Remember that book I started writing last week that I was super excited about? I’m almost 20k into it and completely doubting myself. I was just looking at sales numbers for last month and the month before that, and wondered, “Do people even want these kinds of books?” Because it certainly doesn’t look like it. I’ve given away more books in the past two months than I have sold, and I’ve had ebook returns to contend with as well. I write stories with families, friends, and love interests, and I never write these popular dominating heroes everyone seems to love. The hero in this book is a quiet, Japanese-American guy who is just as unsure about love as my heroine. He is not the type to jump in and declare himself if she’s going to turn him down. He’s the most realistic guy I’ve ever written (based on plenty of guys I’ve known myself), and I wonder if realistic is just not popular. Fantasy men are more popular. This is another day when I wonder if I’m even a capable romance author. I swim in a sea with the huge sharks of romance, and some of them are even my friends. Today, I am a small fry.
The questions circling my brain now are: What am I thinking? Who will even want to read this? Why do I do this to myself? I love the story, though, so I’m going to press on and try to leave the doubts behind. I will come back and read this blog entry when I eventually publish it and decide once and for all whether or not my books are even what the public wants.
This post goes to prove that even though I am extremely positive on the outside, I am full of doubt about my work like every other writer.
So that’s my Sunday in a nutshell, plus Christmas tree shopping and home decorating.