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Random Thoughts On… December

I keep writing posts for the blog and deleting them. I wish I knew how to talk about my feelings openly without coming off as a whiney complainer, so I write them all out in a heartfelt post, and then delete it instead of publishing it. I've done this five times now. It's cathartic in a way, but doesn't really get me anywhere. Lol. Maybe I need to be journaling at home…

Here's what you really need to know. I'm working, but it's hard. I'm trying to get in my 2000 words every day, and most days, it's not too bad. I write and I feel good about the story. On days like yesterday where I got my seventh Bookbub rejection, writing was like pulling teeth. They must have really deliberated over my book because it took them FIVE days to reject me instead of the usual ONE, so as you can imagine, I was pretty hopeful for several days, then it all came crashing down on me.

I could not get the words out yesterday. I was tired. I was depressed. I was once again sitting and watching my friends succeed and wondering what's wrong with me and my work. My husband came home with great news about his job (he sold a huge contract to a client that he had been working on for months), and HE FELT BAD TELLING ME THAT. I love him because he was considerate about my feelings, but man, I felt like a selfish bitch right then. Not that I really complained to him about my Bookbub rejection. I just sent him one text with the update. But he must have sensed I was down about it.

I realize a lot of this has to do with December. It's the end of the year. I'm looking back on what I've accomplished this year in regards to sales and reviews, and the numbers are A LOT lower than I thought they'd be, especially having seven books and several short stories out. Even my mailing list is not doing as well as I thought it would. I tried to be positive going into 2015 and not give a f*ck about a lot of this stuff, but some days that's easier said than done. 2015 is going to wrap up to be a fine personal year, but an otherwise dismal professional one for me.


What do I do? Head down, keep writing. Now would probably be a good time to take more Vitamin D, go to the gym, and just push through this. I'm glad our winter has been mild so far, and with no snow on the ground, at least I'm not struggling to get to the gym because I have to dig my car out from a drift! Hopefully in the coming weeks, I can turn this around and find something positive to show you guys, whether it's progress on my new book or whatever. For now, it's time to just get back to work and keep on truckin'.


8 thoughts on “Random Thoughts On… December”

  1. Hey babe — hang in there. Use your light to help, too :) This series you are writing is going to be FUN. Definitely keep at it and don’t give up on Book Bub. I agree, though, I thought for sure you were in! 2016 will be the year of not giving a F***. Let’s do it together!

    1. I did a good job of not giving a f*ck towards the end of the year, so I need to continue that through the whole of 2016. But the hits keep on coming, so my armor is worn thin. I probably just need a vacation. I totally miss the summer. I am definitely looking forward to launching my new series, though. I think it’ll be a lot of fun.

  2. Thanks for writing this post. I’m in a similar situation and, hey, misery loves company. Good luck with your new series. It sounds like a lot of fun and I hope it does really well. :)

    1. I am happy to commiserate! Lol. It’s okay. Sometimes this business can get you down. That, in combination with winter, has really got me this year. I knew this year was going to be crazy but I had no idea the market would shift so drastically. It’s been hard to keep up. It requires extra work. I’ll admit I’m tired and need a vacation! Let’s hope for some down time for both of us soon. Xo

  3. Ugh! I know – it’s hard to vent without just feeling like a complainer. And, honestly, it’s probably better to try to keep a positive social media vibe if you can – I actually stopped reading an author once because she complained incessantly about her books and her readership – but don’t get me wrong, you are NOT the same (she really did complain constantly!).

    I’m sorry that the year hasn’t gone well for you professionally. It always kills me when really talented writers with great books can’t get the readership they deserve! I truly hope you find that perfect niche for you in 2016!

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

    1. Thank you! I do try to keep things 98% positive here, but I feel readers should understand just how much work, blood, sweat, and tears goes into our books, so that’s why I decided to write the post. My first few versions were definitely complain-y. Lol. I’m glad I ended up on this one.

      I do mostly blame winter. Winter is hard on me in general, but the good news is that it’s been warmer here and I’m getting more outdoor time this winter than last! And exercising really helps too.

      I’m totally not worried about my book sales into the future. This was my second year, and though I did not do well in 2015, that does not preclude me from doing well into the future. It just means I have to put 2015 into a box, lock it, and move on. I would have loved to have done better, but that’s life! And I learned good lessons I can take forward.

  4. I am sorry to hear this year didn’t go as well as you hoped. I think you write awesome books, but it seems like not enough people hear about them. And sadly promoting books and/ or a business is a long term progress and takes a lot of time and effort before it seems to pay off or take off.

    I know there is a market for your books, but I guess it’s difficult to find that market. I hope you get accepted for bookbub next year, from what I’ve heard from other authors it’s definitely worth it and can be a big help in promoting your books. Do they ever let you know why they reject you or is it just a generic message they send?

    Having a mailing list is a good idea I think, it just takes time to build your audience. If there is any way I can help you promote your books, please let me know! And I hope your new series will bring some new readers to your book, I can’t wait to read your cozy mysteries :).

    1. Thanks, Lola! I’m prepared to continue to promote my books and work hard into the future, but I *did* think that I’d improve each year. I didn’t think I’d just stay the same or go backwards, especially with publishing more books every year. So, that turned into a big lesson learned. I made an assumption, and I was wrong. I’m pretty sure I can take that lesson forward with me, though, and make plans for the next year (budget-wise) that won’t leave me hanging.

      I know I haven’t found my audience yet, which is why I’m happy to try a different genre! We’ll see how that goes in 2016.

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S. J. Pajonas