Chaos in Kadoma Ward – Chapter 17

I wake with a start, my eyes flying open and my heart beating hard. I was somewhere, somewhere… Closing my eyes, I try to put myself back in my dream. Was it the drowning dream again? I strain my brain hard enough for it to ache. No. I was on Kurai, but I was fighting with Gen Miyazawa. He was kicking dirt at me and telling me to go to hell.

Too late. I’m already there.

Rolling over, I put my back to the moonlight flooding my room and stare up at the stars hovering over my bed. I caved after two nights alone here. I’m no tōsha addict like the people I see on the streets, but I feel more comfortable with them on. Stars perform a lazy, swirling dance, mixed with the gases of a blue and green nebula. With soft white noise in the background, it’s like I’m on the Murasaki. I have the tōsha set to extinguish in the middle of the night, so they don’t wake me up or bother Rin.

After ten minutes of trying to relax, I admit defeat. I won’t go back to sleep anytime soon with Gen in my thoughts. What happened to him? Where’s Ryoko? I searched the online directories for her this morning and still haven’t found her. How many other people did Aoi Uma find on Kurai and what are they doing with them now?

Ugh. Too many questions rolling around in my brain will keep me up all night. I turn off the tōsha, grab my tablet and power it up, hoping something I see in my inboxes will distract me long enough so I can go back to sleep.

In my text inbox, I scroll through many days worth of messages Rin and I have sent back and forth to each other. We vid-call each other in the evenings sometimes when he’s working late, but otherwise, we send texts to each other.

“I think I need a hobby,” I wrote to him the other day.

“What about knitting?”

“Do people still knit?”

“Just saw some woman on the subway knitting. I believe it was legitimate.”

“I was thinking about gardening or something.”

“I’m not sure where you’d garden. We live in the city.”

“Then I guess knitting is a better choice.”

“Great. I could use a scarf. Get on it, pronto.”

“Who said I’d knit for you?”

“Am I being presumptuous?”

“No. I’d probably knit for you anyway since my first creations are bound to be ugly.”

“That’s the spirit.”

I smile at the exchange and wish we did more talking in person, but I suppose this will have to do. My thoughts drift from talking to him to eating a meal with him and staring across the table at each other over a glass of wine. Maybe we’d even hold hands.

Stop this, Yumi.

What am I? Twelve?

I eat most of my dinners alone in his kitchen in my underwear while scrolling through the video footage I’ve captured every day.

Yes. Forget the romance.

Checking my other messages, I find a recorded vid-call from Shintaro that came in right after I tried to go to sleep. He looks good, the bastard. Happy but tired.

“Shit, Yumi. These people really know how to drink, so I’m no longer wondering if we’re somehow not related.”

He laughs, dragging his fingers through his messy hair. He took the time to message me from whatever lab he’s working in, the walls behind him bright white.

“I swear I’ve been out every night this week. Oh, did you know they found more people from home? I ran into them yesterday as they were coming into my apartment building. It was great to see them though they looked pretty beaten up. One guy from Ayamé’s team, and two more I recognized from engineering, and then another who was a medic. I’m sure I’ll see them again soon. Anyway, yesterday Tamura’s assistant, that woman who chewed you out when we first got here, what’s her name?”

He snaps his fingers a few times, names never being one of his strong suits.

“Sayaka, that’s it. She came and got most of us from work, and we were treated to a tour of the three biggest wards of the city. This place is amazing, so many temples, restaurants, bars. I even saw a gay nightclub I’m interested in checking out. If you ever want to go, just let me know.”

He waggles his eyebrows, and I roll my eyes.

“Hopefully, you and Rin are getting along fine. We should all get together sometime soon. Why don’t you invite us over, and I’ll bring the alcohol?” He rubs his hands together, a devilish smile on his lips. “Do it soon, sister. I miss seeing your ugly face.”

End message. I wince at the ‘ugly’ reference. I know he doesn’t mean it. We used to call each other ‘cow’ and ‘buttface’ and ‘shit-for-brains.’ What can I say? We were kids.

It’s just like him to invite himself over. His life is one big party.

I sigh and cradle my head in my hands. This whole situation is crap. All of it. While Shintaro’s life is a party, my life has become one dull, awful day after another, and I hate it.

Since I’m still awake, what I should do now is record another video in my diary. Might as well give everyone the truth, right? I yawn and try to concentrate on the camera of the tablet before I hit record.

“It’s late, and Rin isn’t home again. I wish I were asleep, but for some reason, when both of the moons here are full and high in the sky at night, I can’t sleep.”

I sigh, looking at the moonlight streaming into my room. What I should do is close the windows, drink a liter of saké, and hope for the best.

“Anyway, I finished my fifteenth day of working at K&G Noodles, and I’m frustrated with how dull my life is. I haven’t talked about it because, let’s face it, I am admitting defeat, and I never do that.”

I let my breath come out slowly, praying this episode doesn’t trigger a migraine. Stress and atmospheric conditions are my true migraine triggers. I wish I could control either of those.

“Let me describe a typical day around here. Most mornings, when he’s here, I get up early with Rin. We take our turns in the bathroom, have a pleasant breakfast together, and then he drops me off at the noodle shop at six AM. It’s a really early day, not something I’m used to, but I’m trying not to complain. I’m really trying.”

I pause the recording and take a deep breath. Stay on track, Yumi.

“At first, I figured I would help as much as possible. I can prep in a kitchen with no problem. Slice, dice, chop. I can do all that. Our chef back home taught me knife skills before I was ten. I can’t fight with the sword, but vegetables don’t stand a chance against me.”

I pump my fist at my side.

“I really wanted to be useful, and it’s what Atsumi said I’d be doing there so I thought, no problem, right? Kotashi gets to the noodle shop an hour before I do, and he’s usually in there kneading the dough when I show up. I’m fascinated with the way he turns flour, water, and salt into these long, springy noodles. It’s not journalism, my number one love,” I say, pressing my hand to my heart, “but his noodles are enviable. Knowing Rin used to make them before he became a top-ranked android killer makes me want to learn how to make them even more. This kind of experience made him a well-rounded person, a person I’ve been getting to know the past few weeks who reminds me of all of my friends back home.”

Turning my eyes to the ceiling, I hum. “You know what? I realize now that it’s not my job that defines me, although it was something I really loved. It’s all these other little things that truly make a person whole.”

I pause the recording, thinking about what I’ve just said. How suddenly, a full life makes more sense to me. Life can’t or shouldn’t be all about work.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve had a few breakfasts with Rin where we’ve talked about everyday, little, non-important things, like our favorite hobbies or what we loved in school or even the weather. He lets me ask questions, and he answers, never condescending and more open since our initial talk in the café.

It doesn’t happen every day. Many mornings and nights, I don’t see him at all, but I believe he always comes home to sleep. I wish we could experience some of those little everyday things together, instead of talking about them, but he’s a workaholic. It’s a meager existence, especially when compared to Shintaro or Kazuo.

I unpause my recording. What was I saying?

“So I keep telling Kotashi I want to learn how to make the noodles. I remind him that it would make Rin happy if I knew how to do this, and he usually tells me I’m incapable of learning. Really, how hard can it be if I practice? It’s not like he’s losing money on me. But no. Every morning, I ask to help, I insist on helping, and yet every day, Kotashi tells me to sit in the corner and not bother him. He won’t even let me do the most basic things like sweep up, run dishes through the dishwasher and sanitizer, or unload the carts from the UPN drop in the storeroom and certainly not any of the things Rin told him to do. God forbid I talk or I’ll get stared down until I’m silent again.”

I look away from the camera. My throat constricts, and a tear slides down my cheek. I should’ve paused it, but I sniff up and pull myself together.

“I spend the early hours of each day reading on my tablet until Gina arrives. She has the harder job of the two of them since she works the wok, the grill, and whatever soups they’re serving that day. I jump up and wait for my orders, but Gina barks at me not to touch anything. ‘You’ll just get us in trouble,’ she said the first day.”

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and sigh. Why am I so upset over the way they treat me? I shouldn’t care, but I want something to go right. I already feel displaced and alone, and I want to go back to being a pain in the ass and investigating.

“I never let anyone get to me like this at home. It’s ridiculous. Today, after she told me to sit down and shut up, I left the noodle shop after lunch and went shopping. I shouldn’t have. I don’t like spending my stipend because I know if I go over, Rin will have to pay for everything, but I wasn’t wanted there, and I need more clothes of my own.”

I pause the recording and look at the two piles of clothes I bought for myself, bright colors of pink and orange, better fitting pants, a pair of comfortable clog shoes, a dark gray jacket, and a black bag I can carry across my body.

I love them, and I feel guilty for owning them at the same time.

“Yumi.”

I gasp, fumbling the tablet.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Rin says, coming into my room. Stupid me, I left the door open, but I usually do. I want to be prepared if anyone comes into the apartment who isn’t supposed to be there.

I’m still paranoid, despite not having seen my enemies for weeks. I can’t help but feel they’re waiting for me to become comfortable or drop my guard, then they’ll pounce.

Rin moves to sit on the edge of the bed but pauses. “May I?” he asks.

“Of course. This is your home. You can sit wherever you want.”

He lowers himself to the bed gently, and my heartbeat thumps in my ears. He’s quiet for a moment, staring at me. I straighten out the covers and wish I didn’t look so haggard.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I’m trying to make up for the weeks I spent on Kurai. Atsumi is a hard boss, and she doesn’t give me any special favors.”

“It’s okay. I expected you to go about your life like nothing had changed.”

He turns his head, directing his attention out the door. This is one of those moments when I wish I had never come here, never interrupted his life. I wish I could instead go live with Kazuo. Maybe I should offer it? Instead, I do something out of character, reach over and squeeze his hand. My heart skips, wondering if I’ve crossed a line, but I’m comforted when he doesn’t pull away. He blinks as he turns his weary eyes on me.

“Yumi…” he says, his voice a whisper.

“You look tired. Why don’t you go to bed and get some rest? We have to get up early again tomorrow… uh… Today. In like four hours.”

“Why haven’t you told me about what’s going on at K&G every day?”

Shit. He heard me. But how much? I pull back my hand, determined to lie my way out of this.

“I figured you’d be bored hearing about things like chopping vegetables and serving customers. I mean, you’ve done it all before so…”

“Please stop,” Rin growls, sighing and rubbing his face. This is an orange alert level sigh, not something I’ve heard recently. “Stop lying to me all the time.”

I huff, annoyed at his attitude. “I don’t lie all the time. I’ve never lied to you about anything important.”

“This is important.”

“No, it’s not,” I insist, setting my tablet aside.

“I heard everything you said, from beginning to end. I came home over an hour ago and you were asleep. I’ve been sitting on the couch going over my reports.”

I swallow, feeling exposed and raw. “You’ve been eavesdropping?”

“Come on. I wouldn’t have to eavesdrop on your diary entries if you were being straight with me. We struck a deal with Kotashi and Gina. They’re supposed to train you, give you the skills we need in case…”

“In case of what?” I sit up straighter. I thought it was weird he wanted me to learn all that stuff, but I figured the education was preparation for long-term residency here.

He drops his voice. “In case we need to leave and start over somewhere else. Though they’ve been quiet, Aoi Uma and Narumi Ogawa are not going to let you go. They’ll come after you, eventually. We’ll get far away if I get even a whiff of them. Our new cover could be opening a restaurant or working in restaurants in another city.”

My body heats, fear and anger filling up my belly. “Why would you…” I lick my lips, trying to decide what to say. “Why would you go on the run, give up your life, money, and job to protect me? I know you have to watch out for me now because of this contract. But that is literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard. You should just hand me over to them. I’m not worth it.”

He laughs. “Possibly.”

I huff, scooting my butt down in the bed to get under the covers. “Well, thanks for that.”

“I’m joking with you, and you know it.”

I have trouble not laughing, so I turn to sarcasm. “Har, har. You missed your calling as a comedian.”

“I figure laughter is better.” He sighs again, stretching out his legs. “I’m not very good with emotions. I keep them all right here,” he says, pressing his hand to his chest. “I know you think I’m some kind of automaton —”

“I believe they call them androids here.”

“Yes, thank you, smart ass.” He laughs again, and I relax a little more. “Here I am, trying to be honest and open, and you’re cracking jokes.”

“You started it.” I slide farther under the covers, and angling my body closer to him, I prop my head on my arm. “Go on.”

“I don’t like seeing you suffer, especially with people I trust.”

“I’m not suffering,” I whisper, thinking my softened voice won’t give me away, but he reaches over and touches my tear-soaked hair. I lower my eyes. I can’t face him. I’ve been hiding this problem for weeks.

“I’m going to fix this.”

I plant my face in the bed. “You don’t have to. I’ll get used to it.” I lift my head up and rest my hand on his leg, pulling at the fabric of his pants. “I’m getting a lot of reading done.”

“That’s not the point. You’re supposed to be learning.” He takes my hand, and I quieten as his fingers slide along mine. This is an intimate gesture, not some quick squeeze to comfort me. I lick my lips as my breathing stutters, and my gut clenches at this blatant show of affection.

Real affection, and this time, I’m sure I’m not imagining it.

Rin’s eyes are on our hands, his fingers gliding up and down mine. I don’t want to break the spell between us, the heart-pumping energy that’s transferred with this light and natural touch.

Oh God, this is amazing and such a bad idea. I remember the contract terms I read weeks ago and the possibility of jail time for us.

But this physical contact is mmmm…

“I’ve grown attached to you,” he whispers, and I have to run it through my brain again to hear what he said. “I look forward to every text and vid-call. I see things in windows and wonder what you would think of them. I breathe a sigh of relief every time I come home and you’re here. I look at the empty couch in my office and remember you sleeping there. You occupy so much of my thoughts; it’s hard for me to remember when you didn’t.”

Tears fill my eyes, unbidden. No one has ever cared what I think, except maybe Kazuo.

“I’m glad you went out and bought yourself more things that’ll make you feel comfortable.” He joins our hands together, fingers laced side by side. “I saw your spending spree on the account today, and I knew something was going on with you. I don’t think you’ve ever spent more than twenty credits in a day.”

He looks from our hands to my face, his lips falling into a frown at the tears gliding down my cheeks.

“What exactly did Gina say on your first day?”

“What?” I ask, my voice cracking. My throat is so tight, I’m surprised I can still breathe.

“In your diary entry, you said she snapped at you and said something.” He strokes his thumb along mine, and I sigh, distracted by the contact.

“Oh, she said, ‘You’ll just get us in trouble.’ And then she told me to sit in the corner where the android sits so no one could see me.”

Rin nods, his eyes staring in that far away, thoughtful look.

“She’s hiding you. You have the blessing of Tamura, and Kiiroi Yama takes care of K&G almost every day. So who would she need to hide you from?”

“I don’t know.”

What should I do? Should I move and try to increase the intimacy between us?

“Yumi, something strange is happening.”

My heart swings from heady lust to icy fear.

“I’ve always believed the test was infallible. It hadn’t failed in two decades. But you remember what happened to the android I tested?”

I nod. I’ve seen her in my dreams sometimes with her cold stare and monotone replies to Rin’s questions. “How could I forget?”

“Today, two androids mowed down a high-ranked Aka Matsuba principal on the butsu. Two androids that had been picked up for loitering not four hours before, were in my office, and I tested them to be humans. They got past me.”

“No,” I breathe out, struck by the weight of this information and the way our fingers are entangled. Rin’s face is a battleground of uncertainty. I remember how confident he was while he conducted the test with me. ‘I’ve administered this test now one thousand four hundred and ninety-six times. I have an accuracy rate of one-hundred percent.’ The test had never failed him.

“Aoi Uma advanced their programming,” I say with confidence. “That one woman, before she self-destructed, must have given them data on what to do better.”

I sit up, reluctantly pulling my hand out of his so I can rest on my knees and look him in the eyes.

“What does this mean… for everything?” I hesitate but raise my hands to his face so I can gauge him the way he does me.

“It means Aoi Uma is making androids so advanced, we can’t tell them apart from humans.”

“And that’s against the treaty, right?”

He nods, pressing his hand against mine on his cheek. “It could mean the end of Aka Matsuba. It means war is coming.”