An Unforgiving Desert – Chapter 17

I wake up freezing. I forgot about that. Deserts lose their heat precipitously after the sun goes down, and now I’m suffering the consequences. It’s a place of extremes, blazing in the daytime and brick cold at night. Still, the cold air is welcome.

At some point in my sleep, I had rolled over on my side and snuggled into Kalvin. I find the whole situation, between the life pod crash-landing, the endless hiking, and now the forced closeness with someone I’m beginning to like, to be humbling and strange. It’s nice to have someone I can count on, yet I shouldn’t count on anyone but myself.

Kalvin’s light breathing and calm face mean he’s dead to the world. My heart softens a bit. He’s right. Maybe I just haven’t met the right men yet. And that wouldn’t surprise me, since it’s not like I ever got to know the guys I’ve bedded before. They’ve just been a pretty face or a pleasant conversation or stress-relief. Never anything more.

Vivian told me over a year ago that my feelings of reticence would fade away about meeting, dating, and even settling down with men in my relationship network. She said I had to change my attitude about intimacy before I saw progress towards genuine relationships.

As always, Vivian was right. She’s always right. I smile up at the stars. Hear that, Viv. You were right.

God, I hope we get out of this, so I can see her again.

We have to get out of this alive. I have so much to do, so many places to go, ships to fly, people to meet, and a life to live. We need to find the rocks, attempt to shelter, and signal for help.

I repeat it. Find the rocks, attempt to shelter, and signal for help.

And keep us both alive, which will be harder to do as we approach the rocks. Those birds I spotted circling earlier are a sign that larger predators are somewhere ahead of us. We’ve been too far into the dunes to come across them so far, but our time of security is nearing its end.

I slip out of the parachute as quietly as I can and hold back a groan as I get to my feet. Dear Lord in Heaven, I am so sore. My hip still hurts from landing on it during the storm, and my feet are ready to detach from my body and go on strike. Still, I hike over the side of a nearby dune to relieve myself, even though I’m loath to let go of the moisture. I kick sand over everything and position myself on the highest dune nearby with a protein bar.

According to the shovel I laid in the sand last night, I’m facing towards the sunset. On Sonoma, the sun travels approximately from east to west. So when the sun comes up, we want to be walking away from it and slightly to the left, which is south. I sigh and try not to let the dread overwhelm me. I can only hope we covered enough distance today, going in the right direction, that we won’t miss the rocky regions by kilometers.

In the meantime, we’ll need to get moving before the sun comes up. I turn over my wristlet, hoping again for a connection, but nothing appears. Nothing at all. The batteries are spent. I sigh as I drop my hand to the sand next to me.

I scan the sky, looking for a star to navigate by. To the south, a brilliant star with two other stars to its left and down form a V-shape. I watch it while I eat my protein bar, and it doesn’t seem to move. Other stars make their way across the zenith, but this star remains still. Okay, good enough for me.

When I return to the parachute, Kalvin is awake but still wrapped up.

“I saw you up on the dune, watching the stars, so I decided not to bother you. Any luck?” As he sits up, he’s unable to stop the groans either. “Mother of… I have never been so sore in my entire life.”

“If we had more water, I’d take painkillers in a heartbeat. But I don’t think it’s good for you if you’re this dehydrated.” And I’m afraid I may be moments away from a urinary tract infection too, based on my earlier ‘bathroom’ trip to the other side of the dunes. Just add it to the bill. “Yes, I think we’re in luck. That way is west” — I point in the direction of the shovel — “and that star is in the south” — I point to my V constellation — “so we should start walking and aim for the middle of them. I figure if we keep the star at about two o’clock, we should be okay.”

I try to sound confident, like I do this all the time. Pep talks and confidence — the Skylar way.

“Got it. Think we’ll make it before sunrise?”

I toss a protein bar to him. “Anything’s possible.”

His face is grim as he opens his meager breakfast. That’s not the answer he was hoping for.

We’re packed up and on the move about twenty minutes later. It’s dark without a moon, but there’s enough starlight to keep us moving, and I use the flashlight on low-power mode to help us avoid any other patches of quicksand. Hiking at night is preferable to the blistering hot daytime, though there are other things about the night that make me anxious. I don’t like that I can’t see more than a few meters in front of me. We could miss the rocky region and walk straight past it.

After two hours of walking, we stop for a break. There’s only half a bottle left of water, and the sorry amount is making me despair. We each take a sip, and it’s difficult not to gulp.

“I’m going to admit something, and I hope you don’t take offense to it,” Kalvin says, looking down at his hands. “I fear we may miss or somehow may not make it to the rocky region. We’ve been walking too long not to be there by now.”

My first instinct is to take offense, of course. Does he think I want to be stuck out here?

But I push down the hot flash of anger. No, he would rather not be stuck out here, and neither would I. Where is the rescue team, anyway? I would have thought they’d be flying ships over the desert night and day. Do we somehow not deserve to be rescued? Is the flight school just going to wash its hands of us and call it a day?

A breeze whips across the dune, and I shiver as I squint my eyes into the dark distance. Hmmm, is that…? The fuzziness could be my eyesight failing. No, we’re not having a sandstorm again. It’s too soon.

Or maybe not.

I’m not often depressed, but this sinks me really low, like a boulder in my gut.

But then I recall the circumstances of our landing.

“Kalvin, remember that we landed in the middle of a sandstorm, we lost our radio transmitter, and then the sand swallowed up our life pod. We’re lucky to be alive after all of that and a day of walking. I have a feeling the universe is on our side. We just need to go a little farther, have a little more faith. Hmm?”

He looks up at me. “How do you do that? How do you stay positive through shit circumstances like this?” He reaches over and touches my chin. “You keep your chin up at all times. I saw it in school, even. It’s kind of maddening.”

I chuckle. “Makes you want to kick my ass, huh?”

“Yeah. Though it also makes me eager to learn your secrets too.”

I look down at my bandaged fingers. Secrets. I’m good at keeping them. But I should share some.

“I have a secret.” I swallow hard as I lift my fingers. “When you were in the sand, I tried to reach through to grab you, and the sand shocked me. I saw…” I swallow again, wishing there was more moisture in my body. “I saw parts of my life flash before my eyes. I thought maybe something was trying to communicate with me. So I told it to give you back.”

“What?”

“I said in my head, and maybe out loud, I don’t remember, ‘Give him back,’ and it did.” I shrug my shoulders. “I think there’s life here, in the sand, and I talked to it.”

God, that sounds ludicrous coming out of my mouth, but I have seen and heard plenty of wacky things these last few years. This revelation does not surprise me. It feels inevitable, after all the times people here have tried to colonize the edges of this desert and failed. The life here didn’t want neighbors.

Can’t say I blame it.

Kalvin throws his head back and laughs before falling into a dry coughing fit.

“Well, shit, Skylar. Why are we navigating by the stars then? Fucking stick your hands in the sand and either ask for the compass back or —”

“Ask for directions.” I sigh, looking at my hands. “It fucking hurts, though.”

“Is it worth it?”

I raise my hands in front of me, level with each other. “Is it worth it to be singed and shocked and then rescued?” I raise one hand. “Or die in the desert, dehydrated and eaten by sand tigers?” I drop the other hand way, way down. “I think we know the answer to this question.”

“You are a practical woman, Skylar. I like it.” He nods once and waves me forward. “Well, go on. What are you waiting for?”

I stand up and glance around at the sand. “What if this… sentient sand is not everywhere? What if it was only in that one place?”

“Maybe it’s many individual sentient beings?” Kalvin muses.

“Well, maybe it’s not sentient at all.” I shrug. “I have no scientific basis on which to make any assumptions.”

I descend the side of the dune, rest on my knees, and lean forward to put my hands in the sand. Nothing. Except for the violent ache from my bruised hip.

I think… I don’t know. I think the being is not here. I don’t believe the entire sand is sentient, but something in the sand is. We’ve encountered it twice now, at our landing site and again in the quicksand. So, maybe we’ll find it again, but maybe we won’t.

“Anything?” Kalvin asks as he joins me.

I shake my head. “I don’t think it’s here.”

Another breeze brushes my cheek, and I briefly grab Kalvin’s arm to feel his solid body here. Everything is surreal, this situation, this desert, this moment. Am I dreaming? I don’t think so.

“Come,” I beckon him as I head back up to the top of the dune.

This time I know I’m not seeing things. When I turn to find the V-formation constellation I’ve been navigating by, the horizon appears smudged out and hazy.

“Is my vision getting worse? Why does everything look blurry now?”

I don’t want to break it to him that this is not him seeing things that aren’t there. But it would be cruel to hide anything from him now.

“Remember when I said this desert is unforgiving? Yeah, another sandstorm is on the way.” I pick up the backpack and hand him the parachute. “Here. You hold this. Be ready to throw it over us if we get caught up in the winds. It looks like it’s moving fast. And our navigational stars are going to disappear within an hour or two, so let’s get walking.”

Kalvin doesn’t protest. He knows the crap situation we’re in now, and he’s not going to fight me about it.

As we trudge through the sand, the wind picking up around us, Kalvin clears his throat.

“Hey, Skylar? Mind if I tell you a story? Might keep our minds off… you know, all this.” He gestures vaguely at the desolate landscape around us.

I shrug. “Sure, why not? Just don’t make it too depressing. Our situation’s already bleak as fuck.”

He chuckles, a dry sound that’s quickly swallowed by the wind. “Truer words. Well, remember how I mentioned I used to work for Cressida?”

“How could I forget?” I hope he’s not losing it. He sounds so weak, his voice quavering at the edges.

Kalvin sighs, running a hand through his sand-caked hair. “It wasn’t just the illegal activities that made me want to leave. It was… well, Cressida herself.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me. She tried to add you to her network?”

“Bingo,” he says, his voice bitter. “And she wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was like working for a damn octopus — hands everywhere, all the time.”

“That sucks. Sorry. She was quite the catch back before…” I wave my hand around. “Vivian was always a little threatened by her until Cressida gave up trying to get Jinzo back.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to being a man in this universe,” Kalvin says with a humorless laugh. “It wasn’t the first time, either. My previous employer was the same way. Always hinting that I could ‘advance my career’ if I joined her network.”

A pang of guilt twists my stomach. How many times had I objectified guys without even thinking about it? I used them for sex. Other women used men for their money and connections. One was not better than the other. “That’s… I’m sorry, Kalvin. I had no idea it was that bad.”

He shrugs, but I can see the tension in his shoulders. “It’s just how it is. We’re seen as potential additions to a network first, actual people second. It’s exhausting, you know? Always wondering if someone’s being nice because they actually like you, or if they’re just sizing you up for their collection.”

“Is that why you were so standoffish at flight school?” I ask, pieces suddenly clicking into place.

Kalvin nods. “Partly. I figured if I acted like an asshole, people would leave me alone. Didn’t quite work out that way with you, though,” he adds with a small smile.

“Yeah, well, I’m special like that.”

We walk in silence for a moment, the wind howling around us.

“Thanks for telling me. And I’m sorry for… well, for any time I might have made you feel that way. You know, like an object or whatever.”

Kalvin looks at me, surprise evident in his eyes. “Thanks, Skylar. That… that means a lot.”

I’m about to respond when a particularly strong gust of wind nearly knocks me off my feet.

“Shit,” I mutter, squinting at the horizon. “Looks like our heart-to-heart will have to wait. That storm’s coming in fast.”

We hasten our steps, but the wind picks up quickly, making each step a battle. Sand whips around us, stinging any exposed skin. I pull my makeshift headscarf tighter, squinting against the onslaught.

“Skylar!” Kalvin shouts over the howling wind. “I can barely see!”

I reach back and grab his arm, pulling him closer. “Stay with me! We need to find some kind of shelter!”

The parachute flaps violently between us, threatening to tear away. We struggle to keep it under control, using it as a makeshift shield against the worst of the sand.

As we trudge forward, the world around us becomes a blur of swirling orange and brown. The dunes shift and change before our eyes, making it impossible to tell if we’re even moving in the right direction anymore.

“This is insane!” I yell, spitting out sand. “We need to stop!”

Kalvin nods, his face barely visible through the storm. We hunker down in the lee of a large dune, pulling the parachute over us like a tent. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.

Inside our makeshift shelter, the roar of the wind is slightly muffled. I can hear Kalvin’s ragged breathing next to me.

“You okay?” I ask, reaching out to touch his arm.

“Yeah,” he pants. “Just… give me a minute.”

As we sit there, catching our breath, I feel something strange. A vibration in the sand beneath us, almost like a pulse.

“Kalvin,” I whisper, “do you feel that?”

He goes still, concentrating. “Yeah… what is that?”

I press my hand against the sand, and the sensation grows stronger. It’s not just a vibration now — it feels almost… alive.

“I think,” I say slowly, hardly believing the words coming out of my mouth, “I think it’s here.”

‘It’ being the sentient sand.

Kalvin looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. But as the storm rages around us and the sand pulses beneath our feet, I can’t shake the feeling that we’re on the verge of discovering something incredible.

And terrifying.

“What do we do?” Kalvin asks, his voice barely audible over the wind.

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what comes next. “I think… I think we need to listen.”