An Unforgiving Desert – Chapter 16

I’m tempted to turn around, stick my hands in the sand, and ask for the damned compass back. But I glance at Kalvin and decide against it. I’m not even sure of what happened before. I could have been hallucinating, though the damage to my fingers says otherwise.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, gently laying my hand on his arm. “We walked most of this afternoon with the sun to our right. We should keep going in that direction.”

“And hope we’re going the right way?” His voice is full of anger, and it makes my defenses flare up.

“Do you want to argue about it? Is hope not enough left to get us through this?”

He pulls back and sighs. “Sorry. I’m angry about the circumstances, not at you.” He reaches over and tucks my towel around my neck. “You saved my life today. More than once. I’m not angry with you.”

I clench my jaw and take a few breaths through my nose. “Sorry,” I mumble. I hate saying I’m sorry. I say it so much because my anger always ignites before my head can catch up.

“Can you…” He pauses as my hackles raise. “Can you lead? Walk in front? I don’t want to get us in trouble again with quicksand or whatever else we run into out here.” He holds his hand in front of his face. “There’s a big blank spot in my vision. I can’t even see your pretty face.”

I burst out a harsh laugh. “Flattery will get you everywhere with me.” I sigh and step in front of him. “Sure. I’ll lead.”

I take us another ten kilometers or so into the desert as the sun sinks in the sky. Once it gets dark, though, I slow down at the top of a dune and look for a valley to camp in.

“Are we stopping?” Kalvin asks. It’s good to hear his voice.

“Yeah. We need to rest before we go any farther.” I skid down the dune, half on my feet, half on my butt, and check the sand first before signaling to Kalvin. It looks like this ground is as stable as it will get. “We’ll rest here for a few hours and then pick up the hike again in the middle of the night.” I reach out to him as he skids down the dune to land beside me.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be traveling at night without the compass.” He sighs as he relaxes back in the sand. It’s cooler now without the sun beating down on us, and his relief is palpable like he’s settled into a relaxing bath.

A bath. I’d love a bath right about now.

Don’t think about that, Skylar.

“I agree. But we don’t have a lot of choice in the matter. So once the stars are out, and possibly a moon, I’ll watch them for an hour or two and figure out which direction to go in.” I turn and point to the last of the purple sky from the setting sun. “The sun went down there.” I take out the shovel and point it at the same spot. “So, the stars will move in the same path overnight. But there should be a few that will seem to stay in the same place, over the south pole. We can navigate by those.” I shrug. “Or a moon, but I’m not sure which will be out, and Selma moves in an opposite orbit, in a wide elliptical, so she will be harder to use.”

Kalvin is quiet for a moment, his mouth dropped open. “How do you know all this stuff?”

I grimace as I pull out the parachute and set it up as a place to rest. My fingers still smart.

“Uhhh, lots of books and far-school. I attended a lot of them growing up. Nighttime navigation was during a camping far-school course when I was… hmmm, thirteen?” I try to pass it off as being no big deal, that it’s something I did and would have forgotten about otherwise.

Far-school was both a blessing and a curse. I loved to learn, still do. But I hated being the outsider. I had to learn to be independent at a young age because there were never any friends to spend time with. But once I got older, I would see the same kids at far-school each year. They eventually became somewhat like friends, and I started to look forward to going. Far-school became my savior from a boring and stressful home life. I was even in love with this one guy, a boy from a prominent jewelry family on Rio.

Ahhh, I miss him sometimes.

Don’t think about him, Skylar. It’s bad enough that I dreamt of him earlier today.

Eventually, though, far-school was taken away from me like all the things I loved as a kid.

I clear my throat, the emotions of anger and regret turbulent in my chest.

“That program was in the forests on Ossun. We learned the constellations there and how to navigate at night. Unfortunately, I don’t know enough constellations in the Californikus System, or we’d be set.”

He shakes his head. “Slacker.”

I bark out a laugh as I sink to the parachute.

“I know. I’m obviously not working hard enough. Hey, how much do you know about Damian?” He looks perplexed for a moment. “Our instructor.”

“Oh, uh, not much.” He shrugs. “I think I’ve only spoken to him once outside of the classroom. Why?”

“Nothing.” I wave my hand at him, and he lets the subject drop. My paranoia is spiking to an all-time high, and I’m suspicious of everyone. But it could be the dehydration amping me up. I’ll discuss it with him if we make it out of this mess.

When, Skylar. When.

I need to eat something and drink a little of the remaining water, but I just want to pass out right now. Sleep the deep sleep of the dead. Okay, Skylar, not the best choice of words.

Kalvin taps on my shoulder and hands me an MRE, meal ready-to-eat. Mmmm, printed protein stew with potatoes and carrots in a savory sauce. I glance at the package, and it’s one of the better brands than the ones I ate on Neve when I was there with Vivian. I place my fingers on the self-warming contacts on both sides of the pack and squeeze. The pain in my fingers amplifies, and I hiss.

“Oh, sorry. I should have done that for you.” Kalvin’s voice is quiet, just this side of sleep.

I drop the packet to the parachute and allow it to heat up. Opening the backpack, I try to think positive thoughts about what we have left inside. Only a half bottle of water remains. I wish we had grabbed more from the ship before being forced into the life pod.

“So, you kissed me,” Kalvin says, his demeanor nonchalant.

“Nope. You imagined it.” I continue to dig around in the backpack until I find the flashlight. I breathe a sigh of relief when the battery power shows a full charge.

“You. Kissed. Me.”

I heave a dramatic sigh as I close up the backpack. “I kissed you. Try not to read too much into it, okay? We are…” I struggle to find words that will not hurt this boy. “My matchmaker would not find you to be a suitable candidate for my network.”

I’m also struggling to figure out why that statement hurts so much. It sounds cold and unfeeling, even to me. Kissing Kalvin, giving in to my feelings, was a mistake. Maybe I’m broken, but when I sleep with guys, I seldom kiss them. They’ve kissed me, but it’s not something I initiated or wanted. Kissing is too close for comfort. Like, if I want to kiss them, that’s power they can hold over me.

I sink back to the parachute and pick up my heated MRE. I use sex as a weapon, and I know it. I also know it’s not healthy, and it’s not something I’m going to change easily. And that’s the real crux of the matter. Marcelo will be ready to welcome me back with open arms when flight school is over, and he’ll have lots of men lined up for me to try out and see if I connect with them.

There are problems with this scenario, unfortunately. Marcelo’s expecting someone like his last client, Vivian. In my opinion, Vivian was the ideal candidate for him. She was open to love and new connections, and she was desperate to meet men as quickly as possible. I’m the complete opposite. I’m not open to love. I have never been. And I’m not desperate to meet men and form my relationship network. My mom keeps telling me she had two men in her network at my age and three children. ‘You’re way behind, Sky. I don’t know how you’ll carry on the family business as a lonely old spinster,’ she said to me last time I saw her.

Kalvin is quiet for a moment before he hands me the water bottle.

“No. You drink it. I think you need it more than I do.”

He taps the water bottle against my arm. “Take a few sips to wash down your meal.”

I try a small smile. “Thanks.” I gobble up the MRE, more out of a desire to get it over and done with since I’m starving than because I love it. I’m careful to only take a few sips before handing it back.

“Pressure’s been high on you, huh?”

I stare into my MRE. “What do you mean?”

He huffs a short laugh. “‘My matchmaker would not find you to be a suitable candidate for my network,’” he repeats back to me. “I’ve seen this all before. Your family wants you to settle down, take on the reins of the family business, and get on with life so they can retire, right?”

I don’t answer.

“If I’d had a sister, this would have happened to her, too. Instead, my parents got two sons, thankfully without the Vir gene, that they now pester constantly to find a network to join.”

I tip the MRE up and let the last of the meal slip into my mouth. I swallow it down with a little more water. “The pressure is always there, but I’ve held them off long enough to get my Class Three license.” I chuck the MRE packet at the backpack. “Well, almost.”

“I think our licenses will be a foregone conclusion, even if you didn’t fly your tandem flight.” He lies back on the parachute. “You know the pressure is why Cressida cracked? It’s why she’s out there stealing ships and fucking androids.”

Ouch. I see my share of sexbots. Am I halfway to rebellion, just like Cressida?

“Now her younger sister has the weight of their empire on her shoulders, and she’s doing just fine. Any chance you can pass down this responsibility to a younger sister?”

“No. It’s not possible.”

That’s a story for another day, and none of his business.

“But it’s fine. Really,” I assure him, though I’m not sure why.

Wait.

Looking across the short distance between us, I realize it’s because I’ve come to respect him over the last day. He’s taken my shortcomings in stride, and he hasn’t faulted me for my abrasive and short-tempered personality. He still calls me ‘princess,’ and that has to go, but it doesn’t annoy me like it did in flight school.

“I love what I do. I love my ship and my crew, and the family business has a lot to offer. My family is a little touch-and-go somedays, but I can handle a lot of stress and pressure. High-stakes is my middle name.” It’s actually Louisa, but I don’t tell anyone that. “Most men can’t keep up with me.”

“Maybe you haven’t found the right men yet.”

I should be angry with myself for finding him so damned attractive right now. He’s exhausted, dehydrated, the skin around his eyes is burned, and his hair is traveling in a billion different directions.

But he’s listening to me. He doesn’t think I’m just some hot piece of ass to bed or a repulsively arrogant pilot or an angry harpy (all used to describe me at some point in my life). He sees that I’m an actual person with thoughts and feelings of my own.

“Maybe so.” I force myself to my feet again. “I’m going to build us little mountains to raise our feet, and then we’re going to sleep for a few hours. When we get up, we’ll attempt to make it to the rocks before dawn.”

Curling up in the parachute next to Kalvin is the bliss I’ve been looking for all day. I’m tempted to reach out and take his hand again, but I let the impulse drift away.

I look up at the stars, sliding over the heavens, and I curse myself.

Stop being a fool, Skylar. It will not kill you to show a little softness.

Letting out a gentle sigh, I force my hand over and find his fingers. He takes my hand in his, strokes his thumb up and down the back of my hand, and I fall to sleep with the rhythm of our heartbeats in sync through our palms.