’t rush things. We wouldn’t smash head first into something neither of us was sure of yet.

But I’m finding out that Rin is a flirt and has no intention of being cautious.

Being both cocky yet gentle, he talks me through the process of making one of his favorite dishes, pasta with eggplant in marinara sauce and mussels steamed in white wine and garlic.

“You’re doing great, Yumi,” he says, hovering over the table between us. Once I’m done stirring the pot at the stove, I return to chopping, my thoughts elsewhere. The flash of our kiss drives through me, and I lose track of my hands, jerking too hard and slicing the eggplant in an awkward acute angle. I nearly lost a finger! “Ah, don’t worry about it. Eggplant dissolves in the sauce, anyway.”

I sigh, gripping the edge of the table and leaning forward, attempting to take weight off of my lower body that hasn’t ached this way in almost ten years. I’m hungry for more than food, and I’m afraid it’s showing.

“Can you give me some space, please?” I whisper, trying not to make a big deal out of the fact I can’t handle being this intimate with him. I’m a rookie in this whole love, lust, sex game. If only I had practiced more before I left Orihimé. My job was way too important at the time for romantic dalliances.

“Am I too close?”

“You could say that, yes.”

I can feel his smile without even having to see it. Rin is someone used to getting his way. Crowds part in front of him. Androids crumble at his touch. Judges trust his word above those higher ranked than him. I don’t expect him to move. Deep inside the animal part of my brain, I want him to stay put.

“Hmmm. I don’t know if I can do my job from a point farther away.”

It’s like he can read my mind. I’m totally fucked.

“Maybe try?” I bat my eyelashes at him, and he folds his arms across his chest.

“I think you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“I can’t. This is your apartment. And if I got rid of you, who would pay the bills?”

“You would,” he says, pulling a beer from the fridge. “You got a hundred credit bonus from the footage you took today.”

“I did?” I drop the knife and scramble for my tablet, wiping my hands on a towel first. When I swipe on the screen, I find the notice in my inbox. One hundred credits for the best footage from the funeral today.

“Yes!” I jump and pump my fist, making Rin laugh. “Looks like I can be a journalist here. Or at least be the best cameraman on the scene.” It’s not really reporting, but it’s close enough. “I’ll have to record a diary entry about it later.”

Rin sips his beer, trying to hide his sparkling eyes. “It’s nice to see you happy.”

“Oh, well… Yeah…” All my words stand up and walk out of my brain. I guess I haven’t been very happy since we landed here and guilt settles on me as I wonder what that’s been like for Rin.

The apartment doorbell rings, and I snap back to the present. I can’t change what happened in the past. No use dwelling on it.

Rin abandons his post and heads to the door, past the table in the living area already set with china and silverware, candles alight, and glasses of water waiting. Rin had the building’s android staff bring it up for the night. Services like this must be one perk of living in such a high-end apartment. The tōsha are subtle on my request, darkened walls and light music round out the intimate atmosphere.

At the door, Rin uses the screen projection to admit everyone downstairs and call an elevator for them. I dump the eggplant in the sauce, give it a quick stir, and shoot past Rin into the bathroom to straighten myself out before everyone arrives. I haven’t seen Shintaro since planetfall, so I hope nothing significant has changed with him. We’ve exchanged plenty of texts and vid-calls, but that’s about it. Everyone has been busy integrating into life here but me.

“Yumi, get your butt out here!” Shintaro calls, and I grimace at myself in the mirror. Tonight is either going to be awesome or a disaster. Who knows which?

—-

Please kill me now.

My family has turned this dinner into one giant Embarrass Yumi Extravaganza in an effort to see just how interested Rin is in me. I want to die. I’m angry as hell. I am trying to drown myself in saké.

Shintaro reaches across the table and fills my saké cup again, probably hoping I open my mouth and do myself in.

“So, yeah, the third time Yumi went to jail was the worst one,” Shintaro continues, and I close my eyes against Rin leaning forward and putting his chin on his hand to listen more intently. I concentrate on the ambient music he chose for the evening, drowsy, wafting beats below the conversation. When I open my eyes, Kazuo is watching me from the corner of his, his own saké cup sitting empty. Because he knows when to stop drinking, and I do not.

“Did I say worst? I meant best, of course.” Shintaro sits back in his seat, his dinner consumed and his belly expanding. Everyone went through the pasta and mussels like they were starving. “This was the time those idiots jumped her in an alley. Now, I don’t condone violence against my own sister. Never. These guys were the assholes of YNS, and Yumi totally let them have it on several occasions, so I’m not surprised they tried to get her fired.”

“What happened?” Rin sips his drink, waiting on all the details.

“Well —”

“They jumped me when I was on my way to the bar. Held me up against the wall and kneed me in the stomach a few times,” I say, interrupting Shintaro’s monologue. I close my eyes and remember the terror that seized me. I played it off for months like it was no big deal, but I didn’t walk alone at night for almost a whole year afterward. “One of the two threatened to rape me, ripped the zipper on my jeans and thrust his hand down my pants.”

The room grows cold. This is probably the only way I’ll get Shintaro to shut up.

“So I used all the self-defense moves Kazuo showed me” — we raise our cups to each other from across the table — “and I broke free. Then I pulled my knife and stabbed one of them in the leg while the other ran to call the police. I was the one that ended up in jail for assault, and they got away. No charges.”

I throw back the saké and slam the cup on the table. Shintaro, his face pale, swallows before filling it back up again.

“But Chiéko Mori, my awesome boss, fired them both and sent them packing. So I got justice in the end.” I stand up and stack a few empty plates. “Should I get dessert?”

Everyone pauses before Rin stands up too. “Sure.”

“Wait,” Kazuo says, grabbing Rin’s arm. “Can I speak to you for a minute? Kiiroi Yama business.”

Rin jerks his head in the direction of his room, and they proceed that way, so I gather the rest of the plates and bring them to the kitchen.

Setting them in the sink, I test my level of drunkenness. Not too bad. I can still feel my face and lips, and the world mostly stays in one place when I move my head. I can tolerate more saké.

“What were you doing in there?” Shintaro asks, sneaking up behind me with a few dirty glasses. “I was trying to talk you up to Rin, and you go and ruin it with that story? You never told me that’s what happened.”

“Of course, I didn’t.” Anger erupts inside my chest, and I crank my arm back to throw the glass I’m holding into the sink.

“Yumi,” Shintaro yips, snagging the glass from my hand. “Control yourself.”

“I can’t believe you would tell that story when you weren’t even around for when it happened and the aftermath. You weren’t talking to me then. Remember?”

“Yeah. I was a shitty brother, I remember.”

“And you’re not being a shitty brother now with this?”

Shintaro leans against the sink, his arms crossed. “I’m doing my best to shine a positive light on you, dear sister. That’s what we Minamotos do to boyfriends who show up for dinner. Remember all the hazing Takéji got when he started attending family dinners? Dad and Kenichi were ruthless.”

“Except you’re hazing Rin for no good reason since he’s not my boyfriend.” I stack the dishes to the side. I’ll deal with them later. Besides, if I handle them anymore, he’ll see my hands shaking.

I keep quiet, drying my hands over and over and imagining what Ayamé would say if she were here. She’d stick up for me. She’d say, ‘Leave her alone, Shintaro.’ In my head, she smiles back when I thank her.

“I’ve had just about enough this evening,” I grumble.

Shintaro glances between me and the door back to the table. “Wait a minute here. Are you telling me you and Rin are not hitting it?”

I ignore him, angling around his stiffened body and horrified face so I can grab dessert from the refrigerator.

“You’re not.” He tries to intercept me, stepping in front of the refrigerator door. “Shit, Yumi. Rin is a fine piece of ass.” I shove him out of the way. “I mean, he’s a bit rugged and rough around the edges, but I exercised with him on Kurai.” He whistles, and I glance behind us to make sure Rin is not overhearing this. “He has a hot body. You’d be a fool to say no to that.”

Grabbing the peeled and chopped plums, I slam the refrigerator closed. I look him straight in the eyes, anger turning my cheeks pink.

“I didn’t say no to anything,” I growl between clenched teeth, which is a half lie. I only said no to Rin after he kissed me. I turn my back on him as I prepare the dessert.

Really, Rin’s never been less than a gentleman with me. No sexual harassment. No trying to peek in on me when I’m changing. Nothing even remotely menacing. Sure, we’ve smiled at each other and flirted a little bit now, but how do I know that will lead anywhere for sure? The kiss was great, but I pushed him away. I could say something stupid in the next hour and ruin everything. Happened before.

“Let me be absolutely clear here. You and Rin are not together? Not even just a little quick fuck here and there to keep things interesting?”

I turn back to Shintaro, squaring my shoulders and lifting my head. “We are not together. We’re not dating, not fucking, nothing.”

Rin’s bedroom door clicks open, and Kazuo’s voice floats back to the dining area.

“So drop it already. Got it?”

He looks disappointed for a few heartbeats before his face turns mischievous. “So I guess you don’t mind if I give it a shot then?”

I’m yanked a decade back in time. My whole body tenses like I’m about to be punched, and I’m waiting for the fist to land.

This is what I expected to happen, right?

Shintaro drops his voice. “Like I said, he has a hot body and seems like a standup guy. I haven’t been laid in ages now, and… well, Takéji broke up with me before we left.”

My mouth drops open, but nothing comes out.

“And I wouldn’t mind having more access to an apartment like this.” He waves his hand over Rin’s kitchen. “You should see the shit hole I’m living in. Total dump. Mom would be appalled.”

My best choice of action is to stand mute and try not to cry. If I cry, that means I admit defeat. Though I couldn’t tell you what kind of war I’m fighting here. Am I trying to protect my pride? Am I trying to save myself from heartache? Or am I purposely letting history repeat itself to show me I will always get what’s coming to me?

Forgetting everything else I’ve been through the past few weeks, if I throw losing Rin to my brother on top of the pile, I might as well just hand myself over to Narumi and be done with it.

Shintaro claps his hands and rubs them together. “All right. Someone’s getting lucky tonight.”

He saunters out of the kitchen, and my heart numbs. It had been dead before, and it’s back to its shriveled and decayed state. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. I need to get numb, to forget. I grab another bottle of saké from the fridge.

‘What the hell are you doing, Yumi?’ Ayamé says in my ear.

I pull the cover off the chopped plums and grab the dense vanilla cake we picked up on the way home. “Getting dessert ready,” I respond, well aware I’m talking to no one.

‘You know that’s not what I meant,’ she hisses at me. ‘If you’re into Rin, you should just say so, and Shintaro will put his dick away.’

“Since when has that stopped him? Huh? I told him I was in love with Takéji before he went after him. I’m not some weak and trembling woman who doesn’t get what she wants because she’s too afraid to ask for it, but I’ve been kicked enough times while I’m down to know better.”

Kazuo appears in the doorway, his eyes narrowed. “Who are you talking to in here?”

“No one,” I growl, thrusting the plates at him.

I was going to repair my earlier mistakes with Rin slowly, get to know him, maybe go out on real fucking dates before being shoved into a situation like this. Was that too much to ask? I guess so. I want to hit myself for being so stupid.

But now, if Rin is into me, then he’ll choose me. Plain and simple. I would prefer it if my horny brother didn’t throw himself into the middle of this, but I’ve never had any real sway over him, and I rarely get my way when it’s him against me. As is painfully obvious, he does what he wants, when he wants to, and doesn’t let anybody else stand in his way.

While everyone eats dessert, I keep my eyes on my saké cup. I know Rin is watching me from down the table. I can feel it. But I’m sure I don’t want to witness the train crash that’s about to happen, so I look at my hands in my lap, keeping everyone else in my peripheral vision.

“Mmmm, these plums are delicious, Rin. Where did you say you got them?” Shintaro pours on the charm, flashing his megawatt smile at him.

Rin sips his beer, unaware of the tension I’m experiencing. “From the market in Higashi Go-ku. It’s about three stops from here on the subway. If you like to cook, it’s the best place in town to buy ingredients.”

“I love to cook,” Shintaro effuses. Liar. He never once came into the kitchen unless it was to eat something already made. “Maybe you could show me around?”

Rin pauses, and I stare at my cup.

“I showed Yumi around there today. Maybe that’s a trip you two could do together.”

I can’t tell if Rin is acting innocent or genuinely unaware that Shintaro is hitting on him. He’s ignored Shintaro’s advances before but never said he wasn’t gay. I mean, he could be bisexual, right? But when it comes to the question of sexual orientations, I’m clueless. I’ve always preferred guys, but there are others more flexible than me, so I don’t know what to think unless it’s obvious. This is not my wheelhouse.

Doubts, doubts, and more doubts.

“Oh, I’m sure Yumi won’t know half of what you know. We could make a day of it!” Shintaro’s face lights up. I drink again.

“Shintaro,” Kazuo warns under his breath.

My brain shifts into distraction mode, trying to drown myself in thoughts of home and the stories I covered on domestic violence, royal lineage, the inbreeding of a central continental village. Anything would be better than being in the present.

Kazuo kicks me under the table, and I jump, spilling saké from my cup. Shintaro doesn’t notice.

“I have a great idea!” Shintaro leans forward to flash his grin at Rin. “Let’s go clubbing. Come on, I’m sure you know all the hot clubs. We can dance into the morning hours.”

I sit silent, my confidence disintegrating from the sheer forces of anxiety and dread filling me from the ground up. Someone reaches into my chest and wrings out my heart like a damp rag. This is what I get for letting it melt.

Rin fills Shintaro’s cup, his lip twisting. “You’re flirting with me again, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. It’s not like you’re dating anyone. We could be having fun together.”

I gotta admit, he’s convincing.

“You should really stop,” Rin says, and Shintaro’s eyes cool. I almost laugh to relieve the tension in the room.

Rin returns to his dessert, his plate close to clean. My plate is empty. I was so sick with anger I couldn’t even serve myself any.

“This flirting thing? It’s something I’ve noticed you do when Yumi is feeling particularly vulnerable.”

“Hey! Stop.” I bark out at Rin, my cheeks flushing. “I don’t care how damned good you are at reading people, you don’t get to analyze me out loud.”

Kazuo pushes back from the table. Rin leans forward, pointing his finger at me.

“You let him flirt with me, to what? Test me? Is that the kind of relationship we’re having?”

I jump up from my spot at the table, slamming my hands down and making the silverware clash together.

“We’re not having any kind of relationship as far as I can tell. You flirt with me and make passes, but you do it so I never really know what to expect. That’s not a relationship.”

I roll my eyes, the alcohol getting the better of me, and decide now is an excellent time to narrate my thoughts aloud. “Is he into me? Is he not? Why is he looking at me like that? I haven’t seen him in days. We’re going to get arrested if we keep this up. I don’t want to go to jail again! I have no control! I’m owned by another person and a fucking corporation!” My voice swings from sing-song to exasperated as I throw my arms into the air.

I point directly at Rin, his eyes wide. “You should hear the shit that goes through my head, round and round, a million times per day!” I huff, waving at Shintaro. “And I don’t own my brother, even if someone else owns me. I can’t make him do anything, much less stop thinking with his dick on a regular basis. If he wants to flirt with you, he will!”

My throat hurts from yelling, and my chest heaves with agitated breaths. For fuck’s sake, why can’t everyone just leave me be?

Shintaro’s eyes glow with unbridled glee, watching me have a conniption over Rin. It’s obvious now to the entire world that I’ve been waiting for word from Rin on our status, and it’s been bothering me to my core that I can’t say anything for sure.

“I think we’ll be going now,” Kazuo says, pushing farther back from the table and standing up. “Thank you both for the meal and the show. It was quite entertaining.”

“Go to hell,” I snap at him, but he laughs and crosses the space between us to kiss me on my beet red forehead. “Sorry,” I mutter, immediately chastened.

Shintaro clasps Rin on the shoulder as he stands up. “I warmed him up for you, sis.” He winks as he follows Kazuo to the door. “Don’t forget how much I love you!”

The door closes on them all and leaves us with the music, a lovesick woman crooning under dulcet beats in some foreign language I don’t know.

“You didn’t have any dessert,” Rin says, standing up and grabbing a few plates.

I shift between my feet, aware he’s changing the subject. He called out my brother’s tactics. I’m stunned at how well it worked, although it also drew attention to my own feelings.

“I got distracted by my drama-obsessed brother.”

“You know what,” he says, passing me on his way to the kitchen, “I remembered earlier today that I’ve gone back on a very important promise to you.”

The room tilts as I rewind back through all our conversations. What promise? That this was just business? That we would stay platonic? What? What?

“I asked you what you wanted to do first when we reached Hikari, and you said you wanted to get rip-roaring drunk, am I right?”

“Uh, yeah?” My voice shakes, not sure where this conversation is going. I’m already inebriated.

Plates clink in the sink, and the fridge opens and closes. Rin emerges from the kitchen a minute later, breezing past me and heading straight for his room.

“Get dressed. We’re going out.”