I own a traditional Japanese wedding kimono. I bought it years ago thinking I'd get married in it, tried it on once, and immediately changed my mind — the thing weighs a ton. But it's stunning: pure white silk with a heron and bamboo woven into the back, a padded hem that makes the fabric hang perfectly straight. It's the kind of garment that commands a room.
When I needed a centerpiece tradition for RELEASED, the second book in the Nogiku Series, I knew it had to be a Japanese wedding. I've been a Japanophile for as long as I can remember — I even incorporated Japanese traditions into my own ceremony — so I had plenty to draw from. Let me walk you through some of the most striking wedding traditions and what to expect if you're ever lucky enough to attend one.
A traditional Japanese wedding kimono is called a shiromuku (“Shiro” meaning white and “muku” meaning purity) and it is one beast of a kimono. I actually own one. I bought it before we got married because I thought it might be fun to get married in one, but I tried it on once and decided against it. They are very heavy, made of silk and usually woven in intricate patterns across the back. Mine has a heron and bamboo woven into it. The hem is unusual as well. It’s stuffed and padded, rounded so that the fabric weighs straight when worn.
The Dress, The Umbrella, and The Cups
In the photo above, you’ll notice that everything the bride is wearing is white. This is also a tradition symbolizing her purity and her willingness to be dyed the colors of her groom. The wedding hood she wears is the wataboshi and is usually only worn during the ceremony.
The red umbrella is very symbolic of Japanese weddings. The color red in Japan means life and wards off evils and the umbrella itself keeps the bride dry if it happens to be raining. It’s quite large and usually carried by man who follows the bride in a wedding procession.
The tradition of san-san-kudo was a component of my own wedding ceremony. I describe it in RELEASED as:
“One of the temple maidens lays out three cups of different sizes: small, medium, and large. I’m familiar with this ritual called san-san-kudo, three-three-nine times. The tradition is the bride and groom each take three sips from each of the three cups, going from smaller to larger cup, until each has consumed nine sips of rice wine. Nine is a lucky number for couples because it cannot be divided equally in two, and the number three is also lucky because it’s prime. So three, three times, is three times as lucky.”
So the interesting thing about san-san-kudo is that the number 9 itself is considered an unlucky number in Japan. It’s pronunciation, ku, sounds like the word for “torture” or “agony” and it is often omitted from places like hospitals. All Nippon Airways does not use the number either. But in the case of this ceremony, since it’s three times three, it’s different.
Writing a wedding ceremony
I have never been to a Japanese Shinto wedding so, writing about one, I wondered what they were like. I’m so thankful for YouTube! I watched several before I sat down to write the wedding in the book. Here’s a playlist of several videos you might be interested in. (The first one in this list was so beautiful it made me cry. Make sure you have tissues.)
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWPSOQScLodyOkoVh7p8kfuF7fTj56mSg
Attending a Japanese wedding
I don’t go into much detail in RELEASED about what guests are expected to do at a Japanese wedding because the event is very dramatic for Sanaa, my heroine, all on its own. But here are a few things to remember if you’re ever invited to one.
- A wedding gift is usually cash and sometimes the invites will come with a suggested Yen amount to be gifted depending on how well you know the bride or groom. The gift should be given in one-man bills (equal to about $100) and should be an odd number so they cannot be split evenly between the couple. There is a special white envelope tied in red that should be used and the fancier the envelope the better. Most stationery stores in Japan have them.
- Dress nicely! Japanese weddings are not dressed-down affairs. It’s not black-tie, but it’s close. If you’re a woman, wear a nice dress (not black), get your hair done, etc. Men, please wear a nice suit. Ties are a must. If in doubt, dress conservatively.
- There are usually several after-ceremony parties unlike Western ceremonies. The first one you attend is the main one, then there may be several after that organized by the friends and/or family. You are usually required to pay to attend them (which covers drinks, food, the venue, etc). Be sure to have plenty of cash on hand.
- Please do not be late! Arrive early for everything.
- You may be asked to give a speech. Yes. It seems most people at a Japanese wedding are expected to say something nice to the bride and groom. A short, congratulatory statement will do.
(All images in this post are used under http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en)
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