Chaos in Kadoma Ward – Chapter 13

I wake up feeling like I’ve been run over by a bus. My room is a dark cave, and I’m all alone. The clock projection on the wall reads 8:23 AM. My shoulders ache scrunched up under me. During the night, the pain of the migraine transferred down my body to my torso from my head. Even breathing is difficult. Those two ribs I cracked on Kurai are unhappy and smart when I inhale. Did I have a migraine last night or did I get involved in a cage fight?

I made it through the night, but from what I can remember, I’m lucky to be alive. My memories of the way back from K&G Noodles are spotty and disjointed. We walked a long way through underground shopping arcades between subway stations, and I believe we took one train, but I can’t be sure.

It’s disconcerting that my migraines, since going on this mission to Hikoboshi, have not only gotten worse, they’re also playing with my memory. I wonder if it has something to do with the increased stress and gravity, but I’m no doctor, and I have no one else I can ask about this. If only more people had survived from the Murasaki. I’d give anything to talk to Doctor Kiyota again, the man who attended to me on the trip here. He was heavy on the sedatives but knew more about me and my condition than anyone else.

Rolling over to relieve the pressure on one of my barely healed ribs, I close my eyes and step back through the evening. We made it back to the apartment, and I was soaking wet. My clothes stuck to me like leeches. I groan as I remember Rin trying to help me out of them. I pushed him away, even though he was a gentleman and averted his eyes, and I told him everyone would’ve been better off if he had never rescued me from Narumi.

“Well, I did, and I’m sure it was the right choice,” he’d said.

The pain was so severe, I threw up a few more times, and I’m sure I passed out in the bathroom. But I don’t remember getting into clean, dry clothes, nor do I remember getting into bed. Pressing my fingers to my sore forehead, it aches like an elephant sat on it all night long.

“Are you sure this is helping? I feel like I’m making it worse,” he’d said.

“I’m going to die anyway. It doesn’t matter.”

I open my eyes, and the ghost of Rin’s warm touch fades from my forehead, the back of my neck, the spot next to me on the bed. I reach out my hand and place it on the sheets where he slept beside me.

But there was more, I think. I remember falling to my knees, trying to get to the bathroom, the smell of food, the hum of quiet music. When did all of that happen?

Eventually, I make it to my feet around ten AM. The apartment is empty, the giant windows in the living area display a foggy morning filled with rain. I squint my eyes against the glare. After a migraine, sometimes cloudy and rainy days are worse than a sunny day. I should acclimatize myself to the world outside the bedroom. I can’t be useless all day. I have to figure out how to save myself from being picked up for loitering.

“Lights up, thirty percent,” I say, in the same authoritative voice Rin used. Amazingly, the lights come up at my command. The apartment must always be listening. A shiver travels up my back. I find that to be troubling, something I’ll have to get used to.

I’m not ready for food yet, so I sit on the couch and pull a blanket from the arm over my lap. There’s a video screen on the wall, but I don’t know how to activate it. Do I ask the apartment to do it for me? I suppose I could run through commands until something sticks. My eyes settle on my tablet sitting on the coffee table. Now is as good a time as any to figure out how to use it.

I turn it on, and there’s a message from Rin, sitting in my inbox right on the home screen.

“Morning, Yumi. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to say goodbye when I left for work. You fell asleep around one AM, and I had a feeling the worst was over because you were quiet and peaceful. Nothing like the previous day and a half.” Rin yawns in the video message, rubbing his face and sipping a cup of coffee.

Wait a minute. Day and a half? I glance out the window again, and the weather looks the same as it was when we left K&G Noodles. Oh no. I can’t rely on weather patterns to determine time! I suffered a migraine for two days? I haven’t had one like that in forever. I rub my fingers along the back of my skull and probe for the two head injuries I incurred during the Murasaki attack and crash landing. The skin is healed, but what about my brain? I was also hit in the temple before Rin took me to Aoi Uma, and that could’ve caused problems too. They scanned me and said I recovered, but what if I haven’t?

“I’m… concerned about the level of pain you were feeling. I messaged Kazuo to ask him about it, and he also seemed to think this migraine was worse than others. Do you remember anything about the last two days? At one point you thought I was your mother, and you cried about failing her and failing the Empress.”

I pause the message and look away from the tablet. Great. It was worse than any other migraine I’d ever had. Hallucinating? I’ve never done that before. And there’s no telling why. This is a new place with new bacteria and viruses and a lot of unknown variables. The wind outside whips past the window, a low unearthly howl accompanying a barrage of rain.

Back to Rin.

“I’m just glad you eventually fell asleep. When I come home later, I owe you an apology, for a lot of stuff.” He looks away from the camera for a moment before picking his coffee cup back up again. “I hope you’ll take the day to learn more about your tablet. We’ll talk when I return.”

End message.

He owes me an apology for a lot of stuff? As far as I can remember, I’m just mad about him calling me cheap, even though he was right. I’m sure Kotashi and Gina would save a whole lot of money on me if they hired me instead of someone experienced in their caste. What are they anyway? Probably merchants. Most likely, they don’t hire outside of their caste either, and only helped Rin when he was younger because he was already friends with Gina.

It was wrong of me to presume they’d help me because of my connection to Rin. I need to stop making assumptions about these people, their society, and their world. I grew up in a culture that values family ties and honor, has an empress and elected government, and still thinks women are inferior to men. Hikari is run by business alone. Everything is about money and value is based on your net worth in credits. Honor is among coworkers and people up or down the chain of command from you.

How are spouses valued? What about children?

Sighing at my lack of knowledge, I heft the tablet in my hand. Here is my key to delving into this society. Time to make use of it.

I snuggle into the corner of the couch, pull the blanket around me, and start exploring.

First up, I lower the brightness of the tablet in the settings area and poke around with how the tablet is hooked up to their networks. It’s not something I’m even remotely good at, but I have access to the apartment’s network and another citywide network. I wonder if they work everywhere?

On the home screen, I concentrate on the list of icons. Messages, Weather, Maps, Entertainment, News, Games,… News? I go straight to that.

In the top right corner of the screen is a red fish logo wrapped around the letters AMNN. Aka Matsuba News Network. Motherfucker. Tamura has his own news network, and he tried to tell me they have no free press here. They have the press and video news; it’s just run by his corporation.

I remember how once he realized I wouldn’t be an obedient robot, he did everything he could to discourage me, make me think I didn’t have a chance in hell of surviving here. But once I had something of value to him, I was suddenly worth keeping around, worth paying Rin to keep me.

But why? His excuse that I’ll be an ambassador for my people feels hollow and fake. He could’ve chosen Kazuo who has more worth in his little finger than I do in my whole body. Now, I believe he’s keeping me around because he suspects I have more information to sell him, and he’s right. And he’s keeping me under the watchful eye of Rin because if, heaven forbid, I got involved in the news business again, I might uncover whatever he’s doing with my animal chip technology or more.

That would be the story of a lifetime. One that everyone at home would tune into.

Rubbing the spot behind my ear, I suddenly wish I had stayed home, gotten the chip like my mother and older brother, paired with an animal, and lived out my life doing what I loved. A tear sneaks out of my eye and rolls down my cheek. Stupid low blood sugar. I take a deep breath and concentrate on the tablet again.

The news is divided up into all the areas I’m already familiar with: local ward news, city news, corporation news, financial, crime, health, entertainment, and weather. I start at the top — hungry for the latest stories, people involved in local land dealings, arrests of crime syndicate lords, a fire in a warehouse, train station delays due to flooding. A movie star was found cheating on his wife, and his wife sued the pants right off of him. A homeless shelter across town reported a double murder. Tides in seaside cities would be extra high due to some convergence of Hikari’s two moons, Kurai and Shiu.

I tap and read for hours, my system run aground with the onslaught of information. My hand shakes as I try to scroll through the crime news. I need to eat, and wow, hours have gone by since I sat down. I shakily climb to my feet and find food in the kitchen. A sweet drink that tastes like orange juice goes well with steamed buns I heat up in the oven thing. Thankfully, it’s not hard to figure out. Stick the buns in and the computer on the front asks, “Do you want to heat these buns?” Why, yes, I do. Thank you.

Back to the tablet and feeling better, I take a break from the news and learn more about the contract system used here. The online education encyclopedia details every variation of the system from top to bottom, but of course, my own situation captures my attention first.

‘Contract by Proxy is a contract agreement between an educator and student, most often applied when a student will be apprenticed in a field outside of their caste and level. Also known as ‘proxies,’ students are given a yearly stipend for living expenses but incur debt to their educator for their educator’s time and support. If an educator takes on the proxy by purview of a higher corporation, they may also be paid a variable percentage of whatever the proxy makes. Proxies tend to be debt free within three to five years of completing their training. At no time during the contract agreement are romantic or sexual relationships allowed between an educator and their student. Violation of this clause of the contract can incur a penalty of no less than 10,000 credits and/or jail time.’ 

Hmmm, it’s like a student-teacher relationship. Now I know why Rin has been good at keeping his distance.

Reading more of the contract terms makes my eyes cross, so I switch to the news crime section again, noting how many times Aoi Uma’s androids have failed and destroyed property or killed people. The incidents are staggering, something happening several times per day. Scrolling back in the archives, it appears the reports are getting exponentially more frequent.

My eyelids droop as my first meal in almost two days settles in my stomach. I curl over on my right side, drop the tablet between me and the back of the couch, and fall asleep.

‘Do I need to call a doctor, Yumi? You’re scaring me.’ Rin’s fingers on my face, his lips close to my ear. ‘I would miss you, if you were gone.’

I wake up with a gasp. Was that a dream? Or a memory from the night before? I’m sure Rin would never miss me, so it must have been a dream. My brain is trying to tell me things I want to hear. Sitting up on the couch, my tablet vibrates. This must be what woke me up.

A text message from Rin reads, ‘I’ll be home soon. Crazy day.’

I rub my eyes, still sleepy despite the recovery time I’ve had. I should shower or brush my teeth, especially now that I’m feeling more normal again. What was I doing before I fell asleep?

Refreshing the news feed, a story floats to the top on my tablet, and I sit up and take notice. ‘Hostages Freed. Four Androids Deactivated.’

I click on the video and watch Rin and several other men and women kenryōshi run into and climb a building while a reporter narrates the whole scene.

My skin becomes clammy as I imagine Rin losing his life while on the job. He is a police officer, and his life is in danger pretty much every day. What if he just doesn’t come home one day? What then?

“Earlier today, Kiiroi Yama kenryōshi freed ten hostages held at the G9 department store in Tsurumi Ward. Two are dead after a three-hour standoff inside the building and the surrounding area. Details are still coming in, but from what we understand, an android employed at the store pushed a citizen from the fourth-floor balcony before taking two families hostage. Four androids in total were deactivated, and the G9 property manager has called for Aoi Uma’s CEO, Narumi Ogawa, to answer for all the recent android disturbances.”

The camera switches to a man on the street identified as the G9 property manager, standing under an umbrella. “What with the low birth rate and shrinking workforce, we cannot afford to be losing our own people this way. These were top-of-the-line, Fukusha Model Six androids. What are they doing killing people, taking them hostage? For what?”

For what, indeed. If they took hostages, it means there were demands.

The footage cuts off after that with no follow-up from the reporter on the scene which I find strange and discordant. Where was the reporter? I never even saw him. It was just a voiceover.

Scrolling through the news feed, I see no names associated with the stories. No reporters, no editors, no nothing. Huh. How do they decide on what goes through and who makes those decisions?

I leave my tablet and get changed. In the bathroom, I wash my face and hands before brushing my teeth. While standing in front of the mirror, I’m aware of the lines of pain between my eyes and how pale I am. I wish I had more time to recover from this migraine. The longer I take to rehabilitate, the less likely I am to have a rebound migraine soon. Sometimes if I take it easy for two or three days, I can prevent a rebound migraine for over a month.

I don’t have the time for that.

When Rin arrives, I’m digging through Atsumi’s closet, making piles of clothes to keep or to get rid of. I’d give anything for a bag, or even a piece of clothing with color. The woman either only wore black and white, or that’s what she left behind.

“Yumi?”

Rin peeks his head in the door, eyeing the piles on the floor and me sitting cross-legged amongst them.

“Been busy?” He relaxes, probably relieved I’m conforming to this new life. “I didn’t hear from you all day, so I thought you might still be sleeping.”

I blink a few times. “I didn’t think to write to you. I’m sorry.” Damn. Maybe he actually cares about me, and now I feel bad I left him wondering how I was all day.

“It’s fine,” he says, smiling and holding up a hand. “I’m glad you’re better. You scared me last night, and I … well. Anyway.”

“I did sleep a lot,” I say, covering the awkward silence. “And I ate something hours ago, once I was feeling better. But I spent a lot of time on my tablet, like you suggested.” I head back into the closet as he sits on the bed. Ugh. More black pants and white shirts. I like black and I like white, but not together, every day for the rest of my life. “For fuck’s sake, this woman has the worst taste in clothes I have ever seen.” I chuck all the white shirts into a corner. I’ll find a few to sleep in. Rin watches the pile grow, his lips twitching. “I can’t believe she spent her money on this crap.”

“So, you’re planning on shopping?” Rin asks.

“Yes, but not at the G9 department store, I can tell you that. You put down four androids? Crazy day is right.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “You saw that?” he asks. His eyes lock on mine, watching for my reaction.

“You said to explore my tablet. I spent three or four hours digging through the news archives. News archives I was led to believe didn’t exist.”

“Well…” He pulls the one syllable out. “Tamura doesn’t believe in the free press. He has his own news agency.”

“I saw that.” I try to keep my voice light, but the bitterness seeps in.

“You didn’t really expect him to hire you on after what you pulled.”

I grab a pile of clothes I plan to keep and dump them on the bed. “No, I guess not.” I fold the pants, not making eye contact. “I just… I’m not good at anything else. And I blew it with Kotashi and Gina.” I rub my face and sigh. “I should’ve known better.”

“Known what?” Rin stands up, untucking his shirt. I get a peek at his stomach and my mouth dries.

“Um, that there was no way they’d give me a chance just because I’m a member of your household now. I should’ve known it’d come down to money. Even if I am ‘cheap.’”

He cringes. “I’m so sorry I said that, really.”

“Forget it,” I say, wanting to erase the whole incident from history.

“And it always comes down to money,” he mutters, and I get the feeling he hates that. Maybe these other people can turn off their feelings to make more money, but I picture little six-year-old Rin, an orphan, all alone, just wanting to sit on someone’s lap and get a hug. My throat constricts.

“Yumi,” he says, and I swallow through my throat swollen with anger, with sadness, with lust. Every time he says my name, more of the ice around my heart melts. “I think you should come to Kiiroi Yama Headquarters with me tomorrow. I’m not sure what to do about a job for you yet, but you shouldn’t be cooped up here all day.”

Being out and about in the city without a job means I’m at risk of being arrested, by the very same people Rin works with. Do I want to go into the lion’s den? I clutch the pair of pants I’m holding in my hand. Rin reaches out and loosens my grip on it, squeezing my fingers in his. I freeze in place, concentrating on the contact between us.

“Are you worried? There’s no need to be. But I’m sure you don’t want to miss out on life by staying here every day.”

I contemplate spending every day in the apartment going through the available tōsha library and becoming a shut-in while my fingers heat between Rin’s.

I nod, afraid to speak.

He squeezes once before letting go. I’m blown away by how different he is from the other people I’ve met here. What was it about him that made him this way, willing to put his life and reputation on the line for someone like me?

“I’m going to take a shower, and we’ll have dinner together.”

“I’ll cook,” I insist, lurching forward. “It’s the least I can do. And I love to cook. Really. It’s the reason why I thought of Kotashi and Gina, anyway.”

“Okay. That sounds great.”

After he leaves, I count to five and rush to the door, keeping out of sight behind the door jamb and creeping forward millimeter by millimeter until I have a slight view of the open bathroom. Rin’s running the shower, waiting for the water to heat up. He peels off his shirt, sighing as he turns his arm to look at a bruise on his shoulder in the mirror. My eyes skate over the cords of muscle in his shoulders, along his arms to his flat stomach.

Hot damn. I lick my dry lips, suddenly as thirsty as a desert without rain for a year. He leans forward, resting his hands on the bathroom vanity, and his body tightens with a weary sigh, his eyes closed. My eyes water cataloging the long scar on his back and the pain that must have caused him. His entire body must be covered with scars. Emotions war inside of me, a raging overflowing river thundering in my ears. I want to comfort him, hold him.

I want to walk away.

I want to stay.

Why, oh gods above, why me?

His eyes flick to my bedroom, and I pull back fast. Did he see me?

My heart is racing, wanting to either dissolve away or be in there with him.

What is wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m a human being, right? I have feelings.

No, I don’t. I’ve told Kazuo, Shintaro, and Ayamé a hundred million times that I’m dead inside.

‘I never believed you,’ Ayamé says in my head.

Look at me, persuading myself into being okay with feelings.

I lean forward again to peer around the corner. Rin’s back is to the door, his pants heading for the floor. I get one last peek at his backside, housed in a tight pair of black briefs before he reaches behind him and closes the door.

Saved by the shower.